Unable to get a hold of my chaotic heart, I barely perceived when two vampires approached us from the side.
“Oh, look, if it isn’t, Prince Loki.” A man announced, startling me.
Instinctively, the prince pulled me into his arms, appearing to get defensive because of their approach. It was two men I had never seen before. Then again, I didn’t know anyone in this city.
“You didn’t tell us you were coming downtown today.” The same man chatted.
Loki held me closer to his chest, allowing his warmth to seep into my core.
Are they your friends?
However, his demeanor was off for that.
“Hey, why are you so quiet?” the green-eyed vampire asked.
Soon after, they spotted me in the prince’s arms as I couldn’t help but get closer to him.
“Oh ho, what’s that? Is that a treat you have for us?” The brown-eyed one followed his fellow.
Eh? A treat? Did you bring me here for that? Surely, it isn’t... Right? Or did you have a change of mind? I... No, the men said they didn’t know... but... what if I didn’t answer correctly? Would you have left me to these two?
Loki clicked his tongue, “Not this time. Move along.”
I held onto his shirt, feeling vulnerable after letting go in a way I hadn’t in years. I wasn’t ready to deal with them. The doors to my heart weren’t closing fast enough after slamming open for this vampire. I wasn’t recovering quickly enough.
“Hm, that pretty little thing must be something if you aren’t willing to share her.” The brown-eyed man commented, triggering Eli to hiss, which caused him to flinch away from us.
Though the other one appeared intent on getting to know me.
“I said move along,” Loki repeated in a harsher tone.
I felt off about the entire thing, as a familiar yet foreign feeling surged within me when he said ‘share’.
Had I been passed around before, too? Why are their words bothering me so much? Get a grip!
The moment that thought passed through my mind, a memory also rose in a blur.
“Give me the book!”
“No, it is mine!”
“The pages are mine!”
Stop it! It hurts... It hurts...
The memory caused me to flinch, catching one of the vampire’s eyes.
Huh? What’s this feeling?
“Hey, sweet thing, what’s your name?” the man tilted his head towards me.
“Oi, I said move along before Eli decides to have one of you as a snack!” The prince snarled, pressing my chest against his chest.
This time, Eli also grew a few sizes larger, prompting the men to back off.
“Sorry, man, I didn’t know you were that serious!” They ran away soon after.
My body trembled where I stood, barely able to keep the emotions swirling inside with the lid.
Hah… What did I expect? For you to be my friend? No, you’re probably just like the others. You came here to sell me to those people. Just like... my past life. No one will ever want me for who I am, but for what I can offer.
Noticing my tremors, Loki gazed down at me.
“Are you cold?” he breathed as I couldn’t help but snap.
“So, that’s why you brought me here? What happened? Did you have a change of heart?” I mumbled into his chest.
“What? No, I—” He tried to excuse himself, but I used all my strength to shove him down onto the floor.
There, I scowled at him.
You’re no protector. No, you’re just...
I didn’t know what expression I had on my face. However, it caused words to refuse to leave Loki’s mouth. I felt like I was breaking down, where I stood, as the cracks on my mask were visible.
I thought I got a bit closer to you, but it seems I’m just like everyone else to you! I’m just a thing to pass around as you please! Just like the gods before you, I’m nothing worth protecting or living!
Hah… this reality check was one I needed. I can’t ever have friends of anything else.
Yet I wanted it all.
“It seems no matter who they are. Men will always be disgusting pigs.” My voice broke.
If only I could erase you! But I can’t! If I do, I’ll…
“Vivian, wait—” I didn’t let him finish as I grabbed onto his shirt.
I grabbed onto Loki’s shirt in my fist, straddling him like I had by the fountain when he pulled me into his lap. Although this time, it was all me. He was seeing me break, and I couldn’t stop it.
Why... does it hurt so much?
“Wait, Vivian, I promise, I didn’t—” Loki tried to explain, but honestly, my emotions were flooding over my senses and a rational sense of thought.
I knew he had protected me, yet I couldn’t stop myself from hurting.
“Shut up! To you all, I’m just a piece of meat for the taking, aren’t I?” I shoot back, prompting his eyes to widen.
Hah… if only I could kill you. Everything… would be so easy.
