The morning of elementary school’s opening day.
Haruto woke up early.
The sky outside wasn’t fully bright yet. Gray, with a thin layer of fog. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He heard his mom getting up in the next room. The faucet in the kitchen. A dog barking somewhere far away.
He remembered that today he was going somewhere new.
New school. New classroom. New teacher and classmates. Mom had told him many times. Elementary school is different from kindergarten. You carry your own bag. Remember your own homework. Make your own friends.
“It’s such a pain…”
Haruto rolled over, looking at the small orange shovel by his pillow. The little bear on the handle was worn almost invisible, but he’d kept it this whole time.
He thought of the sandbox. Of those afternoons crouching together. Of the voice that asked, “Will you come again tomorrow?”
Today was the first day of school. She would be going to that school too.
Suddenly, he wasn’t so nervous anymore.
Mom walked him to the school gate. Lots of adults and kids stood around, noisy and crowded. Some were taking photos by the school sign. Some were greeting each other. Haruto stood there with his new backpack, unsure which way to go.
“Year 1 Class 2.”
Mom crouched down, straightened his uniform collar. Her hand started to reach for his head, then stopped. She just patted it instead.
“Classroom is on the second floor. Go up and turn left. Remember?”
Haruto nodded.
“Then go.” Mom patted his shoulder. “I’ll pick you up after school.”
Haruto walked into the school gate. A few steps in, he looked back. Mom was still there, waving at him.
He kept walking.
The campus was big. Bigger than he’d imagined. Several sandboxes on the playground, much bigger than the one at his kindergarten. The school building was gray, three stories tall, with long corridors on each floor.
He found the stairs, climbed to the second floor, turned left. Classrooms lined both sides of the corridor, signs on the doors. Year 1 Class 1. Year 1 Class 2.
He stood at the door, looking inside.
The classroom already had lots of kids sitting down. Some talking. Some flipping through books. Some lying face-down on their desks. Haruto looked at each one.
He didn’t see that girl.
He found a seat by the window and sat down. Backpack on the chair back. Hands on the desk. Sitting very straight. The seat next to him was empty.
Outside the window, kids were running on the playground. Some kicking a ball. In the distance, several sandboxes glowed pale yellow in the morning sun.
Haruto looked at those sandboxes, wondering where she might be.
“Is this seat taken?”
Haruto turned his head.
A boy stood next to him. Short. Round face. Big eyes. Looking right at him.
“No,” Haruto said.
The boy sat down in the empty seat beside him. He dropped his backpack on the desk and turned to face Haruto.
“I’m Tanaka Kento. You?”
“Sakuma Haruto.”
“Haruto?” Kento repeated. “Which ‘haru’?”
“The ‘haru’ from sunshine.”
Kento nodded, then asked, “Where do you live?”
Haruto told him the area. Kento’s eyes lit up.
“That’s so close! I live around there too! We can walk together!”
Before Haruto could respond, Kento kept going.
“Look at that.” He pointed out the window. “That sandbox on the playground. I came to check yesterday, it’s huge! We can play there during breaks!”
Haruto looked where he was pointing.
The sandbox. It was big.
He wanted to say he knew someone who also liked crouching by the sandbox, watching things.
But he didn’t say it. He didn’t want others to know.
A commotion came from the doorway. Haruto looked up and saw a girl walk in. She wore the same uniform as everyone else. Her hair just past her ears. Blue hair with bangs a bit long, covering part of her eyebrows. Her face was small. Her skin was pale. Her eyes were golden. Very pretty.
She walked into the classroom, stood at the door, and looked inside.
Haruto watched her.
Her gaze swept across the room. Past the talking kids, the ones flipping through books, the ones lying on desks. Then she saw Haruto.
She glanced at him. The look was brief, but Haruto recognized it.
She walked over.
She walked to the aisle beside him and looked at the empty seat next to him. Not Kento’s side. The other side.
“Is anyone sitting here?” she asked.
Haruto shook his head.
Ryo sat down in that empty seat. She placed her backpack by the desk, sat very straight, and looked ahead.
Kento leaned over and whispered, “Do you know her?”
Haruto nodded.
Kento looked at her, then at Haruto, and didn’t say anything else.
