We left the dazzling lights and came down into the darkness below. The trainee bastards let out breaths as the tension drained out of them. Someone asked, “We did well, right…?” and after that, several of them got excited and started noisily babbling about how insane it was, asking if everyone heard those cheers.
I waited for Lee Sehan, who was slowly coming down at the very back. His face was flushed, and his hands were trembling. Was that delayed stage fright hitting him now, or was it something else? When Lee Sehan spotted me, he panicked and hid his hands behind his back.
“Uh… everyone already left. Why are you standing here?”
“You were good. It was your first stage, but you didn’t even look nervous.”
“Was I…?”
That awkward tone only made me more suspicious. This kid should never try acting. I stared at Lee Sehan, then tossed out casually,
“Guess you’re the type who gets nervous afterward.”
“What?”
“Your hands are shaking right now.”
“Ah… yeah, a little. But during the interview earlier, why did you smile at me?”
“You looked restless. I was telling you not to worry.”
I added with a smile,
“You have to debut, you know.”
Lee Sehan made a strange face. A face that knew it needed to manage its expression but could not manage it at all. Not the kind of face a bastard who said he would stop feeling guilty should be making. Lee Sehan’s lips parted, but a staff member came out from behind him and called his name. I said, “Aren’t you going?” and turned away. Lee Sehan followed behind me. He had been walking a little distance away, but by the time we reached the waiting room, he had closed the gap enough to stick close behind me. From Lee Sehan, now near me, came a familiar smell.
We waited in the waiting room for the voting results. On the TV screen, the oil-slick bastard did some half-assed attempt at suspense. Every time he acted like he was about to reveal the result and then didn’t, I could see the old-looking bastard about to curse before holding himself back. Soon, Team A’s results were announced first. Their vote count was noticeably low. Then our team’s results appeared, and every trainee bastard turned to look at Lee Sehan with the same shocked expression. Lee Sehan’s vote count was overwhelming. It was clearly far above the second-highest vote count on the team.
“Wow, Sehan, you’re basically guaranteed to debut.”
“No, come on. It’s only the first stage.”
“Look at you acting humble! Anyone can tell you’re number one.”
“It’s all thanks to meeting good teammates.”
The old-looking bastard hesitated, then said awkwardly,
“About earlier… sorry for talking shit.”
“What?”
“You know! At first, when I kept going off at you! I’m saying I’m sorry!”
He apologized like he was getting angry, his face bright red, and the trainee bastards burst out laughing. Lee Sehan smiled brightly too and teased him, saying, “It’s fine. You were still worrying about that?” Then the old-looking bastard, apparently embarrassed by all the attention on him, suddenly picked a fight with me.
“But what did you even do to get fifth?!”
“My dancing did all the work. I should’ve danced better.”
“What kind of bull—no. Congratulations on fifth.”
The old-looking bastard was, unlike himself, conscious of the cameras. He was acting that way because conversations in the waiting room were being broadcast to the audience in real time. Since he was making such a damn fuss trying to look good, I should play along too. I smiled innocently.
“Congratulations on getting third from the bottom. With your skills, I’m sure you’ll get first next time!”
“You…! Park Yuha, you seriously….”
I ignored the bastard grinding his teeth and sprawled out in my chair. Lee Sehan comforted the old-looking bastard while glancing at me. I paid him no attention at all and watched another team’s stage on the TV. That bastard Lee Sehan was not fun either. Too boring. Lee Sehan had a familiar smell on him. The bottom-of-the-barrel smell that had clung all over my older uncle.
Two nights ago, I called Shin Giyoung out separately. To the same place where he had confessed he was a fucking pervert bastard. The pervert bastard came running, panting. The way he deliberately panted harder was fucking disgusting. I stuck a cigarette in my mouth and beckoned Shin Giyoung over. Like an obedient dog bastard, the pervert bastard came right up in front of me and panted. I exhaled cigarette smoke and said,
—Lee Sehan. Anything weird about him?
—Huh? Lee Sehan? Not really?
—Then leave.
—No, no! Now that I think about it, he was fucking weird! Who does that bastard think he is, giving you that kind of part?! Is he a pervert?! Why would he go out of his way to make you stand out?! Yuha, you’re supposed to be hidden away so I can be the only one biting and licking and loving you….