“Well, then take me, Loki! That’s what you want, no? That’s what everyone wants! To take me and use me like some tool before throwing me away!” I snarled, gripping him tighter.
Make me hate you so I don’t feel confused anymore. So that this warmth isn’t poisonous to me anymore!
In that instant, his eyes turned gentle, triggering my eyes to sting as I felt like crying, yet the tears never fell. I would never allow anyone to see me weep because of pain.
“Vivi—” the apologetic vampire began, but I wasn’t having it.
Hah… If he won’t take me, then I will give myself to you. Perhaps then this stupid madness will end. All I wanted was to protect you! Why do you have to make this so hard?!
Before he could even finish my name, I grabbed the back of his head as I yanked him into me, planting my lips on his. The instant they brushed against one another, a warmth radiated into my body as I closed my eyes, wishing to fall deeper into it.
Ah… They are softer and tender than I thought. I want to… No… I can’t!
It wasn’t long until I pulled away, leaving a stunned Loki in my wake. His gaze was wide open, sitting there silently with his cheeks redder than blood itself. Mine were probably the same color, too.
This… Why… does it feel so right?
“There… Are you happy? I’ve never done that before. So, I must suck.” I sighed, trying to hold everything in.
Loki was something I could never get rid of, but it was too much.
Why did I have to be a tool to be passed around? A thing no one wants. I just… don’t want to be a means to an end!
The only thing I desired was to be a person, but that was forbidden for me, too. More silly thoughts filled my mind, sitting there in silence as the quiet used to be so pleasant for me, but instead, I found myself wandering back to him, wishing to hear anything from him.
“Hey, say something, damn it!” I snapped at the vampire, who cracked out of his shock, pulling me into his chest.
There, I heard his heart pounding as hard as mine did. I felt his chest rise and fall with each breath, which soothed my soul.
“Shit!” Loki cursed under his breath, holding me close. “Vivian, I swear I came here with you to talk. I hoped you would slip if we were alone together, but not to hand you to those fools. I promise, it wasn’t for that.”
His voice cracked, making me realize what I had done. My emotions had twisted the moment into something else, as I had fallen into its trap.
“I swear, Vivian. I wouldn’t do that to you like that. I only resort to that when I get the stalker bitches who don’t back off after being pranced around in… Well, what I had planned for you yesterday, but you rejected me. I swear, please believe me.” He clarified, as I felt my cheeks burn hotter because of it.
Crap… What have I done?
I stayed still for a moment, trying to hold in what spilled, before I nodded slightly as he slowly released me.
“I see, I misunderstood,” I mumbled, wiping my face with my sleeves, gazing away from Loki.
After that massive stupidity, how can I face you? Perhaps I ruined everything with that action. Damn it…
“It’s okay. I did something fucked up yesterday. It’s only reasonable you’d think that.” Loki tried to dismiss the entire event.
No, this isn’t fine. I let myself feel, and that’s why this happened.
I shook my head, refusing to look at him. “No, it isn’t okay. I’m sorry for assaulting you like that because of a misunderstanding. I should’ve thought about it more clearly.”
Crap… You must’ve felt so disgusted by that. I don’t know if I did it right either. Argh! This is so embarrassing!
The moment those words left my lips, the vampire grabbed my chin, pulling me to face him. Before I knew it, he closed his eyes, leaning into a light kiss like earlier. At that moment, I froze in place as I didn’t know what to do.
Even though I had started the first one, I didn’t expect another innocent kiss to follow. It was too sweet and warm for my heart to bear. It was like fireworks exploded within me, triggering me to hold onto his shirt tighter.
This was nothing like I had initially expected, leaving me craving more of it, yet as soon as it started, it ended when he tugged away from me.
“There we’re even.” Loki simpered, licking his lips.
His cheeks were rosy as mine burned hotter than ever before as I found myself at a loss for words. Luckily, I quickly cleared my throat, shaking my head again.
Even?! Not even close!
“Far from that,” I mumbled, unable to put a lid on the feelings erupting from me fast enough.
Sadly, for this blunder, I had no one else but myself to blame. These emotions growing within were hard to drown as the attraction was there. I surely couldn’t stop myself from falling for the vampire after this.
