[B, i, g, b, r, o, t, h, e, r, h, o, w, i, s, t, h, i, s, f, o, r, f, o, r, c, e!] Tong You stepped down hard on Qilian’s lower back, spitting out one character per step.
His legs were far too sore, and a deep, overwhelming exhaustion washed over him. Standing on Qilian’s back made him feel nervous and terrified, and the final few words were practically squeezed out through gritted teeth.
“Mm, it’s alright, I suppose.” Qilian squinted and smiled.
Tong You: (Barring his teeth) Alright, I suppose?!
Qilian raised a hand, directing him with a wave: “A little more to the right.”
Tong You took a step and stomped down. [Right here?]
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“A little more to the left.”
Tong You: You son of a dog, I am going to stomp you to death.
“Close your eyes, quiet your mind.”
Qilian sat cross-legged with his eyes closed, his palms resting flat against his lower abdomen. Tong You puffed out his chest, trying to sit as upright as possible, closed his eyes, and began listening to Qilian’s mental-clearing instructions.
Sigh, I haven’t even eaten the pastries Shien brought me yet. If I don’t eat them soon, they might go bad. Thinking this, Tong You cracked open one eye to peek at Qilian. Seeing that the man had already entered a meditative state, he opened the other eye as well.
I’ll just go grab a quick bite and come right back. Surely he won’t notice. He lifted his rear end and stood up, his nine tails carefully trailing behind him.
The moment his little paws touched the ground, an unhappy voice rang out from behind him: “Come back.”
Tong You turned his head to look at him, discovering that Qilian hadn’t even opened his eyes. Banking on a sliver of hope, he turned back around, deliberately made some noise, and then slowly turned his head back.
“This lord will not say it a second time.” Qilian’s voice was ice-cold, making Tong You shudder a little. It seemed the man was genuinely angry this time.
Drooping his ears in disappointment, Tong You returned to his original spot.
Listening to Qilian drone on and on in a bunch of incomprehensible archaic prose, Tong You’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits, feeling like he had been dragged back to those agonizing school lectures that always put him to sleep instantly.
Tong You’s head bobbed up and down, his body swaying side to side. Finally unable to hold out any longer, he collapsed flat onto the floor, pressing his face against the soft daybed with his little legs sprawled out on either side, and fell fast asleep.
If the body is gone, desires lead astray.
After a long while, sensing that Tong You’s restless movements had completely stopped, Qilian figured the little beast must have finally entered the meditative state. He opened his eyes with a sense of quiet satisfaction, only to find that Tong You had long since curled up into a ball and was sleeping soundly.
A soft, irritated chuckle escaped Qilian.
Creeping over on tiptoe and steadying his breathing, he leaned right down by Tong You’s ear and roared at the top of his lungs, “Stupid cat! Do you not want to live anymore?!”
“Yipe!”
Startled completely out of his wits, Tong You bounced straight up. Still half-dazed from being rudely awakened, he staggered sideways for a couple of steps, missed the edge of the daybed, and tumbled right off.
Qilian made a move to catch him, but it was already too late. He could only silently raise a hand to cover his face, as it looked far too painful to watch.
[Ah] Tong You extended a paw and let out a miserable, groaning squeak.
Stinky Durian!
After a good long while, Tong You finally managed to hook his paws onto the fabric of the daybed and hoist himself back up. [Agh, hiss, Stinky Durian, damn your ancestors…]
He planted both paws on the edge of the daybed and painfully rested his chin against them, wearing an expression of absolute agony. Seeing this, Qilian felt a strange wave of satisfaction wash over him. He had been kind enough to teach him cultivation, yet the little ingrate had fallen fast asleep after mere moments. Served him right, as this was the price of slacking off.
Sitting cross-legged with his elbows propped on his thighs and his head resting in his hand, Qilian looked at the pouting, deeply aggrieved Tong You. “You can’t possibly blame this lord for this. You’re the one who lost your footing and fell off. Why are you trying to pin this on me?”
[You saw me about to fall, and you couldn’t even use a spell to catch me?] Tong You whimpered as he hauled himself back onto the daybed.
“Who told you not to pay attention during your lessons? Consider this a punishment,” Qilian chuckled.
