The carriage curtain flew up and fell in an instant, sealing off the view outside.
Xu Qiaoxi snapped back to her senses, her initial fright gradually subsiding.
That person might not have been Wei Zhao at all—perhaps her eyes had played tricks on her, or perhaps it was merely someone who resembled him. And even if it were Wei Zhao, he had no idea what she was doing here, and he wouldn't tell Xie Jilian.
She comforted herself in an instant, then turned to ask Wang Mu'ai, "What do you mean, 'tricked'?"
Wang Mu'ai's face was tinged with anger, and the small crescent moons traced in vermilion rouge on her cheekbones seemed to tremble slightly.
"That man clearly had perfectly good hands and feet. He didn't let go even after being struck, his strength was immense, and his crying was as loud as a bell—how could he possibly look like someone starving?"
"He's certainly another black-hearted scoundrel, deliberately trying to stage an accident for compensation. Only you would believe him. Let the servants beat him away—why waste a ring on him for nothing?"
"But he really did have many wounds on him. Those couldn't be faked."
Wang Mu'ai glanced sidelong at her with an expression of "you're beyond saving." "Forget it. Consider it money spent to ward off disaster."
The ox cart traveled all the way to Qianchuan Chunting. The moment Xu Qiaoxi stepped down, she asked the servant boy who was helping her.
"Where is Young Master Wei today?"
"The Henan Governor has set up a porridge station in the city and invited many physicians to treat the poor and sick. He's asked Young Master Wei to assist from the side."
Xu Qiaoxi nodded, her face betraying nothing, but her heart sank halfway.
He really was outside! That fleeting figure had most likely been Wei Zhao…
She pressed her temple weakly. Without the jadeite ring, her hand felt empty.
A flash of insight struck her, and her steps toward Red Jade Terrace halted abruptly.
The Henan Governor was distributing porridge to relieve the hungry—why wouldn't that young man go claim a bowl to fill his stomach?
Seeking the protection of a benefactor was certainly important, but hunger and death were separated by only a hair's breadth. Surely filling one's belly mattered more to them.
Xu Qiaoxi slapped her own forehead in regret. With a sharp smack, the maid sweeping snow outside the corridor was startled.
Wang Mu'ai's judgment had been correct—she really had been tricked. In this world, a kind heart was simply a foolish heart.
A cold wind blew diagonally into the corridor, and snowflakes struck her face as if in mockery. Xu Qiaoxi wiped them away haphazardly, pulled her silver-threaded fox fur cloak tighter around herself, and trudged back to Red Jade Terrace with a dejected air, dragging her feet.
The moment Lu Yun and Lan Yan saw her return, they happily pulled her over to try on the fabrics that had just been delivered.
Layer upon layer of dazzling precious silks were draped over her.
"This bolt would suit a ru skirt—should we make it with wide pleats or fine pleats?"
"This fabric is smooth and soft—let's cut it into an undergarment. It'll be just right for spring."
"This one has a lovely color. An upper robe or a cape?"
Lan Yan and Lu Yun chattered on and on, absolutely delighted. Xu Qiaoxi felt, in a daze, like she was their dress-up doll.
"You two decide."
Her smile was strained, lacking any enthusiasm. After all, by the time the clothes were finished, she probably wouldn't even get to wear them.
"You're not happy?"
Lu Yun finally noticed something was off about her. Lan Yan, hearing this, hugged the silks to her arms, stopped her excited movements, and looked at Xu Qiaoxi curiously.
"I…"
Xu Qiaoxi's mind was in a mess. She slowly crouched down and hugged her head. A bolt of goose-yellow silk slipped from her shoulder and fell to the ground, pooling around her feet like gentle waterweed.
She didn't know.
Didn't know whether her single-minded determination to go out had been right or wrong.
She had lied to Xie Jilian, then casually let a stranger swindle away her ring.
Inside and out, she seemed unable to handle anything properly.
