Rishar let out a small, humming breath, as if he had been handed unexpected homework. Etienne waited in silence while he wrestled with it. After a long time, Rishar finished his thoughts and spoke with a complicated expression.
“Do you truly have no intention toward the throne?”
“None.”
“I understand you’ve studied imperial governance from childhood to now. You didn’t engage in public activities, but you steadily prepared to become crown prince, didn’t you? Do you not regret the effort and the time?”
Etienne, momentarily halted by the piercing question, gave a bitter smile. He lifted the teapot and refilled the emptied cup. As the talk lengthened, the pain in his throat worsened.
“As you said, I studied imperial governance. Since I couldn’t go out publicly, I invited reputable scholars and professors from the Imperial Academy and learned various disciplines.”
Staring down at the steaming-white cup, Etienne took up a teaspoon and briskly stirred the ginger tea.
“But that wasn’t my will—it was my mother’s. I was nothing but a puppet doing as she told me.”
“……”
“I don’t want to live like that anymore.”
With a clink, Etienne set the teaspoon down and met Rishar’s eyes. He was sorry for him, but no matter how he considered it, this was the best path.
The Emperor and Empress at odds, a confrontation neither Rishar nor he wanted, a false life lying to the world to hide the secret… To end all of that, Rishar had to ascend the throne.
“So I want you to become Emperor.”
Realizing Etienne meant it, Rishar felt his heart grow heavy. His lips moved like a man who had lost his words.
If Etienne wanted it, there was no reason he could not become Emperor. His life, after all, was as good as Etienne’s. Whatever Etienne truly desired, Rishar wanted to grant it. Only one thing snagged at his heart.
“I understand your intention well. I have one question related to it.”
“What is it?”
“If I become Emperor, what do you intend to do?”
“Me? Well… I haven’t thought of anything in particular, but, mm, once things settle, perhaps I’ll travel.”
“Travel?”
“Yes. As far from the Imperial Palace as possible.”
Etienne gave voice to a dream he had harbored for a long time. To him, the Imperial Palace was like a vast prison. So from a very young age, he had dreamed of freedom. Travel was the means to realize that long-held dream.
“If what worries you is the noise that will arise after the accession, you don’t need to stress over it. Even if I don’t travel, once things are finished I plan to leave the capital for a time.”
“Leave the capital?”
Hearing Etienne’s plan, Rishar furrowed his brow and asked again. Etienne, who was thinking about the future, didn’t notice his voice had dropped.
“Not leave completely… only until everything is settled and stable?”
“Then that won’t do.”
“…What won’t?”
“I’ll take what you said today as if I never heard it.”
“Huh?”
Etienne blinked, flustered. He couldn’t understand why Rishar, who had been speaking properly just a moment ago, had suddenly changed his stance.
“Why suddenly? Didn’t you hear what I just said? That if you become Emperor, it’s a happy ending for everyone…”
“No. At least, not for me.”
“What?”
“You said you’d leave if I became Emperor. What use is it to become Emperor if you’re not by my side?”
“What are you…?”
He refuses to become Emperor because he dislikes that I’d leave?
At the out-of-the-blue statement, Etienne looked utterly nonplussed. He couldn’t see what becoming Emperor had to do with him being at Rishar’s side.
If he says things like that, then Rishar is…
“Don’t say something strange.”
It was absurd. Etienne swiftly rejected a certain assumption that had flashed through his mind. With his face set, he snapped back, speaking straight out of his bewilderment.
“What do you mean, ‘something strange’?”
“This isn’t the time for wordplay.”
“It’s not a joke or wordplay. I’m serious.”
At Etienne treating his words like a joke, displeasure flickered across Rishar’s face.
“You’re pushing me to be Emperor with the pretext of ‘for everyone’s sake,’ when I didn’t even want it, and yet it makes no sense that I’m the one who ends up unhappy.”
