What is it?
He Yun stowed his phone away, blinking slowly to hide the poignant ache in his eyes, and shook his head.
Nothing. Hungry?
Mm! Let’s go, let’s go get something to eat!
The sky was a striking blue, and even the rain that began to drift down as dusk fell felt gentle and serene.
Si Yu sat on a bench by the lake, greeting the swans gliding past.
Just as he reached up to brush aside a lock of hair lifted by the breeze, He Yun, who had just sat down with a paper bag in hand, reached out a step ahead.
Kiss me one more time.
Rewarded with a kiss, Si Yu laughed and settled into He Yun’s lap, opening the brown paper bag to nibble on a pastry.
Delicious?
He Yun asked.
It’s alright, pastries abroad are always way too sweet.
Finishing his sentence, Si Yu noticed He Yun staring at him without moving a muscle.
He set down his unfinished matcha roll and poked the other man’s cheek. Why are you staring at me like that?
You’re pretty.
He Yun rested his weight on one arm braced against the back of the bench, using the back of his fingers to stroke Si Yu’s smooth cheek as he continued, Have you heard that answer a million times before?
Si Yu had no idea what was running through He Yun’s mind, only that this particular touch felt entirely different.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on what made it so distinct, but his body’s reaction was intensely real, sending a tingling, electric current through his skin like swarming ants.
The way you say it is the best.
Si Yu leaned in and kissed He Yun.
Before he could even deepen the movement, his lips were parted by the push of He Yun’s tongue.
He Yun knew his kiss carried a rough edge, evident from the soft whimpers slipping past Si Yu’s lips and the glistening dampness left behind.
Yet, it still wasn’t enough.
Caught completely off guard, the back of Si Yu’s neck was pinned in place as his mouth was thoroughly invaded and every inch explored.
What am I going to do with you?
Resting against He Yun’s chest, Si Yu listened to the muffled voice rumble from within and managed a strained hum of assent.
It seems the current me is completely out of tricks when it comes to you.
Whether it was the cloying stickiness of the sweets or He Yun’s relentless demands for more kisses, Si Yu’s brain felt entirely incapable of coherent thought.
The golden willows brushing together outside were nowhere near as soft as the waist Si Yu arched into, allowing He Yun to press him effortlessly against the back seat.
There’s only one trick left.
Si Yu was kissed to the point of utter limpness.
Inside the enclosed space of the car, only the soft, low pants from his nasal passages remained, any suppressed sobs easily overridden by He Yun’s thumb.
What is your relationship with Shen Que?
Si Yu tried to open his eyes, but unwilling to let himself look utterly undone, he simply laid an arm across his face to block out He Yun’s direct gaze.
Do you, do you really have to ask that right now?
Mm, tell me.
Mh…
Si Yu tried to shrink back, but his spine was already pressed flat against the car door, leaving him nowhere at all to run.
We have no relationship at all, Shen Que and I have absolutely nothing…
Isn’t he your boss? Or maybe you know what I’m actually asking.
Si Yu gave a start. The next second, his arm was pulled away, forcing him to lock eyes with He Yun.
He likes you.
Though discomfort pooled deep in his lower stomach, He Yun refused to budge, holding him pressed down even tighter.
He likes you, doesn’t he?
There are plenty of people who like me.
He Yun lowered his eyelids halfway, silently accepting that answer.
But I only like you.
Lifting his gaze, He Yun stared fixedly at the person who had grabbed his shoulders and slowly sat upright.
I don’t like Shen Que.
Why? He treated you very well.
He Yun told himself he shouldn’t ask, especially since Si Yu had already given him his answer, but:
Shen Que was good, or at least he appeared to be.
Of noble birth, tall and handsome, a gentleman of steady demeanor.
Treating him well with deep pockets, attentiveness, gentleness, and boundless tolerance.
Plenty of people treat me well, Si Yu said. He just isn’t obedient.
He Yun was suddenly shoved flat onto the seat, looking up from below at the person straddling his lap.
A smirk played at the corners of Si Yu’s lips as he looked down at him with casual, absolute condescension.
And you? Si Yu pressed his hips forward. Will you be obedient?
He Yun closed his eyes and let out a long, low sigh.
Si Yu received the answer he wanted.
I’m teasing you. He nibbled on the lobe of He Yun’s ear. I just don’t like him. I only like you.
His bite was fierce.
He Yun had no spare attention left to give it.
The rain had stopped.
The sunlight cast by the setting sun gilded the willow branches, spilling over He Yun’s body, while water droplets shaken from the tips fell deep into Si Yu.
Click.
The sound of Si Yu’s neatly trimmed fingernails tapping lightly against the glass bore an uncanny resemblance to the sound of He Yun’s backpack zipper striking the airport terminal wall.
