Volume 1 Chapter 6 Research Needs Funding and State Approval, But That's Hard. Still, If It's Lich, It'll Work Out
"Ske... Lich-sama, what will you do about the beastmen's housing and lifestyle?"
They had returned to the lab.
In the neat white space, Lich sat back in his recliner, sighing.
He had just gotten home, so he was tired.
Beside him, Alice stood. The blue translucent woman asked timidly.
Her timidness made her seem even more like "Alice" in Lich's odd sensibility.
"The beastmen's housing and lifestyle?"
Lich tilted his skull.
He usually spoke off the cuff, so he rarely remembered what he had said.
Alice looked confused, like, eh, was that such a strange question?
"Well, Lich-sama, you just promised the beastmen a 'three meals and a nap included' life."
"Did I?"
"You did. ...But what about housing costs and living expenses?"
"...Can't it work out somehow?"
"...Lich-sama."
Alice wore a grave expression.
She struggled with how to say it, and after a long silence—
"Both research and life need... 'budget.'"
"Budget!"
Lich flared his eye sockets.
Even bones could move.
"Alice, did you say budget!?"
"Y-yes, I did..."
"Again with budget! Budget, budget, budget! Because of budget, mere researchers must chase patrons. Because of budget, even though I only wanted to study, I was dragged into the Demon King subjugation party, and spent my days without research! Lich hates the concept of budget!"
"I don't know why you're speaking from the Human side, but even the Demon King's army is strapped. It's wartime. Thirty beastmen need space, three meals and naps... plus everything else. We have no funds."
"Why must Humans and Demonkin alike need money to live! Money, money, money! Lich hates money! ...But also wants it!"
"Even so, it's necessary in real life."
"...Can't we apply for extra budget?"
"They'll reject it as 'unclear use.' If we apply with 'we want to raise beastmen,' we can't answer 'why?' The Undead are fools. We can't make clever excuses. If we could reveal your existence, it might be different, but—"
The harsh reality was worse than expected.
Budget.
How much had he suffered because of this concept!
He hated "budget," "ethics," and "common sense."
All were enemies of necromancy research.
"No choice. ...Lich will go."
"Where?"
"To the Demon King-sama."
"...But isn't your existence to be hidden, even from allies?"
"Still, no budget means nothing. If Lich's appearance brings budget, then Lich must appear."
"Even if you go, it's not guaranteed..."
"But if there's even a little hope, I must wager it. Lich is bad at 'doing things well.' He has no interest outside research. And if the Undead are fools, there's no one else to rely on..."
"...Forgive us... our lack of wit..."
"No, Alice, it's not your fault. The ones at fault are those who say, 'You're smart enough to research, so why not use that brain to get budget, huh↑?' The brain for research! Is not the same as the skills for negotiation or management!"
"Lich-sama is furious..."
"...Sorry. Lich lost his composure. He regrets it."
"N-no, you don't need to apologize to me."
"...Anyway, Lich will go. If Lich's existence equals money, then Lich will boldly flaunt it..."
So Lich made a bitter decision.
Soon the news of "Lich revived" spread across the Demon King's lands—
* * *
Lich entered a black hall with a black carpet.
The place for audience with the Demon King.
It had no purpose but "audience."
Though only five people ever used it at once, it was ridiculously large.
With his head full of budget woes, Lich thought, If you can build a room this huge, put that money into research instead,—a bit off the mark.
"Raise your head."
The heavy old man's voice addressed the kneeling Lich and Alice.
He raised his skull.
Ahead stood a massive throne.
And upon it, a shadow as huge as the throne itself.
The Demon King.
A giant of horns and darkness, ten times a man's size, shaped into human form.
The boss of the Demon King army.
Yet despite his importance, no guards or aides stood nearby.
If Lich suddenly decided to slay the Demon King, it seemed possible.
If no budget came, maybe that would be an option.
"...That form, surely a Lich... oh, oh... how nostalgic. Truly revived... Kuha-ha-ha-ha!"
The Demon King's booming laugh shook the hall.
Alice turned pale at the sound and vibration—or maybe she only seemed paler, being already blue.
