Just now…
It felt as if a heavy bell had struck my head, leaving me temporarily dizzy, as if I had been slapped by someone out of thin air. I retreated two steps in a fluster.
“I…”
I covered my mouth with both hands, feeling shocked and chaotic. At the same time, an unusual, burning-hot emotion surged into my heart.
Like a conditioned reflex, I immediately bowed to apologize. “I am terribly sorry!!! This, this was a complete accident!”
An accident? Was that a valid excuse? I felt self-loathing, and my heart was slightly breaking down. How else was I supposed to explain it!
I’m sorry, because for a moment there, I thought you were just too cute, so I couldn’t help myself…
What kind of middle-aged, lecherous, creepy statement was that! Even hearing it, I wanted to punch myself into oblivion.
But was there any other way to defend myself? There was absolutely none!!!
“An accident…”
In my chaotic state, I completely missed the slight drop in his tone.
“Alright.”
After he finished speaking, he looked across: Megumi was gone.
When he lowered his head, he saw me slumped on the floor like a puddle…
(Dark) (Twisted) (Crawling)
…Attempting to burrow into a crack in the floor.
“Megumi, what are you doing?”
Hearing his question, I felt him grab the hem of my clothes, trying to pull me out!
I wept internally what a kind-hearted person!
But I was no longer fit to live in this world.
“Don’t stop me; I’m not worthy of being called human anymore,” I said, devoid of any desire to live.
He paused, his tone puzzled. “Why? You only kissed me once?”
Ahhh!
I covered my ears with both hands, curled into a ball, and screamed internally! He said it!! He spelled out my unhinged behavior exactly as it was!!!
He reminded me once again of the fact that I had just molested a minor!!!
I really felt so ashamed I wanted to die… let me go.
Wriggle~ Wriggle~ Wriggle~
But because he stopped me, I couldn’t escape into that darkness, so I decided to change direction go outside, dig a hole, and bury myself.
Just as I was about to crawl out of the doorway, he seemed to realize something was wrong and tugged at me. “Where are you going?”
I clung to the door frame, resigned to my fate. “You don’t know what kind of heinous crime I’ve committed, really! Someone as pure and ignorant as you could never understand how dirty and ugly my actions are. Other than death, I can’t think of any other way to atone for my sins!”
Death?
The problem seemed to be even more serious than I had imagined. His tone became slightly urgent. “That’s not necessary; I don’t mean to blame Megumi.”
Having become a dark, twisted creature, I stared at him with dead-fish eyes. “Huh? Don’t you think my behavior is offensive?” I finished speaking and began to mutter to myself, “That’s right, you don’t even know. Later on, you’ll think I’m disgusting. Anyway, let me die now, and I can at least preserve a shred of dignity.”
I scanned my surroundings and locked onto my target: a small knife, perfect in both length and sharpness. I grasped it.
I closed my eyes, but he used both hands to grip my hand that was preparing for self-harm and pressed it down, pinching my wrist to stop me. “But I don’t want Megumi to die!”
As his voice rose, I opened my lifeless eyes, shifting them inch by inch from my restrained hand to his face.
I discovered that his usually calm expression had changed. He was staring at me with an unprecedented urgency and nervousness. He really meant it…
After being stopped several times, I finally hesitated. “Don’t you feel disgusted?”
“No.” He added with emphasis, “Not even a little bit.”
Really? Could I still go on living? My human body clamored for a resurrection. “Can you really forgive my behavior just now? Not against your heart, I swear—I was just purely, purely…”
Like being bewitched.
Damn it, I shook my head, casting that thought aside.
Wouldn’t that just make this ‘victim-blaming’? At this point, I was still trying to shift the blame! I was completely twisted in the vortex of my own thoughts, or maybe I had always been this twisted; I couldn’t tell anymore. I had thought I was at least a kind-hearted person; it seems I had overestimated myself.
Maybe I really should just become mud and dregs, rotting and breaking down completely…
However, I felt my hand being squeezed a little tighter, even hurting a bit. When I frowned, the pressure eased up slightly.
Then, my hand was lifted and placed against his own face, but I still had the knife in my hand!
Doing this would only cut him. “Let go! You’ll get hurt!” I said anxiously.
His movements were so decisive and irresistible.
To avoid hurting him, I had no choice but to loosen my grip, letting the small knife fall silently onto the tatami.
The crisis seemed to have been averted for now. I let out a breath.
But he didn’t stop. Finally, my hand rested against his cheek.
The skin felt wonderful delicate and soft, neither hot nor cold, but a perfectly comfortable warmth that made me feel extremely relaxed.
I looked into his beautiful, clear eyes, which held the depth of red coral in the deep sea. “Although I don’t know why Megumi would think this way and feel so troubled… I want you to live, and live well.” He paused for a moment, and looking slightly shy, he diverted his gaze. “Living together.”
Just as I was about to sink into the bottomless darkness, I felt as if I saw a holy halo behind him. In that instant, I was baptized! I found the courage to live on. My eyes filled with hot tears. “You, you, you are simply like an angel!”
Worthy of being the warmest sun! Shining equally on everyone, including someone as ugly on the inside as me.
“Wuwuwu, I swear I’ll never do that again.”
I wanted to cover my face with my hands, but I couldn’t, as they were being held because he was afraid I’d hurt myself.
He must have forgiven me reluctantly just to save my life; that’s just how kind he is! Wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes, I said, “Anyway, if you ever want me to die, I’ll do it at any time.”
I must repay this kindness well; from now on, my life is his. I made this decision!
“Ah, right…” I remembered something and said, “If someone else ever does this to you in the future, you must stop them in time!”
“Although I know you’re a very good person, you must never agree to things like this just because you’re kind.”
I admonished him, already becoming worried that his nature, which made it hard for him to refuse others, would cause him to suffer in this regard.
“Including me.”
Having committed an unforgivable mistake, who knows if there might be a second time! I had completely lost confidence in my own sense of morality…
“I understand.” He nodded obediently, and then suddenly tilted his head and asked, “Then what about Megumi? Will you kiss other people in the future?”
“Huh???” I was caught off guard by his counter-question.
Was he just purely curious? Or…
He appeared exceptionally calm. I couldn’t gauge his thoughts, and his frank gaze made me feel a heat burning through my body. Without a single pause, he continued to ask, “Or, is there already someone like that?”