“The year before last on the Lantern Festival, you went to Beijing, but you didn’t come to see me.”
Si Yu stepped onto the rock, looking down at He Yun from his vantage point.
“So who did you sneak off to see?”
“I didn’t.”
He Yun lowered his gaze, continuously tugging at his black zipper.
“Right, you didn’t.” Si Yu released his hold. “You didn’t come to look for me.”
He Yun didn’t dare look at Si Yu, just as he hadn’t dared walk up to Si Yu back then.
Si Yu was angry.
On the Lantern Festival, Si Yu didn’t like eating sweet, sticky tangyuan, so He Yun stayed home to make dumplings.
He had placed his phone too far away, and the night mode that turned on automatically caused him to miss Si Yu’s call.
He hadn’t answered Si Yu’s call.
Si Yu was angry.
It was all because of him.
[HY: I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.]
[HY: I left my phone too far away.]
[HY: Can you answer the phone?]
Buzz, buzz.
“Si Yu!”
“I’m not coming back tomorrow.”
He Yun’s shoulders slowly sank as he said in a hoarse voice, “But I miss you so much.”
“If you really missed me, you should have answered the phone just then.”
Beep, beep.
He Yun put down his phone, sitting in the darkness while rubbing his eyes.
“Really, I really miss you.”
He hadn’t booked a hotel; the moment he stepped off the plane, he rushed straight to the cinema.
“Hello, please show your premiere ticket.”
“Hello, I didn’t see it on the ticketing machine…”
“Sir, premiere tickets are not sold to the public. They are distributed to film critics, media, and fan groups. Didn’t you know?”
He Yun stood frozen in place.
“A-Yun?” He Feiqian paused her steps. “It really is you!”
In the end, He Yun still saw Si Yu.
Wearing a mask, he squeezed into the aisle with the staff members, watching Si Yu surrounded by crowds in the center of the stage.
Just one look would be enough.
Just one look.
He Yun broke his promise; he watched for a very long time.
At that moment, He Yun also raised his eyes.
“What you did back then wasn’t right.”
“What did you say?”
Si Yu was terrified he had misheard.
“Where I go is my freedom.” He Yun’s words came in fragments, scattered by the wind. “You can’t demand that of me.”
“Freedom? Can’t demand it?” Si Yu let out a cold laugh. “Fine, then walk away.”
Si Yu turned around, a sour sting prickling at the tips of his teeth and spreading up to the bridge of his nose.
“Why aren’t you leaving yet?”
The elongated shadow by his feet crept closer toward him.
“You can’t demand that I leave, either.”
Their clothes whipped fiercely in the wind, yet like resilient blades of grass, neither of them budged an inch.
The ocean waves crashed on and on.
“Is this why you left?”
Si Yu’s words once again met with He Yun’s silence.
“You thought I was too troublesome, felt like I restricted your freedom, and found being with me exhausting.”
With his back to He Yun, Si Yu missed seeing him shake his head.
“Then tell me. Tell me to stop pestering you, to go find someone else.”
Si Yu turned around, looking at He Yun standing against the light.
He Yun’s figure remained tall and upright, yet he looked like nothing more than a hollow shell of a soul standing amidst the weeds and rocks.
“Si Yu.”
“Shut up.”
He Yun had given him too many surprises today; Si Yu didn’t want to listen anymore.
He shoved past He Yun’s shoulder, abandoning He Yun and his plea of do not out in the night air.
A red dawn washed over the blue-and-white low walls, spilling across the tall delphiniums He Yun had just planted.
He Feiqian picked up a purple anemone with mud clinging to its roots, handed it over, and couldn’t help asking, “A-Yun, what is going on between you and Si Yu?”
Before He Yun could reply, Si Yu pushed open the small gate and walked out.
“What are you planting?”
When he was bleary-eyed and half-asleep, Si Yu loved to draw out the ends of his words.
“There was some open space by the courtyard gate, so it fit just right. Do you like this color scheme?”
“Mm, it looks pretty.”
Si Yu squatted down, gently brushing a pale white conical hydrangea.
Then, letting out a yawn, he asked, “Who’s this?”
He Feiqian widened her eyes as Si Yu’s gaze swept over her.
“This is my other cousin, He Feiqian.” He Yun introduced smoothly, keeping a straight face. “Second Sister, this is Si Yu.”
