Winter, 1984. Jicheng, in the residential compound of a machinery factory.
Lin Jingwen was preparing lunch when her husband, Li Anping, came home and called her into the bedroom.
“What is it now?!” Lin Jingwen asked irritably as she followed him in. She had been plagued by nightmares for days, restless and uneasy, and her nerves were frayed.
Li Anping said: “Zhou Xinping has come back from Hong Kong with her child. Her husband died, and life is hard for them. I’m thinking, once the school allocates us a new apartment, we’ll let Xinping and her child live there first.”
Lin Jingwen: “!!!”
The moment she heard this, her mind buzzed—because in last night’s nightmare, her husband had said the exact same words. She grabbed Li Anping’s arm, demanding an explanation. But he shook her off roughly. She stumbled, fell onto the bed, the world spinning, dizziness overwhelming her until she fainted.
Startled, Li Anping checked her briefly, decided she had only passed out from anger, and dismissed the idea of taking her to the hospital.
“Useless!” he cursed, then walked out without even covering her with a quilt.
Unconscious on the bed, Lin Jingwen now dreamed again. But this time, the nightmare was vivid and real, no longer just blurred fragments.
Unconscious on the bed, Lin Jingwen now dreamed a nightmare so vivid it felt real—no longer just blurred fragments.
In the dream, her husband Li Anping returned and told her that his first love, Zhou Xinping, had come back with a child. He wanted to give Zhou the new apartment that the school was about to allocate.
She refused firmly, and they quarreled. Then her mother‑in‑law entered, scolding her for being selfish and demanding she give up the apartment.
Her stepson came home from school and asked her for candy. When she said there was none, he cursed her as a “vicious stepmother,” nearly driving her to collapse again.
In anger, she went back to her parents’ home. But her parents also told her to endure it, to let Zhou Xinping have the apartment—better to avoid breaking up the family or harming Li Anping’s reputation at school.
Both her natal family and her in‑laws accused her of selfishness, while neighbors gossiped and mocked. In the end, she had no choice but to give Zhou Xinping the apartment.
Half a year later, she overheard Li Anping speaking with his mother: Zhou Xinping’s son was actually his biological child! He had known all along, but deliberately hid it from her—afraid that if she made a scene, it would affect the housing allocation, his year‑end awards, and his candidacy for assistant professor.
Once the apartment was secured, the awards given, and his position stable, Li Anping no longer feared exposure. He planned to divorce her.
In the dream, hearing this truth struck Lin Jingwen like lightning. She was furious, nearly driven mad.
She refused divorce, not because she still loved Li Anping. Though she had once liked him, his coldness over the years had worn away every trace of affection. What she felt was sheer unwillingness!
She couldn’t simply let Li Anping and Zhou Xinping get off so easily. She refused divorce—she wanted to drag them down with her.
But her constant quarrels only drew them closer. At first, they met in secret; later, they flaunted their affection openly before her eyes.
Her mother‑in‑law, Zhang Lanxiang, also made life miserable, ordering her about, piling chores on her until she was exhausted.
In the dream, Lin Jingwen could feel her suffering vividly. She watched herself change from a quiet, repressed woman into a bitter, nagging figure like Xianglin’s Wife in Lu Xun’s tale.
Everyone despised, avoided, and accused her.
Eventually, she not only complained but began cursing others. Whoever she saw, she cursed—and in return, people pointed at her and called her mad.
At first, some sympathized with her plight. But later, sympathy shifted to Li Anping. People said: a university lecturer married to a kitchen drudge, now a crazy shrew—what a burden for him! They insisted he should divorce and be with Zhou Xinping.
Day after day, consumed by anger and sleeplessness, she was driven to madness. She lost her job, was scorned and insulted by all, and finally developed breast cancer.
The money she had painstakingly saved for treatment was stolen by her stepson, Li Dongle. In utter despair, she threw herself into the river.
…
In the dream, the icy water engulfed her. Lin Jingwen jolted upright from the bed, drenched in cold sweat, gasping for breath, her eyes wide with terror.
Lin Jingwen forced her eyes open, drenched in cold sweat, gasping for breath, her gaze filled with terror.
Everything in the dream felt as if she had truly lived through it. Was it really just a nightmare? No—it was all far too real!
The agony of being betrayed by her husband and his family, the humiliation of being cursed and condemned by everyone—those feelings cut to the bone, leaving her trembling with fear. She sat in a daze for a long time before gradually regaining clarity. Whether it was a nightmare or a rebirth of her soul, one thing was certain: she could no longer go on as before.
At that moment, only one thought burned in her mind: Divorce!
This idea wasn’t new. It had always been buried deep in her heart, suppressed countless times by herself. But now she knew—she had to divorce, to break free from those who drained her blood and flesh. She refused to become the madwoman from her dream, refused to be consumed alive.
She would live well. Even if no one loved her, even if no one cared, it didn’t matter.
She would begin to learn how to love herself.
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