A hangover following a night of heavy drinking resulted in a splitting headache. Jiang Yu was rubbing his temples as he opened the door, only to find Chen Zhiyan standing right outside. With prominent dark circles under his eyes, Chen Zhiyan looked like a debt collector, startling Jiang Yu so much his hair practically stood on end.
Accompanied by a shout of “What the fuck!” was a tightly gripped, swinging fist.
Chen Zhiyan lunged to the side, causing the punch to miss its mark.
“I’m sorry.”
“?”
Is he a real person?
Jiang Yu snapped in anger, “Who are you trying to scare this early in the morning?”
“I am sorry. I should not have said those things about you. Also, thank you for standing up for me.”
He actually apologized.
How annoying, Jiang Yu thought. He was not playing by the rules.
Jiang Yu kept a cold face. “I do not accept it.”
“Fine.” Chen Zhiyan pinched the bridge of his nose to soothe his tired eyes. “Could you just not put an alarm clock under my bed tonight?”
“Holy crap, I was sleeping soundly in my own house. Who went to put a clock under your bed? Do not slander me!”
Before he could finish, a familiar image suddenly flashed through Jiang Yu’s mind. It was exactly the kind of wicked thing he was capable of doing when drunk.
However, he doubled down: “I do not know what you are talking about. You probably dreamed it yourself.”
“Then can I choose not to have dreams like that tonight?”
“…”
“…”
Jiang Yu went back to wash up. Today, he dressed even more flamboyantly than yesterday.
Last night, after drinking, he had dreamed of Chen Zhiyan. In the dream, Chen Zhiyan had his hand around Jiang Yu’s neck, pinning him to the floor. Just when Jiang Yu thought a fight was breaking out, Chen Zhiyan bit his lips.
He said something like, “Last time you tackled me to the ground and bit me, I have to pay you back.”
Damn it, he was completely unreasonable. How can an accident be the same as doing it on purpose!
In the dream, Jiang Yu naturally bit him back, then Chen Zhiyan bit him again, back and forth, until both their mouths were a bloody mess. The sight of their two blood-red, gaping maws finally scared Jiang Yu awake.
His first reaction upon waking was to slap himself. He had really had enough; biting each other’s lips with Chen Zhiyan was childish as hell.
At the same time, he thought to himself that a face as expressionless as Chen Zhiyan’s could not possibly be as popular as he was. Jiang Yu was certain he would find a girlfriend first. When that happened, he would flaunt it in front of Chen Zhiyan to let him know that not only was Chen Zhiyan less popular than him, but he was significantly less popular!
Opening the door again, Chen Zhiyan was still outside.
Jiang Yu looked up at him warily. “What do you want now?”
“Taking you to school.”
“How touching. Acting like you are not going to the same school yourself.”
“…”
Jiang Yu went downstairs to eat. He took a huge bite of his sandwich, his peripheral vision fixed on Chen Zhiyan. Seeing Chen Zhiyan heading toward the door, Jiang Yu hurriedly looked up. “Where are you going? Did you not say you were taking me to school!”
Chen Zhiyan felt exhausted. He truly could not tell which of Jiang Yu’s words were meant to be taken at face value. He was too hard to read and incredibly temperamental.
Chu Qingzi came out of the kitchen. Seeing Chen Zhiyan, she greeted him with a pleasant surprise and asked if he had eaten.
He said he had already eaten.
Chu Qingzi then asked with a smile if the fruit bowl from yesterday was delicious, noting that she had made it herself.
Jiang Yu, who was currently chewing, suddenly shot a look at Chen Zhiyan. Seeing Chen Zhiyan look back, Jiang Yu raised a fist and glared in warning.
“It was delicious. It was just a bit sour.”
His teeth had almost fallen out from the acidity.
“Sour? How could it be sour?” Chu Qingzi was puzzled. She had tasted all the fruit herself, and none of it was sour.
Feeling guilty, Jiang Yu grabbed a handful of cherry tomatoes. He stood up and stuffed them into Chen Zhiyan’s mouth; those that did not fit, he tossed into his own. As soon as he bit down, juice sprayed all over Chen Zhiyan’s face.
Chen Zhiyan: “…”
Chu Qingzi: “…”
Jiang Yu covered his mouth and coughed twice. He tried to wipe Chen Zhiyan’s face with the back of his hand, but ended up smearing it evenly instead. It could be considered a cherry tomato face mask experience.
The atmosphere became momentarily awkward.
Chen Zhiyan grabbed Jiang Yu’s wrist to push him away. He wanted to say he was going to the bathroom to wash up, but with his mouth full of tomatoes, he could not speak and simply pointed to indicate his intent.
