Saturday, five in the morning. The sky hadn't fully brightened yet when Wen Li was roused from her blankets by Cheng Xiling.
"Lili, get up and pack your things. We're leaving."
Wen Li sat up groggily, watching Cheng Xiling stuff clothes into a suitcase, and yawned. "Is the place we're going far?"
Cheng Xiling: "Just over two thousand li or so."
Wen Li: "…?"
Wen Li's head was full of question marks, but seeing how calm she looked, she didn't press further. She got up to wash up and casually tossed a few pieces of clothing into her bag.
The two took a taxi to the airport.
On the way, Cheng Xiling handed her a plane ticket.
It was to the southern province, a 7 AM flight.
Wen Li took it—so she'd already bought the tickets in advance.
Wen Li said, "I'll transfer you the money."
Cheng Xiling: "No need. Consider it repayment for that dress of yours."
Wen Li didn't say anything more.
When they arrived at the airport, they ran into the deaf-mute boy in the waiting hall. He was wearing a windbreaker and flashed them a grin of white teeth.
Cheng Xiling introduced him: "This is my… friend, A'Feng."
Wen Li smiled and greeted him. "Hello."
A'Feng looked at her, raised his hand, and his fingers moved nimbly through a few quick gestures.
Wen Li didn't understand, so she asked Cheng Xiling, "What did he say?"
Cheng Xiling: "He says he remembers you. He saw you downstairs at the dorm."
Wen Li was a little surprised, then broke into a smile. "I remember you too. I'm Wen Li. You can call me Lili, like Lingling does."
A'Feng nodded, his lips moving slightly as if trying to mimic her name. After a moment, he opened his mouth and let out a slightly awkward, not-quite-accurate tone: "Li, li."
Wen Li nodded. "Mm."
The three boarded the plane. Cheng Xiling put on her eye mask the moment she sat down, ready to catch up on sleep. Wen Li sat beside her and noticed A'Feng playing on his phone. Out of curiosity, she typed a question to him on her phone.
Wen Li: [What's your relationship with Cheng Xiling?]
A'Feng replied: [Girlfriend]
Wen Li understood. Just as she'd guessed—Cheng Xiling probably felt embarrassed about dating a deaf-mute guy, which was why she wouldn't tell them.
On the way, she chatted with A'Feng for a while and learned a bit about his situation.
A'Feng and Cheng Xiling had grown up together. His parents had both died, and he'd stopped going to school at a young age. The money for Cheng Xiling's music classes in high school was earned by him working odd jobs. Later, when she got into university, he followed her here to study and now worked delivering food.
He was clearly dealt a bitter hand, but his personality was sunny—he didn't feel bitter about it at all. He even told her enthusiastically that he was saving up to buy a house and would give Cheng Xiling a good life.
Wen Li pressed her lips together. She couldn't bear to tell him that Cheng Xiling didn't even acknowledge their relationship.
After getting off the plane, A'Feng led them familiarly to a bus. The ride was five hours, all mountain roads. They grabbed a quick bite on the way. When they got off the bus, she saw an electric tricycle.
"…" Wen Li turned to look at Cheng Xiling.
Cheng Xiling sat on it without changing expression and patted the seat beside her. "Get on."
Wen Li hugged her bag to her chest and climbed onto the tricycle. A'Feng sat at the back, steadying their luggage, looking perfectly calm—as if he was used to this mode of transport.
The tricycle sputtered forward, the mountain road jolting Wen Li so hard her insides felt rearranged. And that still wasn't the end—after the tricycle, they had to hike up a mountain path on foot.
Wen Li looked at the endless mountain range before her, dense with trees. The only way up was a narrow footpath worn by people, with grass growing knee-high on both sides.
At this point, she was genuinely starting to get nervous. Cheng Xiling wasn't planning to sell her into the mountains, was she?
Wasn't there always news online about women being tricked into pyramid schemes by acquaintances, or college students who went missing for years and were found having given birth to three kids…
She swallowed and unconsciously slowed her steps.
Cheng Xiling seemed to sense something. She turned back to look at her and suddenly laughed. "So you get scared too."
"Not at all." She denied it reflexively.
"Don't worry, I won't sell you." Cheng Xiling assured her.
"I wasn't thinking that." She muttered, then, with a burst of determination, ran ahead of them both.
After a grueling fourteen hours—from five in the morning to nine at night—the three finally arrived at Yaoshan Welfare Home.
A rather run-down welfare home.