This fucking pervert bastard, seriously. I lightly slapped Shin Giyoung’s face while his brain was off in space. Shin Giyoung’s cheek flushed red, and he looked dazed. In an indifferent voice, I muttered,
—Giyoung. Use your brain before you talk.
—Huh…?
—Lee Sehan. I asked if anything was weird.
—Ah… ah, wait, Giyoung? No, I mean… weird?
Shin Giyoung’s face went bright red, and his eyes darted around helplessly as he searched for words. I had been planning to leave him half-crippled if he spouted nonsense again, but the pervert bastard had good instincts. Shin Giyoung muttered like a lunatic for a while—“Weird? Giyoung…? Weird… Giyoung….”—then stammered on.
—Sometimes he kind of spaced out. How do I say it? His eyes got sort of hazy.
—….
—And also… sometimes after phone calls, he got really sensitive. When I asked what kind of call it was, he just vaguely brushed it off. Ah! You know how we get two days off after the first stage? When I asked what he was doing then, his face froze for a second. He smiled right away and said he was meeting family, but it looked like a lie to me. I’ve been pretending to hate you for years, Yuha. Did he think I wouldn’t recognize that level of lie? That pervert bastard looked down on me.
Shin Giyoung said it proudly. I listened silently, tapping my left wrist with the index finger of my right hand, then asked,
—Did you see anything like needle marks on his wrist?
—Needle marks?
—If not his wrist, then somewhere else.
—I don’t really know….
—Then check if he has any.
I lowered my eyes and took a drag from my cigarette. Then I blew the smoke out. Shin Giyoung watched my mood and asked,
—But why?
—Curious?
—No. I just asked because I wanted to hear your voice more.
This bastard was a rotten pervert to the bone. I narrowed my eyes into a smile for him.
—Don’t get curious from now on either. As long as you do what I tell you, I’ll use you for a long, long time.
—Yuha…!!!
The pervert bastard teared up and tried to hug me. I slipped aside and tripped him. Beside the fallen pervert bastard, I dropped my cigarette and ground it out. Ignoring Shin Giyoung as he made an ugly scene, begging, “Call me Giyoung one more time!! Yuha, Yuha, please…!!!” I went back to the dorm.
And that night, the fucking pervert bastard kept contacting me until late. He threw a whole fit about how he hadn’t managed to record it and begged me to call him Giyoung one more time. Then later, out of nowhere, he dragged the old-looking bastard into it. He said I could make that old-looking bastard my slave, but he liked me more clingily than that bastard ever could. I blocked the pervert bastard without hesitation.
*****
My older uncle was a drug addict. He had been using since high school. He was an inherently fragile person. Just seeing what my maternal grandfather did from the sidelines must have been enough to break him. Whenever a man like that used, he lost his mind. He would giggle while cursing and tormenting my younger uncle. Then when he sobered up, he would turn timid again and fail to even look my younger uncle properly in the eye.
Back then, not long after he used, whenever he went out of his mind, his eyes would turn hazy.
Like a person who had sold off his soul.
After every stage was over, the trainees gathered in the auditorium. The oil-slick bastard revealed the overall rankings and called out the eliminated trainees. 33rd place, Kang Yejun. 28th place, Park Yuha. 21st place, Yoon Jiwoo. Not one member of our group was eliminated. And with no twist, first place was Lee Sehan. The trainees close to Lee Sehan congratulated him at his side as if they genuinely meant it. Lee Sehan, his eyes red from swallowing back tears, smiled dazzlingly.
“Yuha, that was Seokhyeon earlier, right?”
I was about to wash up and head to my room when Yoon Jiwoo spoke to me. Perfect. I had something to ask anyway. I dragged Yoon Jiwoo to my room. There was no one inside. I picked up the phone I had left on my bed and held it out to Yoon Jiwoo.
“Cha Seokhyeon’s number.”
“Seokhyeon’s number?”
“I deleted it after we fought last time, so I don’t have it.”
“Ah… Seokhyeon didn’t contact you and come here?”
“I blocked him, so I wouldn’t have gotten it.”
“Ah, then his number should be… in your block list.”
“You think I’ve only blocked one or two numbers?”
