“You’re no good in bed. You can’t satisfy me.”
Five years ago, Su Yemang had just pulled up her pants.
She broke up with Xiao Ye.
Even though he tried to “prove himself” for two hours by kissing her,
Su Yemang was determined to end it.
After that, she packed a bag of Xiao Ye’s clothes and left the village in a hurry.
Vanished without a trace.
The days after the breakup, her tears wouldn’t stop flowing.
Sleepless nights stretched endlessly.
Only by resting her head on Xiao Ye’s clothes could she finally fall asleep.
Day after day, year after year.
She buried herself in work at the research institute during the day, and at night, she thought of him.
When her longing reached its peak, she cried.
Cried until her chest ached and her back was sore.
Five years later.
November 1978.
The smoke from the explosion two days prior still lingered in the sky, touching the clouds.
At the snow-covered train station, the air smelled faintly of firewood.
When the wind blew, white snowflakes floated down and landed on the white flower pinned to Su Yemang’s chest.
Suddenly, her eyes reddened. She reached into her bag and touched the urn.
“Look… this year’s snow… you didn’t see it again,” she whispered to herself.
“Mom, are you talking to me?” Little Dou Ding looked up at Su Yemang.
Su Yemang turned her face and patted her son’s little head, saying nothing.
After a moment, she bent down and pointed ahead. “Xinxin, look the train’s coming…”
“Woo”
Steam puffed from the train as it roared into the station.
People of all shapes and sizes surged like a river onto the platform.
Little Dou Ding suddenly pointed into the crowd. “Mom! I just saw an uncle who looks like the man in your photo!”
Su Yemang froze for a few seconds, following her son’s finger.
Her heart sank.
“No, Xinxin… you must have seen wrong…” she said, but her nose tingled, and a sharp ache spread through her chest.
Her gaze wandered past the tracks toward the distant plain.
At the edge of that plain lay many villages.
Among them, Yongbei Village.
The place where she had spent four years of her youth in the countryside.
That place was simple and kind, even better than her hometown.
The once tall, noble man of the village now existed only as an ID photo, tucked close to her heart in her pocket.
Little Dou Ding hugged his chubby arms and glanced at the pocket of his mother’s coat.
Pouting, he thought: “Wait… Mom always stares at that photo. The uncle in the photo has the same mole on his forehead as me. He couldn’t be wrong.”
Su Yemang saw him pouting and stuffed a candy into his mouth.
“Be good, stop spacing out. We need to get on the train, off to the military compound.”
She took her son’s hand and pressed through the crowd toward the train.
In an instant, pots, pans, bedding everything twisted together in the rush.
On the train,
Su Yemang, dripping with snow, stepped into the noisy carriage.
She was bright and fashionable, with striking brown eyes, standing out in the crowd.
A man practicing martial arts, leaving his wife behind, hurried over.
“Comrade, it must be tough traveling with a child. Let me help you with your luggage.”
Su Yemang quickly declined. “No, thank you. Help women and the elderly instead…”
Before she could finish, the man’s wife shot her a glare.
“You’ve had a child and still dress up and put on makeup, you little temptress,” the wife said, lugging heavy bags.
Little Dou Ding immediately got angry, baring his little tiger teeth and hissing at the woman.
Su Yemang laughed. “Exactly, I’m just bored every day, can only dress up and put on makeup. Unlike you, wise and capable, everything’s done by you while your husband has empty hands.”
“You—”
Su Yemang didn’t wait for the woman to react. She quickly picked up her son and carried the two big bags, leaving the place.
Navigating the train aisle was exhausting, like squeezing through cracks in stone.
Her son walked on his own, obediently, so she could continue forward.
Finally finding a seat, she caught her breath…
When she lifted her head,
She saw him.
The man in the seat across from her.
Familiar sword-like brows, deep eyes, the mole on his forehead.
In an instant…
Her breath caught, and she couldn’t pull it back in.
It was Xiao Ye.
He wore a full military uniform, neat and precise, gleaming like polished metal.
No longer the rough, unrefined image she remembered.
The noon sunlight seemed to shine only on him.
Sharp, striking features, dazzling to behold.
