After that scene in the garden, Xie Yunzhen dared not hesitate any longer. Her slender hand lifted, reaching for the sash at her waist and tugging at it gently. Even with her mind prepared, she still couldn’t stop herself from trembling.
She had never worn such a beautiful dress.
How the pink dress was stripped away piece by piece afterward—Xie Yunzhen could no longer recall clearly.
She vaguely remembered that Pei Shu seemed to find her too slow, and in the end, it was he who removed each piece himself.
She also remembered that only when he pressed down upon her did she truly feel how tall and robust he was—he could easily gather her into his embrace, and lift her onto the desk without the slightest effort.
From the moment he drew near her, Xie Yunzhen’s breath and heartbeat were no longer hers to command.
She didn’t know what had come over her. Perhaps it was the first time she had been so close to a man; her heart raced so wildly that she could neither see nor hear, and only the pounding of her pulse kept her clinging to a thread of wakefulness in the mortal world. Yet she couldn’t control herself. She thought, her face, her body—surely they must have flushed as red as crabapple blossoms.
It wasn’t until Xie Yunzhen caught the cold, steady fragrance emanating from him—like the first snow of winter—that she suddenly felt her heart settle, and she calmed considerably. He seemed to have said a few words, but the only one Xie Yunzhen remembered was:
“Good girl.”
And that sigh, as if he pitied the boundless storm she was about to endure.
She had never met anyone with such a commanding presence.
If not for the very real force and urgency pressing against her, Xie Yunzhen would never have detected the slightest sign that this Lord Pei was under the influence of any “drug.”
On the way to the study, Wen Lu had quietly told Xie Yunzhen that his master had acted this way only because he had been given an aphrodisiac, and had said things to reassure her—that she needn’t be afraid, that his master was no lecherous scoundrel, and so on. Before meeting Pei Shu, she had expected to see a man driven mad by the drug’s torment. But who would have thought—his calm, unruffled demeanor made Yunzhen seem like the one who was truly unhinged.
She dared not imagine what a man with such terrifying willpower could not accomplish.
The moment she laid eyes on Pei Shu, she felt deeply that she was like an ignorant white rabbit, foolishly walking into the trap of a composed, patient hunter. Even if he had already been scratched by some unknown prey, he would never allow himself to be ruled by base desire. He remained aloof and elevated, still the one in full command of the situation, and in his leisure, he might even toy with her—this poor, newly caged prey.
Yet under Pei Shu’s control and step-by-step guidance, Xie Yunzhen felt herself soothed, gradually no longer afraid.
But she had never imagined that her first time would not be on a bridal bed on her wedding night, but would begin on a cold desk and end in the curve of Pei Shu’s arms.
After all, she was still an unmarried maiden. Everything that had happened tonight was beyond anything Xie Yunzhen could have anticipated. The most scandalous thing she had ever witnessed was once, when she returned home a little late and inadvertently stumbled upon a couple coupling in the open. Nothing like him, nothing like him… so tormenting!
When Xie Yunzhen woke, dawn was just beginning to break. After a night of utter abandon, the heart that had been forced to seethe all night had cooled considerably. But somehow, the room had changed. She distinctly remembered starting in the study, yet everything in this room now looked like Pei Shu’s private bedchamber.
Pei Shu wasn’t there. Xie Yunzhen pushed open the door and asked a maid sweeping the courtyard for some clean water to wash her face, then retrieved the clothes she had worn into the estate the day before and changed into them. She pretended not to notice the strange expressions on the maids’ faces as they scrutinized her, and simply asked with a gentle smile where Wen Lu or Nanny Zeng might be.
The maids only said that Wen Lu had followed Pei Shu out the door early that morning, and that Nanny Zeng had also gone out with the kitchen steward to do shopping. With none of the people in charge around, Xie Yunzhen had no choice but to decide to return to Ning Village first. That gentleman seemed wealthy and refined—surely he wasn’t the type to renege on a debt, right?
But the moment Xie Yunzhen turned around, she heard them whispering behind her back.
One of them laughed scornfully and said, “Did you see that? A country woman through and through. The mistress’s fine clothes are good enough for her, but she insists on wearing those rags of hers. No sense, no shame—how could the master ever fancy her?”
