But Yan Jingshuang stopped almost immediately. She could feel the master’s gaze falling upon her trembling fingertips.
As though someone had seen through her, Yan Jingshuang suddenly no longer wanted to continue doing this good deed.
Yet just as she was about to leave, the master’s voice sounded again.
“You are very angry with her. Has she hurt you?”
This time, the master’s elegant voice was even deeper, faintly carrying a trace of restrained anger.
Yan Jingshuang froze slightly, wondering whether her lack of sleep the previous night had caused her senses to become unreliable today.
Still, the master’s attitude kept her from getting up and leaving.
Lately, she really was tired.
Whether it was the matter of Ning Mo, the Yan family, or the bullet comments, she did not want anyone else to worry alongside her, so she could only keep everything buried in her heart.
The members of the Yan family all shared more or less the same nature. They wanted to shoulder their responsibilities and protect the family in their own ways.
Yan Shouyi and Yan Jiuming were both like that.
So was Yan Jingshuang.
From a young age, Yan Jingshuang had been exceptionally sensible.
But she had not been a sensible child from the very beginning. When had it started?
Perhaps…… it had been when her grandmother first tried to destroy her face.
Her grandmother hated her face, while her father became sorrowful whenever he saw it. So she had chosen to disguise herself and hide it.
She herself had not even seen her real face for a very long time.
After all, she hated it too.
She hated that she looked exactly like that woman.
The woman who had abandoned the Yan family, abandoned her father, and abandoned her eldest brother, Jiuming, and her.
Her nominal mother.
The Yan family’s achievements had been won on horseback. But because their accomplishments had grown too great and malicious people had slandered them, they had aroused the current emperor’s suspicion. At the time, the Yan family had been falsely accused of a grave crime, and the entire family had been exiled.
Little Yan Jingshuang had worn tattered prison clothes, with shackles on her hands and feet. Even while guards lashed her with whips, she had never forgotten to protect Yan Jiuming, who was younger and even more frail than she was.
But their mother had fled the moment a group of soldiers had stormed into Yan Manor.
Later, she had appeared leaning against the embrace of another richly dressed man. As though granting charity, she told their grandmother and the three Yan siblings that she could save them.
All three Yan siblings had to do was obediently follow her back, take that man’s surname, and become part of his family.
She would even arrange for their grandmother to recuperate at a separate estate.
The three Yan siblings had rejected her in unison. They had stared at that woman in disbelief, disappointment, hatred, and heartbreak all intertwined.
Their grandmother had been so furious that she spat at the woman.
In retaliation, that woman had slapped their grandmother across the face. Their grandmother’s head had struck the wall, and she had fainted. That had been where the roots of her madness had taken hold.
Yet that woman had stared at her own hand in astonishment, then trembled innocently in the arms of the richly dressed man, claiming that she had merely lost her temper for a moment. She had then looked at the three Yan siblings with an expression of profound sorrow, as though she were the one who had been grievously wronged.
After she left, the man beside her had appeared again. With a sinister gaze, he had ordered the soldiers nearby to ‘reward’ the three Yan siblings with another beating.
Yan Jingshuang had shielded Yan Jiuming, and Yan Shouyi had protected their grandmother.
By the time their father arrived to rescue them, Yan Jingshuang and Yan Shouyi had nearly lost their lives.
Later, while Yan Jingshuang was delirious with fever, she learned that someone had cleared the Yan family’s name. Yet the emperor still remained suspicious. Although their noble title and honors had been preserved, her father’s military authority had been taken away, and he had been sent to Jiangnan to take up an insignificant post.
Meanwhile, that woman who lived in luxury in the imperial capital had turned into a nightmare the Yan family dared not speak of.
Her grandmother’s madness was related to the severe blow to her head back then. Combined with that woman’s provocation, every time her illness flared up, she would curse that woman bitterly.
Yan Jingshuang had the same face as that woman. When she was young, whenever she encountered her grandmother during one of her episodes, her grandmother would grab her by the back of her neck and beat and scold her.
The most serious incident had been when her grandmother had tried to smash a pot of boiling water into her face.
Once she regained her senses, her grandmother had naturally apologized profusely to Yan Jingshuang and had even wanted to move out of the Yan Manor.
