Dia stared upward.
She couldn’t climb it.
She wasn’t strong enough.
Slowly, she turned around.
The zombies entered the alley.
One.
Two.
Five.
Ten.
Twenty.
Dia pressed her back against the cold, rough brick.
The horde poured into the alley.
The yoga mom, the fast-food teen, the jawless businessman, and about twenty others. They blocked the exit, their grotesque faces twitching with mindless hunger as they slowly boxed her in.
The stench of rotting meat was so overpowering that Dia had to pinch her small nose.
Calculated probability of survival: 0.00%.
Dia let out a tiny, heavy sigh.
She slid down the wall until she was sitting on the dirty ground, crossing her short legs defensively.
Her knees curled toward her chest.
She was scared.
She didn’t want to die.
Not again.
Dia hugged herself.
’Well, it was a very brief second life,’ she reasoned internally, trying to calm herself down. ’I suppose being eaten alive is slightly more scientifically interesting than being vaporized by a reactor meltdown. I wonder which part they will eat first? The parietal lobe? Or perhaps the liver?’
I just woke up.
I haven’t eaten anything.
I haven’t seen the outside world.
I haven’t even tried ice cream.
Her eyes became watery.
She sniffled.
"This is unfair..."
The yoga mom zombie lunged forward, her remaining hand extending toward Dia’s throat.
Dia closed her eyes, waiting for the crunch.
Instead, she heard a sound that didn’t belong in a post-apocalyptic hellscape.
DING!
It sounded exactly like a microwave finishing a cycle, or a mobile game notifying a player that their virtual crops were ready for harvest.
A blinding flash of neon-pink and gold light erupted in the dingy alleyway.
Dia snapped her eyes open.
Hovering right in front of her face was a translucent, holographic screen with rounded, bubbly edges. But that wasn’t the most shocking part.
Little stars floated around it.
There were even tiny cartoon hearts.
Dia stared.
"...Pretty."
A glowing dome of shimmering pink energy had materialized around her, creating a perfect, impenetrable bubble.
BAM!
The yoga mom zombie slammed face-first into the pink barrier. There was a loud, crackling zap, and the zombie was violently launched backward, bowling over the fast-food teen and three other undead.
Dia blinked. She reached out a small, grubby finger and poked the pink shield. It felt like warm jelly.
Boing!
Dia’s eyes widened.
"Jelly."
Energy manipulation? Forcefield generation? This defies all known laws of thermodynamics,
Dia thought, her inner scientist doing backflips.
The holographic screen chimed again, and a voice echoed in her mind. It wasn’t a cold, robotic AI. It sounded more like a hyperactive cartoon mascot who had consumed far too much sugar.
[SYSTEM ACTIVATION COMPLETE! Welcome, Host! I am the Guardian Procurement & Infinite Pampering System! (Model: Toddler Edition v.2.5)!]
Dia stared.
The screen sparkled.
[My mission is to ensure you survive, thrive, and get spoiled rotten in this scary, yucky apocalypse!]
Dia stared blankly at the floating, glittering text. "Pampering? Is that a medical procedure?"
[Oh, you poor, traumatized little dumpling!]
[No! It’s much better!]
A giant cartoon heart appeared.
The System replied, a holographic crying-face emoji (╥﹏╥) popping up on the screen.
[Pampering means getting food, hugs, warm beds, pretty clothes, toys, strawberry milk, and people who love you!]
Dia blinked.
"Strawberry milk?"
[YES!]
The System practically exploded with excitement.
[STRAWBERRY MILK!]
Dia’s eyes became slightly brighter.
"What is it?"
There was a long pause.
[Host... You don’t know what strawberry milk is?]
Dia shook her head.
The System displayed a crying emoji.
[(╥﹏╥)]
[Oh no.]
[Who hurt my baby?!]
Dia didn’t answer.
She was still staring at the pink shield.
[Do not worry! The System is here! But oh no, look at those gross, smelly monsters outside!]
The zombies were mindlessly clawing at the pink bubble, leaving smears of black blood on the energy field, completely unable to penetrate it.
"Their cognitive functions are severely impaired," Dia whispered.
She looked closer.
"They are persistent, though."
[Host, please stop analyzing the zombies and listen!]
Dia looked at the screen.
"Okay."
"Their persistence is notable, but their cognitive functions are zero," Dia observed calmly, analyzing the shield’s integrity. "System, what is the power source of this barrier? Is it nuclear? Arcane?"
[It’s powered by LOVE and RAINBOWS! (And also some spatial-distortion magic, but mostly rainbows!)] The System cheered, flashing a sparkly star emoji.
[However, Host, this Emergency Bubble will expire in exactly three minutes!]
Dia’s stoic expression didn’t change. "Ah. So I will be consumed in 180 seconds. Understood."
[NO! No consuming!] The System panicked, the screen turning a bright, frantic red.
[We must commence the Main Quest! Host, you are far too smol, weak, and squishy to survive alone! Your physical stats are currently:
STR: 1,
AGI: 2,
HP: 8/10
END: 0.5 (Warning: Dangerously Squishy!).]
Dia stared at the numbers.
"Eight is not zero."
[That’s not the point!]
Dia thought for a moment.
"Can I become stronger?"
[Yes! But not immediately!]
The System paused.
[You need a Guardian! A big, strong, overpowered meat-shield to carry you, feed you, and kill things for you!]
"A Guardian," Dia repeated the word, testing it on her tongue.
"Like..."
She struggled to find the right word.
"A grown-up?"
[YES!]
Dia nodded.
"That sounds good."
[MISSION INITIATED!]
A cheerful jingle played.
[FIRST ADOPTION!]
[I have located the PERFECT first candidate!]
A glowing golden arrow materialized in the air, pointing through the brick wall to the west.
[QUEST INITIATED: FIRST ADOPTION!]
[Target Location: The abandoned underground parking garage, exactly one block from here.]
Dia’s little eyebrows furrowed.
"Why is he there?"
[Because humans betrayed him!]
"Oh."
Dia nodded solemnly.
"That’s bad."
[Exactly!]
[Target Status: Critically injured, betrayed, bleeding out on the cold concrete, harboring intense murderous intent toward humanity.]
[Objective: Go to the target, apply the provided ’System’s Magic Band-Aid,’ and secure his loyalty! Give him a reason to live! Tell him he’s your new Daddy/Uncle/Big Brother!]
Dia blinked.
"Which one?"
[Whatever makes him happiest!]
Dia considered this.