Wen Li had volunteered at a welfare home during school, and it was completely different from this place. The children's welfare home in her memory had neat buildings, clean hallways, and children in matching uniforms.
But this place was entirely different. The iron gate was covered in rust, and a wooden sign hung above it with red characters on a white background reading "Yaoshan Welfare Home." Even the lights were dimmer than in the city.
A middle-aged woman stood at the gate. Seeing them get off, she hurried over, first taking the suitcase from A'Feng's hand, then opening her arms to embrace both Cheng Xiling and A'Feng together.
"You must be exhausted from the trip?" The woman's voice was raspy, carrying a local accent.
Cheng Xiling shook her head and stepped aside. "This is my classmate, Wen Li. She's just here to visit." Then she introduced Wen Li, "This is the director."
"Hello, Director Auntie."
"Hello, hello. Both college students, how wonderful."
After saying this, the director's gaze drifted past them, as if still searching for someone.
Cheng Xiling knew who she was looking for. "Brother A'Yu didn't come, but he asked me to send his regards. Happy birthday, Director Mother."
"Good, all good." Though the director felt a pang of disappointment, she knew well that the boy most likely wouldn't come again. He had never fit in with the other children, and had no particular attachment to her either—why would he feel any nostalgia for this place?
The director kept smiling, the lines at the corners of her eyes deepening. "Don't stand outside. Come on in."
Once inside the courtyard, it was even more run-down than outside. The concrete ground was pitted and uneven, weeds sprouting from the cracks. At the far end stood a row of three-story buildings. The walls had once been painted white, but the paint had long since peeled away into mottled patches, chunks flaking off piece by piece.
Before Wen Li could take it all in, a clatter of footsteps came from inside.
"Sister Lingling! Sister Lingling is back!"
A group of children burst out of the stairwell—the youngest around five or six, the oldest no more than eight or nine. They ran up, then suddenly caught sight of Wen Li, a stranger, and skidded to a halt. One by one, they tilted their little faces up to look at her, curious but also a bit timid.
The director said, "This is Sister Wen Li."
"Hello, Sister." The youngest girl, the one with pigtails, spoke first, and the other children followed suit: "Hello, Sister."
Cheng Xiling opened her suitcase and took out the gifts she had prepared—mostly stationery, along with some candy—and handed them out one by one.
What surprised Wen Li was that Cheng Xiling remembered every single one of their names.
Standing beside Cheng Xiling, she felt a pang of guilt. She had no idea they were coming here, so she hadn't brought anything—her bag only held two changes of clothes for herself.
Wen Li tugged at Cheng Xiling's sleeve and lowered her voice. "Lingling, I didn't bring any gifts. Is there a supermarket nearby? Let me go buy something."
Cheng Xiling told her it wasn't necessary.
"But…"
"Really, it's fine. You don't need to do that."
"Alright."
The director prepared a dorm room for them. It wasn't large, furnished with a bunk bed of iron frames. The sheets had been washed to a faded white, but they were clean.
"The conditions here are rough. Please make do." The director stood at the door, her tone apologetic.
Wen Li quickly waved her hands. "No, it's fine. It's really nice."
After the director left, they washed up briefly and lay down. The moment the lights went out, the room plunged into complete darkness—not even a sliver of light came through the window.
Wen Li lay in bed, unable to sleep—whether because the bed board was too hard or because something was weighing on her mind. She turned over and stared at the pitch-black wall, asking Cheng Xiling, "Lingling, are you asleep?"
Cheng Xiling knew she couldn't sleep. "Go ahead and ask whatever you want to ask."
Wen Li paused for a moment, then voiced the most direct question on her mind. "What's the purpose of bringing me here?"
"To show you the environment your crush grew up in, and see if you'll be scared off."
Wen Li sat up. "Are you saying Xiao Jinyu grew up here?"
"He came here when he was thirteen. He boarded at school during high school, so he didn't actually stay that many years."
Wen Li found it hard to believe. "But isn't his mother very wealthy? Why would she send him here?"
"That's his adoptive mother."
Wen Li froze. "Adoptive mother?"
"Yeah." Cheng Xiling's voice was calm, as if recounting something from long ago. "He was adopted as a child, but later he was returned."
Wen Li was completely stunned.
Returned?
She had never even seen that word in the news.
"What does 'returned' mean?"
"You know what adoption is, right?" Cheng Xiling explained matter-of-factly. "Being returned means that after someone was adopted, the family changed their mind for various reasons and sent the child back."
Wen Li sat there, motionless, stunned.
