Nezha’s eyes turned cold as he gave a faint glance and uttered a single word: “Scram.”
As the word fell, his long arm extended, the Sky-Mixing Silk swirling like a dragon around his firm muscles, heading straight for its target.
The gods saw only a flash of crimson light before the bright red silk wrapped around Shen Fuxing’s waist, the other end held firmly in the Third Prince’s hand.
The sensation of being bound by the Sky-Mixing Silk was all too familiar. Shen Fuxing didn’t even need to look down to know it was Nezha’s doing.
Sure enough, the next moment she was lifted into the air, landing right in front of Nezha.
He towered over her, glancing down to see no visible injuries. He retracted the Sky-Mixing Silk and turned his gaze toward Li Jing, whose armor was in tatters.
Gripping his Fire-Tipped Spear, he slowly advanced.
Having grown accustomed to Li Jing’s arrogance, the Jade Emperor was quite pleased to see him humiliated and thus did not interrupt Shen Fuxing’s tirade.
But he had no desire to see the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King become the Hollowed-Out Heavenly King.
If Li Jing were to be torn to shreds, Nezha, this god of slaughter, would be left unchecked. Even if he didn’t dismantle the Heavenly Court, he would certainly no longer remain in service.
Shen Fuxing had a point: without Nezha as his son, the Jade Emperor truly would not have favored Li Jing.
Even if Nezha’s temperament were milder, more obedient, Li Jing would have been unnecessary. In battles against demons great and small, Nezha alone could lead the troops.
But that was unrealistic. The Lotus Prince was defined by his defiance. Without Li Jing as a shackle, what use was the Jade Emperor’s dominion over the Three Realms? Nezha was simply Nezha—unbound by heaven or earth, never a subject to any ruler.
The Jade Emperor’s brow furrowed deeply, fearing that a moment’s delay might cost Heavenly King Li his head. Rising to his feet, he thundered, “Great God of the Sea Assembly! How dare you commit patricide before this sovereign? Retreat at once!”
Several Heavenly Soldiers, trembling with fear, stepped forward, mustering their courage to block Nezha’s path.
The Illustrious and Majestic General paid them no heed. With a twist of his wrist, the Fire-Tipped Spear spun in his hand, its flaming tip sweeping past the soldiers. Terrified, they stumbled back five paces.
A row of black lines appeared on the Jade Emperor’s forehead, his lips pressed into a thin, flat line.
Damn it, which incompetent Heavenly General trained these soldiers?
To retreat in such perfect unison.
To salvage his dignity, the Jade Emperor maintained a stern and imposing demeanor, pretending not to notice the soldiers. He shouted to the assembled gods, “Seize Nezha at once!”
A black crow cawed as it flew past, leaving only a trail of ellipses in its wake as the sole response to the Jade Emperor’s command.
The entire court of civil and military officials exchanged uneasy glances. Some looked up to study the ceiling, while others lowered their heads to admire their colleagues’ jade-like feet.
Like first-graders avoiding their teacher’s questions, they silently chanted a four-word mantra: “Don’t see me, don’t see me…”
It wasn’t that they were cowardly. Today, all three ancestors were present, alongside a little madwoman.
In the past, the lineup of a monkey jungler, a dog roamer, a three-eyed laser marksman, and a six-armed immortal tank was already overpowered. Now, they had added a conceptual god-mage.
A child who hadn’t cultivated for a single day, no bigger than a booger, had refined a sage’s alchemical formula and crafted a sage’s divine pill with her bare hands.
No technique, just pure talent.
Offering the wages of a scrap-collecting hero and a garbage-sorting master while assigning them life-threatening tasks—anyone who stepped forward must have been kicked in the head by a donkey.
The Jade Emperor leaned forward, his eagle-like eyes scanning the room like radar, covering every angle without missing a detail. Spotting a deity in the crowd whose leg had moved too quickly to retract, he pointed and shouted, “Don’t move!”
“Yes, you!” The Jade Emperor curled his lips into a satisfied and triumphant smile. “This sovereign saw you lift your leg.”
“Trying to sneak it back, are we? You there, do you truly think this sovereign is blind, unable to see what little tricks you’re playing down below?”
The doting yet meaningful tone sent shivers down the spines of the assembled deities below, each drawing a sharp breath.
—Oh no, whose misdeeds have been exposed this time? Could it be mine?
And also, which immortal colleague is so brave?!
The Jade Emperor smiled warmly on the surface while inwardly sneering with malice.
Dare to challenge this sovereign? First, I’ll let some rumors scare you, then deal with you one by one, slowly and thoroughly!
As the topic shifted, the deity pointed out by the Chairman had no choice but to step forward.
