I always thought whenever I died, it would be something spectacular like a messiah or a legendary samurai.
I’d dive into a raging river, save a drowning child, smile like the wise protagonist of an award-winning movie, and say...
"Live... the life I couldn’t, kid..."
Then I’d close my eyes, the child would cry, the background music would start playing, and my story would spread across the entire country.
[THE HERO WHO SACRIFICED HIS LIFE]
Newspapers, television, interviews, and a bronze statue in the middle of the city. Elementary school textbooks would have an entire Chapter dedicated to me; children would point at my statue and say,
"Mom! I want to grow up to be like him!"
. . .
. . .
What a ridiculously stupid childhood dream. Because as I grew older, I realized something, life doesn’t kill you dramatically, it doesn’t send monsters after you, and it doesn’t throw assassins your way.
Because life is far crueler than that.
It kills you, one spreadsheet at a time, one overtime shift at a time, and one Monday morning at a time. Until one day you wake up and wonder...
"...Am I even alive anymore?"
Anyway, as a responsible adult... I obviously maintained a calm and mature attitude toward life’s difficulties.
. . .
. . .
"AHHHHHHHHHH, FUUUUUUUUUCK—!!"
BANG!
I slammed my coffee mug onto my desk with enough force to make everyone in the office look up.
My co-worker, Reina, sighed, muttering, "There he goes again, the calm and mature Minato, spilling his coffee again."
I looked down; the precious black liquid slowly spread across my desk like it was escaping this company before I could.
I stared at it in silence, then placed a hand over my heart. "My precious coffee...it died before I did."
Reina let out the longest sigh known to mankind. "You’re worried about the coffee?"
"I’m mourning a fallen comrade."
"Seriously?"
I shot glares toward the manager’s office. "This...this is all because of that overgrown stress ball pretending to be our boss."
"The bald one?"
"Yes, and the one with lips so big they arrive at meetings five minutes before the rest of him." I shot laser beams at his office door.
"Minato..."
"And don’t get me started on that shiny forehead! If the office lights ever go out, we’ll just point him toward the ceiling."
Reina covered her face. "One day he’s going to hear you."
"I want him to hear me."
"You’ll get fired."
"I can only dream."
Reina stared at me. "Most people dream about getting promoted."
I leaned back in my chair and looked at the office ceiling with the lifeless eyes of a man whose soul had already submitted its resignation years ago.
"I dream about unemployment."
Silence.
Reina blinked once. Then...a smile slowly spread across her face. It wasn’t a normal smile. It was...The Smile.
The one that had ruined countless lunch breaks, coffee breaks, and one unforgettable fire drill as she asked sweetly. "Wanna take a break?"
A chill shot down my spine. No...not that smile, anything but that smile. That wasn’t the smile of a kind co-worker; that was the smile of a predator that had just spotted fresh prey.
I immediately straightened my posture. "I-I think I’ll continue working. I suddenly remembered I have... spreadsheets. Lots of spreadsheets. I love spreadsheets."
Reina’s smile only widened. "Oh? I thought you wanted unemployment."
"I changed my mind. I’ve rediscovered my passion for labor."
BANG!
Reina suddenly slammed both hands onto my desk.
"STAND."
The entire office went silent; even the keyboards seemed to stop typing out of respect... or fear. I slowly looked up; she was smiling, still smiling.
Somehow that made it ten times scarier.
"I...I think I’ll just stay here and finish the report—"
She leaned closer, much closer; her eyes sparkled with the terrifying excitement of a woman who had discovered a new fictional man to obsess over.
"You need a break."
I swallowed. "Reina...I’m really fine."
She smiled even wider. "YOU. NEED. A. BREAK."
. . .
. . .
Fuck... I’m dead, not physically but mentally, because there was no escaping now. Before I could even protest, she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and yanked me out of my chair.
"I-I appreciate your concern, Reina...but my keyboard would miss me. The printer still needs me, the company needs me, and my only love...my coffee needs me."
She looked at me with pure disappointment. "The company has successfully brainwashed you."
"But...my coffee!!"
"It already died."
"My dignity!"
"You never had any."
Half the office watched in complete silence as I was dragged across the floor like a criminal being escorted to his execution.
"H-Hey! H-Human resources! Kidnapping! This violates at least... three workplace policies!"
Nobody looked up, not a single person. The coworker even glanced at me sympathetically, then returned to typing. Reina continued dragging me across the office floor as if I weighed absolutely nothing.
"You are absolutely going to love this one."
"That’s exactly what you said last time."
"And you loved it."
"It was an Omegaverse!"
"So?"
"I HAD TO LISTEN TO ALPHAS GROWLING FOR THREE HOURS!"
"They were romantic growls."
And just like that... I, Minato Takeda, twenty-seven years old, single, and an overworked office employee. Victim of capitalism had become the newest casualty...of my fantasy-novel-addicted coworker.
***
[Minato’s Apartment — Later That Night]
SLUMP!
The moment I stepped into my apartment, I threw my bag into a corner, stumbled toward my bed, and collapsed onto it face-first.
"Mmph..."
The mattress welcomed me like a long-lost lover, and I didn’t even bother changing my clothes.
"I can’t believe it." I turned my head just enough to glare at the ceiling. "She actually spent the entire day explaining that novel."
I let out a long, defeated groan. "She’s worse than our bald, big-lipped boss."
At least the boss tortured me for the company’s profit. Reina? She tortured me for entertainment.
"And the scary part...I somehow know the names of every noble family now. Why do I remember all of that?"
I covered my face with a pillow. "I’ve been force-fed so much fantasy lore that I could probably pass the imperial civil service exam."
Silence filled the tiny apartment. I lazily reached for my phone.
2:03 A.M.
"Fantastic."
That meant in less than five hours... I’d have to wake up. Fight for my life on the morning train. Smile at customers. Pretend to enjoy meetings. Listen to my boss explain why "We’re a family."
And work myself into an early grave again.
I slowly rolled over and stared at the window; the curtains had been left slightly open. Beyond them...a brilliant full moon hung high in the night sky. Its silver light quietly spilled into the room, wrapping everything in a strange, comforting glow.
"It’s beautiful."
My shoulders relaxed as a small, tired smile appeared on my face.
"Dear universe... if you’re listening... next time, make me so ridiculously rich that the hardest decision I have to make is whether to nap before lunch... or after it."
I folded my hands over my chest and sighed. As if the heavens had been listening, a brilliant shooting star streaked across the night sky.
Exhaustion won, and my eyelids slowly drifted shut, and just like that... Minato fell asleep, completely unaware...that someone, somewhere, had just accepted his absurd little wish.