Erza 5: Chapter 5: vs.
Erza A thoroughly drunk Gildarts stumbled over to Caelan, throwing a heavy arm around his shoulders.
“Hic!
What’d you do to make the Master so mad?” he slurred, leaning his weight onto the younger man.
“That’s…
no good, kid.” Gildarts waved his mug sloppily.
“Come on, come on, drink!
He threw this whole party just for you guys!
Look…
look at Rook and the other guy.
I already drank ’em both under the table!
We can’t…
can’t leave you out!” Caelan stared straight ahead with a deadpan expression, completely uninterested in humoring the drunkard.
“You’re hammered, old man.” Gildarts staggered to his feet, deeply offended.
“Who are you looking down on?!
I’m not drunk!
Someone get me a barrel!
You…
you’re drinking with me!” Before Caelan could even react, Gildarts blurred, reappearing directly behind him.
The massive wizard wrapped his arms and legs around Caelan in a vice-like grip.
“Bring the booze!!!” Caelan’s slight buzz evaporated in an instant.
His usual lazy demeanor shattered into sheer panic.
“Holy crap!
What are you doing?!
Let go!” “Hehehe, we’re drinking~!” At that exact moment, the entire guild—who had just been minding their own business—suddenly turned as one.
Waving massive wooden mugs, a mob of cheering wizards swarmed Caelan.
Makarov watched his trapped new recruit with a wicked grin.
The old man leaped onto the bar counter and ruthlessly pried Caelan’s mouth open.
Taking the cue, the crowd began pouring alcohol straight down his throat.
Glug!
Glug!
Glug!
“You b-bastards…
Master…
glug…
no…
glug…
you have no honor…
glug…” Makarov completely ignored his protests, nodding sagely.
“Ah, to be young again!
His tolerance is almost as good as mine was back in the day.” Glug…
Glug…
After a chaotic period of forced drinking…
Caelan, previously just mildly buzzed, was now completely flushed red, swaying on his feet with a massive wooden keg in one hand.
Gildarts, the man who had initiated the trap, was now pinned firmly under Caelan’s boot.
“Hic!” Caelan swayed, gently kicking the unconscious wizard.
“Hey, old man, get up and drink!
Why are you sleeping on the job?
Hic.” He crouched down and slapped Gildarts’s cheek a few times, getting zero response.
“When did you learn clone magic?
I…
I think…
I see five…
no, eight of you.” A wildly intoxicated grin spread across Caelan’s face.
“Hehehe, perfect!
All eight of you, drink!” Without hesitation, Caelan pried Gildarts’s jaw open and started pouring the keg directly into his mouth.
The unconscious Gildarts began thrashing violently, his eyes rolling back in sheer agony.
“Mmph…
Mmmph!” Thud!
Blech!
The moment Caelan finally stopped pouring, Gildarts violently threw up everything he had consumed.
A faint, wispy white soul literally floated out of the man’s mouth.
Watching from the sidelines, Makarov sobered up instantly.
He had been the one pouring the hardest just minutes ago.
Seeing how terrifying Caelan was when completely blackout drunk sent a shiver down his spine.
Glancing around, Makarov realized the rest of the guild had already passed out during the chaos.
He was the only one left standing.
‘This kid’s drinking habits are absolutely terrible,’ Makarov thought, sweating bullets.
‘Nope!
I’d like to live a few more years.
Time to go.’ Just as Makarov tried to stealthily tiptoe away, the wildly drunk Caelan spun around and hollered, “Master!” Makarov flinched so hard his joints popped.
Cold sweat rolled down his forehead as he slowly, mechanically turned his head back around.
Caelan took a step forward, accidentally planting his foot squarely onto Gildarts’s stomach.
The poor man violently wretched again, his ghostly soul drifting even further away from his body.
But the misstep threw off Caelan’s balance.
He tipped over like a felled tree, crashing face-first into the floorboards.
He didn’t move again.
“Phew…
thank goodness.” Makarov wiped his brow.