She had never imagined Xiao Jinyu could be associated with such a word. He was intelligent and outstanding, meticulous in his conduct, with even his daily habits perfectly regimented—clearly the product of excellent upbringing. How could he possibly have such a past?
"Aren't you going to ask why?" Cheng Xiling asked her.
"Do you want to tell me?"
"It's not that I don't want to—it's that I don't know either." Cheng Xiling let out a small laugh. "I know him, but we're not close. A'Feng knows him better, but I don't think A'Feng knows either. After all, Xiao Jinyu—you know this too—he never tells anyone anything."
Wen Li knew that all too well.
She buried her face in the blanket, a swirl of indescribable emotions churning inside her. It felt like heartache, but it was more than just heartache.
In her mind, even adopting a kitten or a puppy meant taking responsibility for life—let alone adopting a person. How could anyone change their mind halfway?
She thought of Xiao Jinyu's always-distant eyes, and suddenly felt that what they concealed might not be coldness, but wounds sealed away beneath layer upon layer.
"What about you?" Wen Li heard herself ask. "Did you grow up here too?"
Returning to this familiar ground, Cheng Xiling's tone was actually more open than usual: "Kind of. My parents used to be caretakers here. I basically played here every day as a kid. Later, they died in a car accident."
At that, Wen Li didn't dare say a word.
But she didn't hear any sadness in Cheng Xiling's voice. Cheng Xiling continued, "After that, my grandparents took me in, and I stopped coming here often."
I see.
If she had grown up here, the psychological gap might not be that huge—after all, it's easy to go from frugality to luxury, but hard to go from luxury back to frugality.
Fate's cruelest trick was never making people suffer endlessly, but giving them a taste of sweetness before taking it away. Losing something after having it is crueler than never having it at all.
She couldn't imagine what kind of feelings thirteen-year-old Xiao Jinyu had when he first stood in this courtyard, or whether he had cried.
But since they had abandoned him, why did his adoptive mother send him food? Could it be that as she grew older, she suddenly remembered she had such a successful son and wanted to reclaim him to support her in old age?
If that were really the case, it would be utterly outrageous.
Wen Li fell asleep with a head full of questions.
The next day, when she woke up, Cheng Xiling was already out of bed, her blanket folded neatly. There was a message from her on WeChat: "I went to help out. Sleep in a bit more."
Wen Li rubbed her eyes and sat up, glancing at her phone—it was only 6:30.
She washed up, walked out of the dormitory, and found Cheng Xiling in the courtyard. She was squatting by the faucet washing clothes, sleeves rolled up to her elbows, hands covered in foam.
Two large basins sat beside her, apparently holding the children's laundry. Wen Li walked over, squatted down too, grabbed a piece of clothing, and pressed it into the water.
"You don't have to do this," Cheng Xiling said.
"I'm already here. I can't just lie around playing on my phone."
This welfare home was very small—only about twenty children in total, and the caretakers were pitifully few. Including the director, there were only three staff members taking turns looking after everyone, and when it got busy, they couldn't even manage to eat hot meals.
Wen Li helped out for a while, then went to the kitchen to help pick vegetables. She couldn't do much, but at least she wasn't idle.
While working, she felt a pair of eyes following her.
She turned around and saw a little girl squatting by the wall, both hands gripping the doorframe, half her head poking out to peek at her secretly.
When she was caught, the girl quickly pulled her head back, then slowly peeked out again after a moment.
Wen Li couldn't help but laugh.
She wiped her hands and walked over: "What's your name?"
The girl didn't speak, just looked at her.
"You've been watching me," Wen Li said softly. "Do you have something you want to say to me?"
The girl hesitated for a moment, then whispered, "You're really pretty, big sister."
Wen Li gently touched the girl's hair—soft but a bit dry, tied into two crooked little braids. "You're pretty too," Wen Li said seriously. "Your eyes are especially beautiful."
The girl smiled shyly.
"Big sister, are you from a big city?" she asked again.
"Kind of."
"I want to go there too." After saying it, she seemed even more embarrassed.
Wen Li's heart ached a little. City kids talked about travel, extracurricular classes, and amusement parks with a tone of entitlement, but this child had to muster up courage just to say "I want to go to a big city."
"If you study hard, you'll definitely get there someday."
The girl's eyes lit up instantly: "Mm! I'll study hard just like Brother Ayu and Sister Lingling."
Brother Ayu?
Wen Li silently repeated the name in her mind.
"You've met Brother Ayu?" Wen Li asked.
The girl shook her head: "No, but Brother Ayu is amazing. He got into a really, really big university."
