Side: Tsumugi
“Don’t say ‘anything’ if you can’t actually do it!!”
The shout that tore from my throat was louder than I expected, making my own chest tingle and go numb. I’d never raised my voice like that before. But I couldn’t stop.
I slammed the door shut with all my might, and the air in the room seemed to flinch.
As if to block out the sound of footsteps and breathing from the other side of the door, I leaned my back against it and slid down to sit on the floor. The cold sensation of the floor seeped through my clothes.
This room still seemed to carry my sister’s scent. Looking at the clothes hanging on the wall, I could hear her voice, laughing the night before she left for the hot spring trip.
‘You should come with us next time, Tsumugi.’
Looking at the desk, I could even feel the warmth of her fingertips when she taught me how to study.
‘You solve it like this, see?’
Everywhere I looked, a faint trace of my sister from the past lingered there. Even though she was gone, even though this was a different room. It was as if time had stopped only inside this room.
“Don’t be ridiculous… What ‘anything’…”
I muttered, looking down, feeling something black bubbling and seething deep in my chest.
Telling her to bring my sister back was my true feeling. But dead people don’t come back. I understand that better than anyone—that it’s impossible. I know that, but…
Truthfully, I never wanted to come to a place like this. I wanted to gather up everything in this room, run back to the apartment I shared with my sister, and hold onto it all. The futon, the clothes, the accessories—everything, everything—I wanted to collect every last piece of evidence that my sister existed.
But reality wouldn’t allow it.
Living expenses, rent, tuition. There was no way I could manage all of that alone while attending high school. I didn’t think getting a part-time job would solve it either.
There was talk of me going into a care facility, but I learned there were limits to what I could bring. The thought of having to throw away any of my sister’s things was absolutely unbearable. In that case, it was better to crash at that woman’s house—the woman my sister loved until the very end.
Besides, coming here was convenient for revenge. To keep tearing at that woman’s heart, the one who stole my sister away, by any means possible.
“What should I do to her…”
Just saying it out loud made the black vortex in my chest grow darker.
What should I do? What would break that woman? What kind of hell would I have to make her taste for me to be satisfied?
I haven’t found the answer yet. But I just can’t forgive her. That feeling alone has seeped deep into my bones and won’t let go.
I won’t forgive her even if she dies. But dying is too easy. I absolutely refuse to let her find peace. She should fall into hell while still alive. I’ll return the pain I felt to her, multiplied… tenfold, a hundredfold.
—That’s why I’m still breathing here.
There’s something else I can’t forgive. On the day of my sister’s funeral, that woman didn’t shed a single tear. That fact still burns in my chest.
Even though they were lovers. Even though my sister loved her so much she’d gush about her almost every day.
‘Akane, you know, today…’
She’d say it so happily, so shyly, in a voice that made it clear how truly precious she was to her.
And yet, I couldn’t understand how that woman could stand there so expressionless. She didn’t look sad. She looked unfazed. That’s what I hate so much I can’t stand it.
Even now, it’s the same. How dare she so calmly say “tell me anything”… Who does she think she is?
Deep in my chest, irritation crackles and pops.
That woman stood there as if nothing had happened. Putting on a gentle voice, even smiling. As if she wasn’t the perpetrator.
There’s no way I can forgive her. Even if she apologizes, I’ll never forgive her. Even if she prostrates herself, it wouldn’t be enough. More than that, even the look in her eyes when she approaches makes me furious.
I heard the details of the accident from the police. Logically, I understand that the driver is the one I should resent. But that person is no longer in this world. There’s no apology, nothing.
That’s exactly why the only target left for my hatred is that woman.
“Sis…”
I whispered with a trembling voice and looked down at the photo in the album I’d taken from my luggage. In it, my sister was smiling with her arm around my shoulder.
I was still small, and my sister, in her school uniform, looked a little more grown-up. That warm, gentle smile—the one I loved most in the whole world.
Even though it was just a photo, it felt like she might start moving any second. And yet, I was afraid that if I touched it, it might break, and my fingertips trembled.
By the time I became aware of things, my sister was all I had.
I only know my grandparents from photos. My memories of my father and mother are vague. The people other than my sister in the photos are like characters from a drama; no matter how much I look at them, they don’t feel real.
But my sister was different.
She was with me almost every day. She cooked meals for me. She helped me with my homework. When I had a fever, she stayed by my side all night.
Only my sister was real.
Only my sister was family.
She was my sister, my mother, my entire world.
“…Ugh… ugh…”
Even when I covered my mouth with my palm to stifle the sound, tears welled up on their own. One threatened to drip, plop, onto the photo, and I hurriedly turned my face away.
If I closed my eyes, I could vividly recall even the warmth of the day she hugged me, and my breath threatened to hitch. My chest ached, and it hurt.
I wanted her to hug me and stroke my head. I wanted her to say, ‘It’s okay, Tsumugi.’
But I mustn’t cry anymore. The next time I cry will be after I’ve taken my revenge. After I’ve broken that woman, made her taste the same pain, and when everything is over then I can cry.
“Sis, I’ll do my best so please watch over me…”
I gently hugged the photo to my chest and took a deep breath.
And so, I slowly began to unpack.
If I stopped moving my hands, everything might fall apart. If I cried all my tears out, even this black flame inside me might vanish.
This will be my room from now on. This place, where traces of my sister remain—
This is the starting place. For carrying out my revenge.