"Jae-min, are you actually serious?"
"Hey, only two debut lineups have gone out since you joined. What kind of kid is this impatient?"
"Right. Even I'm sitting tight, so you doing this is kind of baffling."
The moment Team Leader Seol left and the door shut, peers and seniors alike poured out whatever they had to say.
"Jun-hyeok hyung! Is he sick or something? He won't listen even when you try to stop him?"
Some even swarmed poor Jun-hyeok hyung. Every one of them unable to hide their bewilderment.
"......."
No, is me going on that really worth this much noise? So many people asking questions that I don't even get the time to answer?
"You think I didn't try to stop him? I did, but if he insists on doing it himself, what am I supposed to do?"
And naturally, Jun-hyeok hyung didn't take my side.
"He won't even listen to you, hyung? He said he was sick a while ago, so maybe he took the wrong meds."
"That's exactly what I'm saying. You guys know too. Nobody can stop that kid."
"True. Just look at how he stubbornly keeps showing up to lessons even when he's told to give up on dance and change course. He's not normal."
If anything, he teamed up with my enemies and started criticizing me.
Good grief. Who knew even faithfully attending lessons could be turned into a weapon against me?
"......."
Is my only ally that short, blue Super Strong Dragon of ours?
'I never said I was on your side, either.'
Ahh— living life over isn't easy either.
***
"Let's talk."
Torn to shreds like prey, I barely held on to the last thread of my sanity as I opened the door to an empty private vocal practice room. And immediately summoned the dragon.
It was my judgment that, now that Team Leader Seol had made the announcement, I couldn't just sit back and watch any longer.
"Seriously. Do you have to call me in to talk at every little thing?"
"Then should I shout your name into thin air?"
"No. That'd look too wistful, so calling me like this is better."
The dragon, which still acted as if it had never learned how to speak nicely, made a truly horrified face at my words and flicked its short tail back and forth.
But since I was in the position of making a request-that-wasn't-a-request of that dragon today, I had to put up with everything, however much it galled me.
"As you know, I read all of 'RGI.'"
First, let me bring up 'Return of the Genius Idol,' which it loves enough to regress someone like me, who had no hope of debuting.
"Yeah. Thanks for the pocket money."
"Ugh, shit— that's not what I'm talking about!"
Ah, it's not working.
"Then what?"
In that case, I've got no choice but to say it outright.
"In it, when Park Han-seok regresses, he becomes able to see his own stat window and other people's."
"Did he? Hey, don't tell me you're going to ask me to let you see those too?"
"Yeah."
I answered like it was nothing, but it felt like heat was rising from my palms.
Just imagining it gave me a thrill. If I can see them, I have to see them. That's the crowning glory of every regression, possession, and reincarnation story, and its most important perk.
"No."
"Why not?"
Of course, the heat cooled in an instant, too. But this damn dragon says no to everything I say. At this rate, it might be faster to ask what I'm allowed to do.
Just as I was starting to want to jab those twin eyes glittering like glass marbles, the dragon spoke.
"When I say no, know it means no. Quit thinking useless thoughts and practice."
"Of course I'm going to practice. You brought me all this way, so I'm asking for a little help. I really want to debut this time."
Practice, it says.
If it thought I was the kind of freeloader who would throw a tantrum demanding to debut without even practicing, that was basically asking me to fight for my pride.
"So practice, I'm telling you. A month is worth a shot."
Worth a shot. Does that goddamn dragon know how many times I've been fooled by those words, worth a shot?
"This group focuses on ballads, so it's worth a shot."
"Even for idols, the singing has to come first, so it's worth a shot."
"What about switching genres instead of being an idol? Wouldn't that be more worth a shot?"
It felt like the words I'd heard countless times as a trainee were automatically replaying in my head again.
"You'll get wrinkles on your face doing that."
"Ugh."
Maybe because they were memories I didn't want to recall, I must have tensed my face without realizing. As I pulled at the space between my brows in both directions to loosen my face muscles, Super Strong Dragon, which had been looking at me like I was pathetic, vanished in an instant.
"Hah— seriously, nothing's going right."
Slumped on the floor of the cramped vocal practice room, I felt self-loathing swarm in on its own.
I'd thought that if I went back to the past, I'd be able to do anything well. I'd thought I could catch everything I'd missed, and that I could avoid the things I shouldn't have done.
But reality was different.
[To the chief's office.]
"Hah—"
Because even though I'd grabbed the chance to go on Recycle, I was still just Lee Jae-min, the idol trainee who couldn't dance, and I had no choice but to be jerked around by texts from Chief Park, whose head was full of nothing but ways to use me just because he'd given me a chance this time.
***
"......Hello."
"Oh. You're here? Sit over there and wait a sec."
Unable to defy Chief Park while I was at AP, I had no choice but to knock on the chief's office door.
Chief Park glanced at me, then began organizing the documents strewn across his desk one by one. I didn't know for sure, but I figured they were related to the group debuting this time.
Pre-debut schedules, ads, and so on. It was a time when work was pouring in beyond capacity, so no wonder he was swamped.
"......."
Ah, but this is taking way too long. What's he doing after calling someone in? A bastard who doesn't even know how precious every single second is to a trainee.
Then again, if he knew how precious it was, he wouldn't have treated me or Jun-hyeok hyung like that.
"Yes. March 15, 12 o'clock. The venue is the art hall. Yes, yes. I'll contact you again the day before."
Looks like even the group's showcase schedule is already out.
I didn't know what he planned to show with members who didn't even have a debut song yet, but that wasn't really my business.
"You waited a long time, huh? I've got so much work, I'm out of my mind. Sorry."
