By the time I made it to the shower, I found myself almost unable to hold it together. Not even the warm water running through my cold body was comforting. Emma and Zoe saw me rush into the shower without a word, which wasn’t nice, but I couldn’t bring myself to keep my mask up anymore.
The girls were waiting for me the entire time, yet I couldn’t even face them. So, I locked the bathroom door without telling them a thing. My body shook lightly, triggering my skin to give off a low hue. I had taken off the brooch to shower, allowing my true self to shine through. My emotions were a mess, yet all I could do was try to figure out a way to bottle them in.
It was the first time I felt this way. My heart was beating too fast when I suddenly gave off an energy wave, making the lights flicker. Curses left my mouth, unable to get rid of the feeling of Loki’s lips on mine.
They had stained them with a warmth that couldn’t be washed away, no matter how hard I scrubbed. I managed to get away from the prince when he was called out by Leo the moment we got there. The pup had been waiting for Loki outside the castle, which allowed me to escape.
This marked the second night, and I was already a mess.
Unstable… pathetic for me… How can a simple mortal boy do this to a goddess?!
Lilith used to joke with me about how women around my age tend to fall for men easily.
But I’m not like other girls! I can’t allow myself to be swooned by a boy who will hate me the moment he knows who I am!
I needed to get it together, yet my lips burned as this attraction was fatal.
How stupid can I be to allow myself to get lost in the emotions that you don’t even cause? I pushed all my baggage on you without realizing it! How will I be able to face you tomorrow after this blunder?!
Argh! You also had the gall to call me innocent!
I had already told him I wasn’t, and I was far from it. The blood that stained me was far beyond harmless.
I know I’m a monster, just like Rem said, so why am I…
That day defined me, even though my father told me not to let it, which was why I acted like the monster I was supposed to be in most cases. It was easier than reflecting on who I wanted to be.
After all, killing anyone who annoys me is easier than letting them live. At least it should be… But…
However, I chose to walk away most of the time, unless I were dragged back in by the person I would usually leave alone, and I hurt no one from the coven.
But… there isn’t an innocent bone in my body anymore. Don’t forget, Vivian. You’re a monster and can’t be anything else. After saving this boy, I have to leave here.
Warming myself up in the shower, I dressed for the night before lying down on the soft bed. Emma and Zoe didn’t dare ask me what was wrong; instead, they let me be as I found myself unable to fall asleep. Even though I needed to get up in only a few hours, my heart raced while I replayed everything that happened. I covered my entire body with the blankets, feeling like my cheeks would burn off any moment.
Stop trying to kill me, heart... Please... slow down! That kiss means nothing! Why is it so hard to place the cap back on my spilling emotions? Argh! Why does my whole life need to be a struggle?
After a struggle, I managed to find my slumber even though my heart wanted to run a marathon instead. It was the first time I felt like this. However, the pleasant feelings that plagued me before I slept were quickly washed away when I jolted awake with the same sensation every night left me with.
Hah… Another nightmare? It seems you can take my senses away, but not those, Loki.
Even the next morning, my nerves were on high thanks to my spectacular blunder the night before. All because I allowed my feelings to influence me instead of rationalizing everything.
I thought I was better than that. Hah… You’re so stupid, Vivian.
Unable to stay in bed, I headed to the bathroom to get ready, knowing that the alarm would sound in just a couple of minutes. By the time it rang, I was already sitting in bed, waiting for Emma and Zoe to get ready. I could feel the glares from the other girls while they got dressed, whispering to each other about me.
Even though they thought they were being low, I could hear them.
“I was up last night, looking through my phone, when doll face came in drenched. She looked like a wet rag that was carried in.” Ivy snickered.
Emery supported her gossip with laughter, too. “Poor thing wasn’t she with the prince? I wonder if he dropped her somewhere to cool off that weird vibe she gives.”
Quinn followed along, too. “Probably, she’s so full of herself. Who wouldn’t want to show her place in this world? She should learn that already.”
They all agreed I was out of place—a funny thing, since I didn’t want to be in their low space.
This is a necessity for survival. Nothing more or less, remember that, Vivian.
“Did you see how she spoke to Alistair last night?” Ivy brought up.
Huh? I didn’t see you there. Were you following Alistair or stalking the twins?
“Yeah, she’s too much. Probably too dumb to know what’s good for her, too.” Quinn sighed.
I agreed with some of what she said since I was foolish for what happened yesterday. A sigh left my lips when Emma and Zoe finally finished dressing. Luckily, they hadn’t heard the other girls. This room had two bathrooms connected to it, which was helpful for the six girls who were stuck in one room.
I stood up, walking out of the room, knowing the girls were wrong.
It was I who dropped the prince first.
Thankfully, their stupid chatter was all I needed to get back into my usual self as Emma and Zoe followed me out, not wanting to be left behind. The entire way there, the two complained about what a horrible person Oswald was to them the previous night in the hopes I would open up to them about what happened.
The warlock had treated them like crap telling them what to do and how to do it. It honestly made Emma fume the entire time they were trying to get him out of the room.
Oh, and getting him out of the bed was another nightmare. The prince was a dead log that needed to be coaxed out of bed with an iron fist, or so Emma assured.
“He is such a brat! We asked him to take us to where Loki went with you last night, and he told us we should just run around town if we wanted before slamming the door on us!” Zoe huffed, crossing her arms.
“Oswald’s a fucking ass! I can barely stand him!” Emma growled, snapping at the surrounding air.
Luckily, he was nowhere near her and probably was in a coma if anything they said was real.
“Careful, you’re going to get a shock if someone hears you,” I warned.
“Argh! For him, it might be worth it!” She puffed her cheeks.
A soft hum left my lips as I carried on until Zoe suddenly stopped in front of me, forcing me to face her.
Crap... I shouldn’t have said anything. Why can’t you leave me alone?
“I didn’t pry about what happened last night, but you’re acting a little odd. So, Vivian, what happened yesterday?” Zoe asked bluntly.
I had tried to hold it together, but I guess I showed something.
Hah... Loki, you really messed with me. Why did you kiss me instead of getting angry? Didn’t I assault you?
Zoe’s mention of the previous night brought everything back as I clasped my chest with my hands.
Say something… Anything…
“Ah... Well, I decided Loki needed a bath, that was all.” I answered, trying to keep down the memory of the two kisses.
She grabbed onto my shoulder, unsure of what I said until a flash of disgust rose on her face.
“Huh? You bathed Loki?!” Zoe blurted out, eyes twitching.
I noticed my choice of words was not the correct ones to explain what happened briefly.
Oh... I think I just added to their dislike of the princes. Oops... This isn’t what I intended, but perhaps a way out. No… that would bring more heat on you, wouldn’t it? Wait… Wait! Why do I care?!
Shaking my head, I cleared my throat. “No, I pushed him into a fountain for being a flirt. Then he pulled me into it, too, as payback. That’s all.”
“Huh?!” Her eyes still twitched. “How dare he!”
There was no pleasant scenario for them, even though that memory was one I would hold fondly.
“He pulled you in there with him?!” Emma yelped from behind.
A soft sigh left me as I ignored it this time, walking towards where Gerta was. Loki was about to get a death glare yet again. Luckily, we met with the old maid in the staff’s lounge before the other two could keep going, allowing me to find peace.