Xiao Ye lowered his head to write, but his fingertips trembled slightly.
“How long are you going to stare?”
He drew his gaze away from the reflective glass and glanced sideways at Su Yemang.
At the moment their eyes met,
Su Yemang froze.
She could only breathe in reverse.
The world seemed to turn white.
The clamor of the train carriage quietly faded.
Su Yemang pinched her fingers inside her sleeve. “…Long time no see, Xiao Ye.”
Xiao Ye’s mouth twitched faintly, and his gaze shifted away.
The atmosphere suddenly became awkward.
Meanwhile, little Dou Ding had been watching quietly behind her for a long time.
Excitedly, he suddenly exclaimed, “Uncle! So you’re Xiao Ye!”
Seeing little Dou Ding, Xiao Ye’s whole body stiffened.
This child…
Was hers.
“You’re Xiao Ye?” Little Dou Ding asked again.
Xiao Ye looked at him. “Yes.”
Little Dou Ding held up his small white hand. “Oh, Uncle Xiao Ye… then you and…”
Su Yemang bent down and gestured “shh” to her son.
Little Dou Ding understood, lowering his voice: “Mom, this is the uncle from the photo.”
“Mm,” Su Yemang slowly nodded.
Xiao Ye lowered his head and continued writing.
Su Yemang glanced over and noticed an empty seat next to him, holding a woman’s leopard-print bag and a stack of rough paper.
Suddenly, someone shouted from the train restroom: “Whoa! Grandma’s legs! A girl’s poop smells this bad!”
Little Dou Ding peeked over and covered his nose, joining in the commotion.
Xiao Ye glanced at him. “Is this your child?”
Su Yemang’s throat suddenly tightened. “Yes… my son.”
Her son.
Xiao Ye’s narrow waist trembled sharply, his back sagging slightly.
After a long pause, he pressed the tip of his tongue to his cheek, squinting with a self-deprecating smile.
Su Yemang pinched her fingers…
Little Dou Ding watched his mom pinching her fingers inside her sleeve, looking like a tiny adult with her hands on her hips.
Suddenly, he puffed out his cheeks and asked Xiao Ye, “Uncle, why does Mom look so unhappy every time she sees your face?”
Xiao Ye froze.
Su Yemang hurriedly picked up her son. “Xinxin!”
Little Dou Ding continued, “Mom, when you’re unhappy you pinch your fingers, and I just saw you do it again…”
Su Yemang said firmly, “Sorry, Comrade Xiao, my son likes to joke, don’t take it to heart.”
“Overthinking,” Xiao Ye said lightly, turning his face toward the window.
In his memory, Su Yemang had been cheerful and bright, a resilient and dashing young educated woman. Now, she was thin… with a kind of weary calm.
Too thin probably less than 100 pounds.
“Mm… I was overthinking…” Su Yemang was at a loss for words, embarrassed and unsure what to do, so she reached to pick up her luggage.
Little Dou Ding quickly tried to take his mother’s luggage. “Mom, you’re in a bad mood, let me carry it!”
Xiao Ye flexed his fingers against the reflective glass.
Su Yemang laughed. “You’re so short, can you even reach the overhead rack?”
Little Dou Ding stubbornly tried to carry the bag. “Hey… whoa…”
A heavy exhale sounded.
Xiao Ye suddenly stood, grabbed the luggage of mother and son in one motion, and placed both bags onto the rack with a single stretch of his arm.
Su Yemang held her breath, looking at the luggage, which contained a pillow stuffed with Xiao Ye’s clothes.
“Wow.” Little Dou Ding’s eyes sparkled. He smiled up. “Thank you, Uncle Xiao Ye.”
Xiao Ye turned, his face hidden in shadow, brows relaxing slightly.
He returned to his seat and continued writing his “Border Outpost” plan.
Little Dou Ding suddenly leaned closer. “But, Uncle Xiao Ye… did you ever… hit my mom?”
As soon as he said this, both Su Yemang and Xiao Ye looked up.
Xiao Ye stared at Little Dou Ding. “Uh?”
Little Dou Ding clenched his small white fist. “If you never hit Mom, why does her diary say Xiao Ye was so fierce, and every time it made her back hurt…”