“Tonics, aphrodisiacs, tonics, aphrodisiacs, aphrodisiacs, aphrodisiacs… Chuchu! I sent you to the mortal realm to find a mate, and what kind of rubbish did you bring back?!”
“Chirp…”
The little red bird whose name was called shrank into a ball of fluff. His wingtips twitched in fright.
A pill originally hidden under his wing rolled to Chi Yu’s front. He picked it up with two fingers.
“Heh, another aphrodisiac.” Chi Yu’s lips curled into a mocking sneer as he held the pill up to the little Red Luan bird’s [1]The Red Luan (红鸾/紅鸞) is a mythological bird in East Asian folklore, often associated with the phoenix (Fenghuang) and regarded as a divine omen of peace, prosperity, and joy. In Chinese … Continue reading jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_2179461_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_2179461_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); eyes. “You plan to use this on your future partner? Making him have sex seven times a day for seven days straight, then just ascend to heaven on the spot?!”
“Chirp?” Is that not allowed?
Feng Chuchu tilted his fluffy little bird head. The tuft of hair on his head trembled with the movement. His beady eyes conveyed a puzzled expression: “Isn’t this the standard courtship process?”
Chi Yu had a bellyful of curses. But seeing this pitiful yet adorable appearance, he suddenly could not utter a single harsh word.
“Well.”
He let out a deep sigh.
Chi Yu was a Red Luan, a branch of the Red Luan clan. A legendary divine bird in charge of marriage.
He took human form at age ten and sought a mate at twenty. Now just over two hundred years old, he ran an online dating and matchmaking company in the human world. Helping people find perfect matches and contributing at least 20% to society’s marriage rate.
And in front of him was this round, red little piece of trash…
In terms of age, his own ancestor.
Feng Chuchu was five hundred years old this year and had never taken human form.
The reason was simple.
Red Luan birds were spirits of intense passion. They could not improve spiritual power through cultivation alone. The best way was finding a mate, then cultivating together with kisses and hugs.
Feng Chuchu had lived five hundred years but could not even find a crush to sustain his life. Let alone a partner.
The entire Red Luan clan worried extremely for him. They tried matching him with all sorts of gods and spirits. Almost twisting fate’s threads into hemp rope. But still could not find Chuchu’s true love.
No other way remained but to look to the vast human world.
“If your destined partner is an ordinary person,” Chi Yu said, pretending to throw away the pill in front of him, “this one pill would be enough for him to die several times over.”
“Chirp chirp chirp chirp!!!”
My betrothal gifts! I have been saving up for five hundred years!
The little red bird fluttered his wings anxiously. He jumped up and down, trying to retrieve the pill.
As a result, he slipped and rolled on the desk. Belly up, his two thin claws kicked wildly in the air. Chirping loudly for help.
“Boss!”
Outside the office, an employee peeked in and shouted.
“It is so noisy. Can you mute your bird? The company next door complains our alarm goes off all the time.”
“Hush! Be quiet.”
Chi Yu pinched the Red Luan bird’s beak and manually made it shut up.
Feng Chuchu lay on his back with his beak pinched. Only able to make muffled whimpers. His beady eyes stared wetly at Chi Yu, looking extremely pitiful.
Chi Yu: “…”
This “fully automatic troublemaker chicken” was back again.
Taking advantage of being pampered, exuding cuteness anytime, anywhere.
After staring for three seconds, Chi Yu released his hand and sighed. His tone indeed softened.
“The medicine of the Red Luan Clan cannot be given to humans casually. If that ruthless administrator finds out, we are finished. Do you remember the three great rules of the human world?”
“Chirp.” I do not remember.
The little bird Feng Chuchu had limited brain capacity. Filled with the single thought of “courtship,” he remembered nothing else.
“You…” Chi Yu glared at him, resignedly repeating, “First, you cannot use non-scientific powers in the human world. Fortunately, you do not know how to use them either.”
