After Tang Shi finished his shower, I finally entered the bathroom. The mirror was completely fogged up. I turned on the faucet, cupped some water in my hands, and splashed it onto the mirror.
The mist on the mirror turned to water upon contact with the cold, and the surface became clear again.
Standing in front of the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror, pinching my face. I thought my eyes were too big and my eyelids too thin, making me look a bit lacking in masculinity.
But that doesn’t mean I’m effeminate, right… I remembered what Yan He said and made a fierce face at the mirror.
The reflection bared its little white teeth at me fiercely. Satisfied, I patted my face, thinking I should definitely act tougher in the future.
The bathroom was filled with steam, and soon after I splashed the water, the mirror was fogged up again.
I drew a fierce, toothy expression on the mirror with my fingertip, then took a new toothbrush from the cabinet and started brushing my teeth.
With a medicated patch on my waist, I couldn’t shower, so I just washed up quickly and stepped out of the bathroom in my slippers.
The slippers slapped against the floor, leaving a trail of water stains as I walked.
Tang Shi was smoking in the room again. I went to the window and opened it, leaving only the screen.
“Tang Shi.”
He was sitting by the table, smoking. I scooted over to sit next to him. Tang Shi, with a cigarette in his mouth, lazily lifted his eyelids, “What?”
There was no ashtray on the table, just a small pot with a cactus. The poor cactus was struggling to grow amidst the ash, with cigarette butts stuck in its soil.
The night breeze was pleasant, but it blew all the smoke in my direction.
I sniffed the air, the nicotine mixed with mint wasn’t too unpleasant. I turned to look at Tang Shi, “Do you think I’m good-looking?”
Tang Shi exhaled a puff of smoke without speaking, so I continued, “Everyone says I look like my mom. Do you think…”
“Stop!” Tang Shi stubbed out his cigarette in the cactus pot, “Just ask what you want to ask.”
I quickly followed up, “Do you think I’m effeminate?”
“…”
Tang Shi stared at me for a moment. Just when I thought he might find my question too dumb to answer, he spoke, “Do you remember putting on lipstick in front of your mirror?”
“That was lip balm,” I corrected him, “lip balm.”
“Ha,” Tang Shi looked at me incredulously, “Is there a difference? Is there a difference between you putting on lipstick and lip balm?”
The night insects chirped softly outside. I glared at Tang Shi, and after a moment of processing, I said in shock, “So you actually think I’m a sissy? You—”
“Keep your voice down.”
Tang Shi softly chided me, “My mom’s asleep.”
I ground my back teeth, wanting to argue that I’m not a sissy, but some things just get worse the more you explain. It was better to keep quiet.
I fell silent, staring at the cactus on the table, which now resembled an abstract art piece with all the ash.
“Alright,” Tang Shi smirked, “I’m just teasing you. Yan He is an idiot, you don’t have to pay him any mind.”
He propped his chin on his hand, turning slightly towards me with interest.
Tang Shi liked playing basketball. The muscles on his arms were starting to show, and when he clenched his fists, they formed a bold outline.
Tang Shi was very different from me. He liked fighting with other kids from a young age, while I was still in kindergarten, bribing little girls with candy.
My mom was strict with me, and I was always the “model child,” but I really envied Tang Shi.
I remember when I was in second or third grade, a few classmates were jealous because the teacher always praised me in class. After school, they blocked my way, not letting me leave until everyone else was gone. They dragged me out of my seat, spat at me, called me a fat pig, and said I was a tattletale.
I told my mom when I got home, and the next day she took me to the principal’s office to talk. The principal promised my mom that he would warn those students.
But what good is a warning to seven or eight-year-olds? They still blocked me after school, kept calling me a tattletale, and threatened to throw stones at my house on Saturday.
Those childish tactics might seem funny now, but at the time, I was terrified. I didn’t dare tell on them again, so I cried and went to Tang Shi, telling him I was being bullied.
The best way to deal with evil elementary school forces is to fight fire with fire. The same day I cried to Tang Shi, he took my hand and went to confront those classmates. He was a grade above us and looked fierce, scaring them into submission. They promised him they wouldn’t block me after school anymore.
With Tang Shi backing me up, I became bolder, hiding behind him and saying, “And you can’t call me a fat pig either.”
One of the classmates stomped his foot angrily, “You are a fat pig! Who told you to eat so much!”
I ran home crying, hugging my dad’s leg and sobbing. My dad, not knowing what was going on, picked me up and asked what was wrong.
I cried, “They called me a fat pig, waaaah…”
My dad: “…Pfft.”
With my eyes and nose red, I hiccupped in my dad’s arms and asked, “Dad, are you laughing at me?”
“How could Dad laugh at you,” my dad said, his mouth stretching to his ears, still trying to convince me, “Our Yueguang isn’t fat. They say you’re fat because they’re jealous you have lots of good food.”
I clutched my dad’s shirt, sniffling, “But I don’t want to eat lots of good food. It’s Mom and Grandma who make me eat.”
Back then, I had six meals a day. As long as I was home, my grandma would chase me around with a spoon and a small bowl, feeding me.