Yoon Jiwoo laughed awkwardly, then checked Cha Seokhyeon’s number on his own phone. As he typed the number into mine, he said, “Seokhyeon seemed even more… like that than usual today, so I thought maybe he was just really happy you two had made up.”
By “like that,” he definitely meant “like a fucking moron.” I took my phone back from Yoon Jiwoo after he finished entering the number and immediately called. I put on my long padded coat and was about to leave the room when I stopped. I turned back toward Yoon Jiwoo, who was standing there awkwardly.
“Your stage was cool today.”
“What…? Uh… yours was cool too, Yuha!”
The way he said it was painfully clumsy. How had a little kid like that gone insane enough to kill someone? This time, I should be able to watch from beside him. I gave Yoon Jiwoo a playful smile and left the room. The ringing stopped. Over the phone, Cha Seokhyeon called my name in a badly cracked voice. Yuha. Where are you? Instead of answering, I asked Cha Seokhyeon where he was.
Cha Seokhyeon said he was at a park near the dorm. When I left the dorm building, the streetlights came on. The whole way there, Cha Seokhyeon kept babbling about something. “Eternal Snowman” was really good. You sang it thinking of me, right? I even commented on that video.
When I arrived at the park, I saw a familiar figure. Cha Seokhyeon was circling the park alone, muttering to himself. He must have known he had done something wrong, because the way he looked anxious was pathetic. I lowered the phone from my ear. Then, to Cha Seokhyeon, who had found me and was staring blankly, I smiled sweetly and said,
“I told you to do only what I ordered. Are my words that fucking worthless to you?”
*****
Were any Helis at the Your Idol stage today…? I went to see Yejun and got absolutely wrecked by Park Yuha LMAOOOO. I think I’ve lost my mind for real lololol. I honestly never cared much about Park Yuha before, you know? Like everyone knows, the kid is kind of weird;;; whenever he shows up once in a drought on visible radio or variety shows, he’s the definition of zero effort lolololol. If they ask him something, it’s either yes or no and that’s it lolololol.
But the funny thing is, he’s weirdly good to fans, so even when you call him insane, you can’t actually hate him;;; I mean, it’s not really being good to fans lololol. When he does pre-recordings, Park Yuha sometimes acknowledges the fans, right? But he looks at them with this face like, “Does this person seriously have nothing better to do?” lololol. You all know that legendary rock-paper-scissors story, right? lol. There’s even a fan video of it lololol.
He said if she beat him at rock-paper-scissors, he’d buy her food, and when the Heli said no, Park Yuha smiled like some insanely kind Father and handed out lunchboxes to every fan at that pre-recording that day lolololol. The funniest part is later, he said the exact same thing to another Heli, but when that Heli happily tried to play rock-paper-scissors, he said it wasn’t fun and left lololololol. Crazy bastard lololololol.
Anyway, Park Yuha was so fucking half-assed on broadcasts that fans cursed him a lot for it, but I was just neutral 😭😭. I just didn’t get him 😭😭😭. I didn’t think I’d ever go crazy over his charms like those Park Yuha solo stans either… lol. That’s how I was… I really was!!!! But today, I got hit for real… hehe. I got hit so fucking hard, I think my brain spun 180 degrees lololol 😭😭.
Honestly, there were signs? Like a denial phase? This crazy bastard lololololololol sang “Eternal Snowman” on Your Idol, right? lololololol. Seriously, after dancing like absolute crap and then looking at the judges with that insanely confident face, I was shaking my head like, wow, he’s really consistent lololol. But then later, Park Yuha’s unreleased “Eternal Snowman” video dropped lolololol. I mean, “Eternal Snowman” of all things lolololol.
I was like, fuck, should I watch this or not? and listened with my eyes squeezed shut…. But the song was so good 😭😭😭😭😭. Why is our Yuha’s voice so good? 😭😭😭😭 I thought my eardrums were melting 😭😭😭😭. I think that was when… my sanity started running away…^^ I pretended I didn’t care, but I kept searching up Park Yuha videos 😭😭😭. I replayed “Eternal Snowman” hundreds of times 😭😭😭. I started desperately squeezing content out of our Yuha’s fingies appearing at the very edge of the screen 😭😭😭😭. Those long, slim fingers, like a pianist’s fingers… haah….