It felt like a tiny insect was burrowing in her ear—painful enough to make her wince, yet she could clearly hear the faint scratching of its legs moving through her ear canal, unsure whether in the next moment it would gnaw through her eardrum and bore into her brain—
Fear magnified infinitely in the unknown.
A phantom insect brought cold tears seeping from the corners of her eyes.
After a long while, the sound of the insect in her ear gradually faded, and a gentle voice softly called to her.
"What's the matter?"
"Don't like these fabrics?"
"Have them send a new batch."
Xie Jilian knelt on one knee beside Xu Qiaoxi, turning his head to coldly order Lu Yun and Lan Yan, a note of reproach in his tone.
According to the old customs of the Xie household, fabrics for a concubine could be selected on her behalf by the close maidservants of her quarters. Xie Jilian assumed the two of them hadn't followed Xu Qiaoxi's wishes.
"It's not because of that."
Xu Qiaoxi's voice was small as she tugged at Xie Jilian's sleeve. Her round face was all scrunched up, like a drenched little puppy.
Xie Jilian gestured for Lu Yun and Lan Yan to withdraw. Once they were alone, he asked her softly, "Then what is it?"
She shrank back, then slowly extended her left hand, pressing her right thumb and forefinger around her bare middle finger.
"…The jadeite ring… when I went out, I lost it."
Xie Jilian was slightly surprised, then broke into laughter, a low, hoarse chuckle rising from his throat.
"A ring? Jadeite, agate, pearl, tourmaline—Qiaoxi may toss them away for fun all she likes."
Xie Jilian couldn't stop laughing.
How could she be so adorable, getting so downcast over losing a jadeite ring?
"To be so upset over a trinket of which we have countless more—Qiaoxi thinks far too little of the Xie family."
"Come now, smile."
His thumb pressed against Xu Qiaoxi's mouth corner, lifting it slightly, and while teasing her, he pinched her cheek.
The soft flesh was smooth and slippery, kneaded and played with between his fingertips.
In an instant, the flame in his heart rekindled from its ashes, burning bright and blinding.
Pinch down. Pinch down, and Xu Qiaoxi would surely burst into tears.
It felt as if his heart had run to his fingertips—beneath the skin of the fingers gripping her cheek, something was pulsing.
It took immense effort to force himself to release Xu Qiaoxi.
In the blink of an eye, that surging urge to destroy receded like a tide, sinking back into the abyss to await its next strike. And Xie Jilian, as always, remained the picture of unblemished grace.
"How about Ling takes you to pick out a new ring?"
Xu Qiaoxi shook her head, crouching on the ground with her arms wrapped around her knees, as if making some kind of decision.
"Lingjia, I don't want a ring. I want that New Year's wish."
"Have you thought it through?"
"Mm."
"Then what does Qiaoxi want?"
"A household registration."
Xie Jilian had been watching her with a smile, expecting some whimsical idea, but when he heard Xu Qiaoxi's answer, his expression froze for a moment before he slowly repeated those two words.
"A household registration?"
Xu Qiaoxi mustered her courage and grasped both his hands, speaking earnestly: "I'll be leaving soon, and a household registration is very important to me."
"Didn't Ling already tell you…"
Somehow, Xu Qiaoxi didn't want to hear Xie Jilian speak at all.
The moment he opened his mouth, she would lose all her reasoning again.
A surge of frustration built up in Xu Qiaoxi's chest, and she suddenly stood up: "I don't belong here."
All her tangled thoughts and breakdowns stemmed from this single point.
If she were like Lu Yun and Lan Yan—someone born and raised in this era—Xu Qiaoxi would never put herself through this. Let the gentry trample over her; let thousands of rules bind her.
But she wasn't.
Pacing anxiously among the scattered silks and satins on the floor, Xu Qiaoxi said, "What am I to you? On what grounds do I live here?"
"A friend."
Xie Jilian uttered those two words, calmly watching her.
"No, friends aren't like this." Xu Qiaoxi's eyes flickered, countless emotions spilling from them.
Her breathing grew rapid.
