Long Aotian × Brainless Cannon Fodder 2
The morning sun was warm enough to make one’s body heat up. Shen Wenbai sat in his chair, fanning himself while waiting for his first customer of the day.
The first customer was a glamorous young woman who suspected her husband of cheating. He was completely distracted, constantly staring at his phone and giggling.
“Master, you have to help me. We have been together for a year, and we have a deep bond.”
The young woman excitedly gripped Shen Wenbai’s hand, her chest nearly hitting his face.
Shen Wenbai kept a cold face, but cursed under his breath. Here we go again; classic plot.
“I have two pieces of news, one good and one bad. Which would you like to hear first?”
“I want to hear the good news.” The woman let go of his hand and waited for the results.
“You are the mistress. Your husband’s original wife has given birth to a son. He is ecstatic and is already planning to return to his family. You will receive a large sum of compensation.”
Shen Wenbai took a sip of fruit tea to moisten his throat and continued, “The bad news is that you are not destined to be a legitimate wife; you will never be able to get married.”
“Master, what should I do? Can you break this curse? Only you can help me; I will do anything.” The woman was panicked, tears swirling in her eyes.
Shen Wenbai pushed her fingers off his arm and smiled. “My dear lady, how exactly do you want me to help you? I have already leaked the secrets of heaven.”
The woman was startled; she hurriedly pulled her hand back and stepped away. “I am sorry. I was just too excited. Please forgive my rudeness.”
Shen Wenbai stood up and dusted off his clothes. “When you were with your boyfriend, did you really not know he was married? Do not fall for your own lies.”
“This.” The woman was speechless.
Shen Wenbai gave a cold snort and waved for her to leave. In the original plot, this glamorous woman was one of Long Aotian’s confidantes, but not part of his harem, simply because she was not a virgin.
The entire plot existed only to serve Long Aotian’s giant member.
He was not Long Aotian; his own giant member was only for his bad cat.
Having earned three thousand yuan, Shen Wenbai spent it on ten pounds of spicy crayfish and a roast duck. It was easier to get things done when he was well-fed; he was going to see his wife tonight.
“Master, I want to calculate my marital fortune. When will I meet the one?” A bald man sat in the chair and started making wishes. “Master, can you draw talismans that make someone devoted only to me? My standards are not high; a little rich woman will do.”
“Go straight, turn right at 500 meters, walk another 1000 meters, and there is a river. Jump in and reincarnate; you will have a 10% chance of being reborn into a wealthy family,” Shen Wenbai said, unusually kind in his advice to the baldy.
“You f***ing idiot.” The bald man unleashed a tirade filled with profanity, but the next second, he suffered; he could not make a sound.
“Since you like cursing people, you can be a mute. I hate it when people scold me.” Shen Wenbai maintained his smile. His wife was watching from not far away, and he absolutely could not tarnish his virtuous image.
The bald man started gesturing with his hands, moving as fast as a seal-maker, until Yuanxiao, unable to watch any longer, beat him up and kindly escorted him home.
Gua Gua: Big brother is awesome.
Lin Xi could not figure out why he had bet with a quack, and more importantly, why he had lost.
After thinking it over, Lin Xi arrived at Shen Wenbai’s stall, only to see a young girl standing next to him.
The girl had fair skin, was wearing a black camisole dress, had a very well-developed bust, and long, slender legs. She wore her hair in a ponytail, revealing a pure and beautiful face with thin, lovely lips that looked like they would bleed if bitten gently.
She was holding a tissue, trying to wipe the sweat off Shen Wenbai, but he dodged it. It was the first time Lin Xi had seen someone react that quickly.
“Brother Shen, why did you not tell me you were coming to Jiangcheng?”
“Why would I tell you? Who are you?”
Shen Wenbai stood up and went over to Lin Xi, his hands shamelessly grabbing Lin Xi’s left hand, acting as lecherously as possible.
“I am so happy you came to see me.”
Lin Xi shook his hand off in disgust and glared at him. This was naked harassment; he was not taking him seriously at all.
“Mr. Shen, watch your words and actions.” Lin Xi lowered his voice, staring intensely at Shen Wenbai.
“What is wrong with my words and actions? It is not like I am harassing you; are you really that angry?” Shen Wenbai shrugged.
Lin Xi frowned and said, “Mr. Shen, we are in public. Do not make such inappropriate jokes.”