I didn’t really want to eat so much, but I was obedient. Only good kids get praised by adults.
Whenever Tang Shi misbehaved, Aunt Tang would say, “When will you be as well-behaved as Yueguang?”
At those times, I felt proud, snuggling into Aunt Tang’s arms and sneaking a glance at Tang Shi’s reaction. I wanted him to be jealous of me, but he always pouted disdainfully, looking defiant.
He never envied the praise I received, but now I envy the freedom he’s had all his life.
The next day, the wind blew fiercely, and the ginkgo leaves, not yet fully turned yellow, fell like a rain of leaves.
Autumn was approaching.
The sky was a bit overcast. Tang Shi walked ahead of me, glanced up at the sky, and said it might rain later.
We had just returned from picking up materials at school and didn’t have an umbrella, so we had to duck into a bookstore to avoid the rain.
It was just a matter of moments. We had barely entered the bookstore when the rain started pouring down, large drops hitting the ground and the fallen leaves, signaling the end of summer.
The bookstore was well air-conditioned, and with the rain, I rubbed my arms, breaking out in goosebumps from the cold.
“Cheng Yueguang?”
I didn’t expect to run into someone I knew at the bookstore. He Antang’s face appeared through a gap in the books. We made eye contact through the shelf, and I thought life was full of coincidences.
Tang Shi sat in the corner with headphones on, playing games. He Antang and I each picked a book and sat in the corner, whispering to each other.
On a rainy day, most people in the store were there to escape the rain. They kept their voices low, but with so many people, it was still a bit noisy.
He Antang and I chatted comfortably in this environment. He told me he lived nearby and came to read every weekend.
I told him I practiced taekwondo on weekends. He Antang gave me a once-over, probably thinking I was joking, “Are you serious?”
“I am!”
Feeling a bit deflated, I leaned over the table and opened the book I had picked up.
The book was chosen at random, and after flipping through a couple of pages, I realized something was off. I sat up straight, carefully rereading the chapter I had just skimmed, then read it again.
How come… the main characters seem to be two men?
Not that I mind the main characters being two men. I have a lot of comic books, and occasionally there’s a shoujo romance or two.
But I flipped through the book several times and was quite sure they had a child together.
Huh? I was confused.
In the spirit of research, I decided to buy the book and study it at home.
Because of the rain, the frogs in the backyard pond started croaking. It wasn’t just the frogs in my pond; the summer night after the storm was filled with the sound of frogs from near and far.
Amidst the chorus of frogs, I turned on the light, placed the book on the table, and began reading the first page seriously.
I was so engrossed in the book that I didn’t notice Tang Shi entering my room.
“Cheng Yueguang,” I don’t know how many pages Tang Shi had read over my shoulder before he suddenly spoke above my head, “What are you reading?”
The unexpected voice startled me. Tang Shi stood behind me, pulled the book off the table, and glanced at the cover.
He gave me a strange look, “What are you thinking about all day?”
I didn’t think there was anything wrong with reading a book at home. I tilted my face up to look at him and asked why he came over.
“My mom made some sweet cakes,” Tang Shi tossed the book back onto my table, “She asked me to come get you to eat.”
After a relatively comfortable holiday at home, the first thing I did when school started was grab Wen Chen by the neck and ask why he stood me up.
Wen Chen didn’t feel guilty at all, even boasting, “So, did you have fun with Chen Guoguo?”
“Not at all!” I seized the moment to grab his hair, wishing I could take it all with me, “She brought a guy who likes her, do you know how awkward that was for me!”
Wen Chen was shocked, “That awkward?”
I told Wen Chen about Yan He always giving me trouble, deliberately leaving out the part about hurting my waist in a fight with him.
Wen Chen waved it off nonchalantly, “Ignore him, he’s just jealous of you.”
“You’re not effeminate,” Wen Chen patted my shoulder seriously, “He’s jealous because you’re good-looking.”
I nodded, sighing a bit dejectedly. I still kind of liked Chen Guoguo, after all, she was pretty and had a nice personality.
But after that night, she must think I’m useless and won’t want to talk to me anymore.
To my surprise, Chen Guoguo came to find me at our classroom door during lunch break. She might have run over, as she was a bit out of breath, and asked if my waist was better.
Wen Chen, walking with me, gave me a puzzled look and asked what was wrong with my waist.
I felt embarrassed and wanted Chen Guoguo to stop talking, but she handed me an orange and said she apologized to Yan He on my behalf.
She added, “I just see him as a brother, but he… anyway, don’t overthink it, don’t misunderstand me.”
“It’s okay,” I took the orange, smiling at her a bit shyly, “You don’t need to apologize, it’s not your fault.”
After Chen Guoguo left, Wen Chen said to me, “Cheng Yueguang, can you not smile like that? Damn, when you smile like that, I just want to be your dad and protect you.”
He’s always spouting nonsense. Today, I’ll make sure he knows who’s the real dad.
While he was still laughing, I grabbed his collar and stuffed the orange Chen Guoguo gave me into his mouth.