But the Yan family had finally managed to reunite. They absolutely could not bear another separation.
Yan Jingshuang had looked at her suffering grandmother, and at her father, who would sometimes fall into a daze whenever he saw her face.
She hated her face.
So she had used disguise techniques to conceal it.
Today, when she heard that her grandmother, who had been recuperating at Qianfo Temple, had fainted, Yan Jingshuang’s heart lurched. She knew that her grandmother must have learned about her broken engagement with Ning Mo and had fainted from the shock.
Her grandmother’s health had deteriorated over the years because of her recurring illness. Yan Jingshuang did not blame her for treating her that way during her episodes. She only hoped that her grandmother could remain healthy.
Yan Jingshuang had been anxious the entire journey there.
Fortunately, when she saw her grandmother, the old madam’s complexion had already regained some color, and her expression was much calmer. Having dealt with her grandmother during countless episodes, Yan Jingshuang could tell at a glance that she was not ill at the moment.
Her heart relaxed slightly, and she walked inside.
Her grandmother was leaning against the bed. A maid had just finished helping her take her medicine, and the faint bitterness of medicinal herbs lingered in the air.
When she saw Yan Jingshuang enter, her grandmother raised her somewhat weak hand and beckoned to her.
“Jingshuang, you’re here. Come sit with Grandmother for a while.”
Yan Jingshuang did as she was told. She sat beside the old woman and took the bowl of sweet soup from the maid. Picking up the white porcelain spoon, she began feeding her grandmother.
But as she continued, tears gradually welled in the old madam’s slightly cloudy eyes.
Yan Jingshuang froze. She quickly put down the bowl, took out a handkerchief, and wiped her grandmother’s tears.
“Grandmother, what’s wrong?”
The old madam grabbed Yan Jingshuang’s wrist with one hand and beat her own chest with the other.
“It’s all Grandmother’s fault. If it weren’t for my illness, why would you have to hide your appearance? And why would that wretched boy from the Ning family betray you? With your true face, you could find someone countless times better than him. Why should you have to suffer like this……”
Her grandmother’s tears would not stop, falling onto the back of Yan Jingshuang’s hand.
They were somewhat hot.
Yan Jingshuang hurriedly comforted her. “Grandmother, it has nothing to do with you. Ning Mo had already given his heart to someone else. What does that have to do with my appearance? Besides, if Ning Mo really is someone who only values superficial beauty, then what is there about him that deserves my attention?”
The old madam’s tears still would not stop. Although Yan Jingshuang said that, she still felt guilty. Her granddaughter’s beauty was no less than that woman’s— in fact, she surpassed her. Back then, that woman’s appearance had been enough to make such a reckless man fall in love at first sight. Even if Ning Mo were not someone who valued superficial beauty, upon seeing her granddaughter’s true face, he could hardly have betrayed her so easily.
Nor would there have been those unpleasant rumors circulating outside.
Indeed, although Yan Jingshuang had been entirely justified, both emotionally and logically, in breaking off her engagement with Ning Mo, not everyone in this world was reasonable. There were also plenty of people who simply enjoyed gossip.
After learning that Ning Mo had betrayed Yan Jingshuang for Ming Chuxue, they became curious about what the two women looked like. Some busybodies had even drawn portraits of them.
After comparing the two, realization flashed through the eyes of quite a few men, accompanied by mocking remarks.
“No wonder Ning Mo fell for Ming Chuxue. What normal man wouldn’t? The appearances of Ming Chuxue and Yan Jingshuang are practically worlds apart.”
“What man doesn’t want a beautiful woman by his side? Surely no one wants a yaksha[1]a fierce, ugly demon / monster from Buddhist mythology jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3531516_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3531516_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); by his side.”
The words had caused an uproar of laughter.
They had also given Yan Jingshuang another nickname— ‘Yan Yaksha’.
In truth, the disguise mask Yan Jingshuang had chosen was extremely ordinary, but it was not ugly. Ming Chuxue’s beauty, however, was unsurpassed throughout Hangzhou. It was that stark contrast that had earned Yan Jingshuang the title of ‘Yaksha’.
The old madam did not want to tell Yan Jingshuang about those rumors, lest she become upset.