Xie Yunzhen’s steps faltered. The words were so harsh, so grating, that her nose suddenly stung with emotion. If she was the shameless one, then what did that make Master Pei, who had paid to sleep with her?
Xie Yunzhen didn’t consider herself a delicate person. With her impoverished background, she had no right to be delicate. She could do heavy labor and had endured no shortage of hardship, but she was the type who cried easily and feared pain. Because of this, some villagers who didn’t get along with her often used it to mock her.
Tears welled in her eyes. Xie Yunzhen pinched her thigh hard, forcing the tears back by sheer will.
Shame? Of course she felt shame. But she didn’t regret her decision. Shame couldn’t improve the Xie family’s circumstances. Still, she felt she had failed her mother’s teachings, and that was what made the tears threaten to spill.
Pei Manor was too large, and Xie Yunzhen had lost the curiosity she’d felt upon first arriving the day before. She walked in a daze, and no one stopped her as she left the estate. The moment she stepped through the main gate, her tense emotions seemed to find an outlet and slowly dissipated. But by comparison, the extreme soreness in her body was impossible to ignore.
She had long forgotten that last night Pei Shu had told her not to leave after waking up today—that he had something to say when he returned.
Before leaving the village yesterday, she had asked a neighbor to pass a message to her mother, using the excuse that she was coming to town to collect payment for the pastries they’d sold a month ago. If she couldn’t make it back before the city gates closed, she’d stay with her friend Tian Zhi. But she’d only said she might be delayed a day, so today she absolutely had to go back.
By the time Xie Yunzhen took a donkey cart back to the village, it was almost dark. She counted out eight coppers for the cart owner, clutching her empty purse with a pang of bitterness in her heart.
Back at the Xie family’s small fenced courtyard, her two younger sisters had already gone to bed, since they still had village school the next day. Madam Xie sat on the bed, doing embroidery by the dim light of an oil lamp, coughing from time to time.
Xie Yunzhen walked over quietly, took the embroidery hoop away, and half-knelt to nestle into Madam Xie’s arms.
Madam Xie patted her, lovingly smoothing the stray hairs at Yunzhen’s temple. “You must be tired, right?” A thousand words, in the end, all condensed into these four.
The mother and daughter nestled together for a while, then Madam Xie spoke with some hesitation: “Yankui’s mother came by during the day.”
Xie Yunzhen didn’t get up. Her head buried in Madam Xie’s chest, her voice muffled: “What did she say?”
Madam Xie closed her eyes, a barely perceptible hostility lurking beneath her lids. “What else could it be? Carrying on and cursing, just urging you to go take care of Yankui.” If it weren’t for her Yunzhen’s fondness for that Ning boy, she would never have been willing to marry her daughter into such a family.
Xie Yunzhen remained silent, but Madam Xie felt her clothes growing damp.
She sighed, holding Yunzhen close and patting her gently. When she opened her eyes again, her beautiful features radiated a warm, gentle light. She caressed Yunzhen’s jet-black hair with loving hands, remembering the day she had adopted Yunzhen—the girl had thrown herself into her arms just like this, as if she had finally found the home she had always wanted.
But noticing how much thinner the girl in her arms had grown, Madam Xie’s heart ached. “Perhaps… we should call off this marriage after all.”
Xie Yunzhen’s tears stopped abruptly.
She held back her sobs, straightened up, and wiped away her tears with brisk, decisive movements. Then she smiled at Madam Xie. “I’m fine, Mother. I was just feeling wronged for a moment. Brother Yankui treats me… well enough.” If not for how it had begun, Ning Yankui could have been considered a decent match. Everything she said about him treating her well was true.
Ning Yankui’s family had been blacksmiths for generations, holding considerable standing in Ning Village. They were even related to the village head’s family by marriage. On top of that, Ning Yankui had two uncles who worked as thugs at a gambling den in the city, both with fierce appearances. If they tried to break off the engagement at this critical moment, who knew how much trouble the Nings would cause? The Xie family was nothing but women and children—how could they possibly handle it?
“Calling off the engagement now—the Nings won’t let this go easily. Alright, Mother, you should rest. I’ll go outside to fetch some water and heat it up. We’ve been through so much today, and I’m feeling tired. I’d like to wash up.” She had been so exhausted last night that she had fallen asleep directly, and today at the Pei residence there had been no opportunity to bathe either. She felt sticky and uncomfortable down below.