“That…”
Struck where he had been deliberately refusing to look, Etienne closed his mouth like a man hit in the center. What Rishar was saying now was exactly the part Etienne was most troubled over:
Is it right to force the throne on Rishar, who says he doesn’t want to become Emperor?
And yet, no matter how he turned it over, there was no one suitable but Rishar.
The only dominant Alpha among royals with the right of succession; head of a house capable of checking House Herace; the Empire’s hero, supported by nobles and commoners alike.
Rishar’s qualifications were so perfect it felt as though he had been born to be Emperor.
He had considered Grand Duchess Eris of Saxony as well, but compared to Rishar, she lacked both power and renown. She also disliked Rishar and the people of House Herace.
And above all, Etienne could not trust Eris. There was no guarantee that, once she became Emperor, she would leave Rishar and him untouched.
“Is… my being at your side important?”
Wrestling with how to take Rishar’s words, Etienne asked cautiously. Wrapped in a tension he couldn’t name, he waited for Rishar’s answer.
Even now, part of him wanted Rishar to say it was something he had just said at random; another part wanted him to say it was important.
“It is important.”
Rishar answered without a moment’s hesitation. The instant those guileless eyes fixed on Etienne, his heart pounded hard.
And at the same time, the strange sense of dissonance he had felt a moment ago—the absurd thought that had surfaced in his mind—began to take shape.
“Why?”
The question leapt out before his thoughts. Etienne, having asked it, realized—ah. This was a bad move.
“Do you truly not know?”
Rishar asked back in a hollow voice. The smile had vanished from his face; he looked at once empty and angry.
No.
Etienne squeezed his eyes shut and hurriedly scattered the thought that kept trying to take form. Forcing down his roiling chest, he wrenched his lips to move.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ha.”
Rishar tipped his head back and let out a laugh at Etienne’s feigned ignorance.
Looking back, Etienne had always been like this. He knew the truth, guessed to some degree at Rishar’s heart, and yet whenever a decisive moment came—like now—he always stepped back.
“‘You don’t know’… Are you pretending not to, or do you truly not know?”
Rishar, his expression stiffening, pressed him. His voice was heavy and dark like night air, and Etienne flinched, his shoulders jerking. He had never heard that kind of voice before.
“Etienne?”
When Etienne said nothing, Rishar called to him, pressing for an answer. Not knowing what to do, Etienne bit down on his lip. The corner of his mouth trembled. Forcing his voice, he barely got a word out.
“Then what.”
“Haa.”
At Etienne’s continued pretense of ignorance, Rishar let out a long sigh. He looked at Etienne with a face that could not be put into words.
On any other day he would have matched Etienne’s rhythm, but not today.
We can’t go on like this forever.
Growing anxious, Rishar worried his lower lip. He wanted to change this relationship that ran like parallel lines. So he decided to be a little greedy.
“Very well. If you insist on hearing it directly from my mouth, then…”
“No.”
Etienne hurriedly cut him off. His instincts, sensing danger, shouted that he must not hear what Rishar was about to say now.
“Don’t say it.”
Etienne shook his head, fear on his face. He had to at least stop that formless feeling from taking shape and gaining a name.
“You said you didn’t understand, so I’m trying to tell you—why stop me?”
Rishar knit his brows at Etienne’s cutting him off. The way Etienne seemed to be rejecting him stung.
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Etienne lowered his head as if to turn away from Rishar. He couldn’t bear to look at him.
“You’re being selfish.”
At Rishar’s reprimand, Etienne’s head dipped even lower. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn’t help it. If his guess was right, that word was the one thing he absolutely must not hear.
If he heard that word from Rishar’s own mouth, truly everything would collapse.
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Etienne hunched, clapping both hands over his ears. It was a childlike act, but it was the best he could do. At that clear rejection, something surged in Rishar. Unable to hold back any longer, he reached out.
“Even if you don’t want to hear it, listen!”
“…!”
Etienne’s eyes flew open at the grip that yanked his wrist hard. And then he saw a rough wave right before him.
