“I saw with my own eyes Master kill a senior sister who tried to flee… I told myself, I need to become strong. One day I won’t fear Master anymore. I refuse to live under threat my whole life.”
“…”
“Qin Chengze is my master. He’s the only one besides the Grand Preceptor who can keep me alive under Master’s hand.”
“…”
“So I seduced him.”
Qing Ci finished speaking and let out a soft laugh, as if mocking herself.
Xiao Wu was silent for a long moment before speaking slowly. “You did nothing wrong.”
Qing Ci drained an entire pouch of wine in one go, drinking too hastily so that some spilled at the corner of her lips. She raised her sleeve to wipe it away.
“I thought I was the hunter between us, but it turns out he just wanted to tuck this blade of his into his pocket for easier use.”
“…”
“Later… he smiled at me, and I would have laid down my life for him.”
Qing Ci lifted the wine pouch and tipped it over, but not a single drop came out.
She threw it to the ground in anger and ground it under her foot. “Fuck it!”
Xiao Wu hurriedly steadied her with one hand. “You’ve had too much. Let’s go inside.”
It was the middle of the night, and no one would come to this courtyard, but Xiao Wu still worried someone might see her in such an undignified state.
“Fuck it,” Qing Ci said, her eyes flushed red, cursing again. “The Crown Prince could kill his own father—why can’t I kill my master?”
What loyalty, what filial piety—Qin Chengze couldn’t achieve those himself, so why couldn’t she betray her master? Why couldn’t she rebel?!
The word “kill her master” made Xiao Wu’s heart tremble. “Shut up, will you? Do you want to lose your life?”
Qing Ci let herself be supported toward the house, still unwilling to let it go. “What do I have to fear? My master has gone beyond the frontier! He won’t be back for two months. Who else do I have to fear?”
“You—”
“Who could kill me?! Who has that ability?!”
Qing Ci shook off Xiao Wu and strode out with bold, sweeping steps, shouting, “I’m going to take his life right now!”
“Qing Ci!” Xiao Wu was frantic with worry.
She didn’t make it out of the courtyard before her eyes rolled back and she collapsed limply onto Xiao Wu.
When she woke, Qing Ci felt a large, dry hand rubbing her palm.
She snatched it back abruptly.
Opening her eyes, sure enough, she saw Qin Chengze’s ill-omened face.
Qing Ci shook herself awake. This was the humble side room she shared with Xiao Wu and Chun Xi.
Qin Chengze glanced at his rejected hand, his expression briefly stiffening.
Then he smiled as if nothing had happened. “Your tolerance for alcohol is so poor, yet you still crave those few drinks. If you can’t control the urge, I’ll drink with you. If you get drunk, I’ll be there to take care of you.”
Beneath his gently drooping peach-blossom eyes was a softness whiter than snow.
Qing Ci couldn’t help leaning over the edge of the bed and retching, though nothing came up.
When she drank, she slept deeply—so deeply that people could come and go, even sit by her bedside, and she wouldn’t wake.
What had she done before passing out? She couldn’t remember a thing.
Qing Ci pressed a hand to her chest. “Why are you here? Aren’t you afraid of gossip?”
“Let them talk.”
Qin Chengze watched her throw off the covers and rise. Once again, she avoided his hand as he reached for her wrist.
He said awkwardly, “You were very off last night, A Ci.”
Qing Ci touched her hair—it was somewhat loose—so she simply untied the ribbon and tied it back up.
Qin Chengze reached out to help her, but Qing Ci turned away, facing him directly.
“This isn’t a place you should be, young master.”
Qin Chengze said in a low voice, “Xiao Wu and Chun Xi were called to work at Dongyuan early this morning. Few people know I came.”
As always, clean water and a cloth were prepared by her bedside. Xiao Wu always took care of her like a child.
Qing Ci washed her face and carried the basin out to dump the water. Qin Chengze volunteered to help.
“I’ll do it.”
“No need.”
