When a customer walks out of a store, you don’t just stand there looking at the ceiling. You clean up the floor, check the registers, and pocket whatever loose change got dropped during the rush. That’s basic management training.
Bae Suzy was gone, leaving behind a faint smell of river mint and a piece of silver paper that was basically a massive check written out to a garden pest. I slithered out from the tall weeds, wrapped the tip of my tail around the silver note, and tucked it carefully under a loose layer of my matte-black scales. It tickled, but at least I wouldn’t drop it.
’Hey, System,’ I thought, looking back toward the dark trail where Barnaby and the Captain had been fighting a few minutes ago. ’Are those two idiots still having a mid-life crisis in the mud?’
[System: Go look for yourself, potato. The venom should be wearing off right about now, leaving them with a massive headache and an extreme lack of situational awareness. Go collect the tax.]
I moved down the damp path without making a single sound. My new Shadow-Scale Viper body was a dream to control. No legs meant no footprints, no snapping twigs, and no accidentally tripping over my own feet. I was just a three-foot line of pure, silent greed sliding through the grass.
When I reached the small clearing, the scene was entirely pitiful.
Barnaby was sitting flat on his butt in a deep mud puddle, blinking his bloodshot eyes like a man who had just woken up from a three-day bender at a bad pub. His face was covered in dirt, his leather armor was ripped, and he looked completely miserable.
The Captain was leaning against a mossy tree trunk, holding a dirty rag against his nose, which was swelling up to the size of a small plum. His iron spear was tossed carelessly in the grass.
"My head feels like a horse kicked it," Barnaby groaned, his voice thick and raspy. He rubbed his eyes, smearing more mud across his forehead. "Captain... did you see the teeth on that tree? I swear it was trying to tell me a riddle."
"Shut up, you complete moron," the Captain growled, his voice muffled by the rag against his bloody nose. "You punched me! You got bit by a three-inch garden worm, lost your mind, and broke my nose! And because of your screaming, Lady Suzy woke up and ran us off!"
"Wait," Barnaby blinked, looking down at his empty, muddy hands. "Where are the daggers? Where is the armor we took from the rock?"
"Gone!" the Captain yelled, dropping the rag and stomping his foot into a puddle. "Everything is gone! The armor, the runic blades, even the coin pouch from my belt! We have absolutely nothing left except a broken shield and a bent spear. If we go back to the capital empty-handed, the Guild master will skin us alive for desertion."
I watched them from the base of a large fern, my yellow eyes tracking every movement. They were so busy arguing they didn’t even notice a matte-black snake sliding right up to the Captain’s spear.
System, I whispered in my mind. ’If I eat that iron spearhead, does it count as biomass?’
[System: It’s got a tiny trace of low-grade mana iron in the tip. For a normal snake, it’s like swallowing a handful of gravel. For you? It’s a light snack. But if you really want to hit that evolution bar, look at the Captain’s boots. He’s got a small potion vial tucked into his left sock. I can smell the magical juice from here.]
I squinted. Sure enough, tucked into the side of the Captain’s dirty leather boot was a small glass vial filled with a thick, glowing orange liquid.
’What is that?’ I asked.
[System: Low-grade Berserker Tonic. Humans drink it to ignore pain and hit things harder for five minutes before their muscles collapse. It’s packed with concentrated monster blood extract. Snatch that, and you’ll hit the five-thousand mark easily.]
’ Right. Time for a quick distraction.’
I drew my body back into a tight loop, gathering a huge, heavy blob of wet forest muck into the back of my throat. The Heavy Sludge Bomb felt thick and pressurized, like a volcano waiting to pop right behind my fangs.
I aimed straight for the Captain’s face.
BOOM.
The ball of magical mud shot out of my mouth like a cannonball. It caught the Captain right in the middle of his forehead. The second it hit his skin, the mud let out a sharp, sizzling sound and instantly hardened into a solid, heavy chunk of grey rock, completely trapping his head and covering his eyes.
"AGHH! IT’S THE GHOST WORM AGAIN!" the Captain screamed, his voice muffled as he stumbled backward, clawing frantically at the solid stone stuck to his face. He tripped over a log and crashed heavily into the bushes.
"Captain!" Barnaby yelled, scrambling to his feet in a panic. He reached for his sword, but his hands were shaking so badly from the leftover venom that he dropped the weapon straight into the muck.
While Barnaby was busy groveling in the dirt for his sword, I zipped forward like a streak of black ink. I slid right up to the Captain’s thrashing boot, unhinged my jaw, and hooked my teeth around the top of the glass vial. With a sharp twist of my neck, I yanked the potion free from his sock.
I didn’t wait around to see them fix their problems. I scrambled backward into the thick grass, dragging the vial with me until I was safely hidden beneath a deep pile of rotting logs.
Outside, I could hear the Captain finally breaking the stone off his face with a rock, cursing my entire existence at the top of his lungs. "I’m going to kill it! I’m going to find that black noodle and chop it into a million pieces!"
"Let’s just leave, Captain!" Barnaby wailed from the trail. "The forest is haunted! The worms are smart! I want to go home!"
The sound of their panicked footsteps slowly faded into the distance as the two defeated mercenaries ran away down the main path, completely broke and broken-nosed.
I looked down at the glass vial resting between my coils. The orange liquid inside was bubbling softly, looking highly volatile and completely unnatural.
’Alright, System,’ I thought, popping the cork off the glass with a sharp flick of my tail. ’Let’s finish the plate. Down the hatch.’
I leaned forward and swallowed the thick, orange fluid whole.
It didn’t taste like hot sauce or electricity. It tasted like I had just swallowed a mouthful of burning charcoal and pure pepper spray. My stomach instantly felt like it was on fire, and the sapphire-blue rings around my neck began to flash violently in the dark space beneath the logs.
[Biomass Gained: 900 / 5,000]
[Evolution Threshold Exceeded! Current Total: 5,100 / 5,000]
[System: Congratulations, Barry. You just robbed the same two guys twice in one night, stole a potion out of a grown man’s sock, and hit the next level tier. The universe thinks you are a total vulture, but the numbers don’t lie. Time to change your clothes again.]
The tingling numbness of a major transformation started creeping up my tail, completely locking up my muscles as a new list of evolution paths flashed straight onto my optic nerve.
[Select Your Tier 3 Evolution Path:]
1. Shadow-Stalker Python (Massive size upgrade, heavy physical strength, unlocks ’Deep Suffocation’)
2. Phantom-Fang Assassin (Stays small and sleek, upgrades ’Petty Venom’ to ’Neuro-Paralysis’, unlocks invisible scales)
I stared at the choices while the forest outside went completely still. A python sounded strong, but a five-year career in retail taught me that being the biggest guy in the room just means you get assigned to lift the heavy boxes. Being small, fast, and completely invisible? That’s how you slack off without getting caught.
’Option two, System,’ I thought, a cold snake smile forming as my old skin began to split once more. ’Make me a phantom’