“When you told me to become Emperor today, didn’t it mean you, too, were finally going to move forward? So why are you trying to run away again?”
Rishar’s face twisted as his voice rose. Etienne stared blankly at those dark-blue eyes raging like a storm. He was afraid, and yet he couldn’t avoid them.
“When you first pushed me away, and when you tried to keep your distance, I endured it. Because I knew the circumstances you were in, because I knew how hard it was, I waited. But I don’t want that anymore. I’m human, too. I get tired, too!”
“Rishar…”
“Answer me! How much longer—just how long do I have to keep watching you turn away from me and push me aside?”
Rishar, who had held back and held down his feelings, panted with indignation, unable to master his temper. The water-colored eyes that looked at him shook violently. Like a rising tide, Rishar’s emotions soaked into Etienne’s skin.
“I… h—”
Calling to Rishar with a flustered face, Etienne gulped air in a hurry. Pheromones were spilling out of Rishar.
Dangerous.
Feeling heat rise in his core, Etienne tried to wrench free of Rishar’s hand. But strength wouldn’t come into his body.
“Ugh.”
Etienne trembled like prey caught in a snare. It was the first time in his life he had taken Rishar’s pheromones raw, head-on.
I’m scared.
Feeling a fear that bound up his whole body, Etienne hunched his shoulders. His heart pounded with a terror he had never experienced.
Ordinarily, Rishar’s pheromone control bordered on perfect. Unlike other Alphas, he didn’t flaunt his pheromones. In childhood, when his control was unskilled, he had hurt a few people.
That was how powerful Rishar’s pheromones were—and among Alphas and Omegas alike, few could withstand them. If he deliberately opened them, even Betas felt pressure.
So Rishar always kept his pheromones gathered in. Especially before the frail Etienne, he was all the more careful.
Thanks to that consideration, Etienne could be at ease at least when he was by Rishar’s side. But now was different. For the first time, Rishar, laying bare his feelings, could not control his force.
“If you want it, I can do anything—be Emperor, whatever it is. I’ll do it even if I have to become a traitor. If that’s the path where you’re happy! But if the price is that you leave my side, I refuse.”
Rishar growled between rough breaths. His pheromones, spilling from his body, rampaged as if reacting to his emotions, making even the air around them vibrate.
“Ha—hh.”
Feeling that scent pour down like heavy surf, Etienne panted. His breathing grew faster and his head swam.
“Ugh!”
Unable to endure the pheromones, Etienne dry-heaved. His stomach roiled, then seemed to flip. Even when he held his breath, he could feel Rishar’s scent.
“Etienne?”
Only then did Rishar sense something wrong and call to him. Etienne could not answer. A loud ringing filled his ears. The world spun.
“Let—let go.”
Etienne spoke through a violent tremor. His head felt so hot it seemed to be melting. By contrast, his fingertips and toes were cold.
Ah, that’s the limit.
As his consciousness floated, Etienne closed his eyes. He felt the thread holding his body give with a snap. He could not endure any longer.
“Etienne!”
A desperate cry drove into his blurring awareness. At the same time, strong arms caught and crushed to his chest the body that had lost strength and was collapsing.
“Etienne!”
Etienne mouthed silently, as if to answer the voice calling him so anxiously. He wanted to say he was fine, but no sound came. Only rasping breaths spilled out.
“Get a hold of yourself! Etienne! Damn it! Etienne!”
Rishar’s voice grew more and more distant. Thunk—his head, gone slack, tilted and touched a solid chest.
I should say I’m fine…
Feeling the heart pounding fiercely beyond the chest he leaned against, Etienne blinked slowly. In his blurred vision, he saw Rishar’s startled face. He also felt the pheromones surging like waves whipped by a storm.
Ah.
A breath that might have been a gasp or a sigh slipped through his slightly parted lips. In that instant, Etienne’s body went limp like a puppet with its strings cut.
As the tenuous strand of consciousness snapped, the whole world darkened, as if swallowed by black night.