The bell rang. The teacher walked in. A woman with glasses, her voice gentle. She had everyone introduce themselves, standing up one by one to say their name.
When it was Ryo’s turn, she stood up and said, “Yamada Ryo.”
Then she sat back down.
The teacher paused, then smiled. “Ryo-san, could you say a little more? Like what you like?”
Ryo thought for a moment. “Looking.”
“Looking at what?”
“Things.”
Someone in the classroom laughed. Ryo’s face showed no expression at all.
The teacher paused again, then said, “Alright, so Ryo-san’s hobby is observation, yes? Please sit down.”
Ryo sat down.
Kento leaned over to Haruto. “She’s weird.”
Haruto didn’t say anything.
He looked at Ryo’s profile. She was looking ahead. Her eyes were bright.
He turned to Kento and said quietly, “She’s not weird.”
At lunch, Haruto held his bento box, unsure where to sit.
Kids in the classroom were pushing desks together, sitting in small groups, eating and talking. He stood in the middle of the aisle, a bit lost.
“Haruto!” Kento called out. “Over here!”
Kento was sitting with a few boys, waving at him. Haruto walked over and sat down beside them.
“What’s in your bento?” Kento leaned in to look. “Whoa, fried chicken! I have that too!”
Haruto opened his bento. Mom had made lots of small dishes. Fried chicken. Tamagoyaki. Cherry tomatoes. And an apple cut into the shape of a rabbit.
Kento talked while eating. He talked fast. From fried chicken to anime, from anime to the TV show he watched yesterday, from the TV show to someone in their class. Haruto listened, nodding occasionally.
As he ate, he looked up and scanned the classroom.
Ryo was sitting alone by the window. Her bento box on the desk. Eating in tiny bites. No one beside her.
Haruto watched her for a long time.
“What are you looking at?” Kento followed his gaze. “That weird girl?”
Haruto didn’t say anything.
Kento lowered his voice. “I heard she was weird even in kindergarten. Didn’t like talking. Always alone. Everyone said something was wrong with her.”
Haruto put down his chopsticks.
“She’s not weird.” He said it again.
Kento froze for a moment.
Haruto stood up, picked up his bento, and walked toward Ryo’s seat.
He walked to her desk. Ryo looked up at him.
“Is anyone sitting here?” he asked.
Ryo shook her head.
Haruto sat down beside her.
Ryo kept eating, tiny bite by tiny bite. Haruto started eating too. Neither of them spoke.
Sunlight streamed through the window, falling on the desk, bright and warm.
After a while, Ryo said, “Your side is loud.”
Haruto nodded.
Ryo said, “My side isn’t loud.”
Haruto nodded again.
They kept eating. Haruto picked up the rabbit apple from his bento and placed it in Ryo’s box.
Ryo looked down at the apple, then looked up at him.
“Why?” she asked.
“Extra,” Haruto said.
Ryo didn’t say anything. She picked up the apple and took a bite.
Haruto remembered a long time ago, when she gave him a rice ball, she’d said the same thing. “Extra.”
He didn’t know if she remembered. So he didn’t ask.
After school, Haruto waited for Mom at the school gate.
He stood in the crowd, standing on tiptoes to look out. Mom wasn’t here yet.
He suddenly remembered what Kento had said that morning. “We can walk together!”
He looked around. No Kento.
But he saw someone else.
Ryo stood alone on the other side of the gate. Backpack on. Head down. Looking at something. She stood a bit apart from the crowd. No one near her.
Haruto thought for a moment, then walked over.
He walked up beside her and stopped. Ryo looked up, glanced at him, then lowered her head again.
She was watching an ant on the ground. The ant was crawling through a crack in the stone pavement. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, as if searching for something.
Haruto crouched down to watch too.
The ant crawled for a long time, then disappeared into a small hole.
Ryo stood up. Haruto stood up too.
“Will you come again tomorrow?” she asked.
Haruto nodded.
Ryo didn’t say anything else. She turned and walked away. She walked slowly, her backpack swaying side to side.
Haruto stood there, watching her walk further and further away.
He suddenly remembered something.
He ran after her, catching up to her side.
“Which way is your house?” he asked.
Ryo pointed ahead.
“My house is that way too,” Haruto said. “We can walk together from now on.”
