I turned four months old.
I have been secretly practising talking.
My tongue is not flexible enough.
But I can still talk with a special accent.
I kept it a secret.
Because a four-month-old baby talking would call for an exorcist.
There was no need to take that risk.
Things were going pretty smoothly.
I drink as much as I want.
I sleep as much as I want.
I poop more than I want.
Another notable thing was that I have become the silent listener in the house.
Mum, Dad, and Anu tell me their little secrets and complaints.
“The cat didn’t break the flower vase.
I did it.”
“Today’s food was too spicy.
But if I say it, she will get angry.”
“Your father farts in his sleep.”
I silently listened to all their complaints.
You have no idea about the things a kid would have to listen to.
They all say it because they think I won’t tell anyone.
Many times, I had difficulty trying to control my urge to reply to them.
Anyway, let’s get to the incident.
“Last night I pissed on the bed.
Not too much.
Just a bit.
But no one knows it.
Hihihi…” Anu giggled as she spilt another secret.
Wait a second.
I am on her bed right now…
Holy poop!
“Now I am going to blame you for that.
Please don’t be angry at me~~..”
You little devil!
I actually had no issue with taking the blame.
But there was something else that was irritating me for a while.
She was eating a large lollipop in front of me.
The only thing I tasted since my return was milk.
I had no choice but to watch while everyone else was eating sweet or spicy dishes.
Every time I saw it, my mouth would fill with saliva.
I really wanted to enjoy tastes other than milk.
I was tired of drinking the same milk from the morning to the evening.
I mean, humans have two breasts.
So why didn’t God create them with different flavours?
One breast should dispense milk with chocolate flavour and the other with vanilla or strawberry flavour.
But no.
God had to create both breasts with the exact same flavour.
He never took the babies into consideration when he was designing the human body.
The issue is that babies can’t complain.
So we are forced to drink whatever is given to us.
Just imagine a cow with 4 different flavours of milk.
It would have been wonderful for the calves as well as humans.
If you think that is silly, think of a dog with 8 different flavours!
Then puppies would be the luckiest babies in the world.
Anyway, I am stuck with this same-tasting milk.
For breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight.
The large flat swirly lollipop in her hand was actually more than a week old.
She got it when our aunt came home.
Ever since then, Anu was licking it.
She would lick it for some time, then keep it in the fridge, then take it out and lick it again.
I wanted it.
I didn’t want to eat it.
Just wanted to taste it.
The alluring colours of the lollipop bewitched me.
I know some of you find it disgusting.
After all, there was not an inch that wasn’t covered with her saliva.
But I poop on the bed and drink Mum’s milk.
So who cares?
“So be a good boy and take the blame for your big sister.” She decided to seal the deal.
“No.” A simple word left my mouth.
“Huh?”
“No,” I repeated the answer to my sister, who was looking curiously at me.
“Learning the unwanted words in Malayalam.” She murmured as she planned to leave the room.
“Noth only unwanthed, I know wanthed words thoo” I replied.
“Heek…” She jumped up, scared.
“What did you say?”
“Dithn’t you understhanth?
MalayaLam.” I replied with a bit of a struggle.
“Mum….” She screamed.
“Why are you caLLing ma?”
“To let her know that you talked.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I bill thell her that you pissed on the bed.” I threatened her.
“How can you tell?
You cannot talk.” She retorted.
I facepalmed.
“I am talking now.”
“No.
You are lying.
You are pretending to talk.
You are actually deaf and blind.” She denied.
“Hoo…” I sighed.
“I bill thell that you broke the vase.”
“No…” Her voice was feeble.
“Then leth me taste the candy.” Finally, I offered the deal.
She hesitated for a while.
But in the end, she brought it close to my mouth.
I licked it.
As I thought, it was covered in her saliva.
But she is only four.
So it’s fine.
I felt the sweet taste of sugar and an unknown flavour in my mouth.
As a great man once said, ‘slimy…
yet satisfying’.
It was just one lick.
I didn’t want to eat too much and poop multi-coloured poop later.
That would scare the poop out of my Mum.
Just like that, I disclosed a huge secret to my sister.
We promised to keep each other’s secrets.
We even made a pinky promise.
In my previous life, I had no issue sharing a glass or spoon with her when we were kids.
For me, she was half of my world.
But as we grew up, we grew apart.
Slowly, we became strangers.
Then I lost her forever.
This time, I will never let that happen.
I swore to protect her.
I pledged never to let her go.
Unknown to me, my eyes became teary.
“Don’t cry…
don’t cry.” She started panicking.
“Waaa….” I cried.
This is an advantage of being a baby.
You can cry, and no one will judge you.
“Eeekk…” She shrieked and ran away.
What a coward!
Another happy memory with my stupid sister.
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[1] Malayalam: Local language
[2] A reference to a scene from a classic movie.