The rain in Shenzhen was very cold. Ci Wenjun was dressed in thin clothes, holding an umbrella, shivering outside, her fair, slender neck wrapped inside her collar.
Clearly, she had not given up yet.
Or rather, she would never give up.
But today, she simply missed her. Ever since she learned that Chu Yu was living here, her whole heart would race wildly at just the thought of it. Over two thousand days and nights; how could that possibly be satisfied by the simple solace of that single night?
Yet she knew that Chu Yu would not easily forgive her.
Especially not now.
Chu Yu simply did not want any further contact with her.
She did not need her to make amends.
Fu Qi had asked her what Chu Yu had said to her on the night she returned to the country.
In fact, if she could, she would rather Chu Yu had said nothing at all.
When she uttered the words, “I was wrong, Xiao Yu.”
She distinctly felt Chu Yu’s breathing suddenly grow heavy, and the gaze directed at her carried the fleeting, ferocious intent of a wolf pouncing on its prey.
But the second time, Chu Yu moved. She merely shifted her body, and then, as if completely ignoring her, walked straight past her side and poured herself a glass of water by the island counter.
The air seemed to freeze because of her silence.
Ci Wenjun lost her voice, her body trembling involuntarily. In this stillness, she could only quietly await Chu Yu’s judgment.
Yet, stubbornly, Chu Yu said nothing at all.
So quiet, so quiet, so quiet.
In the viscous air, it seemed only the ripples of her own breathing remained.
It was like a silent, voiceless trial.
She wanted to raise her head and see if the person behind her had already slipped away without a sound.
Yet she dared not; she dared not face that possible reality.
I did not know how long had passed when a sound broke out in the dim living room, a glass cup colliding with the marble countertop.
“Clack.”
Short and faint; it required absolute silence to be heard clearly.
Her tense heart relaxed slightly upon hearing the sound, but before she could fully let her guard down, she heard the woman’s prolonged breathing, and immediately afterward, a cool sensation brushed against the back of her neck.
It was Chu Yu. She had walked up behind her at some point, her footsteps very light, her palm resting on the back of her neck.
For a split second, I wanted to choke this person to death, Chu Yu thought to herself. It is this person who caused me such pain.
She knew she harbored resentment.
Why is she standing in front of me now?
Clearly, she has been gone for so many years.
Is it really that hard to be a qualified ex?
Gently stroking the junction between her shoulder and neck, a tingling numbness gradually spread from the back of her neck down to her heart. This feeling was not pleasant; it felt like being firmly controlled by someone, and no one would ever find that comfortable.
Except for Ci Wenjun, who wholeheartedly and implicitly trusted Chu Yu.
She knew Chu Yu, understood Chu Yu, and even without knowing what would happen, she was willing to accept it with all her heart. Even at this moment, she still had the mood to slightly raise her brows. Although her figure was somewhat blurred due to the angle, it did not stop her from sweeping across Chu Yu’s face inch by inch with a greedy and affectionate gaze.
Her lips were cool, with just a hint of saltiness.
Why?
Because she had cried?
Chu Yu did not know, but she knew how desperately the woman in her arms was responding to her.
She dared not slacken off in the slightest.
After a bout of retaliatory tossing and turning, Chu Yu silently ran out of energy and knelt down behind her.
After a long while, the heavy panting in the air gradually stabilized, and the coughing ceased. It seemed she had recovered.
Once again, Chu Yu’s palm reached out to cling to Ci Wenjun’s neck.
Ci Wenjun’s breathing stopped abruptly. The lingering aftershocks from just moments ago still lingered in her body, refusing to dissipate. If it happened again, she was not sure she could endure it, but she could not refuse Chu Yu.
Her heart was pulled tight, tense and pounding wildly.
Yet Chu Yu merely slid her hand down her neck to her armpit. At that instant, she could not tell whether she felt more relieved or more regretful, while Chu Yu’s other hand slipped beneath her knees.
In the blink of an eye, the world turned upside down. Subconsciously, she threw her arms around Chu Yu’s neck.
When she came to her senses, her chest felt as if it were kicking with ten thousand rabbits.
Chu Yu was holding her bridal-style.
Realizing this, a blazing light of excitement erupted in Ci Wenjun’s eyes.
Her burning gaze locked onto Chu Yu, unwilling to miss a single second.
Yet Chu Yu did not spare her even a flicker of a glance.
She walked straight ahead. The blood vessels in her limbs, having just awakened from long inactivity, tingled with a sour numbness. She could not help it; her body swayed while holding Ci Wenjun, and her hands instinctively tightened their embrace around her.
