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Back in those days, there wasn't much for us to do for fun. At most, we could go down to the river to catch fish with our bare hands, climb trees to raid bird nests, or catch grasshoppers in the fields.
It was nothing like now, when we have mobile phones, computers, televisions, and all sorts of entertainment right at home.
The two of us had gone down to the river to catch fish countless times and were already tired of it. As for raiding bird nests, we had practically emptied out every bird nest within several kilometers of the entire village. There really wasn't anything left to raid, so we could only go to the fields to catch grasshoppers.
The grasshoppers at this time of year were fat and plump. After catching them, we would thread them onto a wooden stick and roast them over a fire. They were genuinely delicious.
After arriving outside the village, the two of us split up and went our separate ways, each carrying a wooden stick and rummaging through the grass.
For some reason, Little Fatty seemed to have eaten something that didn't agree with his stomach today. We had barely arrived in the wilderness when Little Fatty suddenly let out an “Ow!” and said his stomach hurt. He immediately pulled down his pants, squatted in the grass, and started relieving himself with a loud splatter.
“Little Fatty, you're such a lazy guy that you even have too much shit and piss. Once I catch some grasshoppers, you'd better eat less.”
I turned my head and glanced at Little Fatty. A wave of foul stench drifted over and nearly made me dizzy. God knows what this guy had eaten. The smell of his shit was absolutely atrocious. I couldn't help moving farther away.
“Xiaojie, you catch them first. I'll join you after I'm done. Don't worry, I definitely won't catch fewer than you.”
Little Fatty spoke while sucking in breaths of cold air from the pain.
Just then, I turned my head and saw a huge grasshopper leap toward the area behind Little Fatty.
I swear, in all my life, I had never seen such a gigantic grasshopper before.
The grasshopper suddenly sprang through the air and landed directly on Little Fatty's asshole.
Little Fatty let out an “Ow!” and shifted his body, trying to dodge it. When I saw this, I couldn't care about the stench anymore. I walked a few steps closer and said to him, “Little Fatty, don't move! It's a really big grasshopper. Hurry up and squeeze it between your buttocks. Don't let it get away.”
Hearing me say this, Little Fatty gathered his strength and clenched his enormous buttocks with all his might. He actually managed to trap the grasshopper between them.
I was delighted. Just as I was about to go over and grab the giant grasshopper, a strapping, majestic-looking rooster suddenly sprang out of the grass and charged straight toward Little Fatty as well.
It turned out that the rooster had been chasing the giant grasshopper the whole time. The grasshopper had panicked and, having nowhere else to go, had jumped straight onto Little Fatty's asshole.
We called this kind of chicken a “free-range chicken” in our village. Normally, nobody fed them much. They survived entirely on their own by catching insects and scratching around for grass seeds.
These chickens were ridiculously strong fighters. They were incredibly fast. Forget grasshoppers. Even when it came to catching mice, their speed was not inferior to that of cats. Sometimes, they could even peck a small snake to death. They also dared to fight cats and dogs head-on, and pecking people was nothing unusual for them. They were the nightmare of every child in the countryside.
Before I even had time to react, that rooster suddenly sprang out of the grass. Without the slightest hesitation, it lunged at the grasshopper trapped between Little Fatty's buttocks and pecked down hard.
It snatched the grasshopper in its beak, turned around, and ran. In no time, it disappeared from sight.
Little Fatty let out a hysterical scream that seemed to shake the heavens and earth, as though it could be heard from ten miles away.
I stood there completely dumbfounded, not knowing what to do.
I fucking hadn't expected something like this to happen either.
It was a perfect case of the mantis stalking the cicada while the oriole waited behind. Yet in the end, that big rooster had gotten there first.
Of course, having that rooster peck his asshole was genuinely painful.
Later, Little Fatty told me that the sensation had been like having a pair of red-hot iron tongs suddenly shoved into his asshole. It felt as though tens of thousands of ants were crawling all over his butt, while a scorching current surged upward through his asshole and rushed all the way to the back of his neck. That kind of exquisite agony was something an ordinary person could never experience.
Little Fatty's hysterical scream scared me half to death. It was said that the children in the neighboring village heard his terrifying cry and had nightmares that night, unable to sleep properly. Some of them even went so far as to ask a spirit medium to perform a ritual for them.
The most unfortunate part was that the crossroads where we were catching grasshoppers happened to be right along the route where Grandpa Wang from our village was driving past with his donkey cart.
Grandpa Wang was nearly seventy years old. He was an old hand at driving carts in the village. When he was young, he had driven large horse-drawn wagons, and driving an ox cart was even easier for him. Now that he was old and no longer had the physical strength for that, he raised a small donkey instead.
That little donkey had been trained by Grandpa Wang so well that it was practically a fully voice-controlled, intelligent donkey with a built-in navigation system. Wherever he told it to go, it would go. It had never made a mistake.
However, even the most experienced driver had his moments of failure. After hearing Little Fatty's miserable scream, that intelligent donkey was immediately frightened. It raised its tail and began galloping wildly.
The donkey's tail swept away the tobacco pipe Grandpa Wang had been holding in his mouth, sending it flying several meters away. The only remaining front tooth in his mouth also gloriously went out of service.
As the little donkey galloped madly, it directly threw Grandpa Wang off the donkey cart.
It was said that the frightened donkey ran more than twenty li in one go before it was finally brought under control in the neighboring town.
This time, Grandpa Wang took quite a nasty fall. He rolled into a large ditch beside the road and couldn't get back up for a long time, crying out in pain repeatedly.
When I saw this, I knew something was wrong. Saving someone was the priority.
Little Fatty had only been pecked by the rooster and wasn't in any danger of losing his life. But Grandpa Wang was already old, and taking a fall like that could be extremely serious.
At that moment, I couldn't worry about Little Fatty anymore. I hurried into the ditch, intending to help Grandpa Wang back up.
Grandpa Wang really had fallen badly. He couldn't get up even after a long while. It seemed that he had injured his lower back.
However, his consciousness was perfectly clear. The moment he saw me running over, he immediately became furious and cursed, “You little brat, what the hell are you screaming about? With a yell like that, were you trying to get me killed?”
“Grandpa Wang, it wasn't me. It was Little Fatty…” I explained.
Before I could finish speaking, the furious Grandpa Wang slapped me directly across the head.
“You little bastard! You've even learned how to lie now? If it wasn't you, then who was it? There's no one else around here for miles!”
That slap made my head ring.
This old man had fallen so badly, yet he still had so much strength.
But right after I was slapped, I suddenly noticed several weasels and some foxes appearing in the grass. They were staring intently at Grandpa Wang.
The moment I saw them appear, my heart sank.
By then, I had already grown old enough to understand things. I knew that whenever these weasels appeared, something bad was bound to happen. The previous few times, people had died simply because they had hit me.
Grandpa Wang had slapped me because he was angry, and I could completely understand that. But if he ended up losing his life because of it, that would be a huge problem.
I looked toward those weasels and foxes and repeatedly waved my hands.
“It has nothing to do with him. Please, don't hurt him.”
Grandpa Wang saw me standing there talking to myself. His anger flared up again, and he slapped me once more.
“What are you standing there like an idiot for? Hurry up and help me up!”
I came back to my senses and continued trying to support Grandpa Wang. However, I was too weak, and I couldn't lift him at all.
Just then, some villagers happened to pass by. I called out to them, and with their help, we finally managed to carry Grandpa Wang out of the ditch.
What I never would have expected was that Grandpa Wang still ended up running into trouble in the end.
(End of Chapter)