KIEFER POV Hanni stood outside , her hair was slightly wet from rain and she was holding something tightly against her chest “Kiefer” she said “Hanni?” i said She gave me a small smile.
“Can I come in?” she asked “Yeah, of course” i said She stepped inside and i immediantly noticed the expression on her face Something was wrong.
“You okay?” i asked Hanni looked at me for a moment and then she glanced at what she was holding “I came here because of Rose” My entire body seemed to freeze.
“Rose?” i said Hanni nodded.
“I was cleaning some of her things today.” she said I didn’t say anything.
Hanni took a breath.
“We were going through the boxes that had been kept in storage.
Most of it was just clothes, old books, photographs…” She paused.
“Then I found something.” I looked at her hands.
“What?” i asked Hanni slowly held out five envelopes , i started at them , they looked old , the edges were slightky worn but they had been carefully kept , i recognized the handwriting , how could i forgot it “Those…” i said “Yeah.” she said Kiefer didn’t reach for them.
For some reason, his hands suddenly felt too heavy.
“What are they?” i asked “Letters.”she said His eyes moved from one envelope to another, they were five , each had one number written on it 1 2 3 4 5 “Why are you giving them to me?” i asked “Because they’re for you” she said “What?” i asked confused “I read the first line of one.” she said “You read it?” i asked “Only enough to know your name was written there.” she said She quickly added, “I didn’t read the whole thing.
I swear.” “Why would she write me letters?” i said “I don’t know.” she said Hanni handed them to me “Maybe you should.” The five envelopes felt strangely heavy in my hands.
“Did she tell you about these?” i asked “No.” she said “Then how did you know they were mine?” i aksed Hanni looked at me “Your name was on them.” Kiefer looked down.
On the first envelope, written in Rose’s handwriting, was his name.
Kiefer.
Hanni stepped backward.
“I thought you should have them.” “You’re leaving?” i asked “Yeah.” she said “You don’t want to stay?” i asked Hanni shook her head.
“No.
These are yours.” She walked toward the door.
Before opening it, Hanni stopped.
“Kiefer?” she said “Yeah?” i asked She looked at me “Whatever is in those letters…” She paused.
“Take your time reading them.” I nodded.
“I will.” i said “And don’t feel like you have to read all five tonight.” she said He looked down at the envelopes.
“I probably won’t.” Hanni gave him a small smile.
“Good.” She opened the door.
Rain poured outside.
“Kiefer?” she said He looked at her again.
“Yeah?” i said “Rose loved you.” she said My throat tightened.
Hanni smiled sadly.
“Bye, Kiefer.” “Bye.” The door closed.
I stood there for several seconds.
The house was completely quiet.
Only the sound of rain filled the silence.
I looked down at the five letters in his hands.
Five.
I walked into the living room and sat on the couch.
I placed the five envelopes on the coffee table.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
My fingers hovered over the first one.
I picked it up.
The envelope was sealed.
My name was written across the front.
I ran my thumb over the handwriting ,a strange feeling passed through me , i hadn’t seen Rose’s handwriting in years.
Yet somehow, it still felt familiar.
I carefully opened the envelope.
Inside was one folded piece of paper.
I pulled it out.
At the top, Rose had written: Letter 1 Dear Kiefer, If you’re reading this, then congratulations.
You actually found it.
Although, knowing you, Hanni probably found it first and gave it to you because you would have forgotten where I told you to look.
I’m writing these letters because I thought it would be fun.
Don’t laugh.
I know you probably think this is stupid, but I wanted us to have something from the past to look back on when we’re older.
I don’t know when you’ll read this.
Maybe we’re twenty-five.
Maybe thirty.
Maybe we’re old and boring and you finally have gray hair.
Actually, I hope you get gray hair early.
I think it would look funny.
Maybe by the time you’re reading this, we’re living somewhere completely different.
Maybe we’re still in London.
Maybe we’re back home.
Maybe we’re traveling.
Maybe we’ve already done all the things we talk about when we’re lying awake at two in the morning.
I wonder if you’ve finally learned how to cook by then.
Probably not.
Actually, definitely not.
I’ll probably still be the one cooking.