Surveying his completely decimated guild of passed-out wizards, the sole survivor proudly puffed out his chest, stepped over the bodies, and strolled home.
Noon, the next day.
Caelan slowly opened his eyes, blinking up at an unfamiliar ceiling.
He groaned, clutching his throbbing head as he forced himself to sit up.
“My head is killing me…
what happened last night?” He rubbed his temples, drawing a complete blank.
“How did I even get back here?” He glanced out the window, wincing as the harsh midday sun hit his eyes.
“What time is it?
Why didn’t Rook or Finn wake me up?” he muttered.
Realizing it was already noon, he threw off the covers.
“Alcohol really ruins everything.
I was supposed to take a quest today.
Crap, I need to get to the guild!” Caelan threw on his clothes and practically sprinted down the street toward the guildhall.
When he finally arrived, he found the entire guild gathered outside the building in a massive, noisy crowd.
“Huh?
Why is everyone out here?” Macao was standing on a barrel, shouting through a makeshift paper megaphone.
“Step right up!
Step right up!
The Strongest Rookie vs.
The Strongest Female Mage!
Odds are three to one for the Rookie!
Three to one for the female Mage!
Place your bets!
Place your bets!” Hearing the betting calls, Caelan instantly realized what was going on.
‘Wait…
did I even agree to this yesterday?
I mean…
maybe?
Did I?’ While he was still wracking his hungover brain, the sharp clanking of armor sounded from behind him.
“You’re finally here.
I’ve been waiting all morning.
Let us begin.” Caelan turned around, scratching his cheek awkwardly.
“Look, Erza…
I’m really not in fighting shape today, could we—” Before he could finish his sentence, Erza was already airborne, her broadsword slashing downward in a lethal arc.
Startled out of his mind, Caelan instantly sidestepped the blade.
“Holy—you didn’t even let me finish talking!” The moment Erza had drawn her weapon, the surrounding crowd had scrambled back, forming a massive clearing for the two of them.
“Get him, Erza!!” “Whoooo!” “Boss!
You gotta win!
We literally bet our entire life savings on you!!” Caelan shot a sideways glance at Finn, then reached into his pocket, pulled out a thick stack of cash, and threw it at him.
“Go!
Put it all on me!” But while he was distracted, Erza closed the gap in a flash.
With a fierce battle cry, she thrust her sword forward—driving the blade cleanly straight through Caelan’s chest.
The chaotic cheering completely died.
Total, horrifying silence fell over the square.
Erza froze in place, her eyes widening in absolute shock.
“I…
I didn’t…
but…” “Did…
did she just cut the new kid in half?” Macao whispered, going pale.
Wakaba dropped his cigar.
“Did we take this too far?” The only people still screaming at the top of their lungs were Rook and Finn, blindly cheering for their boss.
Standing at the edge of the crowd, Makarov saw right through the trick.
‘This kid’s affinity and mastery over light elements is so high he can actually elementalize his physical body?
In all my years, I’ve never seen anything like it.’ He sighed inwardly.
‘I’d love to pass my own Magic down to him…
but this frustrating brat doesn’t even have a Magic Container!
It’s infuriating!’ Seeing the horrified, grief-stricken atmosphere completely consume the guild, Makarov finally yelled out.
“You brat!
Stop playing dead!
That’s going a little too far!” At Makarov’s shout, the “corpse” lying motionless on the ground suddenly snapped its eyes open.
The crowd shrieked in absolute terror.
“Aaagh!
He’s a zombie!
Zombie!!” A blinding flash of golden light erupted, and Caelan rematerialized completely unharmed, dusting off his jacket with a lazy grin.
“Physical attacks don’t work on me, you know.” Erza instantly realized she had been played.
Her face flushed bright red with fury.
“You absolute bastard!!” Finn shook his head in disgust.
“The boss really is a bastard, playing with a young girl’s delicate feelings like that.
Total scumbag!” “Agreed,” Rook nodded solemnly.
“Just because he has a pretty face doesn’t mean he can just do whatever he wants.
I despise him!”