Ryo looked at him and blinked.
“With that boy?” she asked.
Haruto froze for a moment, then realized she meant Kento.
“That works too,” he said. “Do you want to come along?”
Ryo didn’t answer. She kept walking.
Haruto walked beside her.
They walked a long way without saying anything. At an intersection, Ryo stopped.
“I go this way,” she said.
Haruto looked at that direction, then at the way to his own house. Different directions.
Ryo looked at him.
“See you tomorrow,” she said.
Haruto nodded.
Ryo turned down that road, walking slowly away.
Haruto stood there, watching her back disappear around the corner.
He remembered her question from earlier. “With that boy?”
He hadn’t understood the question then. But he remembered the faint light in her eyes when she asked it.
That night, Haruto wrote a few lines in his Diary. He’d just learned to write, so he wrote slowly, the characters crooked.
“School started today. Ryo sat next to me. The ant is still there.”
He thought for a moment, then added:
“Walk together tomorrow.”
He closed the Diary and put it back in the drawer. There was also a piece of paper in the drawer, drawn a long time ago. Two small figures crouching together, their shadows overlapping. The paper had yellowed, the edges curling up.
He looked at that drawing for a while, then closed the drawer.
The moon outside was bright. He lay in bed, thinking about today.
Thinking about how Ryo looked eating alone. Thinking about the sound of her voice saying, “My side isn’t loud.” Thinking about the light in her eyes when she watched the ant.
He thought, tomorrow he needed to get to the intersection early.
The next morning, when Haruto arrived at the intersection, Ryo was already there.
She stood at the same spot where they’d parted yesterday. Still alone. Still looking down. Haruto walked over. She looked up and glanced at him.
“Morning,” Haruto said.
Ryo nodded.
They walked to school together. Slowly. Neither of them spoke.
They passed through the school gate, crossed the playground, and reached the school building entrance. Ryo suddenly stopped.
“Over there,” she said.
Haruto followed her gaze. A sandbox at the edge of the playground. Huge. Several times bigger than the one at her kindergarten. The sand in it was bleached white by the sun. A few thin blades of grass growing at the edges.
Haruto looked at the sandbox, then at Ryo.
“Come look during break?” he asked.
Ryo nodded.
They walked into the school building, went upstairs, entered the classroom.
Kento was already at his seat. He saw Haruto come in and waved. Haruto walked over and sat down.
Kento leaned in and whispered, “Did you come in with that girl just now?”
Haruto nodded.
Kento’s expression was complicated. He looked like he wanted to say something, then didn’t. In the end, he just said, “Oh.”
When the bell rang for the first break, Haruto stood up and walked toward the classroom door.
Kento called after him. “Where are you going?”
“Playground.”
He walked to Ryo’s seat. She was already standing, as if waiting for him.
They went downstairs together, crossed the corridor, and walked to the sandbox at the edge of the playground.
No one was at the sandbox. The other kids were playing on the slide, the swings, running around chasing each other. Only the two of them crouched by the sandbox.
Ryo looked at the sand. Fine, white sand, glinting in the sun. A few ants crawling, slowly.
Haruto watched too.
He remembered kindergarten. They used to do this too. Crouching by the sandbox, watching ants, watching earthworms, watching leaves fall. The sandbox back then was small, but it felt like you could see everything.
Now the sandbox was big, but the things they watched were the same.
Ryo suddenly said, “We can come here from now on.”
Haruto nodded.
Ryo said, “Every day.”
Haruto nodded again.
Ryo looked at him. That look was the same as before, but also not quite the same. Like something more was in it.
Haruto didn’t know what that was. But he felt that the feeling was good.
The bell rang. They stood up and walked back.
At the school building entrance, Ryo suddenly said, “That boy.”
She said it again.
Haruto looked at her.
“He asked you to walk together,” Ryo said. “Aren’t you going?”
Haruto thought for a moment before realizing she meant Kento’s “We can walk together from now on.”
“Do you want me to go?” he asked.
Ryo didn’t answer.
She stood there, looking at the ground, as if thinking about something.
Haruto waited.
After a while, Ryo said, “You can do whatever you want.”
She finished speaking and walked into the school building.
Haruto stood there, watching her back.
