A lie.
Na Seonwoo realized that the trembling, stammered explanation was a flimsy lie. His tone, his eyes, the way he could not keep his hands still—his whole body proved he was lying.
Go Igyeol could not hide the anxiety and agitation on his face as he spoke to Na Seonwoo. He looked as if he might faint on the spot if Na Seonwoo said no, so Na Seonwoo nodded and answered him over and over that he understood.
“Okay. Okay, I get it. Are you all right?”
“…….”
“Your face is so pale. Did I scare you? Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. I absolutely won’t.”
Na Seonwoo repeated the same words to reassure him. Only after he promised several times that he would not tell anyone did Go Igyeol’s expression ease even a little.
“Do you want water? Warm water. Can you drink barley tea? Or just plain filtered water?”
“Just… cold water is fine. Sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? I said it’s fine.”
Go Igyeol held on to his own hands as they kept going cold. They were shaking too badly for him to let go. On top of that, he could not meet Na Seonwoo’s eyes because he was afraid his anxiety would show.
“That… I heard that when you’re pregnant, you have to keep receiving pheromone showers. Isn’t it better to tell him soon?”
“…He releases his pheromones for me properly, so it’s fine.”
His voice trembled as he answered.
That much might really be true. From him, Na Seonwoo could sense only alpha pheromones so dense they covered even an omega’s own. While separating truth from lies inside Go Igyeol’s words, Na Seonwoo still could not ask why he was so desperate to hide this.
They were not close enough for that.
And if he pressed too persistently, it felt as though Go Igyeol would never meet him again.
“You’re not going to give yourself indigestion trying to eat, are you?”
“…No. I was just a little startled.”
“Did you know I used to like you? Not now, but back then. You had no idea, right?”
At the sudden, completely unexpected topic, as if Na Seonwoo were trying to lighten the mood, Go Igyeol spat out the water he had been drinking.
PFFT—
Na Seonwoo’s face, which had been smiling with his chin propped on his hand, was soaked. Go Igyeol’s already large eyes went even wider. He stammered, then pulled tissues from the table and wiped Na Seonwoo’s face.
“S-sorry. I’m sorry. I mean, why would you say something like that…”
His small hands moved busily. Even as he pressed at the wet spots and wiped them away, he kept murmuring apologies. Na Seonwoo could not hold back his laughter and dropped his head. His shoulders shook noisily as he laughed.
“I thought you’d never know for the rest of your life if I didn’t tell you. But saying it does feel kind of refreshing. In several ways.”
“…I’m really… sorry. And I really… didn’t know.”
“I figured. Of course you didn’t. That’s how unrequited love works. The other person never knows unless I make up my mind to tell them.”
At the tone that sounded as if he had achieved some grand realization, Go Igyeol stared at Na Seonwoo. Fortunately, he did not seem especially hurt that Go Igyeol had never noticed his crush.
“Now that I hear you say it, I think that’s true.”
“Huh?”
“That the other person never knows. You’re all wet. What do I do…?”
Go Igyeol sounded worried that he would catch a cold, and Na Seonwoo was smiling as he said he was fine when he spotted the owner approaching with a tray of udon and began making a fuss.
“I’m telling you, if two people eat this, one of them could die and the other wouldn’t even notice.”
“…Isn’t that kind of scary?”
“Anyway, you’ll understand once you try it.”
Just as Na Seonwoo had guaranteed, the udon was delicious, and Go Igyeol was able to eat it without trouble. The noodles were nicely chewy and springy, and the broth was exceptional. Go Igyeol, who had not been able to eat a proper meal in a long while, practically buried his nose in the bowl and slurped up the noodles.
“Is it okay?”
“Yeah. It’s really… really good.”
Na Seonwoo’s eyes rounded because he had not expected Go Igyeol, who had been suffering so badly from morning sickness, to eat that well. Go Igyeol stuffed enough noodles into his mouth to puff out both cheeks and chewed. He looked exactly like a squirrel with its cheek pouches packed full of acorns.
“Should I order you another bowl?”
Go Igyeol’s head nodded before he could answer. Na Seonwoo could not stop smiling. Even the complimentary fried sweet pumpkin all went into Go Igyeol’s mouth.
“The fried food is okay too?”
“Yeah, it’s really good. It’s the best thing I’ve eaten lately.”
“I’m glad. I was worried about what we’d do if you couldn’t eat.”
“…Thank you. Really.”
Go Igyeol thanked him while wiping his lips, which were glossy from the oil. Na Seonwoo had worried that once the meal was interrupted, Go Igyeol might not be able to eat the udon when it came out, but that concern had been pointless. Watching Go Igyeol attack the second bowl of udon as if he might eat the bowl too, Na Seonwoo felt surprised, and sorry for him, and more than anything…
“Why are you so cute?”
They said once someone looked cute to you, it was over. But Go Igyeol was someone he was not supposed to feel this way about.
“Ah, sorry. I was only eating, wasn’t I?”
“No, it’s nice to see you eating well. Should I order more?”
It was amazing that two bowls of udon had fit into that little stomach. Go Igyeol rubbed the corner of his mouth and lifted his head. Then he shook it gently.
“No, um… Yeah, enough. I’m full. Really.”
“You don’t look full. If I hadn’t said anything, you looked like you were going to eat the bowl too.”
At Na Seonwoo’s teasing, Go Igyeol’s face flushed bright red as he refused, saying he was fine. Na Seonwoo asked a few more times, and only after confirming that Go Igyeol was cleansing his palate with water did he get up.
“Let’s go.”
“Um…”
“There’s a really good coffee shop in the building next door. The beans are amazing. The desserts are good too.”
