3:04pm Saturday - Gavin
Yeah, I deserved that.
Half an hour of trying to be a wingman for Felicity, and Amity just kept giving me the saddest glances. Is she actually gay? She has dated girls before, I met some of them. Was this whole thing just a extended rouse to try and woo me? Did they think it would be easier to forcefem a cis guy if they forcefemmed themself too? Does that make them gay? If I became a girl like they wanted would they be straight or not? Do they want that, or am I overthinking this?
Honestly, chat, I don't think the word gay is robust enough in its definition to cover the nonsense we've gotten ourselves into.
What do you think, Amity?
"So what now?"
"We call it a draw and go home? These tights are causing me more problems than being observed possibly could." Yeah, at this point I'm fine with a gentleman's agreement. This whole thing might have been a mistake. I need to stop getting so riled up when it comes to trying to dress femme.
I hold out my hand to offer it for a shake.
Amity stares at it confused for a few seconds, as if she forgot how to shake hands, before grasping my hand and giving it a solid heave ho. Her hands are small and delicate, like the rest of her. Him. Like the rest of him.
I do wonder how David thinks of me. Am I just a freak in a dress? Felicity didn't even blink twice at the fact I was wearing a dress. Though...she also didn't notice I wasn't wearing my beanie until she was standing next to me. Maybe her eyes were on Amity the whole time. But who doesn't notice a dress? She doesn't see me as a woman, and as a woman herself she's pretty much the expert I would defer to on if I count as one. If other women don't see me as one, who am I to disagree? David isn't an expert here, he's also a man. A man's man. A man who's engaged in some really weird mind games. So not much of a reliable source on the topic.
David let's go of my hand, and we walk our separate ways. I'm heading straight back to the disabled toilet to change clothes and take off this bra. David heads back the way he dragged me before we got to the food court and vanishes amongst the crowd.
Maybe this is the end. We both concede this isn't a game we need to play and never mention it again. These clothes will just be a treasure I keep 'till I'm old and grey that give me comfort that I got close, but not close enough. That if I squint, I could see it, I could see a woman who might look like me.
But she isn't me.
I'm no woman.
3:10pm Friday - Amity
I only have a few minutes.
Gavin obviously went to change back into their non-torture clothes. So I have however long it takes from them to change that I can move around the mall with no one the wiser.
So I'm just going to go back to the lingerie shop and buy those better bra fillers.
I don't know what I look like without the pads. But if she could get results that convinced me, a felonious boob looker, maybe I can convince myself I have a pair too.
"Ahh, welcome back, miss." She thinks she got me with the hard sell (and the kind of sexual harassment), and she's right. But I don't have time for banter.
"I was wondering about the item we were discussing earlier."
"Do you want to get fitted for a bra also? They work best with our budding and support line of bras." The hard sell won't work here lady, I'm utterly pressed for time and I know what I've got: nothing worth looking at. But I will keep that feeling of someone copping a feel of me for later when I'm alone.
Wait...does she think I'm trans? I'm clearly not a spring chicken. And anyone padding as hard as I was clearly has nothing to show for their puberty.
"Actually, looking at them behind you, I don't think I can afford that." I don't want to out myself, that's just not safe. For all I know the cops would get called and I'd rightly get a fine for public indecency or sexual assault.
"Well before you go, would you like to pay for your friend from earlier?" For my friend? Am I paying her for coping a feel? I didn't know that was a service they charged for. "According to our notes they had a 18A from the boudoir line. It's one hundred and forty nine dollars, but we've got a sale on, so they're down to seventy today."
What?
Gavin was wearing a bra that whole time?
Why didn't he say something? Did he not know? Are bras that comfortable? Without the chunk of pads this one has been a lot nicer, but I'll be ignoring that forever and not testing how good these shorts are at hiding erections right here and now.
"Yes...that was the other reason I came back." All I'm doing today is lying, I should have gone into law or nursing if I knew I was this quick to lie.
"Are you a member with us?"
"Huh? No."
"Would you like to join? With this purchase you'll be eligible for a twenty dollar discount on your next purchase."
That implies I want to come back here. And I'd have to give them a name and such, or worse my ID.
"We just need a mobile phone, everything else is optional, as this can be a discrete matter that you might not want getting out if there's a data breach."
Hmm...do I want to come back here? Do I want a bra of my own next time? Is this just a sex thing? I know I don't need one.
...yet.