So thin, she thought. Even thinner than before. The whole body is light and airy, with virtually no weight, as if a gust of wind could blow her away.
Chu Yu was dazed for a moment. Realizing what she was thinking, she inevitably felt a bit annoyed and immediately stopped her wandering thoughts.
Sitting back down at the bar, the lighting there was much brighter than at the entryway. Encountering the light abruptly, Ci Wenjun instinctively squinted and burrowed deeper into Chu Yu’s arms.
She did not place Ci Wenjun on a separate barstool, but instead had her sit on her lap, and then pulled a handkerchief from her pocket.
One hand steadied Ci Wenjun’s chin, while the other held the handkerchief, carefully wiping away the saliva that had leaked out while she was out of control.
Initially, Ci Wenjun had intended to wipe it away herself, but her wandering brain suddenly snapped back to attention. Remembering that her impending action had not received Chu Yu’s permission, she could only let it go.
Chu Yu’s pressure was very light, her movements gentle, and her gaze focused entirely on what she was doing.
Midway through, there was a brief pause. Chu Yu thought that Ci Wenjun probably had no idea how alluring she looked right now. The flush brought on by her heavy breathing moments earlier had not faded; instead, stimulated by Chu Yu’s actions, her cheeks were even more vividly flushed. Her eyes were unfocused, and the sparkling saliva at the corner of her mouth made her lips look exceptionally ruddy, like a ripe fruit waiting to be picked at any moment.
She smelled so good. The fragrance on her body was about to envelop and swallow her whole. How could there be such a sweet scent?
She was so sweet that it made her want to lower her head right now and take a bite. That intense malice, a destructive urge targeted solely at Ci Wenjun, appeared once again without reason.
Yet this time, she bit down on her back teeth.
“Hiss.”
At the height of her intense personal desire, Chu Yu grew careless. The pressure of her hand increased, and the tender skin slid past her teeth, separated by a layer of flesh.
Chu Yu snapped back to reality. Seeing the pitiful, thin-red look at the corners of the woman’s eyes, her heart tightened involuntarily.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
She asked anxiously. In her panic, her fingers probed unceremoniously into Ci Wenjun’s mouth.
“Open your mouth wider.”
She frowned, leaning her head even closer.
Her slender fingers stirred wantonly inside the moist oral cavity. For a moment, Ci Wenjun found it difficult to discern whether she was truly checking earnestly or using the guise of an examination to torment her.
Yet, whichever it was, she would love it all the same.
Because Chu Yu was simply the best.
In truth, Chu Yu was neither earnestly inspecting her nor taking the opportunity to toy with her.
From the moment her fingers plunged deep inside and touched the soft, moist tip of Ci Wenjun’s tongue, reason receded, consciousness blurred, and she acted entirely on instinct.
Even she herself did not know what she was doing.
Why was it that every time she touched Ci Wenjun, her body and consciousness seemed to spiral out of control? Yet, strangely enough, she welcomed it gladly.
Chu Yu’s breathing instantly grew heavy. She thought in a daze, Why does it have to be Ci Wenjun!
Even Ci Wenjun realized the abnormality beneath Chu Yu’s forced composure.
Sinking into the pleasurable sensation, Ci Wenjun snapped back to reality instantly, her eyes carrying worry as she looked at Chu Yu.
Chu Yu’s state was clearly wrong.
She couldn’t put her finger on it, but a faint unease stirred in her heart.
Chu Yu suddenly snapped back to her senses, her pupils contracting violently.
Her body stiffened abruptly, and the next second, her fingers quickly withdrew from Ci Wenjun’s mouth.
Her long, slender fingers were coated with saliva, glittering under the light.
And Ci Wenjun looked even more disheveled; her vibrant lipstick was smeared into a mess, making her look utterly pitiful.
She paused, then once again grabbed the handkerchief to wipe. This time, no accidents occurred.
Yet the unease in Ci Wenjun’s heart continued to expand, completely unsoothed by Chu Yu’s actions.
The next second, the rim of a glass of water pressed against her lips; it was Chu Yu feeding her water.
Ci Wenjun did not resist; instead, she obeyed meekly, acting just like a well-behaved, sensible doll.
So obedient, she thought. This cute doll is drinking the water I poured for her so nicely.
So cute, I love it so much!
If only she could stay this obedient forever.
What a pity.
It was all fake.
Thinking of this, her gentle expression instantly turned cold.
The mockery of malicious intent in her heart overflowed like a broken levee, impossible to hold back.
Seeing that Ci Wenjun had adjusted more or less, she opened her mouth.
Ci Wenjun heard Chu Yu’s sigh.
