The deadline was the end of February.
To successfully knock out the homework the CEO had assigned, Go Yeon-gyu and I ended up gathering in a corner of the practice room during self-practice time.
"Decide quick, stupid Jason! That way I can get a feel for it!"
With the mask on, of course.
If I stayed bare-faced, he hated coming within a three-meter radius, so it couldn't be helped.
"Can't we just make the song first and then work out the specific concept?"
"I have to hear the whole specific concept before a song comes to me, so hurry up and think of it. If you don't come up with it today, I'll make you sleep in the entryway."
"Have a heart. It's cold out, and it gets really drafty."
Go Yeon-gyu, who had been tapping the floor with the tip of his ballpoint pen in a steady rhythm, asked.
"What's the problem? Students, growing pains, youth. The keywords are all out there."
"I don't want to go with the classroom image that comes to mind right away when you think of students."
"A sports club taking on a tournament."
"Something with a bit more weight."
"A group of problem kids who gather on the rooftop and make memories."
"Oddly old-fashioned. Feels like we'd have to slap a sepia filter on the music video."
The tapping on the floor stopped.
"You're picky. Can't you just settle for good enough?"
"If a guy whose skills are already way behind the other kids is lacking in diligence too, wouldn't that be a big problem? I'd have nothing to say even if I got cut right now."
"If you got cut, I'd be happy, though."
"For someone saying that, you're giving your opinions pretty diligently."
Seo Seo-jun, who had been watching Go Yeon-gyu's and my meeting-disguised-as-a-fight from afar, scampered over and sat down.
"You two seem like real pros! That's awesome......!"
Go Yeon-gyu really is a pro. He already has experience releasing songs.
"Seo Seo-jun, since you're here, toss out an idea before you go."
"Even though I don't know much about this stuff, so I won't be any help?"
"That's something to judge after hearing it."
"Uh, uh, so......."
Seo Seo-jun, using every muscle in his face and thinking with all his might, answered.
"A hikikomori?"
"I don't get much of a feel from just that. Explain it a bit more."
"Um, like a student who refuses to go to school. A kid who shut himself in his room because he didn't want to go to school makes good friends and gets the courage to go back to school....... This kind of thing's kind of bad, right? Just ignore it......."
Seo Seo-jun, who had gradually lost confidence the more he said, finished his explanation in a voice that was practically crawling and scratched his head.
Jotting down what Seo Seo-jun said in my notebook, I asked.
"The reason he refuses to go to school?"
"...Yes?"
"I got curious while listening."
Seo Seo-jun, flustered for a moment, went on haltingly.
"Being bullied? Or maybe he fell out with his close friends. If you don't have friends, you don't want to go to school, right? It gets embarrassing when you have to ride the bus somewhere or form groups."
I went around alone without any close friends, yet I didn't mind it, so I wouldn't know.
But I'm aware that's the common perception. Students who feel psychological pressure from communication problems and avoid going to school really do exist.
"Sounds good. A story about a student who fights with his close friends, can't bear the loneliness, refuses to go to school, and shuts himself up at home, and in the end makes up with those friends and comes outside."
As long as it doesn't slide into a blatantly dark setup, isn't it a plausible subject that covers both growth and youth?
"Heok....... Really? Then was I a help?"
"Yeah, you were a help. Go Yeon-gyu, what do you think?"
"I like it too, but can it be a fast, upbeat song? If the song is slow too, I think it'll get too depressing."
"I was just about to say that."
Namgung Hyun, who had stopped self-practicing at some point and come over, marveled innocently.
"Seol-han-hyungnim and Yeon-gyu really work well together! Anyone watching would think you'd known each other for years!"
"Unless you want to see your debut song turn into Flight of the Bumblebee, it'd be better not to get on Go Yeon-gyu's nerves for a while."
"Think it'd end with just that?"
"Wow~ Adding evidence to my remark so actively! You two are perfectly in sync and so cool!"
Unfazed even by the heartfelt threat from someone soon to be the real power in the group, Namgung Hyun breezily fired back and flaunted a heavenly smile that made full use of his looks.
Maybe because both that guy and I were comfortable giving feedback by concisely pointing out only the problem parts without having to phrase things gently, we surprisingly communicated well.
Go Yeon-gyu might be disgusted whenever he saw my face, but the fact that he never dragged in personal displeasure to openly criticize anything about the work also played a part in our smooth collaboration.
Two weeks later, Go Yeon-gyu brought me several demo songs he said he'd made.
Between practice and going to song camps, he'd been living the busiest life on the debut team, and yet he'd made this many in the meantime.
"How are they? They're still raw, though."
"They're all good. Which do you like best?"
"My taste is number 2. But the one that suits the concept is number 3."
Number 3, the one Go Yeon-gyu picked, was a song with a fast BPM packed with guitar riffs and drum sounds that gave a sense of speed.
Number 2, on the other hand, had less speed but added a groovy feel, and it was full of sophistication.
The future Go Yeon-gyu was good at this kind of thing. His taste had been unwavering since he was young, huh.
"Number 3 looks best to me too, but I'm no expert in this field, so just take it as a reference."
Hearing it again, it was a good song with no big flaws in its structure.
Trendiness that captured both a refreshing feel and a fast beat. A melody that made your heart swell just from listening.
