A few mornings later.
I was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast as usual.
The only sounds were the sizzle of eggs in the frying pan and the low hum of the toaster and the range hood. This had become the normal morning routine in this house.
The sound of the bedroom door opening cut through the mundane noises. I turned to see Tsumugi slowly entering the living room.
“Good morning, Tsumugi.”
“……”
No reply. That in itself wasn’t unusual.
But——
“……?”
Her condition was clearly different from usual.
Her face seemed much redder than normal. It wasn’t just a morning flush. Not just her cheeks, but the skin around her eyes had a feverish tint. And her walk was unsteady, swaying unsteadily from side to side.
Her steps seemed heavy. While she would normally head straight to the table without a care, today she was moving forward while leaning a hand against the wall.
Seeing that, an unpleasant premonition flickered in my chest. Even though a few days had passed since she returned from the school trip, it wouldn’t be strange for the change in environment or fatigue to catch up with her.
“……Tsumugi, are you okay?”
The moment I called out, she visibly frowned.
“……Shut up.”
Her voice was weak, as if her throat was burning.
The next instant, her body tilted sharply. She reflexively pressed her hand hard against the wall, but perhaps she had no strength, as it slipped down. She ended up leaning her full weight against the wall.
She was clearly not okay.
“Tsumugi!”
Forgetting to turn off the stove, I hurried over. But she weakly turned her palm toward me.
She probably wanted to say, “Don’t come closer.” But the gesture seemed somehow vague.
That hand also quickly lost strength and drooped. And then Tsumugi slumped down, clinging to the floor as if collapsing.
“Tsumugi!?”
I immediately ran over and lifted her up, noticing sweat beading on her neck and forehead. But that sweat wasn’t refreshing; it was heavy and clammy.
Placing a hand on her forehead, a distinct heat transferred to me.
“Don’t touch me……”
With a feeble voice, she still tried to reject me. Even so——
“What are you saying! In this state, you need to rest properly!”
My voice naturally grew stronger.
I had no time to wait for a reply; I picked her up in my arms. Her body was lighter than I’d imagined. Thinking that this frail body had been hurling such harsh words at me made my chest tighten.
For now, I decided to carry her to the bed in my room.
After laying her on the bed, I immediately loosened her clothes, starting with the button at her neck. I was prepared for more violent resistance, for being yelled at. But she only twisted her body faintly.
It must have been painful for her even to speak.
“I’m sorry, just bear with me a little.”
I carefully wiped her sweat with a towel, removed her damp clothes, and changed her into fresh ones. The whole time, she kept her eyes closed, repeating shallow breaths.
“Can you drink a little?”
I poured water into a glass and inserted a straw. Supporting her head slightly, I brought it close to her lips. At first, she turned her face away as if refusing, but perhaps her throat was dry, as she soon opened her mouth a little.
I coaxed her to take sips while speaking to her repeatedly. I also managed to get her to swallow some medicine I had on hand.
“It’s okay.”
I murmured that softly. I no longer knew if it was directed at her or at myself.
The only thing certain was that I couldn’t lose this girl.
Then, taking a deep breath, I picked up my phone.
First, I decided to contact the school. I explained the situation to her homeroom teacher, politely stating she would be absent today and that I would contact them again if it dragged on. Hearing the calm voice on the other end say, “Take care,” made the tension in my shoulders ease just a little.
Next, I tried to contact work, but I couldn’t muster the courage to call my direct supervisor. Words replayed in my head on their own.
—Don’t take time off just because some high school kid who isn’t even your real child has a fever.
—She’s not even family, right?
Even though no one said it, I felt like they had.
It’s true, Tsumugi isn’t my child. We aren’t blood-related, so I’m just her guardian. Even so, since she’s Shiori’s precious little sister, she’s like family to me. No matter how much she might resent me, that doesn’t change.
In the end, I decided to rely on my senior at work. I explained the situation, asking if I could take the day off and, if possible, for her to relay it to our supervisor.
The message that came back after a while was brief: “Got it. I’ll smooth it over.” Even so, my chest warmed with a gentle heat.
Then, I took out the thermometer I’d placed under Tsumugi’s arm and looked at the displayed number and gasped.
“Exactly 39 degrees… that’s high.”
I’d braced myself since touching her forehead, but seeing the number made it more real. If this continues, it’s straight to the hospital.
Having resolved that in my heart, I sat down beside the bed.
She’s asleep now. But she still seems to be in distress, her breathing shallow and fast. Occasionally, she furrows her brows and lets out a small sound.
At first, I thought it was just a moan. But that initially indistinct sound gradually became clearer.
“Big sis, help me…”
“……”
My chest tightened sharply.
Even now, like this, Tsumugi is calling for Shiori… for her beloved big sister. I know that when she’s suffering, the person she wants help from isn’t someone like me.
She will continue to resent me, the one who let Shiori die. That will surely never change in her lifetime. Because I cannot fill the void of her loss.
Even so, I want her to feel even a little better. That, at least, is my genuine feeling.
Thinking that, I gently took her hand. I thought she might reject me, but now she had no strength, letting me hold it.
“It’s okay, Tsumugi.”
Lowering my voice, I said it over and over.
“It’ll definitely be okay. You’ll get better soon.”
There was no basis for it. But I couldn’t help saying it.
As I repeated it, her fingers moved slightly. And then, she weakly squeezed my hand back.
Maybe, unconsciously, she thinks it’s Shiori holding her hand. Maybe she doesn’t realize it’s me.
That’s fine for now. I can’t be Shiori’s substitute, but if even a misunderstanding or an illusion can ease this suffering even a little…
“Shiori, please help Tsumugi. I alone… can’t do it!”
Even knowing no answer would come, I couldn’t help but pray.
Still holding her hand by the bedside, I gently rested my forehead against the edge of the bed. In the room with just the two of us, only the sound of the clock’s hands ticked away regularly. Counting those sounds, my own consciousness gradually grew hazy.
Feeling the heat of the hand I held, I didn’t let go, thinking I’d notice immediately if her fever went down.
Still gripping Tsumugi’s hand, I had, before I knew it, fallen asleep.