“My dear, why did you have to come back?”
Have you not gotten enough of what you wanted?
She sounded as though she were merely expressing a normal puzzlement.
Yet Ci Wenjun’s heart was left hanging by a thread.
Sure enough, her unease was confirmed.
She opened her mouth, wanting to blurt out the phrasing she had prepared for eight years.
However, Chu Yu wore a hypocritical, fake smile, extended her index finger, and pressed it against Ci Wenjun’s soft lips.
“My dear, I am neither curious about your answer nor do I need to know your reply.”
Her movements were still so gentle, yet Ci Wenjun could only feel a bone-chilling cold pierce through her skin, burrowing into her bones and leaving her limbs numb.
She, who was usually so eloquent at the negotiating table, instantly lost all her strength and means.
She could only grow pale, her lips trembling like a gambler backed into a desperate corner. The words of justification lingered in her throat, unable to form a single syllable.
Before entering the door, she had figured out how she would repent, how she would play the pitiful card, how she would act submissively to evoke sympathy, and how she could make Chu Yu return to her side. But she had never once imagined that Chu Yu wouldn’t even give her a chance to speak.
Yet, this was the most likely possibility after all.
Was it not?
And yet, this was also the possibility she least dared to imagine.
Looking at her sorrowful expression, Chu Yu lowered her eyelashes in silence and slowly spoke.
“My dear, don’t be like this. This was clearly your own personal choice, wasn’t it? Did anyone force you?”
Tears flickered in Ci Wenjun’s eyes. Trembling, she shook her head hard, as if trying to shake something off forcefully, unsure whether she was refuting the former or yielding to the latter.
She understood that between her and Chu Yu, she was the one least qualified to feel aggrieved, because she was the one who had personally lost her beloved Xiao Yu.
Everything was the result of her own voluntary trade-off; it was entirely her own doing.
A single crystal tear slid down her cheek, landing precisely on the back of Chu Yu’s hand.
Her fingertips curled involuntarily, as if she had flinched.
Then, as if remembering something, she lowered her head and laughed.
“Don’t cry. In a scene like this, how could you possibly cry?”
Within her reddened eye sockets flashed a trace of bewilderment, as if uncomprehending.
For some reason, Chu Yu suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace, the two of them pressing closely together.
Her voice seemed to echo leisurely from afar.
“Ah-Ci, don’t you think this scene is both familiar and unforgettable?”
Ci Wenjun could not see Chu Yu’s expression at that moment, and thus she could not know what stormy waves were churning in those dim eyes beneath Chu Yu’s sarcastic face. The unforgettable pain felt as though it were slicing the flesh from her heart piece by piece, only to be arranged on a platter and displayed for everyone to see.
Yet, under Chu Yu’s deliberate guidance, a corner of the sealed memories was lifted.
As the full picture of the memory unfolded, Ci Wenjun’s body gradually stiffened and straightened in Chu Yu’s arms.
Filled with bitterness.
How could she possibly forget?
That was the day she could least forget, second only to the day they first met.
That cicada-strident midsummer, a dusk-tinted afternoon, was unusually stifling.
At the time, because of the decision she was about to make, she had shown out-of-character indulgence and compliance.
She had agreed to many, many of Chu Yu’s unreasonable demands in bed.
From the bedroom to the living room.
But afterwards?
She draped a shirt casually around herself, sitting on Chu Yu’s lap, lingering in intimacy. At the final parting of their lips, with lips still flushed, she pronounced the death sentence on their two-year relationship.
“Chu Yu, let’s end it.”
To this day, the memory remained fresh. Chu Yu at that time was still very green. Except in special circumstances, her emotions were far more expressive and less hidden than they were now.
She had looked at her in astonishment, her brain blank like a rusted machine, not understanding why, not comprehending what she was saying.
Why would it suddenly be like this?
Clearly, they had just been kissing the previous second.
Clearly, her body still bore the marks of their intense passion.
Why, how could it come to this?
Ci Wenjun forcibly suppressed the pain in her heart, her gaze bright and resolute like a cold executioner.
“Chu Yu, I cannot continue this kind of relationship with you anymore.”
Huh?
At that moment, Chu Yu did not understand why they had been so close, yet were now so far apart.
“You can no longer delay my future.”
Ambition and greed had bloated her beyond recognition.
The future President Ci must never have any blemishes, nor could she be a canary in someone else’s hands.
“This deformed relationship has already affected my development. It will become a stain on me.”
She was so cold. How could she use such a charming appearance to utter such cold words?
“Therefore, Chu Yu, let’s end it. Let me go.”
