Ar's offer was sweet and savory.
Desi wanted to swallow that offer for the taste of being able to protect his peaceful, ordinary life.
But Ebel spoke first.
”Father, what are you saying?! This is a chance to legally kill Orcs-”
Before Ebel could finish, Ar slammed the table hard.
He hit it so forcefully that every plate and candlestick on the table jolted.
”Ebel!!”
Ar, who always seemed calm, could not hide his agitation.
”Huff... There are guests present. Watch your words.”
At Ar's rebuke, Ebel hesitated before closing his mouth.
Yet his face was full of doubt, and Desi noticed it.
After a brief silence, Kan gave a snicker.
“I like it.”
At those words, Desi's face brightened.
He thought Kan had accepted the chance not to go to war.
But he was mistaken.
“I will take part in the war. Capturing the Orcs nearby... will be a chance to avenge the Orcs who killed my father.”
At Kan's words, Ar let out a short sigh.
That sigh settled heavily over the dining table.
“Kan... Do not let vengeance blind you. Beyond that lies the battlefield. It is a place where death is commonplace.”
Makani seemed to want to stop Kan as well, yet she only hesitated as she looked at him.
Vengeance.
Kan was smiling with vengeance on his face.
Makani seemed unable to speak at the sight.
“I do not care. Other than vengeance, I have no reason to live anymore...”
Kan's heart had long since been set.
At that, Ebel grinned.
Then he sat beside Kan and put an arm around his shoulders.
“Excellent! That is the spirit, Kan! I am joining too, so let us give it our best!”
Ar hesitated.
Interlacing his fingers, Ar spoke.
“The reason I am trying to exclude you from conscription is because I want you to live.”
Ar then turned to Makani.
”Makani, you are the daughter of an old friend of mine, so you are like a daughter to me. And you two are the precious friends of that child.”
Makani listened in silence, fidgeting with her fingers.
“The battlefield is not child's play. In the worst case... Makani could lose both of her friends. That is why I offered you this chance.”
Only then did Desi and Kan understand why Ar had made such an offer.
However, Kan did not seem to have any intention of backing down.
”I am grateful for the offer, but I have not changed my mind. I will avenge my father, and I have no intention of hiding when the country is going to war.”
Kan's gaze was far too resolute.
It was as though vengeance had hardened within him and become the goal of his life.
“Huff... Very well. Then what about you, Desi?”
Ar looked at Desi as he spoke.
The sweet offer.
The chance to live an ordinary life.
Desi wanted to accept it at once.
‘I could even bow my head in thanks.......’
But beside him was Kan, whose words had held not only vengeance but patriotism as well.
No one would have blamed him for taking a step back here.
Yet Desi—the one inside Desi's body—
A wave of nausea rose in him—every scent made him sick.
“I-I will think about it.......”
“Yes, it is a difficult decision. I understand. Then Kan... you will need to begin swordsmanship training at once.”
Ar smiled in relief and looked toward Kan.
“I have received a little training from some patrol guards I know. If it came to it, I was going to look for Orcs on my own.......”
When Kan spoke hesitantly, Makani and Desi finally understood.
They had thought he was getting better, but they had merely left him alone and watched from the sidelines.
Kan had been sinking into vengeance alone.
Alone, even if it meant killing someone.
As though his sighs would not stop, Ar rubbed his forehead and exhaled.
“Huff... Then come see me the day after tomorrow. I will assess you.”
***
After finishing their meal, they headed home.
At some point, the sky had become a night sky, pouring down the light of the stars.
The night sky was poignantly beautiful, with more starlight than empty space between the stars.
After parting with Kan, Makani and Desi walked in the same direction.
“Kan... will be okay, right?”
Makani had not said a word since they had left the estate, but she finally spoke.
“What will be?”
Desi answered as he stared into empty space.
Unable to take his eyes from the starlight, he kept walking.
“Are you not worried? They said they are going to capture the Orcs before going to the battlefield!”
Desi walked on in silence, listening.
“There must be innocent Orcs too... And what if Kan gets hurt while fighting.......”
Makani began to sniffle.
Her small shoulders shook, and her steps were slowing.