I’ll let you make breakfast, though.
As long as breakfast doesn’t involve those terrible eggs you made that one time.
I still think you owe me for that breakfast.
Maybe when you read this, you can finally apologize.
But honestly, Kiefer…
I hope we’re still like this.
I hope we still annoy each other.
I hope you still steal my food.
I hope I still steal your hoodies.
I hope we still argue over stupid things.
I hope you still look at me the way you do now.
You know what’s funny?
When we were friends, I never imagined we’d actually end up together.
Okay, that’s a lie.
I imagined it.
A lot..
I just never thought you’d actually ask me.
You were so nervous that day.
You kept talking and then stopping.
Then talking again.
Then you finally asked me to be your girlfriend.
And when I said yes, you looked like your brain had stopped working.
I wish I could go back and watch your face again.
It was adorable.
Don’t let that go to your head.
Two years of friendship.
Two years of being your girlfriend.
And somehow, I still feel like I haven’t known you long enough.
My smile disappeared.
There are still so many things I want to do with you.
So many places I want to see.
So many memories I want us to make.
Sometimes I think about the future and it feels strange.
Not scary.
Just huge.
Like there are a million different versions of our lives waiting for us.
And I want to see which one we get.
Maybe we’ll get married someday.
Don’t panic.
I’m not proposing through a letter.
Although honestly, I’d probably be better at it than you.
Have a tiny house.
Or a huge house.
Actually, huge.
I want a kitchen with giant windows.
I want a garden.
A really pretty one.
And I want you to take care of it because we both know I’ll kill everything I plant.
I want a dog.
You said no.
I haven’t accepted your answer..
I want to travel with you.
I want to wake up somewhere we’ve never been and spend the whole day exploring.
I want rainy Sundays where we don’t leave the house.
I want movie nights.
I want late-night conversations.
I want you to complain about my music.
I want to complain about yours.
I want to grow old enough that we forget why we started arguing in the first place.
And I want you to know that when I say I love you, I don’t only mean right now.
I mean I love the person you are today.
And I want to meet every version of you that you’ll become.
Maybe you’ll change.
I’ll change too.
We’ll probably fight sometimes.
We’ll probably make mistakes.
Maybe we’ll even annoy each other more when we’re older.
But I hope we always find our way back to each other.
And if, for some reason, you’re reading this years from now and you’re sitting somewhere without me…
…because I made you read this while I’m on vacation or something because I wanted to surprise you…
I hope you’re happy.
I hope you’re doing something you love.
I hope you’ve seen the world.
I hope you’ve eaten something better than instant noodles.
And I hope you still remember that annoying girl who sat beside you for two years before finally admitting she loved you.
There’s something else.
I don’t know when you’ll read the other letters.
I don’t even know if you’ll read them in order.
But I want you to.
I wrote each one for a different part of the future I imagine for us.
This one is just for the beginning.
For the two people we are right now.
The best friends who somehow fell in love.
So if you’re reading this years from now…
remember this version of us.
The messy one.
The silly one.
The one that didn’t know what was coming next.
Because I think that’s the best part about life.
Not knowing.
I’ll see you in our future, Kiefer.
Rose.
I couldn’t breathe.
I folded the letter slowly.
For a long moment, I just sat there.
The five envelopes were still on the table.
Four of them were unopened.
I looked at them.
I wanted to know what was inside.
But I couldn’t.
Not yet.
I placed Letter One back inside its envelope.
My phone suddenly buzzed.
I looked at the screen.
Jay: goodnight my love I didn’t know what to tell her.
How could I explain that I had just read a letter from someone who had once imagined an entire life with me?
Someone who had written about growing old together without knowing that her future would end so suddenly?
Kiefer: goodnight My eyes went back to the first envelope.
Rose had written that letter with hope.
She had been dreaming about the future.
Our future.
And that was what made it hurt.
She had believed she had time.
She had believed there would be another birthday.
Another Christmas.
Another rainy day.
Another argument.
Another morning.
Another year.
Another future.
She had no idea that her life would end before any of those things could happen.
I looked at the other four letters.
I didn’t open them.
Not tonight.
For now, Letter One was enough.