”WHOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!? Wh-Who the–!!?”
”Shut yer yap, I’m an angel, got it!”
Huh?
”What? You got a problem?”
No, it’s just… uh…
I look at him again. This suspicious guy claiming to be an angel. He’s gotta be at least two meters tall. Built like a brick wall-shoulders wide as a doorframe, muscles so massive that his black suit is clearly struggling to contain them. Dark skin. Sunglasses. Shaved head. He looks like one of those guys. Terrifying.
”God went and reincarnated ya before I could explain, so I came down to set things straight.”
I blink. “Huh? Oh… so you’re Mr. Red’s messenger?”
”Mr. Red? Yeah, whatever-anyway, movin’ on.”
The so-called angel casually reaches into his jacket. I flinch instinctively.
”Take this.”
”Huh? Oh, okay… uh… a memo?”
”That’s right. Explainin’ all this out loud is a pain.”
”Ah, right…”
”What? You got a problem?”
”Nope, nothing at all!”
”Done and delivered. Right then, I’m off.”
”Oh, okay… thanks for the hard work…”
”Farewell.”
The angel?-glows brightly and vanishes in a flurry of white feathers. Feathers raining down everywhere. The scene might be almost mystical if it weren’t for the fact that it came from a guy who looked like he’d break me in half for looking at him wrong.
”THE CLEANING THOOOOOOUGH!!!”
Feathers scattered all over the place. Cleaning up is an absolute nightmare. Once I finally manage to get things sorted, I decide to check out the memo I received.
”Let’s see here…”
Yo, big bro! How ya doin’? I’m doin’ great! …Anyway, there was this one time when all that stuff happened and then this and that and-
”…Anyway, forget all that. Let’s talk about the cheat abilities I gave ya!”
”THAT WAS WAY TOO LONG!!!”
The memo has five pages-three of which are completely irrelevant fluff. Anyway, about the cheat abilities…
**① Physical Enhancement (Extreme)**
Lets ya boost yer physical abilities at all times! At max output, y’could one-shot an aircraft carrier!
”Isn’t this a world without monsters!? That’s way too overkill!! Also, wouldn’t this just-y’know-splat people if used wrong? That’s fine…? This is terrifying, honestly…”
**② Physical Manipulation (Extreme)**
Also always active! Even by default, y’can move like a pro gymnast! At max output, it’s like you’re using that Ultra Instinct thing!1
”I’M NOT USING ULTRA INSTINCT IN EVERYDAY LIFE!!!”
**③ Thought Acceleration (Extreme)**
Let’s ya speed up yer thoughts up to 1000x! And if ya combine it with Physical Enhancement and Physical Manipulation, y’can move through a world that’s practically frozen! Perfect for all sorts of fun activities!
”This guy’s not even human anymore!! And why is the first thought always about doing stuff with it!?”
**④ Complete Resistance**
Nullifies any abnormal condition! No more sickness! Poison’s no problem either! Plus, it’s got mental resistance, so y’re basically invincible!
Oh, one catch-it also nullifies alcohol, so y’can’t get drunk anymore. That’s the only downside.
”Well, that’s actually pretty helpful? Not getting sick is great, and if it covers mental stuff, no depression either… I’m not really into alcohol anyway, so whatever.”
**⑤ Everyday Magic**
Can use Torch (small flame), Water (drinking water), Wind (fan-level breeze), and Clean (eliminate any stubborn stain). Oh, and yer MP is infinite, free of charge!
”Hmm… Torch seems useless unless I end up on a desert island… Clean, though-I’ll probably use that a lot.”
**⑥ Inventory**
The classic cheat-spacetime storage! Unlimited capacity and time-freeze included, obviously!
”Oh, carrying stuff would be way easier… Tax evasion… No, don’t think about it.”
**⑦ All Language Comprehension**
Covers every language that exists on Earth! Y’ll never be lost anywhere!
”That’s… actually helpful, I guess? Like if a foreigner randomly asks for directions? …I don’t really plan on traveling overseas, so maybe not much use?”
**⑧ True Eye (Extreme)**
A handy combo-pack of several cheats in one!
[Future Sight]-Lets ya see up to one year ahead. The future can change depending on yer actions, obviously. Also, y’can only see things related to yerself, so it’s limited.
[Clairvoyance]-Lets ya see through any object. Perfect for-well, y’know-checkin’ out girls!
[Appraisal Analysis]-Gives y’all kinds of info! Lies, secrets, measurements-whatever ya want! Great for gettin’ leverage! Oh! And y’can use it on yerself to learn about yerself too!
[Restraint Eye]-Lets ya freeze anyone in yer line of sight! Can’t move, can’t resist-perfect for… activities. What a pervert♪
[Hypnosis Eye]-A classic! Lock eyes for a moment, and they’re yours to control… Great for makin’ yerself a little doll, if y’know what I mean.
”Why are you always steering this toward pervy stuff!!? …Okay, so [Future Sight] looks genuinely useful-mainly for making money…”
**⑨ Regeneration**
Pretty busted cheat, this one… Matter, objects, living things-can restore anything. Missing limbs? No problem. Anything goes back.
”Whoa, hold on… This is the kind of ability that would cause serious trouble if people found out…”
**⑩ Recovery**
Can heal any illness or injury as long as the target’s still alive. A miracle power-between this and Regeneration, y’could conquer the world.
”This is also crazy… If anyone finds out, I’m toast.”
**⑪ Body Alteration**
Sounds like a transformation ability, but that ain’t it! This lets ya improve skin quality, change hair texture, or even-y’know-make certain things bigger or smaller. It’s the ultimate beauty skill, lettin’ ya turn anyone into their ideal state! Perfect for makin’ girls prettier and then havin’ some fun!
”STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT!!!”
That’s everything written in the memo. I end up with my head in my hands.
Trivia:
- The angel’s appearance as a muscular thug in an ill-fitting suit is a deliberate subversion of divine messenger tropes common in isekai stories.
- “Mr. Red” (赤さん) is left deliberately vague – the protagonist never questions who this is, establishing his passive acceptance of absurd situations.
- The five-page memo containing only three pages of relevant information is a comedic exaggeration of RPG tutorial exposition.
- The protagonist’s immediate concern after receiving godlike powers is cleaning up feathers, establishing his grounded, mundane personality.
- All abilities have “(極)” or Extreme classification, indicating they’re at maximum possible power level from the start.
- The ability descriptions repeatedly steer toward perverted uses, establishing a running gag that contrasts with the protagonist’s reluctance.
- The protagonist never rejects any ability despite complaining, showing he’s already accepting his new reality.
- The author note at the end directly addresses readers, breaking the fourth wall in a common web novel convention.
- The protagonist’s concern about abilities being “found out” foreshadows potential future conflict with others discovering his powers.
- The Complete Resistance ability nullifying alcohol is presented as both a benefit (no sickness) and a drawback (can’t get drunk), establishing the series’ balanced comedy tone.
Translation Notes:
1 ↩ Reference to “Ultra Instinct” from Dragon Ball – a state of absolute subconscious movement and combat ability. The Kansai-ben description uses the phrase to convey maximum physical performance.