Apology
Kexin scrambled up with a sheepish grin. “This servant was just too happy.”
After sending Kexin away, Yu Shuwan lay on her bed playing with Buku for a while before beginning to ponder what to do about the little creature.
She couldn’t guarantee she could protect Buku in every way now. If Yu Guiwan found another opening to exploit, wouldn’t that just break her heart?
She still needed to find someone reliable to rely on.
She didn’t even consider Grandmother Yu.
After all, this was a mess she had stirred up herself—she couldn’t possibly drag Grandmother Yu into it, could she?
But after thinking for a long time, Yu Shuwan still couldn’t come up with a good solution. For now, she could only keep Buku by her side.
After a night’s sleep, there wasn’t a single spot on Yu Shuwan’s body that didn’t ache.
She called out groggily, “Kexin, I want some water.”
She didn’t hear Kexin’s reply, but she did hear the sound of water being poured.
Too lazy to open her eyes, Yu Shuwan obediently lay still, waiting for the water to be brought to her.
Sure enough, a cup was brought to her lips. But before she could take a sip to soothe her throat, a faint scent of crabapple blossoms drifted to her nose.
In an instant, Yu Shuwan snapped awake and instinctively turned her head away.
The water spilled from her chin, soaking the bed in front of her.
Yu Shuwan tried to move back, but the motion tugged at her wounds, causing her to let out a muffled groan of pain. Her already pale face turned ashen, and a fine layer of sweat broke out on her forehead.
“You silly child, why are you moving around like that!”
Su Jintang hurriedly stepped forward, flustered, wanting to wipe her chin clean with a handkerchief. But when she met those eyes, filled with wariness and coldness, her hand froze mid-air.
Yu Shuwan distantly retreated further, wiping the water from her chin herself, her expression blank as she said:
“Madam Su, I am now as far from your precious daughter as heaven is from earth.
How did I provoke her into trying every possible way to take her own life?”
“What did you call me?”
Su Jintang’s fingers trembled, and her eyes reddened almost instantly.
“You still hold a grudge against me? Yesterday, I was too worried to think clearly, and you did do something you shouldn’t have. Are you still holding onto that?”
Yu Shuwan found it laughable.
That was exactly what she thought, and exactly what she did.
The girl’s bloodless lips curled into a smile devoid of warmth. “Am I the one holding onto the past, unable to let go?
Madam Su, can’t you see the injuries on my back?
After a night, why are they still lingering on my back, refusing to disappear?
Or look at my calf—there’s a scar about ten inches long, a mark of the life I endured under Liu Chunlan.
They haven’t forgotten. If I were to forget, wouldn’t that be a betrayal of all the suffering I’ve endured?
What happened, happened, Madam Su. Do I really need to teach you this lesson?”
If she were to forgive Su Jintang now because of these few words, she would be betraying not only her past self but also the pain she had endured.
Su Jintang withdrew her hand, her lips trembling. “You really do resent me.”
“Since you know I resent you, why did you come here?”
Hearing Yu Shuwan’s words, a flicker of confusion passed through Su Jintang’s eyes.
Truth be told, she didn’t even know why she had wanted to come.
To be honest, she was furious that Yu Shuwan’s appearance had disrupted her peaceful life. She despised Yu Shuwan’s petty schemes and hated the disgraceful things Yu Shuwan had done.
Yet yesterday, the words she had spoken to herself and the look in her eyes when she endured those three lashes of the thorn whip had kept her tossing and turning all night.
After visiting Guiwan, she couldn’t help but come to see how she was doing.
Just moments ago, when Yu Shuwan didn’t know it was her, her tone when asking for water was the first gentle and non-confrontational sentence the mother and daughter had exchanged in all their time together.
For a moment, she even had the illusion that if Yu Shuwan could remain this obedient, perhaps they could learn to accept and love this child who had appeared halfway through their lives.
“Haven’t figured it out yet?”
Yu Shuwan let out a scornful laugh. “If you haven’t figured it out, why come?
Madam Su, I’m a heartless, cold-blooded person. Aren’t you afraid I might go mad and attack you again someday?”
Su Jintang’s eyes gradually regained their usual composure, her voice tinged with sternness and displeasure.
“Yu Shuwan, no matter what, I am your mother.
I struck you only because I feared you were straying down the wrong path.
Now that you’re home, your family can tolerate these little moods of yours, but have you thought about who will tolerate you once you step outside?
I’m doing this for your own good!”
“For my own good?”
Yu Shuwan’s laugh carried a hint of mockery. “Madam Su, honestly.
From childhood until now, aside from the despicable people of Liu Jia Village, I’ve never met anyone who treated me the way you do.
Oh, right.
You probably don’t know how I got that scar about ten inches long that I mentioned earlier, do you?
Liu Chunlan said she had found me a good marriage.
The man was a fool from the neighboring village who had already killed three wives, and she wanted me to marry him as a replacement.
Afraid I’d run away, she specifically took a liandao (sickle) and tried to sever my Achilles tendon so I couldn’t escape.”
Her tone was calm, as if she were recounting someone else’s story, yet it sent chills down Su Jintang’s spine.
Yu Shuwan looked at her. “While Liu Chunlan was holding me down and trying to sever my tendon, she told me to be good, to cooperate, that she was doing it for my own good.
So I’ve often wondered, if our roles were reversed, and it was Liu Chunlan whose tendon was about to be severed, and I said it was for her own good, would she be able to appreciate my good intentions?”
Her voice was leisurely, and she chuckled softly as she watched Su Jintang’s face turn pale.
“Madam Su, I don’t want to keep bringing up the past either.
But I’m fourteen years old, and these are the only memories I have from my fourteen years of life.
So even if you don’t like hearing it, you’ll have to listen.
I don’t need your self-righteous acts of kindness. If you want to prove that this is how you treat someone well, go beat Yu Guiwan, beat Father, beat Yu Jingzhou. From now on, I won’t say another word.”
“Do you hate me this much?”
Su Jintang’s lips trembled, her eyes filled with disappointment. “Yu Shuwan, I admit I was neglectful in the past, but do you think it’s right to target Guiwan like this?
Liu Chunlan was wrong, but what fault does Guiwan have!
How can you blame her for what happened back then? Now she wants to get along with you and has been treading carefully, trying to please you.
Even so, you refuse to let her go, always pushing her with your sharp words!
Is this all you learned in the countryside—petty-mindedness and narrow-heartedness?”
“Yes.”
Yu Shuwan admitted it openly. “To fill my stomach, I fought with boys in the village over a sour fruit the size of a palm.
If I had your noble character, your lack of pettiness and narrow-mindedness, I would have starved to death long ago.”
“Not everyone is born to be a Lady Su; most are like me.”
After a pause, she chuckled again, “I misspoke—there aren’t many as unlucky as me either.”