After I'd sat there like a forgotten piece of furniture for a whole 25 minutes, Chief Park finally noticed my existence, got up from his desk, and walked over to where I was.
"Not at all."
But there was only one answer I could give. As a trainee, I could hardly charge a chief who decides the debut lineup with the crime of keeping me waiting.
When Chief Park had become Director Park and I'd become a 7th-year instead of a 3rd-year, I did talk back, but right now it's just sad that I have to play the nice Lee Jae-min.
Just wait till I debut through Recycle. I'll ignore him flat out.
'Yeah. And you'll still belong to AP.'
That damn dragon. I've got to hand it to it, it really can't read the room.
"Jae-min. I hear you're going on 'Star Recycle'?"
While I zoned out for a moment, Chief Park sat down across from me and spoke.
First, the moment I heard the word Recycle, I automatically nodded. It was the sturdy lifeline of a chance I'd barely grabbed after coming back, after all.
"Ah, yes."
But why's he talking like that? I thought Chief Park had agreed to me going. Was that not it?
"Honestly, I don't really get why you made that choice. Does a kid of your caliber really need to go on that kind of program and burn through his image?"
"Excuse me?"
Now what's he going on about? What was certain now was that Chief Park had nothing to do with this move of mine.
"As you know, this group's concept was bubbly. That's why we mainly picked young kids."
"......Ye-es."
"Next time, we'll put out a totally different concept. So why not wait a bit longer?"
I'd decided to hear how far he would go, and in the end, he was telling me to give up on going on 'Recycle.'
But the company had already given permission and even announced my separate lessons, so why's he doing this all of a sudden? Did I miss something?
Remember, Lee Jae-min.
The reason Chief Park is doing this to me.
"Honestly, I objected the moment Team Leader Seol brought it up. Like I said just now, going on that kind of survival show just burns through your image. MTV's devil's editing is second to none. You know that well too, Jae-min, right?"
"Ye-es. Well, I guess so."
Even as I turned my memories upside down to find what I'd missed, Chief Park's mouth didn't know how to stop.
Ugh, shit! Why's he rattling on and messing with my head like that? He always talked a lot, but today it's especially grating.
"You need to debut next time too, and being known as a survival show alum won't do you any good. So shelve going on it, and you just make the songs you like and......."
"......!"
Then, at Chief Park's next words, I stopped every thought I'd been having.
Ah, so that's why he was building me up and rambling on and on. I'm not a dumbass. How could I forget this after getting played like that?
"Just make the songs you like."
Chief Park was still yammering on in front of me, but in my head, only the last thing that man had said kept replaying.
In that moment, I remembered the day I told Team Leader Seol I wanted to go on Recycle, when she said Chief Park wouldn't allow it.
Back then, I'd scoffed inwardly. Because I thought that since I was making the title track for the group debuting this time, he'd absolutely give me whatever I wanted.
But that was my mistake. A chill ran down my spine at the thought that Chief Park not only had no say in my appearing on Recycle to begin with, but would have blocked me somehow.
"Let's have Jun-hyeok go on this program alone. Got it?"
Normally, I'd have backed off around now, saying I'd do as Chief Park wished, but even though I said nothing, Chief Park was holding in his anger. Naturally, since getting angry here would only land him in trouble.
Chief Park's scheme to keep me tied down at AP was so transparent it was almost laughable.
If I kept surviving on Recycle, I'd have no time to make songs, so he was clearly doing this to head that off in advance.
But what can you do? I'm not bending now, no matter what you say.
"No. I'm going too."
"Jae-min, you. Did you not understand, even after I went this far? I'm doing this all because I'm thinking of you—"
Thinking of me, my ass. If he really were thinking of me, instead of wasting my time spouting nonsense like this, he'd let me take dance lessons.
"I appreciate the thought, but I'm definitely going. So if you have nothing more to say, I'll be going now."
"Lee Jae-min!"
When I stood up after stating my intent, a loud voice finally burst from Chief Park's mouth. But I'm way too used to that voice to be scared.
Still, let's give him one look back.
"Ah, about that title track you mentioned last time."
"Yeah. How's that coming along? The kids need to start practicing soon."
At the words title track, Chief Park relaxed his face as if he'd never been angry. Unfortunately, he'd soon have to frown again.
"About that. I really tried hard, but it just doesn't fit my style, so it's impossible. I can't make it."
"Hey, kid! The kids' debut is less than a month away, and now you come out with this bullshit?"
Hah, look at his true nature coming out now that he's desperate. But is that my debut? No, it's not.
If he'd paid properly for the songs from the start, maybe. After extorting them by stuffing a hundred or two hundred thousand won into my hand, where does he get off swearing at me?
Of course, this time too, I swallowed what I wanted to say. Instead, I put on a face like I was so hurt I could die.
I'd actually been through plenty of hurtful things, so faking this much was nothing.
"I'm sorry. I truly tried hard on that, but I really have nothing to say. Then I'll be going."
"Hey, hey! Lee Jae-min! You, you ungrateful bastard!"
Gratitude? You're the one who doesn't know gratitude.
The shrieking poured out through the crack of the open door and echoed down the hallway. But to my ears, it sounded sweeter than any song.
'But you know. Are you confident you can handle the fallout?'
Just then, the dragon popped out.
Fallout? What fallout? My appearance is already confirmed, so what fallout would I even have to deal with?
Having read my thoughts, Super Strong Dragon clicked its tongue and began to explain. I couldn't see it, but it was obviously crossing those stubby arms again.
'When I peeked earlier, it looked like that guy handles all the schedules for the company's artists?'
Ah? I'm f—cked.