Li Sheng squatted in the flowerbed downstairs and vomited thoroughly. As soon as he raised his head, the world was spinning. He grabbed the man standing beside him to feel a sense of security. “Wei Heng, I want to go upstairs.”
Wei Heng knew that this meant he didn’t want to walk a single step further. He unbuttoned his tight suit jacket, squatted down to let Li Sheng climb onto his back. Looking at the broad back, Li Sheng curved the corners of his mouth and climbed on. Just as he closed his eyes, a milk candy was stuffed into his mouth. The rich milky aroma dispersed in his mouth, causing him to involuntarily tighten his arms. “Are you worried about leaving me alone here?”
Wei Heng stood up and walked slowly toward upstairs without saying a word. Li Sheng’s soft hair tips tickled his neck, feeling ticklish and very comfortable. “You didn’t even go to see my brother’s wedding. Can you bear to leave him?” Getting no reply, Li Sheng said somewhat anxiously, “You are so cowardly. You loved him for five years, and he didn’t even know, yet you were so thick-skinned as to sleep with his younger brother. Don’t you think you owe him too much?”
Wei Heng skillfully pressed the password, settled Li Sheng on the sofa, and his bulky body huddled in the kitchen to cook hangover soup. “I never owe Li Fan anything. I didn’t disturb his life, I didn’t obstruct his future. I loved him enough, I don’t owe him at all. It’s you I owe.”
Li Sheng felt a jolt in his chest, aching tightly, and closed his eyes, leaning back into the sofa. “So you are still going to leave, because you saw that he is happy and fulfilled, and you feel it’s meaningless. You just say a word of owing me, and you’re going to say goodbye to me. Wei Heng, five years! Do you have even a shred of affection for me?”
Wei Heng turned off the heat, scooping the soup spoon by spoon. The splashed water droplets sticking to the countertop were all meticulously wiped clean by him. He just brought a bowl of soup to the living room, placed it where Li Sheng could easily reach it, and stood up to leave. Li Sheng suddenly stood up and grabbed Wei Heng’s clothes. For a long time, the two were speechless. Li Sheng’s hand slowly loosened. He felt this wasn’t himself; his calmness, his composure, all his emotions were thrown into chaos by this person. Five years, just dropping such a breezy sentence and he was about to fly far away. He couldn’t stand it, he really couldn’t stand it.
Wei Heng turned around and looked at Li Sheng’s eyes, which were red either from drunkenness or grief, feeling a bit unbearable. No affection? Even raising a dog would have feelings. But Wei Heng knew he didn’t love him, and staying on wouldn’t be good for anyone. He had to admit how much his heart ached the moment he learned Li Fan was getting married. He had to admit that at that moment he just wanted to run far away. At this moment, he admitted he was a coward.
“Xiao Sheng.”
“Don’t call me Xiao Sheng anymore. I’m thirty years old. You don’t love me, nor do you cherish me. We should be strangers; such an intimate address doesn’t seem very suitable anymore. You should leave, as if I’m so reluctant to part with you. Being a spare tire for you for five years, I must be the lowest of the low. You go, I don’t want to make myself look too cheap, and I don’t love you either. You can go.”
Wei Heng looked at his contradictory appearance and felt some pity. Hearing him say such sharp and harsh words to curse himself, he really wanted to block his mouth. He pinched Li Sheng’s chin and kissed him straight down—a faint milk candy taste, he just loved this flavor.
Li Sheng seemed to have been ignited. Following Wei Heng’s movement, he hugged his shoulders and deepened the kiss. Didn’t he love Wei Heng? He was about to love this person to death, this gentle yet domineering man. But what could he do? He didn’t love him, no matter how he looked at it, he didn’t love him.
Thinking of this person’s gaze, he sank deeply into it, unable to extricate himself. Wherever his hands wandered, they would stir up a blaze. Li Sheng loved him, yet hated him.
Wei Heng stared into Li Sheng’s eyes. He loved looking into Li Sheng’s eyes the most—calm and composed at work, the gaze hidden behind the lenses sharp and meticulous, but once drunk, they turned soft into a complete mess, a casual glance touching people’s hearts. Yet looking at this face over countless nights, what was in his heart was only Li Fan’s appearance. He also hated, hating himself for falling in love with a person he couldn’t get.
However, love is always like this: the one you fall for at first glance is always the one you want the most.
Li Sheng was woken up by thirst. When he woke up, there was no one beside him, and outside the window was still endless darkness. It was two-thirty. A cup of water was placed on the bedside table, still retaining a slight warmth. Wei Heng probably hadn’t left long ago. Li Sheng’s body ached and stiffened as he leaned against the bed to drink water. Even though he was very tired and exhausted, he didn’t feel a shred of sleepiness anymore.
Li Fan’s wedding was the day after tomorrow, and Wei Heng was probably leaving tomorrow. Suddenly, there was only himself left in this house, and Li Sheng felt a bit unaccustomed. He had never thought about whether he would spend a lifetime with a man, but he had never thought that Wei Heng would leave so quickly, not even giving him a turning point, leaving ruthlessly without any leeway. Not even a goodbye, just a turn, as if bidding farewell to everything.
Li Sheng had lived in fear for five years, but his heart could no longer settle down. Suspended in mid-air, waiting day and night—what exactly he was waiting for, Li Sheng himself didn’t know.
Staring with wide-open eyes like that until the sky grew completely bright.