Today’s Xuzhou Governor’s Residence was destined to be an extraordinary day.
It was all because the dignified Governor of Xuzhou, Lord Tao Qian, had set aside half a day’s official duties to stay home and beat his son.
Governor Tao was fifty-eight years old this year.
The old man, who usually carried himself with a gentle and jade-like demeanor, full of elderly grace, had today somehow caught a strange mood.
He had turned his walking cane into an eight-zhang snake spear and was chasing his eldest son, Tao Shang, all over the courtyard, showing every intention of not stopping until he had speared the boy off his horse.
Tao Qian had only gained two sons after he was over forty.
In the Eastern Han period, this counted as having children in old age.
It might be an exaggeration to say the old man spoiled the two boys rotten, but he was certainly protective.
As long as they did not go too far in squandering the family fortune, the old gentleman generally would not get so angry as to abandon his dignity and take action himself…
But today, Tao Qian’s eldest son, Tao Shang, had indeed gone a bit too far in squandering things.
…
“You unfilial son!
How dare you act like this!!” Tao Qian was getting on in years and truly could not keep up with the lively teenager in his youth.
After chasing for a while, he planted his cane on the ground to rest, panting as he began to curse.
Tao Shang hid behind a locust tree in the courtyard and sighed helplessly: “Dad, can we talk this over nicely?” “Pah!” Tao Qian stroked his already graying beard and angrily shouted toward the locust tree where Tao Shang was hiding: “Look at the good deed you’ve done!
This old man only rapped you with two blows, which was already lenient!
Such a corrupt and immoral act, how can this old man even discuss it with you?
…You rebel!
Your behavior…
it simply harms public morals…
Just wait until this old man catches his breath, I’ll beat you to death!!” The corners of Tao Shang’s mouth twitched; he looked very helpless.
Actually, this matter was neither particularly big nor particularly small…
It all depended on the perspective from which it was analyzed.
That morning, Tao Shang had an urgent need to relieve himself but could not find any toilet paper.
After all, in the Han dynasty, there was no such thing as toilet paper, only sticks for scraping one’s backside…
called “Toilet scraping sticks”.
But Tao Shang was unwilling to use those ancient butt-scraping sticks, so he casually grabbed a piece of silk writing from the front hall, one of Tao Qian’s official documents, and used it for his convenience.
Having no paper to wipe after shitting was truly one of life’s great misfortunes.
From Tao Shang’s perspective, it was no big deal.
He had merely used a piece of silk-like material to wipe his ass; he could just give it back later.
But from Tao Qian’s side, it was a huge issue.
Not to mention that in the Eastern Han period, most people still wrote on bamboo slips.
In chaotic times, silk was extremely precious…
Especially the piece on Tao Qian’s desk that contained confidential and important matters…
This kid actually used it??
What audacity!!!
Using the Xuzhou Governor’s official document to wipe one’s ass, what kind of crime was that?
“You brat!
Get over here and accept your death!” Tao Qian, having rested enough, grabbed his cane and headed toward the locust tree where Tao Shang was hiding.
But a shadow flashed, Tao Shang had already hurriedly slipped out from behind the tree and fled toward the rear garden.
Having barely shaken off Tao Qian’s pursuit, Tao Shang reached a crevice in the artificial rockery in the back garden.
He curled up inside, sitting with his knees drawn up, sighing deeply.
His face showed an indescribable sense of desolation and melancholy.
He did not know how important Tao Qian’s official document was.
He only knew that for someone who had lived in the 21st century, having to use a Toilet scraping stick, a wooden stick that had been used repeatedly by others, to scrape after defecating for three consecutive days was an absolutely terrifying experience.
Although Tao Shang did not have an excessive cleanliness obsession, he considered himself a clean person.
An era without toilet paper was simply unconscionable!
Everything has its limit.
No matter what, on the fourth day he absolutely could not endure it anymore.
No one could persuade him otherwise.
That’s right, counting today, Tao Shang had already been in this era for four days.
In his previous life, he had been a senior book editor.
One late night, after proofreading manuscripts and falling asleep, he had inexplicably arrived in this era and entered the body of this nearly seventeen-year-old youth.
Some remnants of the body’s original consciousness and fragmented memories still lingered in his mind.
After three days of digestion, he learned that this body’s name was Tao Shang, his father was Tao Qian, he had a younger brother named Tao Ying, and his mother had passed away several years earlier.