Tong You mumbled weakly, [I was paying attention, I was just a little sleepy and dozed off for a tiny second…]
“Just a tiny second?” Qilian leaned in close to Tong You’s face.
[Mm.] Tong You pulled his neck back, stumbling a little. [Don’t lean in so close, I’m going to lose my balance.]
“Let me remind you,” Qilian murmured right beside Tong You’s ear, “if you don’t study properly, three hundred years from now when you leave the Demon Realm, you won’t survive three days before becoming someone else’s meal.”
Oh crap, three hundred years from now? Will I even live that long? Oh right, I forgot, this is an immortal cultivation world. Wait, how old is this stinky durian right now anyway?
Tong You froze for a moment, turning his head to look at Qilian, only to end up bumping noses directly with the fellow.
Tong You blinked. When this guy wasn’t speaking, he really did look the picture of an elegant young noble.
Suddenly, a warm stream rushed out from his nose. Tong You couldn’t help but scrunch up his nose and sniff hard. Hearing the loud sniffing sound, Qilian’s brows locked tightly together, his complexion turning a sickly pale green as an expression of sheer fury washed over him, as if he wanted to swallow Tong You alive.
Pushing Tong You away, Qilian pulled a clean handkerchief from his robes and frantically wiped his face.
Completely dazed by the shove, Tong You simply flopped over and lay flat.
As he lay there, his nine tails flicking lazily behind him in a very leisurely fashion, he glanced at Qilian, who was still furiously wiping his face, and grumbled in displeasure, [What’s your problem? It didn’t even spray on your face, why are you acting like such a germophobe?]
Qilian rolled his eyes at him.
[Alright already, you’re going to scrub your nose raw.]
Wagging his tails, Tong You continued, [I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s way too cold in here, I think I caught a mild cold. You should show a little understanding and maybe give me another blanket.]
“You grew a whole coat of fur just to look pretty, didn’t you?!” With that, Qilian reached out and began aggressively rummaging through the soft fur on his belly.
[Ahahaha, stop tickling me!] Overwhelmed by tickles, Tong You rolled over onto his back, tiny tears welling up at the corners of his eyes.
After that episode, Tong You finally knuckled down and earnestly followed Qilian’s lessons. Feeling the surge of energy circulating through his body, he was both shocked and delighted, knowing his journey into cultivation had finally truly begun.
A flame-like mark gradually materialized between his brows. As the spiritual power subsided, the mark slowly faded back into his orange-yellow fur.
Tong You half-opened one eye to sneak a peek at Qilian, only to discover that the fellow had actually managed to fall asleep on his own this time.
Oh, perfect. Tong You ground his teeth together with a squeak. Just as he lifted a paw, a thought suddenly struck him. He retracted his foot and hopped down off the daybed.
The pastries! The pastries! I almost forgot about you. Walking on silent paws, Tong You crept toward the back of the massive pillar where the food box was hidden.
Placing a paw against the edge of the food box lid, Tong You pushed it forward with all his might. As the lid slowly slid open, a rich, sweet aroma drifted out from the box. Gripping the rim of the box with his paws and pushing with his hind legs, Tong You carefully poked his head inside.
So good! And they’re all different flavors too. This big sister is the best.
When Qilian woke up, he noticed that Tong You was no longer by his side. Sitting up and scanning the hall, he spotted a white figure hiding behind one of the pillars. Slipping quietly closer, Qilian discovered that Tong You had buried his entire head inside a food box and was happily chowing down on something that smelled remarkably sweet.
Leaning down slightly, he reached past Tong You’s head and expertly pinched the furry scruff of his neck, hauling him straight out of the box.
The instant he was grabbed by the scruff, Tong You knew the jig was up. When he was turned around to face the man’s expression, he managed an awkward, helpless smile. A few pastry crumbs clinging to his whiskers fell off as his facial muscles twitched, drifting down to land on Qilian’s robes.
I’m dead. This guy is a total clean freak.
Crouching down while holding Tong You by the scruff, Qilian pushed the food box lid all the way open. He stared at the remaining half-piece of pastry and the lone skewer of candied hawthorns inside, then turned his gaze to Tong You, who was busy licking his lips.
