People are swayed by their emotions; that is not a good thing.
During sports meets, the crowds on both sides of the track would cheer excitedly for the contestants. The sun shone on their faces, making every one of them flush a bright red. Even though sweat soaked their clothes and strands of hair clung messily to their faces, they continued to laugh and shout.
Everyone was so happy, so full of youth and passion.
Luo Yueming could not understand that feeling at all.
The incessant chattering and noise only gave her a headache; she needed a quiet place.
Later, when something happened to someone in the class, they all cried. They cried with such profound sadness, great tears rolling down their faces.
Others were angry, saying they would stand up for their classmate and take revenge on that group of thugs and hooligans.
Luo Yueming did not understand their thoughts. Was there any meaning in doing such a thing?
But since everyone was crying and everyone was laughing, the calm-faced Luo Yueming stood out among them like a monster. She did not like being watched.
She tried to mimic their expressions, but her facial muscles felt stiff, as if beyond her control. No matter how she tried to force a grimace, she only looked as ridiculous as a clown.
So, Luo Yueming gave up.
She was born unable to feel emotions, and no matter how much she tried to cultivate them, it was futile.
At first, her family didn’t pay much attention to it.
But what happened later?
In front of a doctor, Luo Yueming tried desperately to make a sad face, and failed again.
It was like this ten years ago, and it was the same ten years later.
However, this time, Luo Yueming truly felt something different in her heart—something very strange and unfamiliar. It felt like a knife was churning inside her stomach, making a total mess of things.
She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, and her head felt like it was going to explode.
It was different from before, yet she couldn’t describe it.
She only knew that if this continued, she would probably die.
The psychiatrist flipped through Luo Yueming’s file, which showed she had undergone a psychological evaluation at the age of thirteen.
In modern society, the number of patients with depression and bipolar disorder is increasing. The triggers for these types of emotional disorders are usually genetics, environment, childhood experiences, the influence of those around them, and sensitivity to stress.
They manifest as overly intense emotions, accompanied by periodic impulsivity and dangerous attempts.
Luo Yueming’s manifestation, however, was emotional numbness/dissociative symptoms.
She was not moved by beautiful things.
She could not empathize with others’ emotions and could only observe from a bystander’s perspective.
Interacting with others felt only like a social necessity.
She had a strong will to survive, didn’t cause much trouble for those around her, and possessed the ability to live independently.
So, after the examination, her family took her home.
And now, after working for several years and being promoted to general manager due to her outstanding professional abilities, she was seeing a psychiatrist again because she felt like she was dying.
“Can’t you cry?” the doctor asked.
Luo Yueming nodded.
The doctor looked up at her. There was absolutely no emotional expression on Luo Yueming’s face; it was completely numb.
When necessary, she could force herself to make some appropriate responses, such as adopting a listening posture when someone spoke or offering a few words of comfort when someone was sad.
That was because she had been taught to do so, not because she truly understood the behavior.
She could understand a great deal of book knowledge, but the one thing she couldn’t grasp was emotion.
And she herself did not feel pain because of this.
The doctor asked, “Did someone in your family pass away?”
Luo Yueming nodded. “My grandmother.”
Doctor: “How was your relationship with your grandmother?”
“She was the person who was best to me… one of them.” Luo Yueming lowered her eyes. “So I had to take good care of my grandmother. I couldn’t let anything happen to her and tried to do things that made her happy.”
The doctor sighed. “That is responsibility.”
Luo Yueming agreed. “Yes, that is responsibility.”
“Then, when your grandmother passed away, what was your mood like?”
“You can say whatever you want.”
“I understand.”
The doctor sighed again. “I will prescribe some medicine for you. Taking it on time will help you sleep, but you should take some time off from work.”
Luo Yueming took the prescription to get her medicine.
The psychiatrist’s handwriting was relaxed and balanced; every word was easy to recognize, not like the “ghostly scribbles” rumored of doctors.
She remembered her grandmother saying that you could see a person’s character through their handwriting.
Luo Yueming’s handwriting was very formal, exactly like the fonts most commonly seen in textbooks—standard, clear, and organized.
It was different from Lu Yao’s.
Lu Yao liked to add little flourishes when she wrote; she only considered the person reading it, even if it was more troublesome for herself to write.
Though, Lu Yao never seemed to mind the trouble.
Luo Yueming got the medicine, but she did not take time off from work as the doctor advised.
She felt that taking leave would be worse; staying at home with nothing to do would make her as passive as she was in her childhood.
As long as she could sleep, it would be fine.
Luo Yueming left the hospital.
When her grandmother passed away, what was her mood like?
It was very ordinary.
To her, “ordinary” meant there was no change from her usual state—meaning, not even a ripple of emotion.
In fact, she had never truly liked her grandmother.
Her grandmother was kind. When her parents didn’t want her, she would take her in and teach her many things.
