Before she could even voice the question, Lou Fan already had the answer, yet such malicious speculation still required careful weighing. It was not until Lu Siyuan opened her mouth that Lou Fan realized she had been dreading that foregone conclusion all along.
“My parents and her parents.”
“How could this happen.” Lou Fan let out a long, shaky breath, trying to ease the full-body shiver running through her. “How how did they find out? Weren’t they living out of town?”
Lu Siyuan lowered her eyelids and pressed her lips together, turning her head to look at Yu Huai on the other bed.
Yu Huai tilted her head and gave a bitter chuckle. “A few days ago, my parents said they wanted to come visit me. But with the company being so busy lately, I told them to come later, yet they just showed up without any warning.”
“The place wasn’t cleaned up at all, and everything in the bedside table was completely rummaged through. After endless questioning, shouting, and making a huge scene, the apartment was completely smashed up.” Yu Huai paused, as if recalling the events of that day, and shook her head with a wry smile.
“That night, I took my parents to a hotel, thinking it would help them calm down, but somehow they managed to get in touch with Siyuan’s parents. Not a single day has been peaceful since.”
So this was not the first time. Lou Fan could not imagine the immense agony they must have endured over these past few days before making the desperate, resolute choice to end it all.
“Thank you.” Lu Siyuan gently tugged at the corner of Lou Fan’s shirt. “It wasn’t until I swallowed those pills that I finally felt scared. I didn’t care about myself, but I was terrified she would die.”
“Thank you for saving her.”
Yu Huai remained silent, simply closing her eyes and letting tears dampen her eyelashes.
Society was not as open-minded as it appeared on the surface. Lou Fan had so much she wanted to say, but under circumstances like these, anything sounded like detached indifference.
She wanted to say that the internet moves too fast, making it look as though society is friendly toward homosexuality, but once you face reality, it is completely worthless.
You cannot come out to your family, you cannot hold hands or embrace in public like heterosexual couples, and you cannot tell the boss who is trying to set you up on a blind date, “I am not getting married because I am a lesbian.”
She began to think of herself, starting to feel grateful that she had no one to love, and that at worst, she only ever experienced loneliness.
And loneliness was manageable as long as anyone at all was by your side. Staying just like this felt safe.
Safe, and ready to walk away at any moment.
Foolproof, both for the outside world and for herself.
“What are they even worth?” Qin Peiran’s cool voice cut through the smell of disinfectant. Though she was standing in the position of providing comfort, her tone carried a hint of mockery.
Her pupils narrowed into thin slits in the darkness, looking remarkably like some kind of cold-blooded creature. It was not the first time Lou Fan had seen her cold expression, but this fell far beyond anything she had witnessed before.
She looked entirely cold-blooded and ruthless.
“Yes, they raised you, but that does not mean they have the right to trample all over you. And don’t give me that nonsense about them doing you a favor just by bringing you into the world; if that logic holds true, wouldn’t every single infant be born guilty?”
“But.” Lu Siyuan wanted to say something else, but Qin Peiran ignored her and continued, “Love is mutual. It flows naturally.”
“Anything forced is called coercion.” Qin Peiran looked at the two of them and asked, “Are you seriously going to sacrifice the life of the person you love for the sake of so-called parental grace and worldly expectations?”
“How could we.” Lu Siyuan was at a loss for words. “I just we just ran out of options.”
Yu Huai stretched out the hand connected to an IV drip, barely managing to reach the edge of Lu Siyuan’s bed to stroke her lover’s soft locks. “It is fine now. It is all in the past.”
“There is a way out. The future was never a dead end,” Qin Peiran concluded.
Lou Fan suddenly remembered what Qin Peiran had asked her before they came: “Is using a graduation certificate to define adults and children really mature?”
At least on this matter, Lou Fan thought, both of them fell far short of Qin Peiran.
Even though Chen Man desperately hoped the two of them could rest up and return to the office soon, according to them, both sets of parents already knew the company address, and if they caused another scene at the workplace, it would likely bring unnecessary trouble to everyone.