He remembered her question from yesterday. “With that boy?” Now he kind of understood.
She wasn’t asking who he was walking with. She was asking if he would walk with someone else and stop walking with her.
Haruto caught up, walking beside her.
“I’ll wait for you at the intersection every morning,” he said.
Ryo glanced at him.
“And in the afternoon,” he added. “Walk together.”
Ryo didn’t say anything, but her pace seemed to slow down just a little.
After school, they walked out the gate together.
Kento came running over too. “Haruto! Walk together?”
Haruto looked at Kento, then at Ryo beside him.
Ryo wasn’t looking at him. Her head was down, watching her shadow on the ground.
Haruto said to Kento, “I’m walking with her for a bit.”
Kento looked at Ryo, then at Haruto, and shrugged. “Alright, see you tomorrow then.”
He ran off.
Ryo looked up, watching Kento’s back as he ran away.
“He’s mad,” she said.
Haruto thought about it. “No, he won’t be. He’ll still call for me tomorrow.”
Ryo looked at him.
“Aren’t you afraid he’ll stop calling you?”
Haruto shook his head.
“Why?”
Haruto thought about it but didn’t know how to answer. He just felt that Kento was Kento, and Ryo was Ryo. Different.
He couldn’t explain how they were different. He just knew they were.
Ryo looked at him for a while, then didn’t ask anymore.
They walked slowly until they reached yesterday’s intersection. Ryo stopped.
“See you tomorrow,” she said.
Haruto nodded.
Ryo turned down that road. A few steps in, she looked back.
Haruto was still standing there, watching her.
She didn’t say anything. She kept walking.
Haruto waited until she was far away before turning to walk home.
He walked slowly, thinking about what just happened.
Thinking about Kento running away. Thinking about Ryo’s voice asking, “Aren’t you afraid he’ll stop calling you?”
He didn’t know why he wasn’t afraid. But he knew that tomorrow he would wait for her at the intersection again.
Always.
That night, Haruto took out his Diary again.
He wrote:
“Today we went to the sandbox by the playground. It’s big. Ryo said we’ll go every day.”
He stopped writing, thought for a moment, then added:
“She asked if I was afraid. I’m not.”
He put the Diary back in the drawer and lay down on his bed.
Moonlight streamed through the window, falling on the floor like a thin layer of water.
He closed his eyes.
He remembered a dream from a long time ago. In the dream, he couldn’t find Ryo. He ran everywhere until his legs went weak. Then he heard a sound. Very soft. Very muffled. Like a heartbeat. “Thump.”
He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling.
That sound was still in his ears.
He rolled over, pulling the blanket higher.
Tomorrow he still had to go to the intersection.
“That was a heartbeat.”
In the morning, when Haruto arrived at the intersection, Ryo was already there.
She stood in the usual spot, head down, looking at something. Haruto walked over and crouched down, following her gaze.
An ant on the ground, carrying a grain of rice much bigger than itself. It struggled. Dragging it forward, then pulling it back. The rice grain advanced a little, then slipped back.
Haruto watched. Ryo watched too.
The ant carried it for a long time. It tried many times, changed directions several times, and finally dragged the rice grain into a small hole.
Ryo stood up. Haruto stood up too.
They walked into school together.
Passing the playground, Haruto glanced at the sandbox. Morning sunlight fell on the sand, bright and gleaming.
“Come during break,” Ryo said.
Haruto nodded.
They walked into the school building, went upstairs, entered the classroom.
Kento was already at his seat. He saw Haruto and waved. Haruto walked over and sat down.
Kento didn’t bring up yesterday. He just said, “Guess what’s for lunch today?”
Haruto shook his head.
“Curry!” Kento’s eyes were bright. “My mom says Wednesdays are always curry!”
Haruto nodded.
He turned his head and glanced at Ryo’s seat. She was already sitting down, taking something out of her backpack.
What she took out was a leaf, grayish, with a shallow dip in it.
She placed that stone on the corner of the desk, gently touching it with her finger.
Haruto recognized that stone.
It was the one he’d given her at the sandbox a long time ago.
At lunch, Haruto picked up his bento and walked to Ryo’s seat.
She was already eating. Still in tiny bites.
Haruto sat down beside her.
