Several days had passed since Tsumugi glared at me with such hatred at Shiori’s funeral. Yet, the pain that had constricted my chest that day hadn’t faded in the slightest.
When I woke in the morning, I knew even before opening my eyes. Another day without Shiori was beginning.
As consciousness slowly surfaced, a slight ache spread through various parts of my body—perhaps the painkillers had worn off. These were the places the hospital had described as “moderate contusions and abrasions.”
The lingering effects of the impact from that day remained with an undeniable weight. Still, no bones were broken, and my internal organs were unharmed. Given the circumstances of the accident, the doctor had called it “miraculous.”
—Because the other victim had absorbed the majority of the impact.
No one said it out loud, but I knew. Shiori had protected me.
Slowly sitting up in bed, a dull pain shot through my back for a moment, making me hold my breath. Taking a deep inhale, I felt a faint creaking sensation deep in my lungs.
As my feet touched the floor, a chilly coolness seeped in. And so, I headed to the bathroom.
This was the apartment unit Shiori and I had signed the lease for together, thinking about our future life here. We had planned to start living together properly once Tsumugi became independent, so Shiori’s belongings weren’t that numerous yet. Because of that, traces of “the future we were supposed to build together” remained everywhere.
In the room prepared for Shiori: a few clothes hanging in a corner of the closet. On the shelf, a mug I’d chosen for her. An aromatherapy oil I’d bought on a whim while shopping, left unused.
Everything there presupposed a “from now on.” As if, come tomorrow, Shiori might say, “I’m here again today!”
But Shiori was no longer anywhere in this space.
Entering the bathroom, my reflection in the mirror gazed back at me with hazy eyes. My terribly weary face and unfocused eyes looked almost like someone else entirely.
Sweeping back my hair, I caught a glimpse of the faint scar lingering at the edge of my forehead. It was subtle enough that you wouldn’t notice unless you looked closely, but it stung a little to the touch.
On my arms and legs, many small wounds were still clearly visible. Marks from when I was sent flying and tumbled onto the road that day.
They remained, properly. As proof that the accident was real.
Undoing the buttons of my pajamas, I looked at my chest in the mirror. The mark that should have been red there, the hickey Shiori had given me at the hot spring had faded back to my skin tone as if nothing had happened.
The wounds from the accident remained far more distinctly. Yet, the traces of warmth Shiori had left behind had vanished without a trace.
“Shiori…”
Speaking her name, a slow heat welled up deep in my chest. Tears no longer came easily. Instead, a heavy, lump-like thing had taken up residence near my heart.
By the time my heart had settled just a tiny bit, I was able to hear the details of the accident from the police at the hospital. The fact that I, not Shiori’s legal next of kin, could hear this was probably due to the officer in charge taking pity on me.
Based on witness statements and the forensic autopsy results, the provisional opinion seemed to be that the car’s driver might have died from a heart attack before the collision. In other words, the weight of his body had kept the accelerator pressed down, leading to that out-of-control rampage.
Before anger could rise, emptiness spread.
And furthermore, I learned the car’s insurance had lapsed, and the driver had no relatives… There was no longer anyone to direct my hatred or anger towards, financial compensation was meager, and I was left with no choice but to silently endure the loss.
And for Tsumugi, Shiori was both an older sister and a mother, her only family, her entire world. In Tsumugi’s eyes, it wouldn’t be strange if the culprit who took Shiori away was me alone. No matter the direct cause, I was the one who took Shiori to that place.
…If so, then I had no path left but to blame myself.
(If only I hadn’t stepped on my shoelace…)
If only I hadn’t stopped for even those few seconds.
(If we hadn’t been so lovey-dovey at the hot spring… If we had gone home earlier…)
If we hadn’t laughed together, kissed, walked slowly, reluctant to part.
(If I hadn’t invited her to the hot spring in the first place…)
If I hadn’t suggested it. If I hadn’t called it a reward.
If just one tiny action had been different somewhere, this wouldn’t have…
I knew it was all “hindsight,” yet I lined up the what-ifs, and my heart blamed me of its own accord. Self-loathing, so intense I nearly forgot how to breathe, came crashing over me in waves.
In my mind, that moment replayed over and over.
The blaring horn and Shiori’s scream, the sensation of being held tightly. And then, the warmth slipping from my hand.
All of it… all of it, is my fault.
“I’m sorry… Shiori… Tsumugi…”
The moment I voiced it, my throat stung. No matter how many times I apologized, no matter how many times I wished, only the reality that Shiori would never return pierced straight through my chest.
Was there any meaning in a world without Shiori?
Whether morning came or night fell, Shiori wasn’t by my side. She would no longer laugh beside me, nor tease me. Every time I thought of that fact, the ground beneath my feet felt like it would crumble away.
Might as well just—stay like this——.
Such… thoughts, like being dragged into dark water, surfaced in the corner of my mind again and again.
—But.
That voice stopped them.
『Tsu… mugi… I be… seech you————』
The last voice of Shiori I heard was hoarse and weak. Yet, that was the precious wish she entrusted to me, her last words themselves.
In that moment, Shiori thought of Tsumugi’s future more than her own life. And she entrusted that future to me.
For me now, that had become my only guiding principle.
From now on, I had to protect Tsumugi in Shiori’s place. Even if I was hated, even if I was rejected, I couldn’t cry in front of that girl. I had no choice but to carry her burden.
Tsumugi’s homeroom teacher, who had acted as the chief mourner, had conveyed to her Shiori’s practical last wishes and the option of “living with me.”
We could have lived separately, with me supporting her tuition and living expenses, but I didn’t have that kind of financial leeway. Between Shiori’s modest savings, my salary, and adding Tsumugi’s living expenses on top, living together was still the more realistic option.
Her reply was supposed to reach me through the teacher. But so far, there had been no call. Given the look she gave me, it wouldn’t be surprising if she rejected it.
Even so, if possible, I wanted to live together. Even if I wasn’t forgiven, I wanted to atone by her side. I wanted to protect the existence Shiori had continued to protect.
I had cried enough. At the accident scene, in the ambulance, in the hospital room at night—I cried until my pillow was damp and cold. I cried so much my vision blurred and my head ached.
But if I were to live with Tsumugi, I couldn’t cry in front of her. Tsumugi bore wounds far deeper than mine. She had suddenly lost the person who was her sister, her mother, her entire world.
My sorrow was nothing in comparison.
“I’ll protect Tsumugi. …Shiori, please watch over us.”
Whispering softly and closing my eyes, Shiori’s face smiling at the hot spring floated into view.
Through the steam, smiling a little shyly————
『I love you, Akane』
That memory of her saying that returned a faint warmth to my fading heart.
I gently clenched my fist.
No matter how painful it gets, I have to stand tall. To fulfill the wish of my beloved Shiori.