Days after the incident passed, Lou Fan still felt lingering fear. If Qin Peiran had not figured out that the two of them were a couple, she probably would not have thought much of it, and thus would not have been able to prevent the tragedy.
Two living souls had nearly vanished right before her eyes. To say she was not terrified would be a lie. It was not until the pair successfully found new jobs and moved into a new apartment that Lou Fan finally felt a true sense of stability and reassurance.
“We are going to Siyuan’s new place for dinner tonight. Since it is Friday anyway, staying out late is fine.” Just as Lou Fan walked out of the company after finishing work, she spotted Qin Peiran standing not far away waiting for her. Even though she had told her numerous times that she could just go home alone, who could ever win a stubborn contest against Qin Peiran? She would neither throw tantrums nor act shamelessly; she would simply selectively ignore whatever you said and then do things her own way.
“I still feel like someone is watching us.” Qin Peiran buckled her seatbelt after getting into the car and spoke up again.
Lou Fan knew this was just an excuse she used to pick her up from work, so she did not take it to heart. Starting the engine, she casually reached out to ruffle Qin Peiran’s hair. “Is that so? Well then, my little bodyguard better protect me properly, or I am docking your allowance.”
Qin Peiran kept her face dark, ignoring Lou Fan’s teasing, and only said, “I have things to do tomorrow morning, so please do not stay out too late tonight, okay?”
“What have you been up to lately? You vanish into thin air the moment a holiday hits.” Lou Fan turned her head to blink, the roadside neon lights casting shifting shadows across her eyelashes.
Seeing that Qin Peiran refused to bite, she bantered, “Dating is fine, just don’t bring strangers home.”
“Mhm.” Qin Peiran gave a perfunctory response.
Lou Fan suddenly felt a strange knot in her stomach.
What did that mhm mean? Was she just making a joke, or was the girl actually seeing someone? A guy or a girl? How old? How did they meet? Were they a student or out in the working world?
It was not that Lou Fan wanted to meddle, but Qin Peiran was far too trusting of others, and Lou Fan was afraid she would get scammed.
Yet the boundaries of their relationship gave Lou Fan no right to inquire about such things; after all, she was merely a willing sponsor.
Her hand gripping the steering wheel felt as though thousands of ants were crawling over it, itching intensely. Lou Fan tightened her palm, then rubbed her thumb against the tip of her index finger.
“An early romance.” Lou Fan curved her lips into a smile, then bit down on the corner of her mouth.
“Eighteen. Not early anymore,” Qin Peiran said.
Lou Fan stayed silent, driving all the way to their destination in complete quiet.
“You guys are finally here.” Lu Siyuan opened the door, handing them slippers to place on the floor while shouting toward the living room, “I told you the winter exhibition is coming up. How could Chen Man possibly let people off work at 6:00 PM during such a crucial time?”
Lou Fan shot her a playful glare. “Look at you two. I hear your new job doesn’t have any overtime or forced socializing either? Hurry up and send me your HR contact so I can jump ship too.”
“No way.” Yu Huai rushed forward, pausing for a fraction of a second upon spotting Qin Peiran before quickly smoothing out her expression and putting on a sarcastic tone, “You are a Japanese-speaker, and our place is a proper state-owned enterprise. We don’t welcome those little Japanese devils here.”
“G, U, N.” Lou Fan rolled her eyes and gave Yu Huai a light punch on the shoulder.
“Wife. Wife!” Yu Huai instantly went full drama queen, clutching the spot where Lou Fan had hit her with one hand while wrapping the other arm around Lu Siyuan, wailing, “She’s hitting me!”
Lu Siyuan burst into continuous laughter. Standing off to the side, Lou Fan watched the pair bickering playfully and felt a wave of warmth wash over her heart.
This was the kind of life they deserved to have.
Dinner was not ready yet. Yelling that things were burning, Yu Huai quickly bolted back into the kitchen, while Lu Siyuan led the other two on a tour of their new home.