Just like their reunions, this moment meant parting ways.
Stop crying.
He Yun spoke in a hoarse whisper, his thumbs continuously rubbing away the dampness from Si Yu’s eyes.
Will you miss me?
I will, I’ll miss you.
Tearing off his mask, Si Yu pulled him into a crushing embrace, holding on until their lips and cheeks were pressed inextricably together.
I don’t want to, I don’t want to leave.
He Yun’s heart melted into Si Yu’s aching tears, forcing himself to ignore those pleading words.
Si Yu, I love you.
That was the only thing He Yun dared to say.
I don’t want to leave, He Yun, don’t make me go.
Si Yu clutched desperately at the hem of his jacket, though it felt as though he were trying to hold onto far more than just fabric.
Go on.
He averted his gaze, not daring to look any longer.
Si Yu left. Before the bitter winter could sink its claws into the British Isles, he departed, carrying with him the tears He Yun ultimately failed to hold back.
From that moment on, He Yun’s life was rigidly carved into segments labeled reunion and separation, with every single milestone measured by Si Yu.
Hiss.
He Yun slashed a red mark across a date on the calendar, attempting like a mayfly trying to shake a giant tree to conquer the endless mountain of time stretching out before him.
Faster.
Hurry up and finish filming, hurry up and graduate, hurry up, let’s hurry up and be together.
Done yet? Hurry up, hurry up!
Almost, almost got the connection, Brother Si Yu, slow down!
Clutching his phone, Si Yu sat perched atop the very top of a silver ladder, tapping his foot impatiently until he finally saw the signal bars pop up on screen.
Got it, got it! Fall back!
Yes, sir!
Ruffling his hair with a low cough, Si Yu tapped the screen to initiate a video call.
For the past few days, Comrade Si Yu, the United Nations Green Earth Tree-Planting Ambassador, had been hard at work digging massive pits out in the Gobi Desert.
For him, relying solely on video calls and voice notes was barely a drop in the bucket; being cut off from the internet for three full days had only magnified every shred of longing into raw anxiety.
An agonizing, unbearable restlessness.
Really! I don’t get enough to eat or sleep every single day, and I’m not happy at all! Cheer me up! Huh? How do you plan to do that? Take your clothes off!
Just as Si Yu rolled up his sleeves in anticipation, the image of He Yun stripping on screen suddenly froze, his eyes staring straight past the camera toward something behind Si Yu.
What is it?
Si Yu tilted his head slightly.
Then, he spun around:
It’s high up, Shen Que said, extending a hand. Come down.
Shooting him a sideways glare, Si Yu turned right back around to urge He Yun to take his clothes off.
Baby, where are you?
He Yun’s voice broke through, leaving Si Yu no choice but to clamber down the ladder with trembling steps.
Careful.
Careful.
Two voices echoed side by side in Si Yu’s ears.
Brushing Shen Que’s hand aside, he picked his way carefully across the reddish-brown rocks until he found a spot where the signal held steady before settling down properly.
Si Yu completely ignored Shen Que’s existence, while He Yun, acting as though no one else was around, put his muscular chest on full, unrestricted display.
Shen Que didn’t interrupt, nor did he make any unnecessary movements, simply standing quietly nearby with both hands shoved deep into his pockets.
After chatting and flirting affectionately for a good long while, Si Yu glanced at the time in the top left corner, calculated the time difference, and reluctantly hung up the video call.
As soon as work wraps up, I’m coming over.
Mm, do you want to stay home, or go somewhere else?
There’s a shoot in Rome next month.
Then shall we head to Amalfi?
As long as I’m with you, I’m happy anywhere.
Hearing those words, Shen Que lifted his gaze, staring fixedly at Si Yu.
Yet until the morning light crept over the golden Populus euphratica forest, he never once saw Si Yu turn back to look at him.
Conditions out here are too terrible, and it’s hard to transport supplies in without drawing a fuss, Shen Que asked. Have you been sleeping well these past few days?
Si Yu sent a selfie to He Yun, put his phone away, and replied flatly, Not really…
I brought your favorite—
I haven’t been sleeping in the same bed as He Yun.
Shen Que’s slightly parted lips slowly snapped shut as he clenched his jaw tight.
Planting both feet firmly on the rock, Si Yu pulled his knees to his chest and said, I don’t mind you shoving people in here. He’s staying, you can leave.
A gust of wind swept past, carrying Shen Que closer to Si Yu’s side.
I haven’t seen you in a long time, he said. You miss He Yun, do you think I don’t miss you?
Si Yu tilted his head to look at Shen Que, and just as he was about to speak, a crisp, lark-like male voice cut him off.