He was not very clear about who this Tao Shang person was, but he knew exactly who Tao Qian was.
The Governor of Xuzhou in the late Eastern Han, one of the regional lords of the Guandong alliance, roughly on par with Yuan Shao, Yuan Shu, Gongsun Zan, and others…
the initiator of the well-known story “Three Offers of Xuzhou.” This was a magnificent era, but also a cruel one.
Although the land was filled with warfare and bones littered the roads, it was also a time when heroes emerged regardless of background.
This year was the first year of Chuping, the time when the various Guandong lords were spreading calls to arms to elect Yuan Shao as alliance leader!
Their spearheads pointed directly at Dong Zhuo in Luoyang.
Commanderies and counties across the realm responded one after another, raising righteous armies everywhere…
The chaotic opening of this turbulent age had caught Tao Shang right on time, without missing a beat.
Even more chilling was that, at this moment of widespread chaos when heroes were rising across the land, Tao Qian, as the ruler of an entire province, was not worrying about the state or the people, nor marching to punish the traitor Dong, in pursuit of a loyal and righteous name.
Instead, he was here arguing with his own son over toilet paper…
Tao Shang felt that this cheap dad of his was somewhat lacking in proper priorities.
Of course, Tao Shang also knew very clearly the eventual fate of this “lacking in proper priorities” dad.
After the old man passed away peacefully, he would cede this land of Xuzhou to Liu Bei, causing the region to fall into endless contention among Cao Cao, Liu Bei, Lü Bu, Yuan Shu, and other heroes for several years.
The more important issue was that he had no idea what kind of ending the original owner of this body would have…
Whether dead or alive, good or bad, the historical records made no mention of it at all.
It was truly saddening.
Of course, in the long river of history, heroes came and went in waves.
The fate and whereabouts of a minor figure like Tao Shang were simply not worth a historian’s effort to investigate…
and even if they tried, they might not find anything.
But regardless of the ending, time would continue to pass and life would have to go on.
After all, the life of this body was now his own life, even if everything felt as unreal as a dream.
What should he do next?
How should he continue surviving here…
Tao Shang was immersed in complex thoughts, still lost in a daze, when suddenly, from the crevice of the rockery, a slightly pale old hand slowly reached in and abruptly grabbed his shoulder.
“You rebel, so you really were hiding here!
Get out here for this old man!” Although Tao Qian was old, he was no fool.
In just a short while, he had found where Tao Shang was hiding…
A teenager in his teens playing hide-and-seek with a nearly sixty-year-old man was still too naive.
Failing to scout the enemy situation in time and carelessly falling into the old man’s hands was the first lesson Tao Shang learned after arriving in this era…
Don’t underestimate old cadres; older people are just as skilled at criminal investigation.
“Come with this old man!” After the chasing and hiding, the anger that had built up in Tao Qian had mostly dissipated with time…
or perhaps he was simply too tired from grabbing the boy.
The old man did not rush to beat him, but instead had Tao Shang follow him to the front hall of the residence.
In the front hall, Tao Qian sat down panting, drank some water to calm his emotions, and only then spoke slowly: “Do you know about that official document you stole earlier…” “This child won’t dare do it again.” Tao Shang immediately admitted his fault.
People from two different eras had completely different perspectives.
What Tao Qian treasured like a treasure, Tao Shang had used as toilet paper.
This was a generational gap across time that could not be bridged.
There was no point in arguing with Tao Qian about it; directly admitting the mistake was the most effective solution.
“Sigh, practicing diligently approaches benevolence, and knowing shame approaches courage.
It seems this father has not taught you in vain all these years, it’s just…” At this point, Tao Qian gave Tao Shang a dissatisfied glance: “It’s just that do you know that was a secret letter sent to this old man by the Palace Attendant Zhu Jun!
It concerns major affairs and was extremely solemn, yet you used it to wipe that…
wipe that…
wipe that…
how do you even say that thing?” Tao Qian’s old face turned red from holding it in; for a long time he could not bring himself to utter such a disgusting word.
“Wipe shit.” Seeing his father struggling so painfully, Tao Shang simply said it for him.
“That’s exactly what you wiped with it!” Tao Qian said with relief.
Tao Shang felt helpless.
A modest gentleman educated in Confucian ways really was different, saying the word “shit” seemed as if it would take his life…
making it seem like he was about to eat shit.