Tong You froze, staring up at him with wide, watery eyes.
“Shien gave these to you?” Qilian asked, picking up the candied hawthorns.
Tong You nodded, but suddenly realizing how that looked, he began shaking his head frantically. He couldn’t possibly bring trouble down on Sister Shien!
Qilian brought the candied hawthorns to his nose and sniffed. An enticingly sweet aroma drifted out. The appearance and scent were both top-tier, so the taste should be decent too, he figured, and took a bite.
The thin shell of hardened sugar cracked away, the hawthorn gave way, and a delightful sweet-and-sour fruit flavor instantly bloomed in his mouth, leaving a lingering aftertaste.
[What are you doing?! Those were given to me by Sister Shien!]
Panicking, Tong You kicked his legs out, trying to launch a flying kick at Qilian, but the man simply shifted him to the other hand.
[You… how can a dignified Demon Lord act like this? Stealing a kid’s food? Hey, give it back to me! I haven’t even tasted it yet! Ahhhh!] Tong You thrashed and struggled desperately.
[Ahhhhhhhhhh]
Hearing his frantic screeching gave Qilian a headache. After chewing a couple of times, he shoved the remaining portion straight into Tong You’s mouth. “Shut your trap, you’re way too loud.”
Terrified, Tong You instinctively bit down on the small remaining piece. Mmph mmph mmph, can you hold it, it’s going to fall!
Mmph mmph, it’s going to fall!
Tong You shoved the candied hawthorn deeper into his mouth with all his might, but it was too big. His cheeks bulged out completely. As he managed to bite down hard from the side, he forgot just how strong his teeth currently were, and he snapped the wooden skewer clean in half! Hearing the crisp crunch of the sugar coating shattering, Tong You felt his heart sink into an abyss.
Since things had come to this, he had no choice but to deploy his ultimate weapon of making a scene, rolling on the floor, and threatening to throw a tantrum.
His nose stinging, his mouth flew open, the half-chewed treat tumbled out onto the floor, and he let out a resounding wail: “Waa!”
Watching the skewered fruit roll across the floor to land right by his shoe, Qilian felt his head throbbing violently. Oh great, here comes the waterworks.
[My candied hawthorns! I didn’t even get a single bite, and I’ve never even eaten them before in my life!]
[Sister Shien gave those to me! How could you, how could you just—even if you weren’t going to eat them, you didn’t have to put them back in my mouth like that! Is my mouth supposed to be a trash can? I couldn’t even bite down properly! You have some nerve bullying a little beast who hasn’t even reached a month old yet!]
[Agh, agh, stinky Durian, I hate you!]
Qilian set Tong You down on the floor, squatting before him with an expression of pure, unadulterated distress. He had absolutely no idea how to comfort a crying child.
“The floor is very clean, you know. You can just pick it up, wash it off, and it’s still fine to eat.” Qilian picked up the skewer with its remaining three candied fruits, waving them right in front of Tong You’s face. To be fair, looking at it closely, it really was still completely clean.
[You wash it and eat it first!] Tong You abruptly cut off his tears, looking deadpan with wet streaks still clinging to his face.
Qilian blinked in surprise. The kid’s mood swings were faster than his own combat reflexes.
Seeing Qilian hesitate, Tong You blinked his teary eyes. [I knew it. You won’t even eat it yourself, but you expect me to eat it. Your heart is darker than those rogue cultivators!]
Clutching his forehead and letting out a long, weary sigh, Qilian gave up. “Fine, fine. It’s just a bunch of candied hawthorns. This lord will compensate you with ten strings of them. Now, do me a favor and close your mouth.”
Knowing he was in the wrong and having no grounds to throw his weight around, Qilian reasoned that it was just a cheap street snack. As a Demon Lord, it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it; he could just send someone out to buy a whole bunch to make it up to the little guy, which should count as coaxing him, right?
[Really?] Tong You asked doubtfully. He seriously wondered how this guy had ever managed to become a Demon Lord. Was he some kind of puppet ruler like the emperors in historical dramas?
“Believe it or not.” Tossing the words over his shoulder, Qilian turned around and walked away.
He was exhausted; he needed a rest.