Luo Yueming also learned that she should be good to her grandmother, like a simple and well-behaved child. Only then would she seem like a “human” in the eyes of outsiders.
“Actually, Luo Yueming isn’t that cold-hearted; she was very gentle with her grandmother.”
That wasn’t true.
Luo Yueming had always disliked the smell on her grandmother—that scent of a body that had already aged, an omen that it would eventually decay.
Every time she got close to her grandmother, her entire body would stiffen. However, it was much easier than faking a smile for others, so she was still willing to do it.
It was a responsibility, and also a choice made after calculating her own interests.
Her grandmother knew this too, which was why her gaze toward Luo Yueming was a mixture of maternal love and a realization tinged with melancholy.
There was nothing that could be done; Luo Yueming was born this way.
One couldn’t exactly blame her parents for bringing her into this world.
Upon hearing the news of her grandmother’s passing, Luo Yueming’s heart was very peaceful.
She was even thinking that after Lu Yao finished this busy period, she would have more free time, and then Lu Yao could do some things for herself.
Lu Yao had always taken care of her grandmother for her, so she should take good care of Lu Yao in return. Compared to her elderly grandmother, Lu Yao’s scent was very pleasant—a special kind of fragrance, soft and delicate, which could make one sleep peacefully.
She had planned it all out that day.
Lu Yao, like her, didn’t like interacting with outsiders, so she could do some work from home.
Whatever Lu Yao liked to do, she would support it.
When she returned home after work, she heard Lu Yao say:
“Let’s get a divorce.”
A wind blew through the deserted forest, and leaves fell onto the calm surface of the water, creating ripples.
“This is quite a headache.” Shen Qing spread her hands. “It’s not very good to just stand here and talk, is it?”
Lu Yao thought about it and saw a shop not far away. “I’ll buy you a drink… but that seems to be a coffee shop. Is that okay?”
Shen Qing smiled softly. “It’s fine. The bar often stays open until late; I’ve long been used to only sleeping after daybreak.”
“I see.” Lu Yao understood and led her over. “But I have to get up very early, so I won’t drink anything.”
“Are you still making deliveries tomorrow?”
“Yes, I have to deliver every day.”
The Western restaurant didn’t close for the New Year’s Day holiday, so Lu Yao naturally couldn’t stop either.
However, Shen Qing had reminded her: although the flower market wouldn’t close for New Year’s Day, it would stop for two days during the Lunar New Year. She needed to prepare in advance.
Lu Yao ordered a latte for Shen Qing and just a cup of water for herself.
The two sat down. Shen Qing looked at the ice water in front of Lu Yao and clicked her tongue. “Are you always this stingy with yourself when you’re treating someone?”
Lu Yao explained matter-of-factly, “Drinking other things makes it easy to lose sleep.”
Shen Qing: “…”
Getting up early, and easily losing sleep.
It was only nine o’clock, yet she already had a look on her face that said she really wanted to go back and sleep.
If it weren’t for the “interesting story” Shen Qing was about to share, Lu Yao would have made an excuse to go back long ago. It took an hour to drive back from here.
Shen Qing felt helpless. It seemed she wouldn’t be able to spend this New Year’s Eve with Lu Yao, but that was okay; there would be another chance in a month or two.
The Lunar New Year was the real transition to a new year; she would wait patiently.
Organizing the words she wanted to say, Shen Qing took a sip of the latte in her hand. Thinking that Lu Yao was treating her, she somehow tasted a hint of sweetness in it and found it delicious.
“Well, my friend invited many people to her banquet. She has always liked crowded and dense occasions.”
Thinking of that person, Shen Qing let out a somewhat mischievous smile.
“She was the star of the banquet, surrounded by people, so I had no choice but to chat with others. That’s when I met someone from… let me think, was it the Shengxi Group?”
Lu Yao frowned upon hearing the words “Shengxi Group.”
Why couldn’t she get away from it?
Seeing that Shen Qing hadn’t continued, Lu Yao spoke up: “That’s the most famous company in this city. I’ve heard of it.”
Shen Qing: “You’ve heard of it. Anyway, she is a manager at that company. I heard her boss telling her to perform well in front of my friend, and even specifically reminded her about some things concerning my friend. It was quite interesting when you think about it.”
Shen Qing paid attention to Lu Yao’s expression and continued, “My friend hasn’t found a partner yet, so many people have taken it upon themselves to introduce someone to her, and the Shengxi Group is no exception. However, that person is indeed good-looking and has the kind of personality my friend likes.”
Lu Yao played along and asked, “What kind of personality does your friend like?”
Shen Qing: “Someone who looks very cold and aloof, as if they have no emotions.”
Lu Yao: “…”
“Though I don’t quite understand it,” Shen Qing slowed down her speech, “my friend says that seeing that kind of person cry is the most interesting thing.”