While waiting for Yan Jingshuang, the old madam had also thought back over many things that had happened throughout the years. There were still traces of tears on her cheeks, but her gaze gradually steadied.
She gently patted the back of Yan Jingshuang’s hand.
“Jingshuang, all these years, you have suffered so many grievances for your grandmother, for your father, and, one could say, for the entire Yan family.”
The old madam looked up at Yan Jingshuang’s ordinary-looking disguised face, and her eyes became moist once more.
“Jingshuang, be yourself. Whether it is your appearance or anything else, you don’t need to worry about other people anymore.”
……
Yan Jingshuang’s thoughts returned to the present. Sitting before the master, her eyes were filled with helpless confusion.
She had concealed her true appearance for years— partly for her grandmother’s sake, but also by her own choice.
Her hatred for that woman was instinctive, and she likewise hated this face that looked like that woman’s.
And there was something else that woman had given her……
Yan Jingshuang remembered the master’s question.
She raised her hand and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The movement lacked the softness of a young woman, but was instead exceptionally crisp and decisive.
Her voice carried a calm chill.
“Calling it harm would be giving her too much credit.”
For a long while, silence spread between them. Only the incense burner separating the two of them emitted wisps of white smoke, carrying the fragrance of sandalwood.
Yan Jingshuang lowered her eyes.
Buddhists ultimately emphasized kindness toward others. Remembering how she had vaguely felt that the master was angry on her behalf earlier, she could only conclude that she truly had not slept enough and had imagined it.
The master did not even know what she had been through. How could he possibly empathize with her? He probably thought she had too much hostility instead.
For the second time, Yan Jingshuang rose to leave. But the master’s voice sounded at precisely the right moment.
“If that is the case, then the thing itself is neither right nor wrong. Why should you let yourself become trapped because of someone who is unworthy?
If you merely guard one small corner of the world, will you not miss out on much of its scenery?”
Hearing that, Yan Jingshuang froze. She stopped her movement and looked toward the master through the curling white smoke.
It was as though a layer of gray fog in her mind was slowly dispersing.
The master across from her did not hurry her either, seemingly waiting for Yan Jingshuang to slowly grasp his meaning.
After approximately the time it took an incense stick to burn, the master suddenly spoke again.
“The thing you mentioned, setting that person aside and considering it on its own— do you yourself like it?”
Yan Jingshuang’s calm brows moved slightly.
Before that incident had happened, she had naturally loved her own face. When she was young, she had not spent all year dressed in martial attire as she did now. Back then, the family had been well-off. She had owned many beautiful dresses and plenty of lovely jewelry, changing them every day without repeating the same ones.
And there was that other thing as well……
Yan Jingshuang sighed inwardly.
“Of course I like it.”
The master across from her seemed to have known all along that Yan Jingshuang would give that answer. There was little surprise in his voice.
A few breaths later, that elegant voice sounded again.
“Don’t let another person’s wrongdoing control you.”
The short sentence was soothing to the heart.
At that moment, the sandalwood incense burned out, and the white smoke dispersed.
Yan Jingshuang’s eyes finally brightened slowly, and the layer of fog in her mind completely vanished.
She looked at the master before her in astonishment.
More precisely, she could only stare at the master’s hands.
In truth, until just now, she had never thought that this master could really resolve the confusion in her heart. It was simply that she had buried certain things too deeply for too long. Perhaps she had needed someone to confide in. The master did not know her, and she did not know the master. Once today’s matter was over, they would have no further connection. That was also why she had not left at the beginning.
But unexpectedly, although the master did not know what was truly troubling her, he had managed to address the heart of the matter. The shackles that had restrained Yan Jingshuang for so many years had been that other half of the snow.
And they had actually been broken on such an ordinary day, in such an ordinary courtyard, by such an ordinary master.
For a moment, the exhaustion weighing on Yan Jingshuang’s heart seemed to be swept away completely, like a heavy stone finally hitting the ground.
Looking at the master again, she actually began to feel that there was something extraordinary and mysterious about him.
Yan Jingshuang looked at the hair hanging down in front of the master and felt somewhat ashamed.
Indeed, one could not judge a person by appearance.
She had been too superficial.
Yan Jingshuang rose and thanked the master. Then she took two heavy gold ingots from her pouch and passed them through the semicircular opening.
