When Uncle Liu heard the payment notification, he turned around. The hand setting the cigarettes on the counter paused briefly. In his weathered voice, he said, “You should stop buying things from me.”
Back then, he had helped Chu Yao because the boy was so young, covered in injuries, and unable to afford medicine. He’d given him medicine a few times. He never expected Chu Yao to remember it all this time.
“It’s just a small token of my appreciation.” Chu Yao took the cigarettes from him and leaned against the counter to light one. “Your asthma seems to have gotten worse lately.”
He treasured everyone who had ever lent him a helping hand. Strictly speaking, there had only been two: Chen Hongyang, who had seen potential in him, and Uncle Liu, who had given him medicine for his injuries. Both had offered him a little warmth when he was at his lowest.
That little bit of warmth had kept him from losing himself completely in the abyss.
“That’s what happens when you get old.” Ever since his wife had passed away, Uncle Liu’s health had visibly declined. But he couldn’t bear to part with the shop he’d opened with her, so even when he felt unwell, he stayed on, keeping the promise they’d made when they were young.
A faint haze of smoke softened the contours of Chu Yao’s face. He fell silent for a moment, then said, “I’m taking my mom to the hospital for a checkup tomorrow. Would you like to come along?”
Uncle Liu had children, but they all lived in other cities.
“No need.” A note of longing crept into Uncle Liu’s careworn voice. He said casually, “They’d only prescribe me some medicine. I’ve got plenty at home.”
Chu Yao could tell what he was thinking, but didn’t try to persuade him. Everyone had their own priorities, and following one’s heart was the best choice.
“Then I’ll head back?” He finished his cigarette in silence.
Uncle Liu took a bottle of medicated oil and handed it to him. “Rub some on when you get home.”
“Thanks,” Chu Yao said politely.
Of the few people he’d known, having a partner seemed like a beautiful thing, a steadfast companion. His mother had been that way with his father, and Uncle Liu had been that way with Aunt Liu… Chen Hongyang, too. They’d all been happy with their partners. So Chu Yao was willing to work toward a relationship like that.
When he got home, his mother had finished getting ready and was sitting in the living room watching TV.
“Mom.” Chu Yao shut the door and changed his shoes.
After taking her medication, Chu Yao’s mother no longer felt disconnected from reality, and she was more or less in clinical remission. Still, she could dwell on little things for a long time, and was prone to anxiety, guilt, and getting stuck in her own thoughts. So Chu Yao was always careful about her feelings.
“Have you eaten?” His mother put down the remote and got up to hang his travel bag for him.
Chu Yao shook his head. “I’ll just cook some noodles. I’m going out for a late-night snack later anyway.”
“You sure are busy.” His mother teased him casually, then added, “There are eggs and greens in the fridge. Put some in.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t neglect myself.” Chu Yao tied on an apron and went into the kitchen. Then he remembered something and called out, “Don’t stay up too late tonight. We’re going to the hospital for a checkup tomorrow.”
“Another checkup?” His mother sounded reluctant.
Chu Yao nodded. “We’ll see if you can stop taking your medication. You don’t want to be on it forever, do you?”
“But you said that last time, too…” When his mother was in the early and middle stages of her illness, he could coax her into going to the hospital just by indulging her delusions. But now she’d gradually returned to normal, and wasn’t so easy to fool. “And the time before that.”
Chu Yao had always coaxed her with the same excuse.
“I just don’t know for sure.” It was only when he was with his mother that Chu Yao’s face showed a truly carefree smile.
His mother softened at the sight of it. “All right.”
“Remember to wear your new dress.” Chu Yao had just started cooking the noodles when he came out to remind her.
His mother was speechless.
“Do you think I’m going to embarrass you?” she asked, giving him a sidelong glance.
Chu Yao smiled. “Not exactly.”
“I just don’t want people thinking I’m treating you badly if you dress too shabbily.” He worried that his mother would sit alone and get lost in her thoughts, so whenever he was home, he’d find some excuse to strike up a conversation with her.
His mother was at a loss. “You’re overthinking it.”
“Am I?” Chu Yao chuckled, then went back to the kitchen to finish cooking.