Everyone turned to look—oh! It’s Wuqu Xingjun!
This one can’t be criticized—back in the day, he stole a drink of Zhang Guolao’s Eight Immortals’ Intoxication, was discovered by Zhang Guolao’s white donkey mount, and got kicked so hard he suffered a concussion.
Wuqu Xingjun, straightforward by nature, always spoke his mind: “Your Majesty, when facing Third Prince in combat, a group assault is the way to go. One-on-one duels are neither my forte nor what I envision.”
The Great God of the Sea Assembly, with his formidable magical powers and reputation as the Jade-Faced Slayer God, should have prompted a swarm of deities to charge forward at the Jade Emperor’s command.
Who would have thought that in the end, only he took a step forward.
The other immortals didn’t budge—moving meant becoming cannon fodder; whoever moved first would be finished first.
Stupid legs, who told you to charge so fast!
When this star lord was being chased by Zhang Guolao’s white-haired donkey while clutching a wine jar, why didn’t you show this kind of speed!
The Jade Emperor: “…”
This sovereign should never have held any expectations for these useless lot.
At least with “Martial” in his title, the Jade Emperor had hoped he could exchange a few blows with Nezha. Even if he couldn’t win, he should have shown through action that the Heavenly Court has more than just Nezha who can fight.
In video games, people at least wait until the six-minute mark to surrender, but you just admitted defeat right from the start.
Is Nezha really that terrifying? Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King isn’t even dead yet, and you’re all already trembling in fear.
If Li Jing were truly gone, wouldn’t those two pounds of lotus root starch just ascend to the throne directly?
From then on, the Jade Emperor would become the Lotus Root Emperor, and mortals should stop worshipping Third Prince and switch to paying homage to the Lotus Root Starch Emperor instead. Perhaps Nezha, in a good mood, might even reward his devotees with a few pounds of freshly scraped lotus root starch to taste.
The Jade Emperor sighed deeply, leaning back on the Nine-Dragon Throne with a hand pressed to his forehead. He waved dismissively, appearing utterly weary. “Go back, go home, wash up, and sleep. There’s nothing for you here.”
Wuqu Xingjun clasped his fists. “Your Majesty, I no longer have a home to return to.”
“Just moments ago, Heavenly King Li kicked down my gate with the speed of a black panther, blasted through six walls in succession, and strode away, leaving my residence thoroughly ventilated.”
“I intended to use the life-sized hole in the wall matching the Heavenly King’s physique as evidence to sue him for compensation to repair the damages.”
“But as soon as the Heavenly King left, my residence was swept through by the Divine Fire Pill storm tailing him, not a single tile remaining.”
“Thus, I have decided to make do tonight by staying in Zhang Guolao’s wine cellar. Tomorrow’s matters can wait until tomorrow.”
“…” The Jade Emperor was already nursing a headache, and now this Wuqu Xingjun—whose combat prowess wasn’t particularly high and whose emotional intelligence was absurdly low—dared to bring up the palace issue.
Infuriated, this deity of the East uttered words of the West: “Can you just go back to where you came from and stand there, OK?”
“OK, Your Majesty.” Wuqu Xingjun solemnly bowed, replying in English as well.
You might as well just admit you want to KO this sovereign with your secondhand emotional intelligence.
He must be a spy sent by Tathagata to infiltrate the Heavenly Court.
The Jade Emperor crossed his hands, resting his chin on them, his expression calm and composed as he declared, “Throw him into the Celestial Prison.”
The Heavenly Soldiers bound Wuqu Xingjun with the Immortal-Binding Rope and escorted him away, one on each side.
Even then, he did not cry injustice.
Wuqu Xingjun believed that His Majesty must have had his profound reasons for doing this, and he walked away with unwavering resolve.
The Jade Emperor watched his inexplicably noble back and suddenly smiled.
How infuriating—it was time to set off the nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine “Dusk of the Dung Beetle” bombs buried at the foot of Spirit Mountain to lift his spirits.
The deities below were bewildered, exchanging confused glances.
The Medicine King narrowed his eyes and whispered, “His Majesty’s mental state… seems rather off.”
The divine officials were horrified.
—It’s over! His Majesty has gone mad!!
Just like the news of “Fairy Blows Up Heavenly Court,” this message seemed to sprout wings and soon flew to Spirit Mountain.
Tathagata’s Golden Body sat upon a lotus throne, with boundless Buddha light radiating behind him, bearing the compassionate and benevolent appearance of one who saves all beings, his fingers gently turning a string of prayer beads.
“Amitabha, well done, well done.” With his Buddha eyes lowered, he smiled faintly. “He has finally gone mad.”
The next moment, a massive mushroom cloud rose from the foot of Spirit Mountain.