Qing Ci’s voice was somewhat cold. When she accidentally brushed against his hand, the image of those very hands lingering over someone else’s body surfaced unbidden in her mind.
She let out a light laugh. “Young master, have you thought about how to answer what I asked you yesterday?”
Have you ever thought about marrying me—even for a moment?
“You left too quickly yesterday; I didn’t have time to answer,” Qin Chengze said, his eyes and voice soft to the bone. “Of course I have. It’s just that the current situation forces us to wait until—”
Qing Ci watched him trail off mid-sentence.
Qin Chengze met her smiling eyes, and his whole demeanor seemed to crumble in an instant. “I won’t betray you. Trust me.”
Qing Ci blinked.
Qin Chengze said, “Ten years—no, five years is enough. Endure these five years, and I’ll divorce my wife and make you my proper wife. I… I’ll make sure you never have to lick your blade and taste blood again.”
Never having to lick her blade and taste blood again—what a temptation that was.
Qing Ci raised an eyebrow. “Someone who’s grown accustomed to wielding the butcher’s knife of life and death—would they still want to attain enlightenment?”
Qin Chengze was taken aback.
Qing Ci smiled. “I wouldn’t, and I don’t want to. You needn’t think of me as overly virtuous, young master.”
“A Ci,” he called her with all the tenderness he could muster, “won’t you trust me?”
Qing Ci shook her head. “Since it’s to be five years, young master, don’t think too much for now. I’ll do my part well.”
She opened the door, and Xiao Wu nearly tumbled in, barely managing to steady herself.
Qin Chengze’s brow furrowed, all the tenderness from moments ago dissipating without a trace, his eyes darkening with a murderous chill.
“You were eavesdropping?”
The icy accusation made Xiao Wu hastily drop to her knees, her chest heaving as she kept her head bowed low. It took her a moment before she could speak. “I… I was just thinking it was time for the morning meal, and Qing Ci would be hungry. I brought her some steamed buns and just… just happened to reach the door.”
She pulled a steamed bun from her bosom, her hands trembling so badly she couldn’t hold it steady. The bun slipped from her grasp and rolled away to the side.
Qing Ci picked up the bun, wiped it with her sleeve, and took a bite. “Mm, I am hungry.”
Qin Chengze’s brow furrowed even deeper. “If it’s dirty, don’t eat it.”
Qing Ci was unconcerned. “It’s a perfectly good bun—should we throw it away just because it picked up a bit of dust? We who serve are not so precious as to think ourselves above such things. Young Master need not worry so much.”
What did a little dirt matter? When she was a child, her master had thrown her a snow-white rabbit. She had been overjoyed and held it in her arms, but her master had demanded she tear it apart with her bare hands and eat it raw.
So she had skinned it and drained the blood, washing it clean in the river. But the taste of that raw flesh in her mouth—she would never forget it for the rest of her life.
Qing Ci pulled her thoughts back and urged, “This girl and I have always been close. She’s timid and easily frightened—don’t scare her.”
Qin Chengze stared coldly at the kneeling maidservant. Though he said nothing, killing intent seeped from him.
He wasn’t sure how much this maidservant had overheard.
A worthless life, to be sure—but leaving her alive was a liability.
Xiao Wu dared not even breathe. Her life or death at this moment hung on a single thought from Qin Chengze.
Qing Ci crouched down beside her. “Don’t be afraid. You heard the Young Master’s voice at the door and didn’t dare come in, right? It’s nothing. The Young Master is a generous man; he won’t make trouble for you.”
Xiao Wu felt her hand being gripped tightly, and her heart steadied somewhat.
Qing Ci continued, speaking as if to herself. “We maidservants are all just playthings for our masters’ amusement.”
Qin Chengze’s eyelid twitched. One hand behind his back clenched into a fist, his thin lips pressed tightly together.
Qing Ci looked at Xiao Wu and said with weight, “The Young Master is at the prime of his youth. It’s only natural for him to come to my room and speak a few idle words. I won’t take them to heart, and you shouldn’t either.”