Na Seonwoo deliberately changed the subject and smiled. Go Igyeol told him he would pay, but Na Seonwoo’s hand was faster as he held out his card.
“You came all the way here. What do you mean you’ll pay? Buy me coffee.”
“Thank you for the meal. But aren’t you going back too late? It’s past one…”
Go Igyeol asked after checking the time. Na Seonwoo reassured him again by saying he was alone at the office, so it was fine, and opened the door.
“Take care, and come again. Seonwoo’s friend.”
“Thank you. It was delicious.”
“Boss, we’re heading out! I’ll come again later!”
In the short time it took them to go down the stairs, Go Igyeol heard roughly a dozen warnings to be careful, then headed with Na Seonwoo toward an independent coffee shop instead of a chain.
CAFE. GAUDIUM🌿
The shop name, written in green on a white background, was pretty. The coffees he had seen people carrying one by one while looking down from the udon shop must have come from here. He could tell from the takeout cup sleeves.
“Hello, owner. Do you happen to have decaf?”
“Oh? Hello! Wow, I think this is my first time seeing you during the day! Huh? But does that place open during the day too? The udon shop?”
The man who had been putting cakes into the display case straightened from where he had been bent over and smiled brightly. Na Seonwoo had only answered, “It was open,” but the man must have found that very amusing, because he looked at Na Seonwoo and laughed freely.
“Wow, it’s nice seeing you in the daytime, Seonwoo.”
“You too. Do you have decaf here?”
“Of course we do. But didn’t you always drink yours with an extra shot?”
“Not for me. For my friend. He can’t drink caffeine.”
Only then did the owner seem to notice Go Igyeol standing behind Na Seonwoo, because his eyes widened. The cute man in a green cap belatedly bowed his head, his face turning red.
“I’m sorry. Goodness, I was distracted.”
“It’s all right.”
“What would you like?”
“I think I’ll have a latte. A warm one.”
When Go Igyeol spoke, Na Seonwoo was choosing from the menu. He looked back at him, then nodded.
“Then I’ll have something cold. An Americano, iced.”
“Understood. One decaf latte, one iced Americano. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right. Here.”
The moment Na Seonwoo held out his card, Go Igyeol’s hand shot forward. His too-small, very white hand overlapped the back of Na Seonwoo’s.
“I’ll pay with this. Here, please.”
At the urgent words, the owner’s gaze turned toward Na Seonwoo.
More precisely, toward the rims of his ears, which had turned red.
“Ah, yes. Since my friend says he’s buying, please use that.”
Na Seonwoo stared at the hand resting on the back of his and could not even think of moving as he stammered. Go Igyeol smiled and said he was glad he could pay. Then he looked at Na Seonwoo with an expression like a puppy waiting to be praised.
“Yeah, thank you. I’ll enjoy it, Igyeol.”
“Mm!”
At the way Go Igyeol nodded, Na Seonwoo’s arm stretched out before he knew it. His large palm touched the hair that looked so soft and rubbed it lightly. The strands slipping between his fingers felt exactly like silk. Embarrassed by Na Seonwoo’s gesture, as if he were treating him like a younger sibling, Go Igyeol pulled his head back. Na Seonwoo scratched his cheek in awkwardness and opened his mouth.
“Where do you want to sit?”
“Over there, by the window. I’ll bring the drinks, so go sit down. I also want to… wash my hands a little.”
“Okay.”
Go Igyeol turned away. As he walked with light, soft steps, the alpha pheromones in his swaying hair drifted over on the warm air. Mixed with the sweet smell of shampoo, the scent made the bridge of Na Seonwoo’s nose wrinkle.
“Seonwoo?”
A clear voice sounded, as if waking him from the seriousness he had fallen into alone.
“Ah, owner.”
“This is cake I made a little while ago. Please try it. It’s not too sweet, and it’s really good.”
“It’s okay… Really, it’s okay. You don’t have to give us anything.”
Na Seonwoo refused with a smile, but the owner, holding a plate with cake on it, also looked troubled.
“Well, I already took it out, so I can’t put it back in. And… I’m giving this to you because I want to, so just… I need an objective taste test anyway, and also, um…”
“…Thank you. I’ll gratefully accept it this time, and next time I’ll buy it.”
As he watched that clear, guileless face stammer through the excuse that it was a new menu item, Na Seonwoo thanked him several more times before walking toward Go Igyeol.
Go Igyeol sat in a spot flooded with the spring sun, looking outside as if he had no interest in anything. The sight stirred Na Seonwoo’s heart so much it felt unreal.
*****
The latte was so good that if Go Igyeol had not known, he would never have thought it was decaf. With his stomach full and the coffee delicious, he was simply in a good mood, and even laughed loudly at Na Seonwoo’s insignificant jokes.
“Should we… get going now?”
“Do you still like going to bookstores?”
“Hm? Ah…”
Go Igyeol could not answer right away and let the end of his words trail off.
He had definitely liked them before, but after getting married, he had not gone even once. Back when he had not been financially comfortable, bookstores had been the only places he could go even without money, and because of that, they had been a source of comfort for him. He had liked the paper smell in the dry store, the soft murmur of voices, and the faint rustle of pages turning.
But now…
He did not know whether he would still like those things.
“Just…”
“Just?”
“It’s been a long time since I went.”
Go Igyeol smiled bitterly, set his empty coffee cup on the tray, and tidied up his seat. He gestured toward the entrance with his eyes and started walking first. At the service table, he sorted the trash and cups, and did not forget to thank the owner for the cake.
“Take care.”
“See you again.”
“Mm, when I have time.”