"Death General Alice, step out. I must speak with Lich alone."
"Yes! (...Um, will you be alright?)"
(The part in parentheses was whispered to Lich.)
Lich, poor at negotiation, had no idea what to do alone with the Demon King.
But since a potential patron asked, he couldn't refuse.
He nodded.
Alice slipped away silently.
When they were alone—
The Demon King suddenly rose from the throne.
"Lich!"
"Y-y-yes."
He didn't know why people answered great men with "ha-haa" or "yes, sir."
But Alice did it, so he copied her.
Even saying it, he still didn't get it.
The Demon King's heavy voice continued—
"Eh, what's with that attitude? So formal?"
"Hah?"
"Not 'hah!' If you were reviving, at least give me a heads-up! I gotta prep too, y'know?"
As the Demon King approached, his form shrank.
The vast darkness condensed until it was human-sized.
And then—
He became a slender young girl in something like a swimsuit.
White hair, dark skin.
Long clawed nails painted, and twisted horns decorated with trinkets.
"Long time no see~"
His voice changed too—
High, lisping, girly.
"...O-oh, long time."
"Aww, so stiff! Oh, I get it, that gag, right? The whole 'Because bones' one?"
The Demon King patted his skull, tickled his neck bones.
She had no sense of distance.
"Ah, Lich, you're, like, in that thing? Revival memory haze? Ah yeah, I remember. You said that might happen~"
"..."
"My role, you get it?"
"Role?"
"I'm the boss."
"..."
"You're the secret boss."
"Secret boss!?"
"Of course! Immune to physical, crazy resistant to magic? If you pop out after me, the Heroes lose morale. 'They thought they won, but the true boss appears.' More despair-energy that way... you said some complicated stuff back then. You always say hard stuff~"
She slapped his shoulder cheerfully.
He remembered being dragged to a "hostess club" once.
He hated it.
"So, today what? Just greetings? Or we gonna chat? Reminisce? Like Demonkin school days, when I was dumb and Lich the nerd helped me study?"
"I came for budget."
He cut to the point.
The Demon King pouted, "Figures, Lich never likes nostalgia~."
"Budget, huh. Fine, take it from that fund."
"That fund?"
"Whaaat, forgot even that? Your revival scrambled your memory so bad!"
"Yeah, it's a problem."
"Undead, rough life~! Yay!"
"Yay."
She offered a high five. He answered it.
Then she pulled something from her cleavage.
"Here, the treasure vault key. Don't know the place either?"
"Lich lost much memory in this revival."
"Whaaat? So you don't remember me either?"
"Sorry."
"Well... okay. Let's make new memories."
"Yeah."
"This is the Seventh Vault key. That vault is your savings."
"Lich... saved money?"
"Yup. Remember the medical stuff? Lich built all the Demon King army's clinics. Profits are all in there."
"Lich built them?"
"You had a healing craze, right? I said, 'That could make money.' I handled the profit system. You forgot too much!"
"...You're good at management?"
"Hah? How many years you think I've kept this war going without going broke?"
That sounded impressive.
Lich knew nothing of management.
"Mo~ Lich, you've always been spacey. But that's fine."
"Lich values individuality."
"Ask Alice about the vault's location. She always tagged along with you anyway."
"She did?"
"Forgot again? Back when she was low-rank ghost, she trailed you everywhere. You never noticed, but she was so loyal. Anyway, I've got work, so—"
"Ah. ...Also, I brought thirty beastmen. Can we house them here?"
"Yeah yeah. You'll just experiment again, right? I'll tell folks not to kill them."
"It's not weird experiments. It's part of making a secret potion—"
"Ah yeah, yeah, got it. You only look at people's faces when talking research! Sayin' stuff I can't understand! Later. Let's SabaPa sometime."
"SabaPa?"
"Survival Party [T/N: watching Humans struggle to survive while drinking and snacking]."
"Oh, right."
"We usually use prisoners for that, but if you want some, tell me."
"Understood."
"Later~"
Waved off by the smiling Demon King, Lich left the hall.
Funding was solved.
Truly, what a relief.