President Shen, I woke up and couldn’t find you, so I— The young man jogging toward them came to a sudden halt and bowed politely to Si Yu. Brother Si Yu.
Shen Que closed his eyes, unable to bear the look of raised-eyebrow amusement on Si Yu’s face, and turned away. Qin Yao, go back.
President Shen, I…
Hey, no need, no need. Si Yu stood up, brushing the sand and dirt off his clothes. I’ll go, I’ll go.
Sisi.
The nickname slipping naturally from Shen Que’s lips left both Si Yu and Qin Yao frozen in their tracks.
Qin Yao knew that name intimately; whenever Shen Que held him close, he would always murmur those two syllables in a tone and with an expression of tenderness he had never shown anyone else.
Reaching up to touch his newly grown-out black hair, he lowered a face that bore a striking, passing resemblance to Si Yu’s.
The person who had been called out stood frozen for a few seconds before a fresh wave of irritation and disgust flooded his eyes.
Don’t call me that. It’s sickening.
Watching Si Yu’s retreating back, Shen Que finally vented his long-suppressed fury against the gravel beneath his boots.
President Shen!
Panicked, Qin Yao tried to step forward, yet he was terrified of Shen Que in this state.
I brought you out here to act as a stand-in for wide shots! Shen Que glared at him, his chest heaving violently. What on earth do you think you’re doing running over here?!
Qin Yao’s mouth worked soundlessly, tears spilling over before any words of apology could form.
I, I asked Brother Shuang, and Brother Shuang said Brother Si Yu never uses a body double, so he told me, told me to go back—
Then go back!
Qin Yao’s shoulders trembled, the tears falling even faster.
The next second, however, he was pulled straight into Shen Que’s embrace.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry Sisi, I shouldn’t have lost my temper…
With his eyes squeezed shut, Shen Que held him tightly, stroking his long hair over and over.
Don’t cry, Sisi, don’t cry.
Too afraid to move a muscle, Qin Yao yielded entirely to Shen Que’s caresses and kisses.
I’m sorry, Sisi, I’m truly sorry. It was my fault, I shouldn’t have done that, what happened back then, I’m sorry… truly, I’m sorry.
Shen Que repeated I’m sorry countless times over, for the present and for the past.
Yet he never once earned a single backward glance from Si Yu.
Si Yu would never look back.
I don’t see you anywhere, where are you?
Turn around.
Si Yu spun around to see He Yun standing there with a bouquet of roses in his arms.
He Yun!
Si Yu flung himself into his arms, sending droplets of water splashing off the deep crimson-black petals, the proof of how carefully He Yun had shielded them all the way here.
Yet the Tuscan roses Si Yu accepted weren’t the proof of He Yun’s love; the kiss he received right then and there was.
I missed you, I missed you so much.
Prove it to me.
Si Yu rose onto his tiptoe, resting his foot against He Yun’s shoulder.
He Yun caught him, kissing him with devout reverence.
He Yun proved it over and over, again and again, until the first light of dawn broke.
Draped in one of He Yun’s shirts, Si Yu ambled slowly into the dining room, only to find a still-warm, light breakfast waiting alongside a sticky note.
[Baby, eat something if you’re awake.
Wait for me to come back.]
Si Yu curled his lip, setting the note down. Too lazy to exert himself any further, he let himself drop straight back onto the sofa.
Fragmented, disjointed dreams flashed before his eyes, featuring a parade of familiar figures, and when the final scene froze on Shen Que’s face, Si Yu snapped his eyes wide open.
He bolted into the bathroom, clinging to the toilet bowl and dry-heaving for long moments.
When even his stomach acid was gone, a searing burn bloomed across his stomach; he reached out to press against it, but his hand wouldn’t stop shaking. The harder he tried to control it, the worse the tremors became.
He, He Yun…
His voice was too faint, He Yun couldn’t hear him—He Yun, who wasn’t home, couldn’t hear him.
He Yun, don’t worry, if there are any other documents needed, I’ll contact you later.
Don’t contact me.
Huh? You aren’t actually in a relationship, are you?
Without a word, He Yun closed his laptop, stood up, and bid his farewells.
Still not awake yet?
He Yun unlocked his bicycle while dialing Si Yu’s number.
Beep, beep.
Buzz, buzz.
He Yun’s hand froze on the phone. Pulling it away, he traced the source of the vibration to a nearby trash can.
Hanging up, he dialed again.
Buzz, buzz.
The vibration sounded once more.
His body locked in place, then he lunged forward.
Flinging open the yellow plastic lid in a panic, he spotted the phone glowing and vibrating amongst a pile of discarded paper and plastic bottles.
[Incoming Call: Baby]
It was Si Yu’s phone.