“Oh. Is that so?” Shen Wenbai realized with a start. “You are so afraid of being seen? I understand you.”
“Understand what? You stinking quack!” Lin Xi roared in anger. “I am warning you, stop talking nonsense, or do not blame me for being impolite.”
“How am I stinking?” Shen Wenbai sniffed his own scent. “I smell good. Do you want to take a whiff?” He stretched his neck out to lean toward the tip of Lin Xi’s nose.
Lin Xi was so startled he took two steps back and glared at Shen Wenbai. “Shameless.”
“Hehe, this is not called being shameless; this is called being witty and humorous. I think I am quite well-suited for you. You have a disaster involving blood coming your way soon; call me when you need help. I will be at your beck and call.” Shen Wenbai seized the chance to pat Lin Xi’s waist; as expected of his wife, it felt great.
“Get lost.” Lin Xi pushed him away and left angrily. He should not have come here today; he had been taken advantage of by this stinking quack.
“Brother Shen, why was that person so fierce?” Sun Xiaoxiao pouted in complaint.
“None of your business.” Shen Wenbai packed up his stall to head home. Tonight, he would be a hero saving a beauty; his wife would surely look at him with admiration.
“You.” Sun Xiaoxiao felt wronged by Shen Wenbai’s unappreciative attitude. She was only asking; why was he losing his temper? Besides, she was just kindly reminding him so he would not suffer a loss.
Sun Xiaoxiao walked home feeling depressed. As soon as she entered the door, she heard her mother, Wang Huifen, crying and making a scene. She rushed over to see what was happening.
Wang Huifen was sitting on the sofa wiping her tears; seeing her daughter, she started lecturing her.
“You child, how can you be so disobedient, dating a boyfriend behind my back? That guy surnamed Shen is no good. How can he compare to Young Master Li?”
“Mom.” Sun Xiaoxiao protested in dissatisfaction.
Wang Huifen continued to grumble. Sun Xiaoxiao could not take it anymore, slammed the door, and left.
Shen Wenbai was lying on the bed, preparing to sleep. He needed to keep his energy up for the night. The doorbell rang again. He jumped up angrily, pulled open the door, and saw Sun Xiaoxiao looking at him pitifully.
“Why are you like a ghost that will not go away?”
“Brother Shen, my mother kicked me out.”
“And so?”
Sun Xiaoxiao sniffled, “Can I stay here tonight? I will sleep on the sofa.”
“No.” Shen Wenbai shut the door. He did a quick mental calculation; this girl was not kicked out; she had money in her hand, so why would she come to him instead of getting a hotel?
The answer was obvious; this damn, shitty plot.
The world consciousness was in a coma, and he could not change a thing.
Sun Xiaoxiao leaned against the door, begging, “Brother Shen, I have nowhere else to stay. Please, have some pity and take me in!”
No matter how she cried, the door never opened. Kind-hearted Yuanxiao stayed at the door to keep her company until he escorted her all the way home.
The Long Aotian protagonist had been replaced, the plot was slowly fading, and this young girl would wake up sooner or later.
Night fell. Lin Xi was so angry he could not sleep, cursing every organ of Shen Wenbai’s body. Feeling it was not enough, he treated a plush toy like Shen Wenbai and punched it twice.
“I am so miserable.”
A ghastly voice echoed through the silent night, making one’s skin crawl.
Suddenly, the lights went out. In the pitch-black room, only the faint glow of Lin Xi’s phone remained.
“What the heck, why is there a power outage?”
The lights flickered on and off, dim and bright, like something out of a horror movie. A chill ran through Lin Xi’s body. He dove under the covers; the bed was the safest place, and his feet must absolutely not be exposed.
The female ghost pulled back the blankets and squeezed onto the bed with Lin Xi, intentionally pressing her body against him to scare him. Her favorite thing to do was to scare the people who moved into this villa until they screamed.
That way, this villa would remain her home, belonging only to her, a ghost.
With her cold body and the blood floating everywhere, Lin Xi tremblingly called Shen Wenbai.
“Hello, you stinking quack. No, wait. Master. Come save me quickly!”
“Coming right up.”
Shen Wenbai, who had been waiting outside for a long time, jumped in through the window. Seeing the female ghost pressing against Lin Xi, he immediately grew jealous, his combat power soaring to the max.
“You shameless thing, even I have not gotten that close!”
Lin Xi: I do not know what is going on, I am already scared offline.
Female Ghost: Is that even the point?