With that, she got down from Chu Yu, unbuttoned her shirt, and buttoned it neatly back up again.
She did not look back. Instead, she went to the bedroom to fetch a coat and put it on. The coat wrapped tightly around the marks on her body, but red marks remained scattered across her neck, clear evidence left behind after pleasure, so obvious that anyone could tell what had happened at a glance.
Perhaps they would follow the clues and speculate even more.
Damn it! Even a silk scarf couldn’t cover everything.
Besides, who wears a silk scarf in the dead of summer?
An inexplicable irritation surged into her mind, tearing at the last shreds of her rationality.
Finally, as she dragged her suitcase, preparing to leave, she chose to vent the resentment she felt while tidying herself up, along with the mistaken past, all at once, leaving it all behind.
“Besides, Chu Yu, you’re pretty pathetic.”
Thinking of the painstaking effort she had just spent trying to cover things up, her resentment grew so thick that even the words she spoke became increasingly genuine, blurring the line between truth and falsehood.
Having said her piece, she turned and walked away. Accompanied by the rustling sound of her suitcase dragging across the floor, she faded into the distance until everything finally returned to a dead, stagnant calm.
It must be fake!
It must be fake!
It must be fake!
From the moment Ci Wenjun broke free from her embrace, she had sat there like a soulless marionette.
She had watched Ci Wenjun leave her. Watched Ci Wenjun undo the buttons she had just buttoned up, only to button them properly again.
Watched Ci Wenjun walk to the bedroom and emerge with a suit jacket.
Watched her hold up a silk scarf against her neck, pondering how best to conceal the marks.
She had watched as Ci Wenjun dragged her suitcase out of their bedroom.
That version of Ci Wenjun was so unfamiliar.
She lied.
When she first returned, she had seen Ci Wenjun packing her suitcase, and Ci Wenjun had explained that she was going on a business trip.
But that wasn’t true.
Hours later, she was dragging her suitcase away from her, not for a business trip, but to break away from her.
Or perhaps it was a business trip; a permanent one, a trip from which she would never, ever return.
Liar!
Tears fell like broken pearls.
She replayed the image of Ci Wenjun dragging her suitcase away from her.
Back then, Ci Wenjun had stood at the doorway with a smile curving the corners of her lips, looking like someone about to escape a sea of suffering.
Escape a sea of suffering?
At that thought, Chu Yu seemed to realize something, and a bitter smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
A sea of suffering?
Indeed, was it not a sea of suffering?
In truth, Ci Wenjun was right. Because Chu Yu disliked overly glaring lights, the hallway lighting was much brighter than the light inside the home.
Ci Wenjun, stepping out the door, was like someone walking out of a gloomy corner and into her own sunshine.
Yes. A deformed relationship, an erroneous path of development; how could it ever be worthy of Ci Wenjun?
It truly was a stain!
She deserved a better future.
A future belonging to Ci Wenjun.
Ha, hahahahahahahahahaha.
Chu Yu suddenly burst into laughter, a bitter laughter so intense it felt as though it might drown her.
Like a dream, everything had happened so fast, so caught-off-guard.
Without a doubt, this had been premeditated.
Yet, she had also planned to give her a normal future!
She truly had tried her hardest to give her a normal future.
Ci Wenjun could not have known that today was the day Chu Yu had planned to confess her feelings.
A formal confession between healthy lovers.
Just as Ci Wenjun had said, such a deformed, taboo relationship could exist temporarily, but she had developed an even greater greed for Ci Wenjun. She wanted to be with her, wanted to walk with her under the sunlight, wanted to change their relationship into a different kind of existence.
A relationship that was no longer so unspeakable, no longer forbidden.
However, her luck seemed not to be very good.
The memory ended.
Even their breathing grew light.
At this moment, Ci Wenjun belatedly realized that tonight was not a signal for a fresh start.
Instead, it was an ending; an ending delayed by eight years!
This was an act of revenge.
It was Chu Yu’s response to their relationship.
Just as she had asked at the very beginning: “Ci Wenjun, why did you have to come back?”
Back then, it was clearly you who wanted to leave, wasn’t it?
No one forced you; everything was voluntary.
Everything seemed to return to that night eight years ago; the approximate location, the posture, even the marks on her neck that she had cared about so deeply were so strikingly similar.
Yet this time, like a rigid, old, jammed machine, she lifted her head sluggishly to meet Chu Yu’s pitch-black pupils.
And Chu Yu spoke.
“President Ci, go back. We’re over.”
She called her President Ci, the title she had spent eight years striving for, willing to abandon Chu Yu, willing to hurt Chu Yu, clawing her way to the top.