A soft body pressed close to him.
Having spent these years in the capital, even if Pei Xu disdained the scheming and networking that others engaged in, he was not so arrogant as to be completely aloof. There were inevitably moments when he had to attend banquets with colleagues.
Yet, the tangled interests and alluring charms of the official world had nothing to do with him.
If he had not maintained his integrity, how would the Wei Clan have dared to propose a marriage alliance with their most cherished daughter?
He had never seen a woman in such an intimate and beautiful state before.
Moreover, people are naturally more inclined to feel affection for those who are beautiful.
At this moment, looking at Sang Wu under the lamplight, her neck as fair as jade, her face delicate and radiant.
Perhaps it was an illusion, but the temperature in the room seemed to have risen considerably.
Even those well-versed in the teachings of sages are not saints themselves. A shadow of darkness flickered in Pei Xu’s eyes, and the hand resting on her shoulder unconsciously tightened.
Her body was soft, her hair fragrant and sweet.
Until a gentle voice exploded beside his ear.
“Fourth Cousin, I… I’m afraid…”
Pei Xu stiffened abruptly.
She said, Fourth Cousin.
Her body was still so close, yet he found it difficult to continue.
Tears streamed down, clearly reflecting the panic and fear in her eyes.
The room fell into a deathly silence for a long time.
Pei Xu had seen many married couples in Chang’an. The older ones might be steady, but the younger ones inevitably lacked such firm resolve, unconsciously revealing trust and dependence in their eyes.
It shouldn’t be like this.
In the tense silence, Pei Xu lowered his gaze to her tearful eyes, trying to find a trace of that kind of dependence.
Unfortunately, there was none.
She was still very young, instinctively resisting his closeness, and her tears were the subconscious choice of this resistance.
She did not wish to be intimate with him.
Pei Silang, who was adored by many and admired by countless young ladies, was accustomed to the admiration of others. When he realized this, a strange sense of confusion stirred within him.
Admittedly, she had not explicitly stated it. He could pretend not to see her resistance and fulfill the marital rites.
This was his natural “right” as a husband.
He reached out.
Sang Wu’s eyelashes trembled, and indeed, she did not shy away again.
But he did not proceed.
Pei Xu adjusted her collar, placed the jade hairpin back in her hand, turned his gaze to the cold moon outside the window, and said calmly, “Another time.”
She seemed both frightened and relieved, staring at him blankly through the dim candlelight.
Pei Xu pursed his lips. Though he had no intention of sending her away, he no longer wished to stay in this inner chamber.
Sang Wu watched as he stood up and strode silently toward the door, his displeasure evident to anyone.
“Husband!” she called out urgently.
Pei Xu turned to look back at her.
Sang Wu clutched the fabric of her skirt, silent for a few moments before finally asking, “A few days ago, you… Did you ever consider how others would think if you stepped out of this room today?”
This was the Pei residence, and it was Pei Xu’s own quarters. Naturally, no one would dare to gossip about him. But what about Sang Wu?
She glanced at him, holding back tears.
Pei Xu could not miss the resentment in her tone.
His dark eyes returned to Sang Wu.
He was not oblivious, but he had never had a clear understanding of it until now. These past few days, he had been preoccupied with official duties, not even returning to his own quarters. The household must have already been buzzing with speculation, wondering what methods the third branch or Sang Wu had used to make him agree to such an unbelievable arrangement, only to distance and neglect her afterward.
To place someone in such a predicament was truly unjust.
Though he lacked the awareness to be a considerate husband, he had indeed upheld the role of a gentleman all these years. After a moment of silence, he rubbed his brow and asked, "What do you want to do?"
Sang Wu hesitated briefly, as if finding it difficult to speak.
He spoke as gently as possible, "Go ahead, it's fine."
Sang Wu blushed, "I heard that when you're busy with official duties, you often make do at the office…"
Pei Xu followed her gaze to the bamboo couch beside the bed.
"…"
Absurd.
That bamboo couch was originally meant for the night-watch maid to rest on, so she could promptly attend to the master's needs during the night, such as getting up or drinking water. However, Pei Xu was unaccustomed to having maids enter the inner chamber, so it had always remained unused.
Now, the implication was that he should make do with sleeping on that low couch in his own bedroom.
How could Pei Silang, lofty and detached from worldly concerns, tolerate such a thing?
The moonlight, pale as ash, streamed through the window, casting an even colder glow on his face.
Sure enough, Sang Wu's eyes held a trace of timidity.
Biting her lip, she looked up and asked, "Is it possible, my lord?"
How could it be? Pei Xu thought. No one had ever dared to make such a demand of him.
If he had any self-respect left, he would have dismissed the request without a second thought.
But as he met her timid, probing gaze, he was suddenly reminded of the moment when those same eyes had brimmed with fearful tears, trembling as she whispered her fears.
"…"
The words he had spoken to her earlier had been too harsh and unfeeling.
In the past, Pei Xu had firmly believed that showing softness was akin to becoming mired in domestic trivialities. Yet just now, he realized that a husband's consideration and care were not merely the "hopes" of a woman confined to the inner chambers but also the "duty" of a husband.
In the end, it was his indirect actions that had led to breaking his promise, leaving her disappointed after her daytime expectations were dashed and her night spent waiting in vain.
If he were to force this woman using his status, that would truly be the loss of all self-respect.
Unwilling to compromise his gentlemanly demeanor through coercion, he ought to embrace the responsibilities that came with his role and consider his wife's feelings.
Pei Xu walked back and lay down on the low couch.
"Like this, are you at ease?"
The bamboo couch was small, and his tall frame felt somewhat cramped on it, forcing him to bend his legs.
Sang Wu stared blankly for a moment before seeming to finally react, softly uttering an "Mm."
Pei Xu said calmly, "Then let's rest."
Consider it an apology—there was nothing shameful about it.
After a while, her voice, tinged with embarrassment, sounded in the room, "…Shall I switch with you, my lord?"
"No need."
Pei Xu closed his eyes.
He had done what he ought to do.
The bedroom fell silent.
Sang Wu closed her eyes behind the bed curtains, and after a moment, a satisfied smile curled at the corners of her lips.
.
As the breathing beside him grew steady and even, Pei Xu knew Sang Wu had fallen into a peaceful sleep.
An inexplicable restlessness stirred within him.
He was not entirely unaware of his own body; the agitation from their earlier contact should have long since subsided.
So why did this desire… arise again now?
Pei Xu opened the window a crack, letting the cool breeze flood into the room, then lay back down on the bamboo couch.
After several days of insufficient sleep, he recited the calming sutra silently a few times before drifting into a hazy dream.
Perhaps thoughts by day give rise to dreams by night, for in his dream, he personally visited that desolate temple.
Outside, rain poured down in torrents. Behind the cobweb-covered deity statue, a corner of plain white skirt lay scattered, trembling. Could it be a witness?
Pei Xu approached with a torch, crouching to investigate. Just then, a flash of purple lightning lit up the sky, startling the Lady, who shrank into his arms.
The lightning illuminated the temple in stark brightness.
She lifted her head, tears shimmering, delicate and enchanting.
Pei Xu froze.
In the dream, she still said, "Fourth cousin, I… I'm scared…"
Yet her soft body pressed tightly against him, their breaths mingling, unwilling to part even a little.
Pei Xu's Adam's apple bobbed.
The fire striker fell to the ground, and the hand that had been loosely resting at her side tightened, encircling her waist.
He heard his own voice grow slightly hoarse: "Like this… do you feel at ease?"
Author's Note:
Wu: A woman's tears, three parts real, seven parts performance—enough to break your heart.