She spread her arms wide to demonstrate an exaggerated size, nearly losing her balance and stumbling, then giggled and steadied herself.
"How do you know?"
"Director Mama told me. There are lots of his photos on the wall too."
"On the wall?"
"I'll show you." The girl took her hand and, hopping and skipping, led her around the rusty flagpole in the courtyard and into the first-floor corridor of the main building.
The corridor was dim. The girl navigated it easily, running to the end, pointing at a wall, and looking up with her small face: "Here!"
Wen Li looked up.
It was an entire wall of photos, pinned up with thumbtacks. Some had already yellowed and curled at the edges. Her eyes immediately landed on the boy in the center—tall and thin, wearing an ill-fitting school uniform.
That face, Wen Li knew all too well.
Teenage Xiao Jinyu, before he had fully grown into his features, with a rounder jawline and narrower shoulders, looking as fragile as a sheet of paper.
Beside it was a photocopy of his university admission letter.
At mealtime, she heard the director mention that Xiao Jinyu was the only student from this welfare home to attend a prestigious university since its founding, and he had entered the medical school of Hai University with the top score in the entire province. At the time, an entrepreneur who heard his story made a special trip to donate. Xiao Jinyu didn't keep a single cent—he transferred it all to the welfare home.
Wen Li listened, thinking it was very much in line with his detached, unassuming personality.
A'Feng also told her many things about the past.
When Xiao Jinyu first arrived, he didn't speak to anyone. Everyone thought he was mute and called him the "mute young master" behind his back, because he was always dressed cleaner than the others, like a child from a wealthy family.
He didn't fit in here. Some kids who took a disliking to him deliberately threw his things into the drainage ditch. He picked them up and dried his books page by page. After that, he got into the habit of locking his things in a cabinet.
Wen Li asked, "Why didn't he go to the director for help?"
A'Feng said, "The adults are busy and don't have time to deal with the children's petty squabbles. You can only rely on yourself—that's the rule of survival here."
Wen Li listened, her heart feeling heavy.
Xiao Jinyu had probably spoken up before, but it hadn't done any good. So he had developed his own survival philosophy: "If I don't expect anyone to treat me well, then when they treat me badly, I won't be sad."
On the way back, Wen Li leaned against the car window. The bumpy mountain road made her feel a little dizzy, but she didn't want to close her eyes, because the moment she did, she saw that boy in the oversized school uniform, so out of place with his surroundings.
She suddenly wanted to send Xiao Jinyu a message.
But she was afraid he wouldn't reply.
And afraid that her message would just be an unnecessary bother in his eyes.
She took out her phone several times, but the words "What are you doing?" typed in the message box were never sent.
_
Wen Li dragged her weary body toward the dormitory.
As she approached the dormitory building, from a distance, she saw someone sitting on the bench downstairs.
Xiao Jinyu.
He was wearing a dark grey hoodie, sitting there quietly. He wasn't looking at his phone, wasn't doing anything else—just sitting there, lost in a daze.
The streetlight fell on him, stretching his shadow long and making him look lonely. Somehow, it overlapped with the image of that out-of-place boy she had seen on the photo wall during the day.
Wen Li's heart trembled.
Noticing her approaching, his gaze locked onto her instantly, but he didn't speak, nor did he stand up.
Wen Li paused mid-step. She didn't know whether to say something, so she pretended not to see him and continued walking toward the dormitory, though her steps involuntarily slowed.
She thought to herself, is he waiting for me? If he is, all he has to do is call out to me, and I'll forgive him.
One step, two steps, three steps.
She had already reached the door and was about to swipe her card when he still hadn't called out to her.
Fine. She had been reading too much into it again.
He probably wasn't waiting for her.
The little bit of hope in Wen Li's heart drained away completely. She gritted her teeth and pushed open the door, ready to step inside…
"Wen Li."
A low, hoarse voice suddenly came from behind.
Xiao Jinyu didn't know why he called out to her. He just vaguely felt that if she walked through that door, things between them would truly be over.
She wouldn't come looking for him anymore.
This was what he had always wanted—for her to step out of his life, to return to those calm, controlled, routine days from before. But now he realized he couldn't go back.
Because before he met her, he had never felt lonely.
"Wen Li." He called her name again.
Wen Li's hand paused on the door handle. She didn't leave, but she didn't turn around either.
Wind rushed through the gaps in the corridor, cold and biting.
He looked at her back, his Adam's apple rolling slightly, and suddenly said, "Do you want some milk tea?"