Watching him walk back into the kitchen, his mother felt a pang of sorrow and guilt. She was much better now, and understood why Chu Yao was so careful with her feelings. But at the end of the day, she had failed in her duty as a mother, placing every burden that should have been hers on a child’s shoulders.
Chu Yao was heartbreakingly strong, and far too mature for a twenty-two-year-old.
During the muddled years when she hadn’t been herself, Chu Yao had endured countless indignities and scorn. He’d also gone through a period when his own relatives avoided him like the plague.
So now, although Chu Yao seemed to get along with people just fine, it was as if an impassable line stood between him and everyone around him. Few people could truly get close to him.
That was a kind of misfortune.
After she’d improved, Chu Yao’s mother had suggested several times that he see a therapist, but he’d always refused.
It was worries like these that made her work so hard at cooperating with her treatment. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have gotten better so quickly.
“By the way, are you still seeing that friend of yours?” His mother turned off the TV and walked to the kitchen doorway.
Chu Yao was using chopsticks to lift the noodles out of the pot. “Still seeing him.”
“What’s up?” He glanced at her.
“Nothing.” His mother had only wanted to test the waters and see if Chu Yao might be struggling psychologically.
Chu Yao didn’t think much of it.
If he’d known she was still considering sending him to a therapist, he really would have laughed bitterly.
After eating and washing the dishes, he cleaned the house and took a shower. By the time he’d dried his hair, he’d received a message from Xie Linxi.
[I’m downstairs~]
They’d known each other for quite a while, but they’d only officially started dating a few months ago.
Xie Linxi had pursued Chu Yao for two whole years, from the start of university until his sophomore year. It wasn’t until Chu Yao was nearing graduation in his senior year that he finally said yes.
So as soon as Chu Yao came into view, Xie Linxi ran straight into his arms without a second thought.
“Chu Yao.”
His voice was sweet, with a hint of playfulness.
“Same place as usual?” Chu Yao put an arm around the young man, who was more than a head shorter than him.
Xie Linxi stepped out of his embrace and linked his arm through Chu Yao’s. “Sure.”
“Hey, something really interesting happened today.” His eyes sparkled with a smile that was a delight to see.
Chu Yao’s gaze softened slightly. “What?”
“Someone ordered exactly the same food as me, even the same drink.” Xie Linxi chattered on about what had happened that afternoon. “And he likes sitting by the window, in my favorite spot. Isn’t that a coincidence?”
At that, the softness in Chu Yao’s eyes faded. He said flatly, “Is that so?”
“Yeah, and he likes the same music and movies as me, too.” Xie Linxi didn’t notice Chu Yao’s expression turn cold and carried on. “If we didn’t look so different, I’d think he was my twin brother.”
Chu Yao hadn’t been sure before, but now at least he knew the person was a man. “Could he have looked into you before approaching you?”
“Impossible.” Xie Linxi was certain, and had a reason to back it up. “No one knows I’m allergic to cockroaches, but he is, too.”
Chu Yao didn’t argue. He only asked, “How do you know?”
“He told me.” Xie Linxi didn’t find anything strange about it.
When they reached their usual place, Chu Yao slipped his arm out of Xie Linxi’s. “Coincidences are low-probability events. If this many happen in a row, you should think it over, Xie Linxi.”
He said no more, and as usual, ordered the food and drinks Xie Linxi liked.
But Xie Linxi suddenly sensed Chu Yao’s distance. Only then did it occur to him that he’d spent the whole way talking about someone else.
“Are you jealous?” he asked softly, a little worried Chu Yao might be angry.
Chu Yao thought he ought to be jealous, but oddly enough, he didn’t feel that way. At most, he was a little put out.
“What if I am?”
He knew what he was supposed to say, what Xie Linxi wanted to hear.
“Then I’ll keep my distance from him.” Xie Linxi’s eyes curved into a smile.
Chu Yao didn’t reject the suggestion. “You’d better.”
Author’s note: Oh no, I made a typo while replying to comments this morning, then reported myself… Now I can’t reply to comments. No idea how long I’ll be muted for… I’m devastated.
Thanks to the following reader for sending a landmine: wzjszlz, 1.