“Sooo uh… you okay?” the goblin asked me. “Can take you to camp. Have stuff for biggins.”
“What are biggins?” I dreaded asking, attempting to scramble up the side of the bank and only covering myself in more mud.
He stared at me. “You biggin,” he snorted, expanding the space between his hands vertically. “Come, come.” He motioned insistently. “This slime territory. Not safe.”
“I know it's not safe, I damn well got my clothes dissolved by one!” I snapped. “And I’m not going with you, I know exactly what your kind does!”
Admittedly, it didn’t sound great to my own ears. But I wasn’t taking any chances. I managed to get a foothold on a nearby root and hauled myself onto the other side of the stream.
“Okay,” the goblin replied uneasily. “But weird lady will get eaten out here.”
I stumbled towards the forest line as the goblin hopped up onto the bank behind me. I stumbled faster.
“Human village other way!” the goblin called.
Aha! That's what I needed, a human village. Or was it a trap? A ploy to lure me back. But surely a single goblin couldn’t defeat me…
Okay, yes, it could, and also I was being a tad hysterical. The goblin seemed more stumped at my erraticism than… predatory. And just because human stories said one thing didn’t mean anything worked the same in this world. But I also knew well enough that just because someone didn’t seem like a threat didn’t mean they weren't one. And I wasn’t going to risk getting raped and murdered, regardless of how genuine the goblin was.
You didn’t take drinks from strangers, you didn’t go off alone with one, and you always assumed the worst just in case.
No one could say I had learned nothing in university. I stumbled into the woods, twigs and branches immediately scratching my bare muddy skin as I stubbed my toe on a rock. I re-focused on the present, on where I was putting my feet. Putting my weight on my ankle made my eyes water, but I didn’t have much of a choice.
All I could do was keep moving forward. Otherwise, I would start thinking about it too much again and have another breakdown. Thankfully, the trees blocked the evening wind. Oh fuck, it was already evening.
I forced myself to continue forth despite the pain. It might have actually been the worst thing I had ever done. I was bleeding from multiple scrapes and cuts. My ankle was sprained, my toe was bloodied, and my hair was perhaps an unsalvageable mess.
This was horrible. How was I supposed to regain hit points? Would they regenerate on their own? I wasn't exactly hopeful for some kind of speedy recovery. Maybe for the brief moment when I had had thousands of points in vitality, but now back to my mortal self… it would be a few days at least.
Then there was the incubating slime inside me. I still felt nauseous thinking about it. I had to get it out, right? Obviously. How did one go about doing that?
I had no idea. And I literally had no tools to puzzle this out. [Protagonist's Progression] was essentially cancelled out by [Absolute Parasitization]. Getting snarky descriptions of things wasn’t exactly particularly helpful at the moment, nor was speaking common.
This was such fucking bullshit, and now I was definitely lost.
“Silly lady?” the goblin called.
Oh god, he was following me. I redoubled my efforts. Stalking after me wasn't exactly reassuring. I needed help, I needed human help, something I could trust. Not that I expected humans to be particularly trustworthy either. Ah shit. Maybe a church or something? Though given all the horrors religion was responsible for back on earth, I somewhat doubted they were suddenly a beacon of piety here either.
The lack of a point of reference was maddening. My head was full of anime and manga; it felt like the equivalent of trying to learn about Earth through reality television. Plus, that was all made up on Earth; it was a fictional fantasy. I could hardly use it as a guidebook.
Slimes were definitely not supposed to be able to do that!!
I wiped more dried mud from my face, awkwardly stepping over a fallen tree. I missed clothes. I missed regular people. I missed not having a numerical representation of how close to death that was. At least on earth, I had just been winging it; now I could watch my hit points decrease one by one. My death could be measured. It was horrifying.
I was thirsty, my muscles aching and exhausted. How long had I been walking? It felt like an eternity, without a phone or clock; I had no way of knowing except the sun. And considering it hadn’t moved that much, it probably had been an embarrassingly short amount of time. In my defence, I had gone on like two hikes in my adult life. I wasn’t built for the wilderness, especially not in this utterly crazy situation.
I tripped and hit the ground. The ground promptly scooped me up into the air. I shrieked, flailing against the net I now found myself trapped in.
“Mother fucking bullshit!” I cursed, giving one final kick, which did not magically release me. I lay there, bundled in a net and rocking back and forth. Once my immediate shock faded, it was kinda cozy. Well… it wasn’t, but compared to trudging through the woods, it was nice to just have a moment where I literally had no choice but to simply not do anything. I analyzed the net.
A complex net trap triggered by a tripwire and a pulley system.
Contains: Pamela Bishop.
Thanks, System. So insightful. I blew out a tired breath. At least I hadn’t taken any more damage. I just had to hope someone found me. Someone who would help. My luck had proved to be utter shit. Cosmically so. Nothing I attempted to do worked. Like a prank by the universe on yours truly.
And this wasn’t some perfect revenge opportunity where I was wronged or shunned and could return super OP and show everyone how wrong they were. It was so dumb.
And not so dumb that it was brilliant.
No, it was just dumb.
I needed to get my shit together. I had just been bulldozing myself through my time here, and clearly it wasn’t fucking working. I took a deep breath, only somewhat squished by the net. I had half my hit points left, I was naked, lost, exhausted, thirsty, really lost, and practically helpless.
I should have gone with the goblin.
I had no idea what would have awaited me in that situation, but it almost didn't matter. I knew nothing, and I had nothing. I needed help.
Simply running around like a chicken with my head cut off in sheer panic was not a functional plan. I needed to get out of this net, I needed to find help, and I needed to get this ominous incubating slime out of me. I ran my tongue around my mouth, still tasting the weirdly soapy flavour of its grime. Eugh.
Okay, focus, Palmela. How did one get out of a net?
I had no tools; the closest thing I had to any kind of cutting implement was my teeth. But even if I somehow chewed through the thick rope, I would then fall to the ground below. While I wasn’t crazy high up, I still really didn’t want to fall. With my luck, I’d break my fucking back.
Well… shit, that really put a wrench in my to-do list. I was stuck here.
“There you are,” the goblin chirped, glaring up at me from below. “You went wrong way and now stuck. Like I said, but you not listen.”
Of fucking course. Though at a time like this, beggars couldn’t be choosers.
His Common wasn’t perfect, but it was more than enough for me to understand the scolding tone. He wasn’t gleefully cackling, so that was a hopeful start.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s uh… been a very long day.”
“You want help now?” he asked.
“Please,” I grimaced. I should have just done this in the fucking first place.
“Okay,” he nodded. “I will get more for net.”
He vanished back into the thicket with his bundle of fruit before I had a chance to get any clarification on that. I groaned, trying to claw some of the mud from my hair. I let my eyes close. Maybe I could sneak a quick nap in.
The rope dug uncomfortably into my skin.
Maybe not.
Apparently, a modicum of comfort in this hell scape was too much to ask.