“No, we already met last night…”
“I’m heading over to Fourth Uncle’s place to dig up some soil. Keep me company.”
Perplexed, Si Yu watched the two of them leave in a hurry, shrugged, and turned to head back inside.
When he emerged again later, He Yun had already finished planting the pale pink mallows, deep purple sage, and pure white pansies in the corners, and was currently watering them.
“Why the sudden inspiration to do this?”
“I wanted them to be the first thing you remember when you wake up.”
He Yun said it with such absolute sincerity that Si Yu didn’t quite understand, but he smiled anyway.
“Want to go into town?”
“Sure.”
The best mode of transportation on the island was the motorcycle beneath him.
“It feels like we’re back in Manaus.”
Si Yu wrapped his arms tightly around He Yun.
“Pity this is just an ordinary bike.”
“It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.”
With me, the one who suffers the most is you.
“Alright, don’t wander off, and keep your helmet on.” He Yun parked the bike under the shade of a tree. “Wait for me to get back, understand?”
Si Yu nodded obediently.
The very next second, he took off his helmet and trotted over to a stall to try on a headscarf.
“Oh my, what a handsome young man!”
“Right? Why is he so good-looking!”
“Like a big star, such a pretty boy!”
Used to the attention, Si Yu nonetheless made a grand gesture and bought quite a few.
But soon,
“You guys recognized the wrong person.”
Using a blue floral headscarf, Si Yu wrapped himself up from his hair down to his face.
Yet the market day crowds were simply too dense; even the outer perimeter was blocked by parked electric bikes and motorcycles, leaving Si Yu with no way to escape.
Lowering his head, Si Yu squeezed through with great effort.
Beep, beep!
“Get on.”
Si Yu accepted the helmet and straddled the back.
“How did you know I was here?”
Pressing against He Yun’s back, Si Yu asked with a muffled voice.
He Yun glanced in the rearview mirror, where strands of Si Yu’s golden hair were poking out from beneath the helmet.
“Your hair,” he said.
Both you and your hair are far too dazzling.
“This is the first time I’ve dyed my hair for something other than a shoot; I thought you’d like it. But then again,”
Pausing for a fraction of a second, he continued, “At least it lets you spot me at first glance.”
“Even if I didn’t dye my hair, they would still see me.”
“And what about you? Would you see me too?”
He Yun said nothing.
“Looks like you wouldn’t,” Si Yu said. “Otherwise, why wouldn’t you have come back to me?”
He Yun revved the throttle, answering with the roaring engine and rushing wind in silence.
“What color do you want?”
“Hm?”
Leaning against the motorcycle, Si Yu followed the direction of He Yun’s raised hand and saw the largest supermarket in town.
“I’m not dyeing it back.” Si Yu crossed his arms. “You couldn’t even see me in the first place.”
Si Yu knew He Yun had heard him, yet the other man walked right into the supermarket anyway.
Si Yu: .
When He Yun walked out of the supermarket carrying plastic bags, he found Si Yu sneaking around pushing a shopping cart.
He Yun: “What are you doing?”
Si Yu: “Oh, stealing a car.”
He Yun: .
“I won’t! I’m not dyeing it! You… huh?”
Si Yu sat on a small stool, staring blankly at the golden hair dye mixing in He Yun’s hand.
He blinked.
“Close your eyes.”
He Yun put down the brush and turned Si Yu’s head.
“My hair is insured, you know.” Si Yu closed his eyes comfortably. “If you ruin it, watch out for the insurance company coming after you.”
“Then do it yourself.”
“Hehehe, you do it, you do it!”
Si Yu reached his hands out from beneath the protective transparent plastic sheet, picked up a mirror, and watched as He Yun carefully covered his black roots with golden hair dye step by step.
“The edge, there’s a bit more over there.”
“I see it.”
“It tickles, wipe it off.”
“Mm.”
The wallflowers nearby had bloomed early; May was the very end of their flowering season, and they shook their powdery pollen as if wanting to give the two people beneath them a pleasant scent to remember.
“Do you smell that?”
Si Yu asked.
He was talking about the crisp, clean scent of the wallflowers, but He Yun only smelled the scent belonging to him.
“No.”
He Yun replied.
“What kind of flower is that?”