Kento called out from across the room. “Haruto! The curry!”
Haruto waved at him. “I’m eating here.”
Kento paused, then said, “Oh,” and turned back to talk to the person next to him.
Ryo looked at her bento, not looking up.
Haruto opened his bento. No curry. Mom had made tamagoyaki and meatballs.
He pushed his bento slightly toward Ryo.
Ryo glanced at it. She picked up a meatball and put it in her mouth.
Haruto picked up one too.
Sunlight streamed through the window, falling on the desk, falling on her hair. Her hair glowed faintly golden in the light, soft.
Haruto watched her. She didn’t notice, still eating.
He thought about that stone.
He hadn’t known she still kept it.
He didn’t ask either.
After school, Kento came running over again.
“Haruto! Can we walk together today? My mom said she wants to meet your mom. Said we could help each other with picking up the kids and stuff.”
Haruto looked at Kento, then at Ryo not far away.
Ryo stood in her usual spot, head down, looking at something.
Haruto said to Kento, “Wait a second.”
He walked over to Ryo.
Ryo looked up at him.
“Kento’s mom wants to meet my mom,” Haruto said. “I might not be able to walk with you today.”
Ryo blinked. Very briefly. Very quickly.
“Tomorrow.” Haruto said. “Tomorrow I’ll wait for you at the school gate.”
Ryo looked at him, not saying anything.
Haruto didn’t know if she was upset. Her face showed no expression at all.
He said again, “The day after tomorrow too. Every day. I’m sorry about today.”
Ryo lowered her head, looking at the ground.
After a while, she slowly nodded.
Haruto stood there, looking at her. He didn’t know what to say. He just felt like he should say something more.
But Ryo spoke first.
“Go,” she said. “He’s waiting.”
Haruto looked back. Kento stood not far away, looking in their direction.
He turned back to look at Ryo.
“Tomorrow,” he said.
Ryo nodded.
Haruto turned and walked toward Kento.
A few steps in, he looked back.
Ryo was still standing there, head down, looking at the ground. Her shadow stretched long in the sunset, falling across the stone pavement.
Haruto watched her for a moment, then turned back and walked with Kento toward the school gate.
Kento talked as they walked. About curry. About anime. About where he wanted to go on the weekend. Haruto listened, occasionally giving an “mm.”
At the school gate, he looked back one more time.
Ryo was still in the same spot. Still hadn’t left.
The sunset dyed everything orange-red. She stood in that orange-red light, small and quiet.
Haruto suddenly wanted to run back.
But he didn’t. He walked out the gate with Kento.
That night, Haruto lay in bed, unable to sleep for a long time.
He thought about how Ryo stood there. The sound of her voice saying, “Go.” How she was still standing there after he’d walked away, not moving at all.
He didn’t know what she was looking at.
Maybe the ground. Maybe an ant. Maybe nothing at all. Just standing.
He rolled over.
He thought, tomorrow he definitely had to get to the intersection earlier.
The next morning, Haruto left early.
When he arrived at the school gate, Ryo was already there.
She stood in her usual spot, head down. Haruto walked over and crouched down to see what she was looking at.
She was watching a snail. The snail was beside a crack in the stone pavement, crawling slowly, leaving a glistening trail behind.
Haruto crouched beside her, watching too.
The snail crawled slowly. So slowly you wanted to help it along. But neither of them moved. They just watched.
The sun rose gradually, shining on the snail’s shell, shining on that trail, glistening.
The snail crawled for a long time, finally reaching a clump of grass and disappearing beneath the blades.
Ryo stood up. Haruto stood up too.
They walked toward school together.
At the edge of the playground, Haruto said, “His mom talked to my mom yesterday. They can help each other with pickup from now on. But I’ll still come in the morning.”
Ryo didn’t say anything.
They kept walking.
At the school building entrance, Ryo suddenly stopped.
“Yesterday,” she said. “You looked back.”
Haruto froze for a moment.
Ryo looked at him.
“Three times,” she said.
Haruto remembered. He’d looked back at her three times.
Ryo didn’t say anything else. She walked into the school building.
Haruto stood there, watching her back.
He didn’t know she’d counted. He didn’t know why she’d counted.
But suddenly he felt something in his chest. Soft. Warm.