Qin Jian drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry I never realized you’d care this much.”
“My only fear was that if I told you about the pregnancy before our divorce you’d misunderstand and think I was trying to win you back.”
“I just want this to go smoothly.” Qin Jian’s calm words froze Lu Qingshen where he stood.
His voice turned rough. “Is that how badly you want to leave me?”
“It’s not about wanting or not wanting a divorce” she said steadily. “The way things are between us now is good. I don’t want misunderstandings for us to fall back into the same mess we had in those first three months of marriage. I’m just respecting you.”
“And besides you’ll always be welcome to see our child. If I ever have an emergency I’ll send them to you. We’ll still be their parents no matter what.”
Lu Qingshen could see she meant every word. She didn’t oppose the divorce didn’t shut him out but her warmth was that of a friend nothing more. His eyes darkened and the anger that had flared up at being kept in the dark began to fade.
Qin Jian didn’t notice his shifting mood her mind was elsewhere. She’d suggested he care for their child for a reason she had no idea how much energy dealing with Qin Yun would take up. A month had passed since Qin Yun started pressuring their mother for money and plotting behind the scenes and there was still no word. She wondered what was happening down in Nan Province.
“I don’t want a divorce anymore” Lu Qingshen said his jaw set. “Now that there’s a child we should be raising them together.”
Qin Jian shook her head. “No this life I have now is enough for me.”
“Then keep living exactly as you are” he said quickly. “I’ll finish my assignment and come back to see you and the child.”
She sighed softly. “Then come as my cousin.”
Lu Qingshen’s hands curled into fists at his sides he remembered introducing himself that way to Granny Wang in the beginning just to protect her reputation.
“When” he looked at her earnestly “when do you think you might let me be more than that?”
Her gaze was steady. “I can tell you plainly I have no intention of taking you back right now.”
“I’ll wait” he pleaded quietly. “Take all the time you need. I won’t intrude just please don’t shut me out completely.”
“What about the marriage your family arranged for you” Qin Jian pressed grasping for any reason to make him step back. “Won’t your elders worry seeing you waste your time on me?”
“That arrangement is already settled.”
She blinked confused. “What do you mean?”
“Qin Yun’s father saved my grandfather’s life.”
“Saved him” Qin Jian’s eyes turned cold at the mention of her sister. “Why does that mean she has to marry you? Why not me? Just because she’s the older one?” Everything she’d suffered both in this life and the last suddenly felt so unjust.
Lu Qingshen looked just as surprised. “You don’t know? Qin Yun isn’t your father’s daughter. She’s your mother’s first husband’s posthumous child.”
Qin Jian’s eyes went wide. “That’s impossible!”
She’d never heard this in her past life. How could Qin Yun not be her sister by blood? If it were true why had their mother never told her? Why had her father even on his deathbed never breathed a word? Instead he’d begged her to leave Qin Yun a share of the inheritance as a final kindness. If Qin Yun wasn’t his daughter why had he been so generous to her?
Lu Qingshen saw her genuine shock. “Ask your mother. I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
“Her first husband was a soldier. He died on duty twenty years ago saving my grandfather” he continued. “It’s not widely known but his sacrifice was for my family. Now that the military is honoring fallen service members my grandfather decided to repay the debt by arranging for me to marry Qin Yun. That’s why I went to Nan Province to meet your mother and discuss the match.”
Pieces fell into place for Qin Jian. Her mother’s favoritism Qin Yun’s relentless cruelty it all made sense now.
“So that’s it” she whispered.
“My grandfather told me to propose and if the Qin family refused so much the better” Lu Qingshen said with a frown. “Besides your mother was the one who swapped the betrothals. She never wanted Qin Yun for me. If that’s the case there’s no need to repay a debt by forcing a marriage that should never have happened. I never agreed with his way of doing things.”
“But the older generation is stubborn. He insisted I at least try. I figured I had to marry someone anyway. I thought I could make it work so long as the person wasn’t cruel.”
Qin Jian’s expression hardened. “So your family wanted to settle a debt and my mother used me as a pawn. I was just unlucky.” There was no one to blame but Qin’s mother and Qin Yun and herself for being so desperate for their approval in her past life.
Still there was one more thing she needed to say.
“I owe you an apology” she said quietly. “That night our wedding night I didn’t know my mother had drugged you. I was too ashamed to stop you when you left for the base.”
She rested a hand gently on her stomach. “And this child was conceived that night. I’m sorry I judged you. I assumed you must have known you always seemed so close to your family.”
She couldn’t argue with that. In her past life she’d trusted them completely. Even Qin Yun for all she disliked her was still her sister or so she’d thought. Maybe that was why Lu Qingshen had been so cold to her back then misunderstanding after misunderstanding.
“Then there was the five thousand yuan your mother asked for three months later” Lu Qingshen went on.
Qin Jian’s mind drifted back to that time. Qin Yun was in university then dressed in clothes far too fine for a student dresses that cost months of wages wool coats worth two or three hundred yuan luxuries she’d never dared even dream of. Even when she’d earned enough she’d never allowed herself such things.
Qin Yun had been so happy talking about her boyfriend how he spoiled her buying her every new arrival at the department store. Qin Jian had assumed those beautiful clothes were his gifts. No wonder Qin Yun had turned down a promising officer like Lu Qingshen for a student still in school who wouldn’t choose someone so generous?