That video got good reactions too, right? 😭 Honestly, I really thought there was no way broadcasts would ever help Yuha, but that video is getting Seven Days talked about too 😭😭. I’m telling you, when today’s stage airs, he’s going to blow up 😭😭. Our Yuha’s fingies are going to blow up too… haah……♥
Comments (223)
—I feel like this post gets more perverted the farther down it goes?^^;;;
└For real lolololol. And Park Yuha turned into “our Yuha” lolololol.
└And thus another Park Yuha solo stan is born…. lol.
—😭😭 Yuha just Yuha’d, what else is new 😭😭😭😭 haah♥
—Is this a Park Yuha solo stan trait? Why does everyone turn into a pervert the second they become his fan? lololololol.
—I still don’t like him. He’s way too self-centered.
└22222 Fans who got into him through Your Idol will probably drop him the second they watch Park Yuha’s old videos lol.
└33333 Dropping him would be the best-case scenario lolol. He makes money off fans but puts in zero effort, so they might turn into antis lolol.
└44444 What even is Park Yuha’s charm? Why are you squeezing crumbs this hard;;;
└55555 Please, I hope everyone runs away after seeing Yuha’s shitty personality 😭😭 so I can suck on Yuha’s fingies alone 😭😭😭😭
└???? There’s a weird person here;;;
└Park Yuha solo stans are really like cockroaches lololol. Learn when to butt out;;;
—“Eternal Snowman” lololol. I watched the video with my eyes half-closed lolol….. then bawled my eyes out as soon as I heard the first line 😭😭😭😭.
—But why was Yuha edited out so much??? 😭😭 Seriously, all we got were his fingies at the edge of the screen;;;
└I heard people saying the producer has it out for him….
└Huh? For real? What did he even do in that short amount of time..? lololol.
└It’s Park Yuha. That’s plenty of time for him to do something^^.
└Agreed… When he went on the radio before and the DJ was basically huffing with rage by the end, I thought, wow, this guy is really something… lol. No, but when the DJ asked if he knew any of his group’s songs, why did he say, “I know you’re a famous rapper, senior,” and then start singing along to that rap floating around YouTube as an embarrassing dark-history clip? lolololololol. And he was so fucking bad at it lololololol. When he looked at the DJ with that proud face like, “I, a purely kind person, am even singing this for you,” I seriously lololololol. Yuha, I love you♥ 😭😭😭 You’re so fucking cute, seriously 😭😭😭😭
└No, why did that end like that? lololololol.
—Why do perverts spawn every time Park Yuha comes up? lololololol.
—Isn’t it kind of rude to comment that you hate Yuha on a post saying someone likes Yuha?
└222 Yeah, it’s a little much 😭😭. Coming all the way here just to… lol.
└333 I don’t love them calling themselves Helis while doing that. What’s with dragging down one specific member?
└444 It’s not like Yuha committed a crime or anything… 😭😭
└555 So what if our Yuha commits a little crime? 😭😭😭
└???? That’s not it lolololololol. Another Park Yuha solo stan;;;
—Park Yuha, I love you!!! 😭😭 Seriously, smash the universe 😭😭😭
—lol I was at Your Idol too lolol. Wasn’t the male fan who screamed “Yuha!!! I love you!!!” in the middle Cha Seokhyeon? lololol.
└??? Seokhyeon went to Your Idol…?
└Yeah, I was right next to him and it was definitely Cha Seokhyeon lol.
└Seriously lololol. Cha Seokhyeon lolololol. He’s a celebrity too, why is he like that? lololol.
└Cha Seokhyeon is kind of a turnoff;;;
└I got into Seven Days because of Cha Seokhyeon lolol. I thought he was this quiet, serious, sculpted handsome guy, but turns out he’s just a Park Yuha solo stan^^;;; He only talks to Park Yuha lolol. And whenever Park Yuha does anything, his eyes sparkle while he stares at him like a big dog lololol. I always thought he was going to roll over and show his belly for Park Yuha someday, but he finally caused an incident…^^
—I was more shocked by the dancing than “Eternal Snowman” lolololol. Seriously, what was with that insanely confident face after dancing like that? lolololololol.