This little good-for-nothing had been around five hundred years without cultivating even a trace of spiritual power. At most, he could rub a tiny flame of demonic fire with the tip of his wing. Which dissipated on its own after a couple shakes, without needing any wind.
“Second, your identity cannot be discovered by humans.”
“Chirp chirp!” Got it!
Feng Chuchu nodded like a chick pecking rice. A tuft of hair on his head left a blurry afterimage.
In fact, he had no ability to transform and maintained his original appearance.
Fortunately, the administrators were diligent and responsible. Covering the entire human realm with cognitive barriers. Gods and spirits acting in original forms were automatically recognized as animals existing in the world.
As long as he did not deliberately expose himself, he would not reveal his true colors.
“Thirdly, and this is what you need to pay the most attention to,” Chi Yu leaned down and whispered in his ear. Reminding word by word, “You cannot change the fate of human beings, or you will pay the price.”
“Chirp chirp!” Remembered that!
“Chirp chirp chirp!” Quickly help me find a mate!
“Do you really know?” Chi Yu rubbed his throbbing temples. “Alright, I will tell you where your true love is.”
“Chirp chirp chirp!!!”
Feng Chuchu immediately jumped in front of Chi Yu. Tilting his little head expectantly. Waiting for him to demonstrate great magic that made stars flow and red threads fly with a finger flick. Tying red strings between himself and his lover.
Unexpectedly, Chi Yu grabbed the mouse beside him, clicked, and opened the website he ran.
Then started entering Feng Chuchu’s birth date and time.
“Chirp?” That is it?
The little red bird tilted his head. Beady eyes filled with confusion.
“What do you know? This is called technology changing destiny.” Chi Yu said with a profound look. “Big data matching, precise and efficient.”
After a while, the page displayed a dense array of matching results.
Chi Yu spent over ten minutes moving the mouse to filter data. But in the end, could only determine a general range.
“Tsk, finding your destined partner is really difficult.” Chi Yu raised his hand and pointed in a certain direction outside the window. “Your destined partner is in Ling City Ancient Alley. Details…”
“Chirp chirp!” Thank you!
Before Chi Yu finished speaking, Feng Chuchu chirped merrily twice. Flapped wings and flew out the window.
“Hey! I have not told you how to form a bond yet!” Chi Yu rushed to the window and shouted at Chuchu, already far away. “If you run into trouble, remember to fly over and find me!”
The little red bird had disappeared into the sky. Unknown if he heard the words.
Chi Yu gazed in the direction he flew, muttering softly, “Silly bird, do not let him get caught and stewed.”
Ling City Ancient Alley sat in a prime city location. Connecting two main roads left and right.
Surrounded by towering buildings and bustling traffic, the ancient alley alone retained old-world charm. Several previous urban planning projects deliberately bypassed this alley.
Rumor had it because an antique shop lay within.
After the founding of the People’s Republic of China, the store manager, Mr. Cang, donated several batches of cultural relics to the country. Half of provincial museums filled with his donations. Several pieces displayed at the National Museum of China as showcases.
Those batches of cultural relics spanned from the Western Zhou Dynasty to the Republic of China period. Well-preserved with great cultural significance and historical value.
Mr. Cang displayed the remaining “worthless” antiques and opened this antique shop. Attracting big shots from all walks of life who visited every few days.
However, Mr. Cang had other work and only appeared once every few months.
A light, white snowflake drifted down from the sky. It landed on Feng Chuchu’s feathers and remained there, making him look like a sugar-coated strawberry from afar.
“Chirp chirp chirp~ Chirp chirp chirp~” Where is my beloved? Where is my beloved?
The little Red Luan bird chirped a song as he circled back and forth above the alley, carefully observing everyone who passed by.
This guy looked like a typical overworked office worker! His dark circles were worse than a panda’s; he was working so much overtime he was practically shortening his lifespan. Definitely not.
That backpack was heavier than a tank. Every day listening to lectures and doing practice problems from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m., he might even have to give up his own yang energy to take a single breath.