“Father, you mentioned that the Palace Attendant sent you a secret letter.
What did the letter say?” Tao Shang quickly changed the subject.
He did not want to continue discussing this matter with Tao Qian, as it was not exactly a pleasant topic to keep bringing up.
Hearing Tao Shang’s question, Tao Qian seemed very surprised and said in astonishment: “You little rascal, why have you suddenly started caring about these governmental affairs?” Tao Qian’s expression and tone left Tao Shang quite puzzled.
You are the Governor of a province, and I am your son.
Is it that strange for a son to ask about his father’s career?
If your career doesn’t go well, how am I supposed to be a second-generation official?
What he did not know was that Tao Qian had always carried a great pain in his heart regarding the future and prospects of these two sons.
Tao Qian had gained his sons in old age and had always doted on the two boys as if they were his heart and liver.
Unbeknownst to him, doting on them had created problems.
Compared to other provincial governors and lords, Tao Qian himself was the type with relatively little ambition, who disliked conflict, possessed a gentlemanly air, and was content with guarding his own peaceful corner…
But no matter what, the old man still had a heart that strove upward and desired official position; he could barely be considered someone with proper priorities.
Who could have known that a dragon begets a dragon, a phoenix begets a phoenix, but the Tao family’s children couldn’t even find the entrance to a hole.
Tao Qian’s two sons seemed like otherworldly immortals who did not partake in the smoke and fire of the mortal world.
They had not the slightest interest in current politics, people’s livelihood, or the ups and downs of officialdom.
Instead, they were quite knowledgeable and proficient in miscellaneous pursuits such as composing poetry, enjoying flowers and snow, hunting with falcons and dogs, and cockfighting with insects.
It was a way of life greatly envied by later generations…
the life of eating, drinking, and waiting to die.
Although educated in Confucian thought, the two boys did not do anything that harmed heaven or reason, but matters of striving and forging ahead also had nothing to do with them.
Actually, thinking about it, it made sense.
Their family truly had the conditions for it.
If rich second-generation heirs did not squander their wealth, wouldn’t that waste their father’s talent for earning money?
Tao Qian would occasionally speak to the two boys about things related to court politics, and the two would dodge…
But today, Tao Shang had actually taken the initiative to inquire.
For a moment, the old man was somewhat unaccustomed to it.
“The secret letter from Palace Attendant Zhu Jun to this old man — do you really want to know its contents?” Tao Qian asked once more.
Tao Shang nodded.
“Are you sure?” Tao Qian had a bit of an obsessive-compulsive tendency.
“Dad, if you don’t want to say it, we can chat about something else.” “Cough, cough…
No need!
We’ll talk about this matter!
This is fine!” Tao Qian hurriedly changed his words, afraid the child would back out.
After carefully choosing his words, Tao Qian sighed deeply and said, “Zhu Jun and I have quite a friendship.
He sent this secret letter saying that currently the various Guandong lords are spreading calls to arms to punish the traitor everywhere.
Their military strength is very formidable.
He wishes to invite this old man to raise troops in response, to jointly support the court, protect the sovereign, and safeguard the nation!” At this point, Tao Qian paused: “What this father just said, how much of it did you understand?” Clearly, he was not very confident in Tao Shang’s comprehension ability…
Tao Shang really did not understand where exactly his intelligence was lacking.
What was there that was so hard to understand about this trivial matter…
and he even asked how much I could understand?
You only said one sentence in total!
“I can understand almost all of it.
Dong Zhuo is abusing his power, the various lords are uniting to campaign against him, and they have elected Yuan Shao as alliance leader…” Tao Qian’s jaw nearly dropped to the ground in surprise: “You actually even know that Yuan Benchu is the alliance leader chosen by everyone…
Heaven truly blesses my Tao family!” Tao Shang felt like he was about to go crazy…
Just how unreliable had the previous owner of this body been?
Shaking his head to put it out of mind, Tao Shang continued asking: “Father, Zhu Jun’s secret letter asks you to raise troops to attack Dong Zhuo.
Do you intend to go or not?” Tao Qian’s expression became awkward, appearing somewhat conflicted: “By rights, Dong Zhuo’s abuse of power and harm to the court is truly treasonous.