“Master, you truly are an expert.” There was a hint of relaxed laughter in Yan Jingshuang’s voice.
The master across from her did not answer immediately. Only after a moment did he slowly say, “You flatter me, Benefactor.”
A quarter of an hour later, Yan Jingshuang had already risen and left.
The master behind the wooden partition still had not gotten up. He looked at the two gleaming gold ingots before him, and the corners of his lips slowly curled upward.
……
On the way back, Yan Jingshuang had nothing to do, so she read the bullet comments.
There were not many comments in front of her at the moment.
Actually, there had not been many from the beginning. Sometimes, an entire day would pass without a single one.
And the comments at the beginning had been rather strange.
【Checking in!】
【Check-in +1!】
【Check-in +2!】
At first, Yan Jingshuang had not understood what they meant at all.
Later, one comment explained it.
【Checking in at Yan Jingshuang. Skip 30 seconds of advertisements. Damn it, why does this virtual novel world have advertisements just like a TV drama? And why can we only check in at the designated male protagonist, female protagonist, second male protagonist, and female supporting character? I want to see Xiao He’s gorgeous face!
Besides, everyone else’s sides are packed with people. You even have to queue up to check in. Only Yan Jingshuang’s side is relatively empty.】
Before, most of the comments had been those check-in messages, but after she had broken off her engagement a few days ago, a few more viewers had started following her.
All the other comments were white, making that single green comment stand out sharply.
The familiar tone of that green comment made Yan Jingshuang realize it was the same white comment that had repeatedly warned her before— except the person behind it didn’t even realize that she had alerted Yan Jingshuang.
Still, Yan Jingshuang was rather grateful to her.
As for why the other party’s comment had later turned green…… it seemed that because she kept speaking up for Yan Jingshuang, other fans and viewers reported her, hoping to silence her comments. Little did they know, this user was a high-spending whale who dumped tens of thousands of yuan into the system— and threw money exclusively at Yan Jingshuang’s character. Thanks to that, Yan Jingshuang, a character disliked by most viewers, managed to climb into the top ten of the character popularity rankings, causing the other party’s comment color to turn into a ‘rich whale green’.
Although Yan Jingshuang could not receive any of that money, she still felt inexplicably touched.
Perhaps this world was not quite as bad as she had imagined.
Just as Yan Jingshuang was thinking about that, a comment suddenly flashed past and caught her interest.
【Girls, girls! I’ve been blessed by heaven! I was just wandering around the temple when I actually saw Yán Heqing! Although I only saw his back, Xiao He’s bearing and grace are extraordinary. Even his back is different from everyone else’s.】
【Where? Where?!】
【I saw him at the back entrance of the temple. He had two golden things in his sleeves. They looked a bit like gold ingots, and they seemed extremely valuable.】
【Tch, you got my hopes up for nothing. You must have seen wrong! Everyone knows Yán Heqing hates gold ingots the most. He thinks they’re unbearably vulgar. And you say they’re extremely valuable? You definitely saw wrong.】
When Yan Jingshuang saw that, she was somewhat surprised.
Yán Heqing had also been at Qianfo Temple just now?
Although she had completely lost any interest in romantic relationships, appreciating beauty was something everyone could share. Yan Jingshuang was naturally curious.
But then came the revelation. Yán Heqing actually hated gold ingots, while Yan Jingshuang loved nothing more.
Gold ingots could buy lots and lots of the wine she liked.
Yan Jingshuang leaned slightly against the soft cushion inside the carriage as she thought about it.
Indeed, an otherworldly immortal and an ordinary mortal were still different.
Someone as vulgar as herself truly belongs to a completely different world than Yán Heqing.
Just as Yan Jingshuang was thinking that, another comment suddenly floated across her eyes.
【Hahahaha, guys, sharing some ridiculous and hilarious news! I also went wandering around the temple just now, and I saw an old monk standing in front of a clothes-drying rack, scolding his head off. He was saying that nowadays, even patched monk robes had people stealing them! Hahahaha! I wonder which bastard was so desperate that he’d steal something like that! Hahahahaha!】
Yan Jingshuang burst out laughing. Her mood finally became completely relaxed.
References[+]