"Ah, shit! What is this now?"
Until a few days ago, that spot had held a birthday ad for a senior group from my agency, but now it had a new owner. And the moment I saw who the new owner was, a curse burst out of my mouth before I knew it.
That same instant, the fans gathered there taking proof shots glared at me.
"No way. Was that just aimed at our oppa?"
"I think so? F—ck. Then what's he supposed to be? Should I go ask him?"
Some of them even threw my own words right back at me.
If this blew up, I'd be the only one to lose, so I hurriedly turned away, but something welled up hot inside me.
Because I knew that if they asked me what I was, I wouldn't have any answer.
"Leave it. He's even wearing a mask to hide that face of his, like he's somebody. You don't need to ask to know."
"Ahh—"
"A trainee?"
The moment the words were out, mocking laughter began to erupt. It seemed my trainee status had been found out.
I must've been out of my mind. Where did I think I was, running my mouth like that? A mere trainee, trashing an idol at an idol-tour pilgrimage site.
......But am I really supposed to count 'that' as an idol?
"......."
Yet even as I beat myself up, a strange hope slowed my steps bit by bit.
It was because of the word they'd used at the end: 'trainee.' After all, they might have recognized me, a trainee at AP, which was one of the Big Three agencies, for what it's worth.
"If he's a trainee, no wonder he's jealous. Forget it. Let's just take the proof shot and go. The collab cafe ends today."
"Right! Hey, but didn't the photocards come out really well this time?"
"Of course, with a face that handsome! Did you see the doll? Totally insane!"
But they were already completely absorbed in talking about their bias.
I had dropped out of their interest in an instant, or more precisely, I had never once been the object of anyone's interest. Deflated, I raised my head and looked at their bias.
Not a photo, but a brilliantly glittering drawing.
[Our bias who tore his way out of the book! Happy 24th birthday, Park Han-seok!]
"Well, he is handsome."
I wasn't sure it was right to call a drawing handsome, but he was handsome, so there it was. The problem was that the thing looked like a person, but wasn't one. It says so right there on that banner.
He was a being who had, quite literally, 'torn his way out of a book.'
'Park Han-seok' was the protagonist of a webnovel called . for short.
It had started as a webnovel, but the webtoon art came out so well that it got even more popular, and I'd heard rumors that a short-form drama was coming soon, too.
It was popular enough that they'd even opened a collab cafe near Hongdae and Hapjeong, the area known for its idol cafes.
"Jae-min hyung, did you see today's RGI update? The new villain bastard is so infuriating!"
Even among the trainee candidates, there was a kid who followed it religiously. What had I said to him again?
"Min-seok. If you've got time to read that, practice your singing some more."
"Aw— you'll get hooked too once you read it, hyung. It's by Super Strong Dragon. It's like the author is an actual idol trainee. How did they write it so well? Plus, this new villain and Director Park are exactly the sa......."
"Shh. Seriously, watch your mouth. Don't you know this is a neighborhood where rumors spread if you so much as breathe?"
"Hehe. Yes. I'll be careful."
Back when I was scolding Kim Min-seok like that, I had no idea.
That I'd lose out to an idol made of printed words, dreamed up by an author with a bizarre name.
***
"Jae-min hyung, the Director was looking for you, you know?"
I'd walked into the practice room in that uneasy mood when one of the juniors called out to me, sounding excited. And hearing the news, I got excited too.
"Me?"
"Yes. He said to come to the director's office as soon as you got in."
My face burned as I ran to the director's office.
Was he going to talk about that group they'd said they would put together? My chest swelled with the hope that maybe, this time, I'd really get to debut.
"So, you're saying you're terminating my contract. Is that right?"
Debut? Yeah, right. The reason the director had called me in was to terminate my contract.
All the hope I'd pumped up went into a shout instead.
Ah— I'm going to wreck my vocal cords like this.
"Jae-min, how could I ever do that to you? That's not it, I'm telling you."
Director Park's words, which came as I belatedly clutched my throat, pissed me off even more.