The couple passing by… well, they were sucking each other dry.
“Chirp.” A person
“Chirp chirp chirp.” The quality is really bad.
The little red bird lowered his head in disappointment, and his stomach growled.
“Chirp chirp…” Hungry…
Feng Chuchu flew lower, searching for food.
Suddenly, his beady eyes lit up!
At the end of the alley, there was a flower and bird shop. A boy of about seven or eight years old came out and scattered a large handful of chicken feed on the open ground.
Sparrows swarmed around, chirping happily as they pecked at the food.
“Chirp chirp!” Wow! What a kind person!
Who says the world is a dangerous place?
Humans are clearly very kind!
Feng Chuchu was so moved that he immediately folded his wings and flew over, squeezing among the sparrows to peck at the food.
The chick feed was probably damp, as it tasted moldy. But Feng Chuchu was so hungry that he was only focused on filling his stomach and did not notice the little boy who was “kindly” feeding him the feed, secretly pulling out a homemade crossbow from behind his back, made from paper and a ballpoint pen.
The crossbow bolt was tipped with the nib of a 0.3 ballpoint pen, enough to pierce the heart of a small bird.
The sparrows around were experienced and knew he liked to lure small birds over as targets. The moment the boy took out his crossbow, they became alert and all flew away.
Only the little Red Luan bird, oblivious to the dangers of the world, remained, still engrossed in his meal.
Inside the flower and bird shop, the owner, Old Wang, looked out the glass at the street and spotted a bright red bird. He quickly ran out and whispered in his son’s ear:
“This bird looks rare, with glossy plumage. It must be someone’s pet bird.” Old Wang glanced at it a few more times, a greedy glint in his eyes. “It looks like a specially bred scarlet parrot. One of those costs at least ten thousand yuan. If we teach it to say ‘Wishing you prosperity,’ and sell it to those big bosses who like auspicious omens, the price could be several times higher!”
“I know,” the boy nodded. “I will shoot a few arrows to scare it, and then catch it alive when it is too weak.”
As soon as he finished speaking, he shot the paper arrow in his hand.
Whoosh—
A paper arrow grazed past the tuft of hair on Feng Chuchu’s head.
“Chirp?”
The little red bird looked up in confusion, staring at the boy who had just been kind and gentle, and who suddenly smiled cruelly.
“Haha, missed.”
The boy smiled, loaded another arrow, aimed, and shot it at the red bird.
Before Feng Chuchu could react, his wing was grazed. It did not hurt, but two feathers fell out.
“Chirp chirp!” You bad guy!
“Chirp chirp chirp!” I will peck you clean!
Feng Chuchu was so angry that his feathers popped out, instantly doubling in size, and he charged at the pig-headed boy like an Angry Bird.
“Whoa—!”
The boy was startled that such a small bird would fight back and screamed. His hand, which was holding the arrow, was pecked hard in the web of his thumb, and blood immediately seeped out.
“Dad, it is pecking me, boohoo…”
“What are you crying for?” Old Wang scolded loudly. “Catch it quickly, sell it, and Dad will buy you a game console with the money.”
“Yes!” The boy wiped away his tears and, along with his father, chased after the little red bird, blocking all its paths.
“Chirp, chirp…”
The little Red Luan bird was tired and weak.
The peck he gave the boy just now had used up all his strength.
Now, every time he flapped his wings, it felt like he weighed a ton, and he could not fly high enough to shake off those two annoying people.
“Chirp chirp!” Help!
As Feng Chuchu flew, he cried out for help. Paper arrows and small stones kept hitting him from behind, which frightened him so much that he turned around and flew straight towards the middle of the road.
At the same time, a black sedan was driving into the ancient alley.
The snowy day was gloomy, and the whole world was shrouded in a layer of haze.
Suddenly, a blinding red streak flashed through the air, like a leaping flame.
The people in the car reacted quickly and braked immediately.
Screech—
The car left a skid mark on the snow, stopping just a second before the bird struck.