Si Yu pointed toward a cluster of small flowers in the corner with slender petals, curling outward, where the color deepened into yellow only near the pistils.
“Honeysuckle,” He Yun said, lifting Si Yu’s final strand of long hair. “Also called Lonicera.”
“I know this one! There were plenty of them on the back mountain in high school, Shen Que and I used to…”
“Wash it out in twenty minutes.”
“Hey!”
Si Yu watched the person drop that single sentence and walk away with a dark expression, and three seconds later, he burst out laughing.
“Do I look good?”
Si Yu shook his dazzling golden locks and leaned right into He Yun’s field of vision.
He Yun was washing berries; turning off the faucet, he gave a nod.
“You didn’t even look at me!”
Si Yu grabbed a handful of raspberries, splashed the water right onto He Yun’s face, slipped into his slippers, and leaped onto the sofa.
Before long, amidst his drowsy haze, Si Yu heard the sound of the television volume dropping low.
“Mhm, I’m still watching.”
“It’s fine, go to sleep.”
The tickle of fluffy fabric beneath his chin made him itch slightly, and before he could move, the blanket was already neatly tucked around him by a pair of hands.
“Sleep.”
“Love you.”
“Ditto.”
He Yun quietly pulled the door shut, sat down on the steps, and pulled out his phone to return a call.
“He Yun, you did the right thing. The old proverb about cutting a tangled knot with a sharp knife doesn’t apply to every situation.”
“But, there has to be a day…”
Hanging up, He Yun still felt a heavy weight settling in his chest.
His phone vibrated once more.
An unknown number, but He Yun knew who it was.
“He Yun.”
“Shen Que.”
Both voices rang out simultaneously.
“He Yun?”
Waking up, Si Yu dragged his feet as he searched the house for He Yun’s figure.
The study was empty, the bedroom was empty, and there was one door he couldn’t push open.
Rubbing his eyes, Si Yu slowly drifted outside, still finding no one.
“He Yun?”
He called out again.
“Awake?”
He Yun stood up from behind the courtyard wall, put down a file strip, and walked over to him.
Si Yu nodded, taking the arm He Yun extended and throwing himself into his embrace.
“It feels like it’s fake again.”
“Hm?”
“Like the past you, it feels like it’s fake.”
He was pulled even tighter into He Yun’s arms.
“What were you doing?”
“Nothing. Are you hungry?”
“A little bit.”
“Let’s go.”
After washing his hands, Si Yu happened to see He Yun slicing into a purplish-red, soft raspberry panna cotta.
“Raspberry cake!” Si Yu opened his mouth wide. “Ah—”
Sucking in the fork He Yun offered, Si Yu let out a sound like a baby chick, his ten fingers tightly intertwined in front of his chest.
“My favorite!”
Si Yu picked up his spoon, ready to scoop a bite, but suddenly set it back down.
“What’s wrong?”
“Remembering someone else taught you how to make it.”
Si Yu stood up, pushed his chair back, and retreated once more to the couch.
“Fourteen years old.”
“Hm?”
“Song Ge, he was just a fourteen-year-old kid.” He Yun held the plate and squatted down in front of Si Yu. “Even now, he’s only nineteen.”
“So what if he’s nineteen? When I fell for you, you were only seventeen.”
“Wrong.” He Yun forked up a spoonful of cream. “Eighteen.”
Si Yu didn’t speak, opening his mouth to accept it.
“The first birthday of mine you spent with me was my nineteenth birthday.”
“Then do you remember what I told you?”
“I hope someone is by your side for every single one of your birthdays.”
“Why wouldn’t it be you by my side?”
“Because I was waiting for you to ask just like that.”
He Yun nodded.
“But we’ve already missed two.”
Si Yu tapped the tip of He Yun’s nose twice.
Smiling, He Yun fed him another bite.
“What about the future?” Si Yu pressed on. “Will we miss any more?”
He Yun paused in front of the small blue door. The newly replaced incandescent lightbulb overhead shone brilliantly, yet cast his deep brows and eyes into shadow.
“We’ll talk after you wake up.”
“It’s a deal.”
For once, Si Yu enjoyed a sound sleep. The moment he finished washing his face, he heard a knock on the door.
“Coming!”
Si Yu eagerly pulled the door open.
“Have you had enough playing around?”
Shen Que asked.