The rented apartment was only fifty or sixty square meters, but in just a few days they had managed to decorate it into a cozy haven. The blind-box figurines from their old rental were washed clean and brought along one by one, while the torn polaroids and split-in-half portrait photos were glued back together and hung on the wall like badges of honor earned in fierce battle.
Lou Fan stood in front of the display cabinet, listening to Lu Siyuan talk about the pair of broken handmade couple’s mugs inside. “You have no idea how hard it was to fix these. At first, we thought about paying someone online to do it, but the quotes started right around this amount.” Lu Siyuan gestured with her fingers and sighed. “Then I said we might as well throw them out and make new ones later when we had time, or just stuff them in a plastic bag and leave them there. But Yu Huai was so gloomy, and I didn’t want to upset her.”
Lou Fan vaguely remembered that this pair of handmade ceramic mugs had been crafted as a keepsake when they traveled to Jingdezhen for their one-year anniversary.
“So I waited until she fell asleep at night and sneaked up to fix them bit by bit.” Speaking of this, Lu Siyuan looked immensely proud again. “You didn’t see the way Yu Huai cried that day. Ah, whatever, fire signs are just naturally gifted at loving people like that.”
Lou Fan chuckled softly. Her gaze drifted upward from the ceramic mugs on the display shelf until it landed on a pitch-black Keep marathon medal, causing her to freeze.
Why did everyone seem to have one of these?
“Want it?” Qin Peiran, who had remained silent behind her, suddenly spoke up.
“No,” Lou Fan shook her head. “Just got reminded of some things, that’s all.”
Yu Huai finished cooking the meal, calling everyone over to eat while grabbing a few cans of beer from the fridge. When she placed one in front of Qin Peiran, her outstretched arm paused for a second. “Can you drink? How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” Qin Peiran replied.
“She is still a kid,” Lou Fan said almost simultaneously.
Yu Huai smiled knowingly, setting down a low-alcohol can instead.
“What is a kid doing drinking alcohol?” Lou Fan reached out to take it away, but Qin Peiran’s fingers closed around the bottom half of the can.
“I want to drink.” Her tone lacked emotion, giving Lou Fan no logical reason to stop her.
“Fine, fine. Just don’t drink it on an empty stomach, and take it easy.”
That was how she advised her, yet Lou Fan ended up being the one who drank the most.
Whether the heavy drinking habits from her past life had permanently altered her routines, or because she simply had not had a proper chance to unwind since her rebirth, she had too many things buried in her heart and used the opportunity to let loose.
“You’re drunk.” Qin Peiran pulled down the hand Lou Fan was using to tilt another drink toward her mouth. “Stop drinking.”
Lou Fan adjusted into a more comfortable posture, resting the side of her face flat against the dining table as she looked up at Qin Peiran with a smile. “You hold your liquor pretty well, sweetie.”
Yu Huai and Lu Siyuan were in no better shape. After hugging and crying their eyes out, they had begun giggling uncontrollably. Hearing Lou Fan suddenly drop the word sweetie, four wide eyes snapped open as they crowded around.
Yu Huai: “I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly is going on between you two? You call yourselves friends, but you seem a bit too close for that.”
Lu Siyuan hugged an empty beer can and nudged Yu Huai with her elbow. “What kind of relationship do you think? What else could it be? Lou Fan, you aren’t being honest here. Both of us came out to you, yet you kept your secret under wraps.”
Qin Peiran remained silent, lowering her head to pick up some food and take a sip of her drink. This stuff was spicy, bitter, and definitely not tasty at all.
“No way!” Lou Fan tapped Lu Siyuan on the back. “Will you two stop seeing lesbians everywhere you look?”
“I have no interest in dating, alright? I barely have enough time to make money as it is.” When Lou Fan was drunk, her eyes shimmered with soft, liquid color, and her alluring features crinkled into a shallow smile, making her look like a lazy, gorgeous Persian cat.
She twirled a lock of dark hair around her fingers, letting it sway back and forth. Seeing Qin Peiran looking over, she gently brushed it across the girl’s cheek.
“Besides, this is still just a kid. What does she know about love and all that? Early romance is a big, fat no-no.”