That night, neither Sako nor I say anything for a very long time. We just sit near the fire, huddling around it like scared little girls. We are scared little girls. Sako is further away from me than usual. I can sense that she doesn’t want to be near me, and I don’t blame her. Those men might have been terrible, but that doesn’t excuse what I did. She has every right to be scared of me.
“What’s it like?” Sako finally asks. “To take someone’s life, I mean.”
Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it until now. I just kind of took their lives like it was nothing. That’s probably because I didn’t actually see them as human. I know I should be more distraught about my first time murdering someone, but the experience is so surreal, and I can’t quite process it yet.
“I… I don’t know,” I say, unable to find the words. This is way too awkward. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the incident.”
“I see,” Sako says.
“Are you okay, though?” I ask. “They roughed you up quite a bit.”
“Right as rain!” Sako says, trying to force as much optimism into her voice as possible. I can tell she’s faking it, but I don’t say anything. How could I?
It hurts. It hurts so much. There’s a terrible discomfort in my stomach that just won’t go away. I know that she’s afraid of me now, and probably won’t ever look at me the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if she just disappeared into the night and I never saw her again.
Look at me. Concerned more about my own selfish troubles when I just murdered two people. It just goes to show how little I value life, unlike Sako, who has a profound appreciation for it. I don’t understand her view, yet I know her feelings toward the world are special.
“Lily,” Sako says.
“Y-yes?” I ask, afraid of what she’s about to say.
“Thank you.”
I tilt my head to the side, my eyes open wide as I gaze into her enigmatic face. I can see the cuts and bruises more clearly now, and I wince at their sight, remembering how much I hesitated before.
“You’ve got no reason to thank me,” I say. “I… I let you down. I should have acted sooner, but all I could do was watch at first. And when I finally did act, I-”
“That’s enough,” Sako says, cutting me off. “You saved me, and that’s all that matters.”
“But there’s more to it,” I protest. “I know I did something to scare you, and I wish I could take it back.”
“Scare me?” Sako asks. “I was never scared of you. I was just… surprised at first.”
“I tortured that man,” I say. “I would have kept going if you didn’t stop me, too. You don’t have to act like it was normal. It wasn’t.”
“He deserved it,” Sako says. “I feel kind of ashamed because I know I should have let you keep going, but I just couldn’t bear to watch another human being in pain.”
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“Why is that something to be ashamed about?” I ask.
“Because that’s the mindset it takes to survive in this new world,” Sako says. “Someone like me, who’s too weak to fend for herself, will surely slow you down. I know you think I’m nothing more than a liability now.”
“That’s not true in the slightest!” I exclaim. “I was worried that you were afraid of me after what I had done. I don’t think you’re a liability at all! I mean, if not for you, I probably would have starved to death by now, or gotten killed by a bear.”
“Bears don’t live around these parts, silly,” Sako giggles. “Well, I’m happy to hear that Lily doesn’t think of me as useless. She really is my knight in shining armor.”
“You don’t have to say such embarrassing things,” I say sheepishly.
“But it’s true!” Sako says. “You’re just like a prince! Tall and handsome like one, too.”
Honestly, I‘ve never been attractive, and though I have a sort of masculine, almost tomboyish charm, I certainly would never consider myself handsome. I feel like she’s making this stuff up to alleviate the tension, which I appreciate.
“By the way, what was that skill you used to defeat those guys?” Sako asks. I notice how she actively avoids the word “kill,” even though they’re as dead as can be.
“Basically, I shoot bullets of energy out of my finger like a gun,” I say. “I know it’s kind of lame and uninspired, but that's all I could think of in the moment. Even with “Pessimistic Perspective” keeping my thoughts clear.”
“Still, it was really cool!” Sako says, her mood doing a complete 180. “You were like ‘bang,’ ‘bang!’ And then they were like ‘bleeugh.’ And you looked soso cool!’”
“I guess you could put it like that,” I say. “Though, I wish I could have created a more versatile ability. If there’s a HET that’s immune to bullets, then it’ll be useless.”
“We’ll just have to figure that out when it comes to it!” Sako says.
I can still sense that she’s faking her excitement, but she doesn’t seem to be trying as hard as before. If that’s what helps her forget what happened, then I won’t stop her.
“Say, Lily, can I make a request of you?” Sako asks.
“Sure, as long as it’s something I’m able to do,” I say.
“Can I… Can I hug you?” Sako asks quietly. I can’t quite figure out why, but my heart begins to gallop when she says that. She makes it beat fast.
“Uh, yeah,” I say. My face feels like there’s a hot rag on it.
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to!” She quickly corrects herself.
“No, it’s fine,” I say. “I want to.”
God, this is so awkward. I really do have the social skills of a houseplant, don’t I?
I watch as Sako shuffles closer, right next to me. For a moment, I think I’m going to hyperventilate, but I manage to keep myself in check. Then, her thin arms wrap around my back, pulling me close.
I close my eyes and feel her warmth envelop me in a pillowy bind. I have never hugged another human being before, and all I can really say about the feeling is that it’s nice. Her supple breasts press against mine in a gentle embrace I hope never ends.
And then, I feel her lips flutter inside my ear.
“Thank you for saving me, Lily,” she whispers gingerly. “From the bottom of my heart.”
I feel the stars and moon raining down their white light on us from trillions of miles in the distance, sprinkling us with stardust from far away. The night is cold, but never have I felt warmer. The world’s population is dwindling, yet I couldn’t feel less alone. Time is running out, and yet, I feel like eternity is wrapped around my very existence.
That’s because she’s right here in my arms, sucking all the doubt and weakness from my meager body, sending it into oblivion.
As long as Sako’s by my side, I know I can do anything.