As long as the company didn't flub it, it had more than enough potential to draw the public's attention.
It seemed that from here, all that was left was to discuss the arrangement direction with the A&R Team staff and raise the overall polish.
Seeing me replay it over and over, Go Yeon-gyu asked.
"Which one's the worst?"
"Do I have to tell you that too?"
"I'm curious. I won't get mad, so be honest."
You got praised, that should be enough—why go asking for trouble? Are all geniuses like this?
"Number 4. It has impact, but overall the song is hard to follow and tiring, so I don't think I'd bother looking it up to listen again."
"Oh, right, that one's bad. It's a botched piece that just smashes intense emotions together without any release. Isn't it like a thug punching people walking down the street?"
"If even you think it's bad, why did you put it in here?"
"Just because."
Go Yeon-gyu was wearing a smile that looked somehow satisfied.
Don't tell me he deliberately put a dud in there to test me? To tell whether I'm just skimming and nodding along or whether I've got ears that actually listen?
"Now you just have to take it to the A&R Team. Congrats on being freed first."
"You're not done yet? Why are you so slow?"
It's unfair. It's not that I'm slow, it's that my workload grew in the meantime.
When I passed along my opinion, organized with reference to what Seo Seo-jun had proposed, Seon Yeong-ran suggested that, while I had the momentum, I might think about things like the album name and the music video's direction too.
It's called a suggestion, but in reality it's no different from an order.
Why not just tell me to quit being a trainee and join the production division? Then I'd at least get a salary.
"Well, it's almost Seollal anyway, so nobody will have time to look at it. It probably doesn't matter."
Ah, right.
While I'd been gasping through debut preparations, the season of the nation's great holiday had crept up before I knew it.
***
Since becoming a reporter, my perception of holidays was this.
Days on duty.
A normal company would let everyone rest over the holidays, but a news outlet that has to check new stories every day always needs reporters to come in even over the holidays.
Unlike others who had plans, whether visiting family or traveling, I did nothing but stay holed up at home even over the holidays, so every year I volunteered for holiday duty.
Point View, where I worked, was a company that was 'like family'—in the f—ked-up sense—where employees' personal information spreading openly was an everyday thing, so most of my fellow reporters vaguely knew about my family situation.
Maybe because of that, there were occasionally people who acted as though the duty were mine by default, saying of course someone with no family like me should stay behind.
On the other hand, there were also people who worried about me being left alone and looked out for me.
"Seol-han-ssi, take this and eat it. Pollack jeon, skewers, and seasoned vegetables. I put some rice cake in the small container too, you know? My wife said it was fine, but I don't know if it'll suit your taste."
"I'm fine. Please enjoy it with your family."
"It's because we made a bit too much this time. It'd all get thrown out if it's left over anyway, so it's better if you eat it, Seol-han-ssi."
At the time, I knew nothing and just took it in stride, but after some time passed, I realized the deputy chief had made it separately just for me.
It turned out they'd agreed a good while back not to set out the ancestral rite table.
'I wonder if he's a bit healthier now.'
He always complained that his back hurt, that he should have worked out hard and built muscle while he was even a little younger.
This time, I hope he gets his wish, starts exercising early, and hurts less.
***
The PLUTO members' family homes were all in different places.
Of them, Seo Seo-jun and Namgung Hyun had to go pretty far.
"Should I cancel my flight after all?"
"You're going tomorrow—how much would the fee be if you cancel now? I'll stay, so Seo-jun, you just go. Bring back some gwajul when you come~"
"You booked a train too. Seo-jun and Hyun, both of you, don't be stubborn and have a good trip."
"Ha Hyun, aren't you being too heartless? What if hyungnim gets lonely and cries in secret!"
"Even if I'm lonely, even if I'm sad, I don't cry, so don't worry about it."
These guys clamoring that they'd each be the one to stay was purely because of me.
It seemed they were worried about me being left alone in the dorm after everyone moved out.
"Hyungnim, you're not going anywhere, you're staying at the dorm?"
"I don't particularly have anywhere to go."
"Seol-han-hyung, are you on bad terms with your family?"
"Yeah, I ran away from home."
"Heup......."
I couldn't bring myself to honestly say I had no family to go visit. They'd only worry more for nothing.
I also don't particularly want to dig up my personal history in front of people I only met recently.
I'll never have occasion to go visit family from now on either, so it'd be better to keep up the setup that I left home because of a family conflict.
Ha Hyun said his family was taking a trip to Sokcho over the holiday.
Go Yeon-gyu said he'd spend time with his family, who were coming over from the US.
I heard they were even going to an amusement park; I hope he blows off all the stress that's built up from songwriting.
As for Cha Min-seong, who shows up at his family home every chance he gets, I'd simply assumed he'd go back there without my having to ask.
"I'm staying at the dorm too."
The guy dropped a bombshell the night before the holiday.
Maybe uneasy about the combination of me and Cha Min-seong staying behind, Ha Hyun asked before leaving the dorm.
"Seol-han-hyung, do you want to come with us, by any chance? We're going in a nine-seater van, so there's room......."
But however desperate I might be, I'm not shameless enough to horn in on someone else's family trip, so I declined.
And so, on the happy holiday every office worker counts down the days to, far from happy, I was left alone in a dorm where I felt nothing but bleakness.
...Along with Cha Min-seong.