With a bang, the bird hit the windshield.
The red fluffy bird, unaware that he had caused trouble again, spread his wings and flattened himself into a bird pancake, then slowly slid down the smooth glass surface.
“Chirp chirp chirp!”
Feng Chuchu chirped and flapped his wings with all his might, but he could not fly. His two little claws frantically pawed at the ground, desperately searching for a foothold.
His claws performed a figure skating routine on the glass when he suddenly hooked onto something—the car’s windshield wiper.
Snow was falling from the sky, and the windshield wipers were rhythmically moving up and down.
Feng Chuchu immediately grabbed the windshield wiper, swaying back and forth with its movement, like a fluffy car ornament.
The snow-covered glass was wiped a little clean, and he saw a pair of beautiful eyes behind the glass.
They were so beautiful that for a moment, Feng Chuchu forgot his own situation.
His mating instinct overwhelmed everything, and he subconsciously raised his tail feathers to display his courtship.
Whoosh—
When the boy saw the red bird perched on the car, he immediately shot an arrow at it. The tip of the arrow grazed the hood of the car, leaving a clear mark.
Fortunately, the windshield wipers rose in time, carrying the bird away from the attack.
“Hey! How do you drive like that! You hit my bird!”
Old Wang saw the bird stuck on the windshield wiper and motionless from afar, guessing it had been hit and killed. He immediately rushed over, cursing loudly.
“Do you know how expensive this bird of mine is? Can you afford to pay for it?”
The boy cleverly ran over and loudly chimed in behind Old Wang, “That is right, my dad said he is going to sell it for tens of thousands!!!”
“Chirp chirp!” You bad guy!
“Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp!!” Who is your bird?!
“Chirp chirp chirp chirp!!!” You two bird killers!!!
Feng Chuchu was so angry that he was “revived” on the spot, yelling and cursing at the two big bad guys.
The man in the car heard the harsh words from Old Wang and his son, but his face remained expressionless.
Seeing the little bird on the windshield wiper, its chest puffed up in anger, its feathers bristling, and its tail twitching, he lingered on it for a few seconds.
The car came to a stop on the side of the road, and the driver’s side door opened.
Feng Chuchu was still hanging on the windshield wiper, struggling to lift his little head to look at the man getting out of the car.
Then he froze.
The man wore a well-tailored, dark brown long trench coat, which made him look very tall and straight.
Fine snowflakes fell on his shoulders, like the most stunning painting in winter.
Most importantly, he possessed an extremely vigorous life force! Taking a single breath could add at least two days… no, three days to one’s life!!
“Chirp!”
Feng Chuchu felt his chest pounding so hard it felt like it was about to explode, and he could not help but spread his tail feathers again.
“Chirp chirp chirp!”
Hearing the clear chirping of the bird, Cang Yun Chi looked down and raised his slender hand.
“Chirp chirp~”
Feng Chuchu thought his destined partner (whom he called himself) was going to caress him, so he spread his wings in advance to wait to be played with, acting as if he were worthless.
Result…
Cang Yun Chi’s fingers bypassed him and picked up the paper arrow stuck in the car.
“Is this your bird?” he asked the previously aggressive Old Wang.
When Old Wang recognized Cang Yun Chi, his imposing manner diminished considerably.
It is important to know that the ancient alley owed its current success entirely to this low-profile and mysterious tycoon.
Normally, many important figures traveled thousands of miles to visit, but they never got to see the person in person. Why did he have to run into him today? And why did it have to be such an undignified affair?
“Um…” Old Wang rubbed his hands together, his back unconsciously bending down, his face full of wrinkles as he smiled, “It is my bird. It just flew over from my shop. Everyone saw it.”
As he spoke, Old Wang glanced at him furtively. Seeing that Cang Yun Chi did not react, he boldly continued, “This bird is no ordinary bird. It is a rare breed specially bred abroad. Look how beautiful its plumage is. I was originally planning to sell it for a high price… but after you bumped into it, sigh… no one will want it now.”