“Hm... How so?” Loki asked as a soft smile rose on his lips.
I went to say something, only to stop, gazing towards the ground with my cheeks puffed.
How will I ever face you with the same poker face?
At least, all the horrible feelings subsided, yet they left something worse behind.
“I would have to make you choose between a lingerie, vibrators, and a three-way for us to be even,” I grumbled, struggling to put a lid on the emotions spilling out of me.
All the while, Loki was witnessing part of the real me.
“Ah, I look forward to that then,” he smirked playfully.
I went to counter him, but all that left me was a sneeze, which triggered him to stand up and reach down for me.
“Let’s go back before you get sick.” Loki declared, and all of a sudden, he appeared so bright that I almost felt blinded by him.
Is any of this okay?
I hesitantly grabbed onto his hand, which he used to get me up with ease. Letting go, I tried to clean myself, attempting to steady my crazy heart.
If only it would shut up. It needs to stop racing so much!
“Oh, Vivian.” Loki voiced, startling me as I slowly shifted my glance toward him, only to notice he was locked on me.
You’re eyes…
I felt my heart stop.
“Y-yes?” I stuttered, unable to recover well.
He smiled, setting my heart ablaze again.
Please... stop... I... can’t take it. Be mean to me.
“You didn’t suck at it. You’re just innocent.” He reassured me, leaving me feeling as if I were in the clouds.
Eli coiled around his neck once again as my voice slowly found its way.
“S-Shut up,” I grumbled, barely able to keep straight.
This feeling is poison, yet how do I stop it?
My words caused him to chuckle as his voice was tickling my ears.
End this!
I rolled my eyes, moving away from him. “Fine, I’m leaving then! I don’t need to stay with such a handful, flirtatious prince!”
However, before I could get far, he suddenly picked me up in his arms, preventing me from leaving. The sudden motion caused me to grab onto him for dear life again.
“Now, if you walk like that, you’ll get sick. If that happens, I won’t have you as my alarm clock tomorrow. So, hang on, sweetheart.” Loki smirked, gazing down at me.
My poor heart raced faster because of it.
Sly... Wait... If you...
“Wait, Loki!” I voiced, knowing that last time I barely was able to hold it in.
This time, surely, I would empty my stomach if he did so. In response, he chuckled, almost as if he had read my mind.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fly you there this time,” He assured me, gazing up at the sky.
Wait, d-did you just say fly?!
Eli floated once again beside us as I could barely catch up anymore. I had never flown in my entire life. That world was reserved for the birds, not me.
“No, I can’t—” My voice died off when I saw feathers fall around him.
Something I thought I would never witness was happening before my eyes as I couldn’t help but feel my eyes sparkle when, in an instant, majestic, pure white wings sprouted from the vampire’s back. The last time I saw them, they had been covered in blood, but this time they were snowy white, much like his silvery white hair.
Feathers gathered around us when he stretched them out further than I could see from his arms.
“Like what you see?” Loki teased, noticing my amazement.
I had seen nothing more beautiful before.
Like? Hah… You’re exceptional, Loki.
“Magnificent,” I breathed, reaching for his wing, though I quickly pulled away, realizing what I was about to do.
No… That world isn’t mine.
My words triggered his cheeks to turn a shade of pink as I gazed up to meet his eyes.
“Uh... That’s a first for me.” Loki chuckled.
That was when I noticed we were already floating in the air, which made my heart drop, clinging to him for dear life again.
“Wait!” I squealed, not ready for what was coming.
Soon after those words left me, we were in the air and on our way towards the castle.
“Don’t panic. I won’t drop you.” He assured me, as the wind in my hair was far from comforting.
“That isn’t the issue!” I huffed, closing my eyes.
Surprisingly, it was a nice feeling, but what came next…
“Ah, don’t close your eyes. You’ll miss the view.” He breathed, prompting my eyes to flutter open.
Huh?
The moment the light shone into them, I got to see the city below us. He flew at a leisurely pace so as not to cause me any more stress, allowing me to see the city below us appear like the stars from above. Once again, this boy had shown me a world I had never seen before—one only reserved for winged creatures such as himself, and it was a beautiful one.
Though what stole my heart that day was his soul, and it was pure as snow.