"It's like… I want to go south, but your stance is to stay north. If we were friends, I'd throw a tantrum and drag you along. But…"
Xu Qiaoxi halted her frantic pacing and rushed up to Xie Jilian in one stride.
"I don't even dare tell you. Not once have I ever brought it up."
"Your decisions involve hundreds or thousands of people in the Xie family, with considerations I know nothing about. Who am I? On what grounds would I interfere with your decisions?"
"I can only live at your mercy—whatever you say goes."
Xu Qiaoxi pressed her hands to her face, breaking down: "Lingjia, I'm not blaming you. I know better than anyone how good you are to me. It's just… it's just…"
It's just that you and I weren't born in the same era, and an invisible glass wall will always stand between us.
"You won't change your political stance of holding the north for me, and I won't get used to a life of stepping on others because of you."
Neither of us can do it.
She covered her face, and Xie Jilian couldn't see any of her expression—only her trembling shoulders betrayed her pain.
She struggled, she agonized, she broke down, pouring out thoughts she had never revealed before him, her whole being hot and chaotic.
Xie Jilian had always looked forward to the day he could savor Xu Qiaoxi's collapse to the fullest, but now that it had come, he found it different from what he'd imagined—even somewhat dull.
Where had things gone wrong? Why did her intense emotions bring him far less pleasure than that moonlit night when he'd heard her sobbing through the curtain?
No, something was definitely wrong.
Xie Jilian pinched the bridge of his nose, looking weary.
"If you don't care for the extravagant life of the gentry, Ling can build another place for you to live in seclusion among bamboo groves, tending mulberry and hemp, fishing and farming—many renowned scholars favor such a lifestyle. These are hardly problems."
"But this matter of crossing south—when did you start paying attention to it? Ling had no idea at all."
"Did someone outside deliberately corrupt you? Wang Mu'ai? Or Wang Yizhi? Perhaps Wen Shuo?"
"Mingguang said he saw you and Wang Mu'ai seeking out a broker today. It must be the Wang family's doing."
"They're deceiving you, coaxing you to leave, aren't they?"
With each sentence, Xie Jilian stepped closer to Xu Qiaoxi, until both hands gripped her shoulders, his head slowly tilting down, his dark eyes probing into hers.
"There are wicked people, villains, deliberately luring you away, aren't there?"
Through the gaps between her fingers, Xu Qiaoxi saw those amber pupils filled with concern and certainty.
He had made the judgment for her, declaring that no one in the world was truly good to her except him.
A thunderous crash sounded in her heart, and a sudden panic of her soul being possessed surged up.
"No! No! No one corrupted me!"
Xu Qiaoxi lowered her hands, clenching them into fists that trembled slightly.
The conflict between them had nothing to do with anyone else.
"A household registration. I only want a household registration."
She gritted her teeth. "I'm not trying to argue with you. I just want our gentleman's agreement to continue."
"Even if I leave, you'll still be my most important friend."
"Didn't you just say we don't count as that?"
Xie Jilian suddenly choked up, his eyes half-lowered, the light in his pupils dim beneath his long lashes.
Xu Qiaoxi didn't know what to say, lifting the back of her hand to wipe her cheek. She wasn't crying, but she felt a bit awkward.
The two of them stood there in stalemate until Xu Qiaoxi's legs began to tremble. Xie Jilian spoke without any emotion:
"Before you leave, your household registration will be given to you."
He brushed past her shoulder, stepping over the scattered silks and satins on the floor without looking back.
Xu Qiaoxi could no longer hold herself up, bracing against the nearby low table as she sank down weakly.
In her line of sight, goose-yellow layered over indigo, bright green tangled with crimson, pale pink pressed against stone-blue—patches of color scattered here and there like torn fragments. Xu Qiaoxi felt as if the world before her eyes was shattering apart.
She rested her head against the small couch, her heart dazed with sorrow.
In Xie Jilian's eyes, she would be an ungrateful wretch for the rest of her life.