But Desi could not hear a thing.
Whether anyone cried or not.
He was thinking about Ar's offer.
‘I completed my full military service, and I am getting dragged into the military in the Otherworld too.......’
Desi kicked a pebble.
‘It would be no different from running away with my tail between my legs when war breaks out. They would say I had no patriotism... that I was a coward... even though my friend is going... That is what they would think.’
The gazes of those around him weighed on him.
Even if this was his second life, even if he had lived with freedom and confidence, there was nothing he could do about the nature ingrained in his soul.
The eyes of those around him.
His parents' disappointment.
His friend's disappointment.
Goosebumps rose across Desi's skin.
Desi gave a hollow laugh.
“Ha, haha.......”
Not a single thing had changed.
The greatest reason he had thrown himself from the Han River bridge lodged itself in his throat once more like a thorn.
Disappointment and hatred for himself.
If he failed, it was because of his own laziness.
If he despaired, others had it harder, so he had no right to complain.
It was that self-reproach.
The sky was full of starlight, but his own shadow was painfully clear.
Long, black darkness lay at his feet.
“Hey! Are you laughing right now?!”
Makani struck Desi's back with her fist and snapped at him.
Desi turned around, gave Makani a forehead flick, and grinned.
She had scrubbed her eyes hard to wipe away her tears, and the corners of her eyes were reddened.
Desi was reflected in her eyes.
The Desi raised by kind, warm parents.
The Desi who had an affectionate, tearful friend.
Yet he himself was nowhere to be seen.
“Do not worry! I will... I will go and protect Kan!”
“What?”
At Makani's question, Desi pressed his lips tightly together.
Inside, regret surged up as he thought he should not have said it.
But.
‘Damn.......’
If someone cried, he had to comfort them.
If someone needed help, he had to help them.
That was what a good child did, what the creature called an ideal person did.
Desi gritted his teeth.
Makani's question and Desi's inner thoughts rose up at the same time.
‘Because you... cried.......’
Avoiding her gaze, Desi muttered.
“I am taller than Kan, at least.”
Avoiding his shadow, he muttered.
‘Stop me, Makani.......’
“So... stop crying, Makani.”
Thwack-!
Makani suddenly hit his back once more, then began to run.
“Ah! What was that? Why did you hit me and run?!”
Desi frowned as he watched Makani's back suddenly retreat.
Her back was cutting across the village full of starlight.
“What the hell did I just say.......”
***
Two days after that.
After much deliberation, Desi told his parents about it after dinner.
The war with the Orcs.
Baron Seru's volunteer enlistment system.
Ar's proposal.
Kan's enlistment.
Several minutes of silence piled up over the empty dishes.
His father, arms crossed, kept his mouth shut and his eyes closed.
His mother watched his father cautiously before glancing at Desi.
Then his father spoke first.
“No.”
That simple, brief word from his father reassured Desi.
He was being stopped.
He felt relieved to have an excuse not to go.
“Yes, it is not compulsory conscription... and it was not enacted by the kingdom.”
His mother added even more.
Desi felt good.
It felt as though he had gained an excuse to give Kan and Makani.
But,
“Kan... decided to go. So I-”
His father suddenly shouted.
“Are you Kan's subordinate?! If Kan goes, do you have to go too?! What kind of nonsense is that?!”
At his father's roar, his mother grew flustered and rubbed his father's shoulder.
“Yes... You do not have to go either.”
That was right.
It was only sensible.
He was not Kan's subordinate, so why should he seek out hardship?
Everyone was stopping him, and Desi himself did not want to go.
And yet his mouth kept moving in the opposite direction.
“I made a promise to Makani. That I would bring Kan back safely.......”
Because it had to be this way.
Because this was what was right.
So that, if nothing else, he would not be an embarrassing son.
So that he would not be a friend who broke his promise.
So that he would not be someone who abandoned a friend blinded by vengeance.
Because that was how he would be seen.
In the end, it was a choice made so that he would not look strange to others.
He fought back the nausea at the self-justification of being a righteous person.
Thus, rationalizing in silence, it was not the wind but Desi himself pushing at his own back.