She spoke lightly, but Madam Xie’s knitted brows would not relax. Seeing Xie Yunzhen about to leave, she hurriedly tried to get out of bed, but the moment she moved, she broke into violent coughing. She pressed a handkerchief to her lips, then glanced at her palm with a weary expression, her heart growing colder and colder.
Xie Yunzhen turned to look at her. They had been through this scene countless times before, and both of them tacitly said nothing.
“The handkerchief is dirty. I’ll wash it.” Xie Yunzhen lowered her eyes, pulling the handkerchief from Madam Xie’s hand and crumpling it into a ball, forcing herself not to think about the traces of blood she had just seen.
She only said, “We received some payment from Manager Chen for the pastries sold last month. Tomorrow I’ll hire a better physician.” With that, she helped Madam Xie lie down, then quickly left the room, giving her no chance to refuse.
She didn’t dare say that she had already been to the city not long ago. Manager Chen, for the sake of his invalid, bedridden son, had tried to force her to become his concubine, claiming that customers had gotten stomachaches after eating her pastries and using that as leverage. Forget about getting money—if she hadn’t seized the opportunity to slip away that day, she might have ended up taking a trip to the county courthouse.
She carried the wooden bucket, leaning against the mud wall and gazing at the sky. Dark clouds shrouded the moon, just like her mood—dim and lifeless.
It hadn’t always been like this. Though their family were outsiders with no farmland in Ning Village, her mother had exquisite embroidery skills, and the patterns she created were much sought after by wealthy families in the city. She also made pastries that even city folk had never tasted. But since that night three years ago, everything had changed.
She seemed to have brought an inescapable nightmare to this family…
Xie Yunzhen stood at the door for a while before carrying the wooden bucket toward the well. She felt much better now. She loved gazing at the moon—especially when she was feeling troubled. Looking at it always eased her heart.
“Xie Yunzhen.” She had drawn water and was heading back when a low voice suddenly came from behind her.
“Who?!” Xie Yunzhen was caught off guard, so startled that her hand slipped and she pressed herself against the wall, summoning her courage to look behind her. Only then did she recognize the visitor. “M-M-Milord?!”
What was he doing in Ning Village?!
Pei Shu reacted swiftly, catching the wooden bucket with one steady hand. The sloshing water splashed onto his hand, and his sleeve was dampened as well, clinging uncomfortably to his arm.
From inside the house, Madam Xie’s voice sounded: “Yunzhen, what’s wrong?”
The commotion was considerable, rousing the white dog in the courtyard into a wary fit of barking.
“It’s nothing, Mother—shh, Xuefu! No barking! I just spilled a bit of water. Go back to sleep, Mother.”
Pei Shu crossed his arms and watched Xie Yunzhen scramble to appease the people indoors while scolding the watchdog, finding the whole scene rather amusing. He pressed the lantern he was holding into Yunzhen’s hands, then lowered his gaze and set the wooden bucket aside.
This lantern was far brighter than the oil lamp at home, so Yunzhen could clearly see his brows furrowed slightly, his expression tinged with disdain.
A flush of embarrassment crept across her face. She lowered her head awkwardly, twisting the hem of her clothes.
A wooden bucket used for so long would develop a layer of patina and grease on its surface, darkening in color—it looked dirty and unsightly in the daylight. She had never thought much of it in her daily use, but for someone of Milord’s standing to have to touch it… it must have been deeply unpleasant for him.
She watched as Pei Shu drew a square of blue cloth from his sleeve and fastidiously wiped the water from his hands, casting a haughty sidelong glance at the beauty before him in the lamplight.
He moved so slowly that Xie Yunzhen, already mortified, felt as though she were being slowly tortured.
“What did I say yesterday? Didn’t I tell you to wait for me?”
Xie Yunzhen was bewildered, lifting her head in confusion.
“When did Milord say such a thing?” She only remembered being thoroughly worn out, shaken until her whole body went limp, barely held upright by his arm wrapped tightly around her. She had no spare energy to pay attention to what he had said.
Author’s Note:
Our precious Yunzhen is a growth-type heroine—at her core, she’s an honest, well-behaved girl. There may be some frustrating moments, but not too many! Rest assured!