How could you do that to me? You're doing it just fine right now.
Take in a fresh-faced 18-year-old, suck a 7th-year long-term trainee dry until he turns 24 without ever letting him debut, then stab him in the back.
"Director, just be honest with me. Is it because I can't dance?"
"Well, you are especially bad at danc....... Ahem, ahem."
Wow— it's true I can't dance, but look at him admitting it like that. Still, he debuted kids who sing worse than me just fine in the first place!
It wasn't the first or second time I'd been through something like this, but today of all days, anger welled up from deep in my chest. Was it because I'd seen that paper idol on my way in?
"No, then what is it? After I've held on this long, I'm getting my contract terminated? With my 7-year contract about to expire, no less? Do you think this makes any sense?"
"Jae-min, I'm begging you, hear a man out to the end. I'm not saying I'll just terminate you out of nowhere."
"Then what?"
Like the fool I was, knowing nothing but debut, I felt hope swell in my chest all over again. But what came next was truly a sight.
If I made the song for the upcoming unit album of , the new group AP had just put together, he would hold off on terminating my contract.
But even though I'd been offered the title track, no less, there was only one reason I was furious.
I'm not even in !
"Excuse me?"
"Either way, wouldn't it be good for you to have an album with your voice on it?"
On top of that, he had wrapped his bullshit up so plausibly: I would have to sing Kim Min-seok's part in the unit.
"I can't. No, I won't."
"Then there's really no answer but terminating your contract."
I said I couldn't do it, so now he had to terminate my contract? Is that something a human being says?
"Lee Jae-min."
While I fumed on my own, Director Park called my name.
Fine. Since it's come this far anyway, let's hear just how impressive the bullshit he's about to spout is.
"Hoo....... Go ahead."
"Jae-min, you're the best singer of all AP's trainees. No! Even counting the kids who've debuted, there's nobody as good as you, I bet?"
Where's this compliment coming from all of a sudden?
Of course, in his mind he was only trying to soothe me, but it was hard to keep the corners of my mouth from twitching up into a grin. I actually did get a fair amount of praise, after all.
It's just that I couldn't dance. A little. Really, just a teeny bit.
"Well— I mean, that's true."
It was an answer I tried my best to toss out indifferently. Then Director Park went on.
"So if you do well for us just one more time......."
Honestly, I don't remember much of what came after.
When I came to my senses, I was holding a contract termination notice with no penalty fee, so crumpled it had gone to tatters. My trainee life, 7 years in, had ended in an instant.
But I didn't feel all that sorry about it. Having been in this business so long, I knew full well how incredible people were these days.
When it comes to their bias, K-POP fans analyze every last detail more expertly than the experts.
A kid who couldn't sing a lick suddenly sings well. But when you listen, no matter how you look at it, that's not his voice? Then there's only one conclusion you can come to, isn't there?
"Hyung, I heard you're leaving the company?"
Just then, Kim Min-seok, who had debuted ahead of me with Fantasical, blocked my way.
Hah— rumors sure travel damn fast. Ever since he saw my dancing skills, he wouldn't even acknowledge me, but at times like this he's always sure to show up.
I'd heard his arrogance was sky-high these days, even in front of seniors who'd debuted before him. Keep that up and I hope he goes down in one shot.
"That's how it turned out. Take care."
It was obvious that trading words with an idiot in this situation would only make me feel dirtier.
As my mom says, the best way to deal with filth is to avoid it.
"Hyung, think it over. Isn't it better to debut, even like that?"
I really was going to just walk out. If only that bastard hadn't said that to the back of my head.
Debut? Did he really think that was a debut when he ran his mouth? What on earth did Director Park see in that bastard to debut him? He's dumb enough to pull something any day now.
I set down the stuff I was carrying and rolled my shoulders as I opened my mouth. My lips twisting was a habit that came out whenever I saw something that rubbed me the wrong way.
"Min-seok. Kim Min-seok."