We who have received the nation’s grace should, in this time of crisis, respond to the call and send troops to aid the king in exterminating the traitor…
But Dong Zhuo’s power is too great, and he has the merit of supporting the Emperor.
He now holds the position of Chancellor.
We local governors have only been in office for a few years, with limited troops, and there are many bandits in our territories.
Moreover, war is a dangerous instrument…” “Dad, do you want to go or not?” Tao Shang was unwilling to listen to rambling.
The old man was taking forever to get to the point.
“I don’t want to go…” Tao Shang: “…” Carefully looking at the old gentleman before him, Tao Shang could not help but sigh inwardly.
This elder, with whom he now shared a father-son bond in this era, was quite skilled at spouting nonsense, but ultimately still lacked boldness…
In this turbulent society, he truly did not possess the courage and decisiveness required to rule a province.
His character fell just a little short.
However, if one were to speak truthfully, if it were him, Tao Shang felt he would probably agree with Tao Qian’s thinking.
Fighting a war with real blades and spears was no joke.
Who with a good life would idle around and insist on putting their head on the line to risk their life?
But agreeing in principle was one thing; whether one could actually do it was another.
Among modern people, many were familiar with the history of the late Han.
Not to mention that in his previous life, Tao Shang had been a senior editor immersed in the publishing industry for many years.
In a dog-eat-dog society, sticking rigidly to the rules meant death, especially for someone in Tao Qian’s position as a provincial governor, who was in the most awkward spot.
Tao Qian came from the ranks of Imperial Academy students, was later recommended as a Filial and Incorrupt candidate, and had served under the Chariots and Cavalry General Huangfu Song and the Colonel Director of Retainers.
From a modern perspective, he was a pure scholarly and practical talent with limitless prospects.
In fact, Tao Qian had indeed achieved this.
Two years earlier, when remnants of the Yellow Turbans rose in Xuzhou, Tao Qian was appointed as the provincial governor of Xuzhou, the equivalent of a provincial governor in later eras.
With his personality, in a time of peace and prosperity, he would surely have accomplished great things.
But history was cruel.
A provincial governor in chaotic times and a provincial cadre in peaceful times were completely different matters.
Besides civil and military achievements, factors such as the foresight to choose the right side, strong methods, an unyielding character…
and the courage to take risks all determined success or failure and glory or disgrace.
Even more frightening was that, for an outer vassal in peaceful times, the worst outcome of poor performance might be no hope of promotion, at most a transfer, or in worse cases, resignation and return home to enjoy a peaceful retirement.
But in chaotic times, the outcome for an outer vassal was a one-way road to the end.
Poor performance meant the destruction of the family.
Historically, Tao Qian had not escaped this fate either.
In his later years, he could not resist the powerful neighbor Cao Cao.
Most of Xuzhou’s population was massacred clean by Boss Cao.
After his death, his foundation could not be passed on, and he made a huge dowry for Liu Xuande.
And as the son of a provincial governor, Tao Shang was mentioned in the historical records in only a single line.
His ending became a mystery, whether dead or alive, whether he lost arms or legs, all became unknowns…
If his qualifications were sufficient, perhaps he could even enter the world’s top hundred unsolved mysteries and be subject to investigation.
The current Tao Shang did not want this ending.
It was too tragic.
He did not seek to leave a name behind, but to not even leave a fart in the history books and be treated as a fart that was released.
This kind of ending was unacceptable to anyone with even a little self-respect.
Therefore, whether helplessly or forced onto the stage like a duck, he had to fight for it and take the gamble.
“Father, regarding this Guandong alliance to punish the traitor, I think you still need to go, and you cannot go half-heartedly.” Tao Qian shook his head, strongly disagreeing: “You usually slack off and are lazy, how could you understand matters of state?
War is extremely dangerous, and whether Dong Zhuo or the various lords will win or lose is still uncertain…
In this old man’s view, joining the alliance to campaign against Dong is acceptable, but one must not commit fully.
This old man will respond to Yuan Shao’s call to attack Dong Zhuo, but will not send troops, simply observing the outcome from the sidelines.
This way, I offend neither side and will certainly have no worries!” Tao Shang said softly: “Father, you truly are an old schemer.” Tao Qian frowned: “You rotten thing, who are you calling…” ——————————————————————————————————————- Birth Name: Yuan Shao Courtier’s Name: Yuan Benchu Birth Name: Liu Bei Courtier’s Name: Liu Xuande