When he came out of the bathroom, Chu Qingzi continued asking, “Xiao Zhi, which fruit in there tasted sour?”
“I misspoke. It was sweet.”
Chu Qingzi breathed a sigh of relief. “I was just worried you were allergic to something.”
In that short time, Jiang Yu finished his breakfast. He gulped down the last of his milk and pulled Chen Zhiyan toward the door. “Bye, Mom.”
The moment they reached the door, he let go of Chen Zhiyan. He stood there with his arms crossed, looking incredibly arrogant, acting as if he did not want to speak to him. He truly did not say a single word the entire way.
Chen Zhiyan checked the rearview mirror three times. Jiang Yu’s face was sour from start to finish, making it impossible to strike up a conversation.
As soon as they arrived at the classroom, Li Heng could not wait to talk to Jiang Yu. “Brother Jiang, you have no idea. Chen Dog, no, Li Xiaohua, is so well-behaved. He does not even wake me up at night.”
Jiang Yu thought: Wow, you changed his last name and his first name that quickly? ‘Chen Dog’ sounded so good.
“Is there a possibility that you just sleep too soundly, and he did not wake you up even though he was howling with hunger?”
“Maybe.”
“Where is Li Xiaohua?” Jiang Yu asked casually.
Upon hearing this, Li Heng guiltily pulled Li Xiaohua out of his pocket, terrified the professor might see. Jiang Yu noticed the kitten was wearing a pair of underwear? They were sewn together quite crookedly.
“You are quite the craftsman.”
“Who could feel safe leaving him alone in the dorm? Of course I had to bring him. But if he cannot hold his pee, I will smell like a litter box all day. I had no choice but to use this desperate measure.” As Li Heng spoke, he showed the cat to Jiang Yu from every angle, pointing at the tail area. “I think it looks pretty good. I even sewed a heart on it.”
Jiang Yu looked closer and laughed. “If you had not said it was a heart, I would have thought someone spat a glob of phlegm on it. It is abstract as hell.”
“…”
“You brought him here; what if he gets hungry later?”
“I brought a bottle and formula.”
“Not bad, Li Heng. I did not realize you had the potential to be a stay-at-home dad. Do you like dogs? I will pick up a stray for you next time.”
“No, I refuse.”
As they were talking, the professor entered. Jiang Yu shoved Xu Zhile away and took his seat so he could sit next to Li Heng.
Xu Zhile: “…”
The lecture was too boring. Jiang Yu never listened seriously anyway, so he put the kitten on his lap. He squeezed its tiny paws and rubbed its belly, unable to put it down. Perhaps he had accidentally given the kitten a gas relief massage, because suddenly, it pooped.
A foul stench wafted around them.
Jiang Yu’s face turned blue from holding his breath. He tossed the cat into Li Heng’s hands like he was discarding trash and wiped his hands in disgust. Li Heng whispered that he had no patience and should be nicer to Xiaohua, or he would never be a good father in the future.
Jiang Yu retorted, “Yes, yes, you are the father. You are the father every day and every year. I wish you many children and many blessings, just like a seedless watermelon.”
“…”
Finally, class ended. Jiang Yu could not wait to swap seats back with Xu Zhile. Li Heng had already cleaned up Li Xiaohua and stood up to throw away the trash, asking Xu Zhile to hold the cat.
Seeing Xu Zhile being clumsy, Jiang Yu picked Li Xiaohua up by the scruff of the neck and placed him on the desk. But the kitten kept meowing. Jiang Yu, annoyed, tried to hush it. Xu Zhile asked, “Brother Jiang, is he hungry?”
Jiang Yu looked at Li Xiaohua’s somewhat flat belly. He picked the kitten up; seeing that it felt insecure because its paws could not touch anything, he let it huddle against his chest. He leaned over toward Li Heng’s desk to find the formula. In this posture, he was so close to Chen Zhiyan that if he just turned his head, he would almost kiss Chen Zhiyan’s ear.
Chen Zhiyan leaned away to avoid him.
If he had not moved, Jiang Yu might not have noticed. But now: “Who the fuck are you acting disgusted by?”
From morning till night, his tone had been exactly like this. Chen Zhiyan had apologized and endured Jiang Yu’s pranks, but even the best temper could not withstand this constant friction. He turned his eyes to glance at where the kitten was tucked against Jiang Yu’s chest, then met Jiang Yu’s gaze.
He asked coldly, “Are you nursing that kitten, or are you breastfeeding it?”