“Chirp chirp!” Liar!
Feng Chuchu was so angry he was about to faint!
He only ate a couple of bites of moldy feed, how did that make it his bird? He had no bird rights!
“Chirp chirp chirp!” I am going to peck you clean!
The boy emerged from behind his father, his childish voice laced with calculation, “My dad says it is really smart. If it can learn to say ‘Wishing you prosperity,’ it is worth twenty or thirty thousand!”
“Nonsense, what do you mean by 20,000 or 30,000?” Old Wang pretended to scold the child, while continuing to rub his hands together with a smile. “We are all doing business on the same street, so just give a token amount, 10,000 will do.”
“Good.”
Cang Yun Chi readily agreed without even haggling.
“Chirp chirp chirp?”
Even if Feng Chuchu was clueless about social etiquette, he knew that his lover had been blackmailed by bad people.
That would not do! He had to protect him!
In his haste, Feng Chuchu finally managed to pull his claws out of the gap in the windshield wipers, spread his wings, and jumped off the hood of the car. He landed shakily at Cang Yun Chi’s feet, puffing out his furry chest.
“Chirp, chirp.” Human, I am not his bird.
“Chirp chirp chirp.” It was not damaged.
“Chirp chirp chirp!” I even know how to court a mate!
Feng Chuchu chirped and hopped around Cang Yun Chi, displaying his health and chatter in every way.
Old Wang’s head was buzzing from the noise, and he thought to himself that it was good that he had blamed the bird on Cang Yun Chi.
Otherwise, if they really brought him back, the flower and bird shop would turn into a loudspeaker shop.
“At the price you quoted.”
Cang Yun Chi seemed not to hear the bird’s chirping and actually agreed to pay compensation.
“Boss Cang is so generous! Will you be scanning the code or paying cash?” Old Wang was overjoyed and wanted to get the money as soon as possible so he could make a quick getaway with his son.
“No rush.” Cang Yun Chi curled his fingers and tapped the hood of the car. “Let us settle this score first.”
Old Wang looked in the direction of the sound, his heart skipped a beat, and the smile on his face slowly disappeared.
He had been so focused on the bird that he only now noticed several scratches on the car’s hood.
One of the cuts was particularly deep and had scratched the primer.
“This…” Old Wang’s face turned pale instantly.
Old Wang had been eyeing this car for a long time. The new car cost at least 9 million, and with all the extras and accessories, the price went straight to eight figures.
Scratching the primer counted as a deep scratch and required sending the car back to the factory for repainting, which would definitely result in an exorbitant repair bill.
“Hehe… It is a misunderstanding, all a misunderstanding!” Old Wang’s eyes darted around, and his expression immediately changed. “I was just joking with you. This bird is not mine; it probably flew out of someone’s house because they did not keep it properly. It scratched your car; let them pay for it themselves. It has nothing to do with me!”
As he spoke, Old Wang grabbed his son’s hand and turned to run away.
“Chirp chirp?”
Feng Chuchu understood the gist of it and realized that he seemed to have gotten into trouble again.
If he damaged his partner’s car right at their first meeting, his partner would definitely hate him.
The little Red Luan bird looked completely listless and so dejected that he did not even wag his tail anymore.
“Wait.”
Cang Yun Chi called out to them, his voice still very calm.
“I did not say the car was scratched by a bird.”
“Boss Cang, only a bird approached your car just now, you cannot just blame me!” Old Wang jumped up in a panic, trying his best to clear himself of any involvement.
The son hid behind him, too afraid to speak, trying to conceal the toy in his hand.
Cang Yun Chi calmly took out the paper arrow he had just picked up, pulled out the pen tip, unfolded the paper, laid it flat, and placed it in front of Old Wang.
It was a math test paper for second graders, with the number ’29’ written in bright red in the upper right corner.
The name field contained three crooked characters: Wang Xiaoming.
What a coincidence.
Old Wang’s son was named Wang Xiaoming.
References[+]