The way he shrugged and widened his eyes was downright comical. Apparently it was the cute act he'd been practicing lately, but what could I do if, no matter how I looked at it, he just looked born slow?
"What. Well, did you change your mind? If that's the case, I'll put in a good word with the Director......."
Since he was asking the question and answering it himself, this punk must have known about the whole business too.
I smiled and clenched my left fist tight at the same time.
"Don't move. If I slip, that silicone in your nose is coming out."
I've been a trainee long enough to know that with kids like that, fists work faster than words.
For the record, I'm a lefty.
"Aaagh! You crazy bastard!"
"Wouldn't you go crazy in my shoes? So why'd you go poking a crazy bastard?"
But my fist, swinging out once more, never found its target. A guard had come over and grabbed my arm.
The director, who had come running out after hearing I'd run into that punk in the lobby, checked on Kim Min-seok before he checked on me.
"Min-seok! Are you okay? Oh my god! Your face......."
That much I'd expected, so it was fine. Of course the right thing was to look after the member of the hottest group first.
"I didn't hit his nose. But I got his jaw joint, so his words will slur for a while."
"Lee Jae-min!"
Nursing my aching heart, I had even explained things kindly, and what came back was my full name yet again.
Who at AP didn't know the name of the eternal trainee, that he had to shout it like that?
"Min-seok runs AR even for his narration parts anyway. As for the bruise....... he's never going to stand in the center, so it should be fine, don't you think?"
"Do you seriously want to get sued?"
So I said my piece, and what came back was a threat. Even little kids these days wouldn't make a threat like that.
Only now did I finally realize it. I should have listened to what Jun-hyeok hyung, who left the agency 2 years before me, had told me.
"Jae-min, stop making songs. You can make songs after you debut."
"But Director Park said he'd really debut me if I make this song."
"......Don't put too much stock in what Director Park says."
Jun-hyeok hyung, practically driven out despite overflowing with talent, and the debut of Kim Min-seok, who couldn't do a single thing.
Behind all of it was Director Park.
"Go ahead. Sue. I've kept the records of every piece of work I made, too."
The employees who'd crowded around at the commotion heard what I said and began to whisper, glancing back and forth between me and Director Park.
Honestly, I'd rather he held off on the lawsuit. How could I ever win against AP? I should just be satisfied with having caused one scene like this.
"Hah— I never got to debut even once, right to the end."
A little later, having been all but kicked out of AP, I looked back at the building one last time. What caught my eye was the poster covering half the AP building.
I wasn't even angry anymore. It was just that the bitterness of never achieving anything under my own name was bigger.
***
"Wake up! Lee Jae-min-nim. Wake up-yong!"
When I got home, I collapsed without even washing up and just slept. But someone kept waking me up.
I had no reason to get up anymore, so I'd even turned off my alarm. How annoying!
"Ah, what! Huh?"
Opening my eyes like that, I forgot the irritation I'd felt when I opened my mouth and let out a dumbfounded sound instead.
"Lee Jae-min-nim, do you want to become an idol-yong?"
What is this, out of nowhere?
For starters, I knew I wasn't normal. A normal person wouldn't be seeing something like a talking blue dragon.
Ah— is this a dream, by any chance?
"What a ridiculous dream."
"It's not a dream-yong?"
Then the blue dragon, as if it had known I would say that, flapped its short wings and snapped back.
"I'm not interested in idols or whatever anymore. So just go."
"I can't do that! Don't worry-yong. The twenty-year-old Lee Jae-min-nim will definitely succeed-yong!"
Rudeness aside, it won't stop with the fucking yong-yong.
But why 20, of all ages? Should I ask? Aw— forget it. It's a dream anyway, I'll wake up soon.
Honestly, from back then until now, there had only ever been one thing I wanted to do.
"An idol....... Being one would be nice."
Muttering that, I closed my eyes again, just like that.
TL Notes:
TL Note: -yong — the dragon swaps the polite Korean sentence ending "-yo" for "-yong," which is also the Korean word for "dragon."